My Paper Heart

We stood in the store, Anthroplogie, and browsed through the racks of dresses. What, you expected me to shop at Hot Topic? I'm not that stereotypical, my god.

Darcie browsed through a rack full of skirts that were put on clearance. She was mostly looking for herself because she'd never been here. It, however, was my favorite store. There was only one anywhere near us, so I had woken Darcie up at the butt crack of dawn, and we drove up to Rockville, Maryland. The only other one I knew of was located in Utah. And I was seriously not going there, so I woke Darcie up for the two hour drive.

It was actually well worth it, because there were some great Chinese places around here, and thrift stores. All we could really afford was one dress that was under two hundred dollars, so if we did buy a two hundred dollar dress, we wouldn't have much for anything else.

Specifically Chinese food, because we could gorge on that stuff for forever and a day.

I picked up a strapless green dress and held it to my chest. "What do you think?" I asked Darcie. She looked up from her crouched position on the floor. She wasn't very happy that I had dragged her from home so early, but she'd been up here with me for a few weeks with me while I hung out with my aunt during the summer, and we'd eaten some of the best Chinese ever.

"Eh, you kind of look like a woodland sprite. Like you belong hugging a tree," she said, smiling up at me. So that was a no on the green dress. I found a very nice looking dress, but when I looked on the bottom it had some sort of freaky leafy pattern that stretched all around it with birds. I cringed, and put it back.

My hands fell onto a magnificent piece of clothing. It was a black halter top dress, with an asymmetrical hemline that would reach to about my knees. The neck of the dress was cut low enough that if I wore a push-up bra, my cleavage could be seen. And it was backless. Dear god, I loved that dress.

I looked on the price tag, and nearly fell in love. Only one hundred eighteen dollars!

Now you may be thinking: Only?! Only a hundred and eighteen?! You're freaking crazy!

But yes, unless there was a sexier black dress on sale for twenty dollars, this would do very nicely. And that would leave Darcie and I plenty of money for other things, like gas, shoes, earrings, and other such things. Yes, we could be very girly when Nick wasn't with us. Nick always made us get all macho and show-offy.

I held it up to my chest, and twirled around, smiling at Darcie. She smiled back. "Sex," she determined with a dignified nod. A broad smile spread across my face, and I twirled around in it, admiring my reflection in the giant, aged-oak framed mirror that was secured against the wall.

"Shall I try it on?" I asked. I looked at the tag and silently cringed at it being a small. I never usually fit into these things, and I wanted to make sure. Darcie nodded.

"Yeah, that would be better," she agreed.

We made our way back to the fitting rooms, and a girl with bleach blond hair and a pink chunk smiled at us. "Hey, I'm Sierra, how can I help you two?" she asked, her pleasant smile never faltering.

"We need a fitting room," I answered. Darcie wouldn't speak, I knew that. Remember how I mentioned that she was really bad at being social? Yeah.

Sierra nodded, and readjusted her black cropped jacket over her green and white halter top. "Okay, give me a second, I'm horrible with keys," she sighed laughingly. I nodded, and she crouched down, digging through a desk to retrieve a set of keys that brazenly resembled the mess of keys that belonged to Nate. Sierra scratched her head, and sighed, looking at us apologetically. "I'm really sorry. I haven't had the time to sort these," she said. I shrugged.

"It's no problem. I have all day, she," I jerked my thumb towards Darcie, "is more worried about not getting Chinese food than my dress not fitting." Darcie gave me a smarmy look and stuck her tongue out at me, rolling her eyes. Sierra smiled again, and found the key. She unlocked a dressing room, and took out a dry erase marker, and wiped off a tiny mirror beside the small changing room.

"Your name?"

"Goldie," I answered.

"Oh, that's a nice name," she muttered, writing it on the mirror in blue, in looping cursive. Darcie sat on a bench outside of the room, not talking to Sierra, and admiring the red polish on her toenails. She wore the platform sandals again, so her toes were readily visible. Upon seeing these Sierra began making conversation about the shoes.

I smiled. Darcie was being forced to be social. Those kinds of things made me smile: people being put into awkward positions.

I slipped out of my jeans and my tank top, and pulled the dress on. The top was yanking at my hair, so I grunted, and put it up with a ponytail I had dug out of the pocket of my jeans. I then surveyed myself in the mirror.

I would have to either not wear a bra, or wear a strapless and backless bra. I would probably just ditch the bra, as trashy as it sounded, and go without the amazing cleavage that the pushup bra offered. But other than my bright green bra sticking up out of the back and the straps making me look like trailer trash, I looked nice. The waist was scrunched on purpose, and rested just above my hips. The v-neck dipped just enough to show off the base of my sternum bone, and made my neck look longer, which was good.

I came to just above my knees, and the asymmetrical cut complimented my long legs.

But to get a second opinion, I walked out of the changing room, where Sierra and Darcie were locked into discussion about Converse.

Darcie looked up at me and nodded, smiling slightly. "Nice, let's make babies?" she asked. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, you do look good," Sierra agreed.

"Then I'll buy it, I suppose." I looked at Darcie once again for a final opinion.

"Yepp, then let's get Chinese food."

We got rung up by Sierra, and paid cash. "Not from around here, are you?" she asked randomly. I raised a brow.

"Uhm, no, actually, we're not," I said. This was awkward. "Uh, how could you tell?" I ventured. She pointed at Darcie's bag. Specifically at the rubber keychain that said "BODACIOUS MUD BOGS!" on it.

"We generally don't have mud bogs in this part of Maryland. And I think Bodacious only runs in Virginia. Mostly in Stafford. You from there?" she asked. I was sort of surprised by how much she knew about what we did when we at our absolute boredest.

"Close, Spotsylvania." Sierra's eyes lit up.

"I live there! Do you all go to Spotsylvania High?" she asked. We nodded. "Oh, that is so cool! I go there!"

"Are you sure you're not a stalker? And why are you up here if you live down there?" Darcie asked nastily. I elbowed her in the arm.

"Shut it," I snarled.

"I'm living up here with my dad for the summer. Parent's divorced," she said, shrugging.

"Well, that's cool. I guess we'll see you at school then," I said. She nodded, and handed us the receipt.

"Yepp. I got to go now, I need to fold shirts before Eunice gets all over my case," she grunted, motioning towards a dirty blond girl in a pink top. I grabbed the bag, and Darcie and I waved at her as we exited the door.

Sadly she still got nagged my Eunice about talking to customers. I already hated that big nosed, overbearing bitch. You just don't treat people that way.

We got into the Durango, which we were still using, and I cranked the engine.

"Now, if I remember, we turn down that street," I muttered to myself, backing out of the parking lot.

"You've gone craaaaaazyyyy," Darcie said in a singsong voice, rolling her head to and fro. I rolled my eyes, and stomped on the brakes, narrowly missing getting hit in the end of the car by some nasty old woman in a silver Impala. I flipped her off, and made sure Darcie was okay. She was, and we moved out of the way. Honestly, this car was going to be the death of me one day.

***

I ate my sauteed mushrooms one by one, looking at the disgusted face Darcie gave me. She had finished her big plate of sweet and sour chicken a few minutes ago and was waiting for me to go up to the buffet with her again. This was our fourth plate of food. And we were still hungry. Luckily we were at a buffet, as I mentioned before.

But, hey, where can you get seven plates, overflowing with food, for only ten dollars a plate? It seemed like a pretty good deal to me.

Darcie's lip curled, and her lower left eyelid twitched. I speared another mushroom with my fork, and put it on my tongue, rubbing it around a bit. If you had been a person in the booth next to us, which was occupied by an old lady -- much similar to the one in the grocery store, except this one was as wide as she was tall -- and a younger couple, you probably would've thought I was trying to seduce her.

But fear not, I was only trying to disgust her. And it seemed to work very well.

I smiled, and finished off the mushrooms, putting my messy fork on the red paper zodiac chart that served as the placemat.

"That's was disgusting," Darcie mumbled, happy that it was over. I just had to shatter her happiness.

"Yep, now I'm gonna get another plate." Her face fell instantly, and I could see the slight green tint washing onto her skin.

She hated mushrooms. I, on the other hand, loved them. What a duo we are, eh?

I didn't want her to throw up or start hating me, so I just got some teriyaki pork on a stick, sweet and sour chicken, a huge helping of orange and bourbon chicken, and some fried rice. Darcie got much the similar, and we returned to our booth. Our plates had been cleaned up, and our forks and drinks were left where we had set them.

The only difference was the fact that there were two pamphlets on our placemats.

I set my plate down, to the side, and picked up the glossy brochure. On the front of it was a set of gates, gold and shiny, and people walked up clouds to enter into the light behind the gates. I sneered. On the bottom was written: "Let God save your soul."

I felt a twitch develop a I glanced on the cover. Everyone seemed so happy to be dead, walking up to the gates. What about the poor bastards who didn't make it? Huh! What about those little babies who went to purgatory? I couldn’t stand God, or Christians. They were all a bunch of Jesus Krispies to me. All they did was jam religion down your throat.

I tore the paper up, and threw it to the side of the table. I looked up to Darcie, and she frowned blatantly. She just gently set it to the side of the table. We both shared the same view on god. He wasn't worth our time. Which was exactly why we were agnostic.

I tried to feel more pleasant, and resumed eating, trying to forget about the anger I had continued to feel ever since Mom died.

I had only gotten three pieces of bourbon chicken chewed and swallowed when I felt people standing beside us. Grudgingly, I looked up from my slovenly piled plate, to see the big granny and the couple. Both looked mousy, with brown hair and glassy. The girl wore a crap green turtle neck and she had her hair in a braid. The guy looked metro, with his black shirt rolled up to his elbows and his jeans ironed until they had a crease in them.

The big granny, as I had come to identify her, wore a pale lilac pantsuit, and her white hair was swirled onto of her head. She wore this coral lipstick that I wouldn't even wear if I was getting paid. Hell, Nick wouldn't even wear it if he got paid, and he'd wear anything you'd ask him to.

"Yes?" I asked blatantly, food still in my mouth. I quickly swallowed, and looked at Darcie, who was constantly shrinking back into her seat, trying to concentrate on her Mountain Dew and not on the people. She was horrible when people approached her.

"We noticed you ignored our pamphlets. You actually went as far as to tearing them up. Do you not want God to save your soul?" asked the boy. He had a soothing voice. It was too soothing. Have you ever heard a voice that was just so soothing it made you want to tear your hair out? Well, that was the voice.

I flung my feet out of the booth, and sat up straight. "I hardly think that a brochure can save my soul," I said, just as calmly as he did.

"Of course, but you didn't even read it. It will give you ways to save your souls." I heard Darcie scoff. Big granny gave her a look. I didn't like that, so I snapped my fingers at her.

"Hey, hey, over here, okay? She didn't tear up the thing, okay? Leave her alone," I said, snapping my fingers twice more in the woman's face. She looked horribly offended. I didn't care. I returned my gaze to the couple. "What if I don't want my soul saved?" I asked.

"Why wouldn't you!" the girl asked frantically. If her way of getting people to go to church was to make people irritated, it was sure as hell working. I just wanted her to shut up. I sighed, and stood up, towering over all of them by at east two inches. It felt good to be tall.

I looked down at all of them. "My soul isn't going to be saved. I don't want it saved. I want to live my life, I don't want to fear it," I said, boring my eyes into theirs respectively. "Besides, me and my life partner have to go to a birthday party of some of our gay friends and have lots of premarital sex." They looked horribly offended, and shocked. I got up close to the mousy girl, and held my hand on her cheek. I let my fingertips do small swirls on her skin.

I let my voice quiet as I spoke, sounding almost lusty, feeling her tense unhappily. I could also feel the guy's glare burning into my back. "And if you Jesus Freaks ever, ever, disrespect my religious beliefs again, I will give you hell on earth to which the actual hell can't compare," I whispered hoarsely. I kissed her neck. Her skin crawled.

I dropped some cash on the table, enough to cover lunch, and motioned for Darcie to get up. I threw ten singles in their faces that fell to their feet. "There, have some money. Help run the nunnery," I snarled. I wasn't hungry anymore.

I walked out of the buffet, Darcie behind me. Now, all I want to do was go home and go to sleep. But I still had the date with Hunter.

Passing the window, I saw all three people picking up the money I tossed.

From what I remember, greed and gluttony were sins. And as far as I could see, their greed had made them become gluttons for the money I had thrown.

I even saw the guy pocketing two dollars.

With a disgusted sigh, I sat in the driver's seat and got buckled in. Darcie sat in the passenger's seat, frowning sadly at me. "Sorry Goldilocks," she said quietly, running her hand up and down my forearm. I shook my head.

"Don't be." I was almost shocked at how upset I got about that. I began snickering. "Did'ya see how I scared that chick?" I snorted. Darcie nodded, and busted out laughing.

***

Darcie finished putting eye shadow on me, and began rimming my eyes with black liner. After that was done, she pulled my hair behind my head, and stuck it into a high ponytail, letting my bangs fall in my face.

She then turned me around and applied some blush to my cheeks. She was a whiz with makeup. She could seriously make someone who is unbearably ugly into a beauty queen.

She had finished with putting mascara on my eyelashes. She pulled back, and began to admire her work. Her eyes began to water, and I was sure she was going to cry. I frowned with my dark purple lips. "Don't cry. You can't make me beautiful all the time," I said jokingly. She shook her head, and opened her mouth to talk, but a car horn beeped from outside, and I knew it was Hunter. I told him to meet me at Darcie's. That's always how we went out.

She shook her head, and licked her lips. When I stood up she engulfed me in a hug. "Knock him dead, okay?" she said. I smiled.

"I will."

"No, seriously. Hit him with a brick and knock him dead," Darcie said. I rolled my eyes. The horn of Hunter's black Escalade blared once more. I squeezed her once.

"Yeah, love you too," I said.

"Dead, remember that! Hit him twice to make sure!" she called after me.