Messing With My Head
The Avengers
A sigh falls from my lips as I re-read the e-mail I got from Louis about a year ago. Everyone always kept on telling me that it was normal, I would never be able to forget my first love. But it’s as if, the moment I even tried to forget he just… he got more famous and now I can’t go anywhere, not online and not in real life, without hearing his name or seeing something that could remind me of him.
It was hard enough before all of this, I already had so many memories with him that I was desperately trying to forget – now there’s just about a hundred more reminders of him. It’s not okay to still love someone after your relationship ended a year and a half ago. It’s not okay to know that nine months ago he got a new girlfriend, three months after he said the emptiness inside him was a place for me.
He replaced me with someone else, a model to be precise. She’s absolutely stunning which only adds to the hurt. Seeing the person you love with someone else is a horrible feeling that you can eventually shake, but knowing that the person you love is with someone else who is about a million times better than you? That’s just heartbreaking.
I think heartbreaking is also the word that would best describe how I felt when I found out. My eyes started burning, my breathing became unsteady and all I could do was sit back and wait for the feeling to be over. The feeling of your insides being on fire, the feeling of your lungs and heart collapsing onto your stomach. The feeling of losing love.
“You’re leaving something short of innocent. I’m still thinking of the time we should have spent, it’s as if this form of treason crawled up deep inside your head and left you notes on how to keep your insides dead. If I had any other heart, if any other piece spoke louder. If I had any other hands I wouldn’t need the voice to tell the world about the coward that refuses to stand and claim the blood on your hands.” I sing along to one of my favorite bands while picking out my outfit for the day.
I never really care too much for my appearance, I always thought that was what Louis liked about me. The lack of make-up, the lack of fancy clothes… just plain, simple and cheap clothes. The most expensive wearable object I owned would be the necklace Louis gave me on our six months anniversary. It’s a golden necklace with the Superman logo because I’m just obsessed with comic books. That is also the reason that I’m going to see ‘The Avengers’ for the eighth time today, I just cannot get enough of this movie.
“He’s apparently going to be home soon, visit the family and such.” Dani plays with her hair nervously as she carefully brings Louis up, I already knew he was coming back though. Everyone who ever knew him, knew he was coming back – it’s one of those things that just doesn’t go unnoticed in a certain group of friends.
“So I’ve heard, hey, do you want chips? I feel like getting fat… I want chips and ice cream, which sounds like a horrible combination.”
Snorts of laughter fall off of Dani’s lips as she gives me a confused look. “You’re gonna throw up, that’s all I have to say. I might hang out with him by the way.” The last part comes out in a rush, Dani looks around the store nervously awaiting my response.
“That’s cool.” I walk away from her quickly, not wanting to think about what she just said. Of course she’d hang out with him. She’s always been close with him – the only reason she talks to me nowadays is because someone has to do it? No? A grin spreads across my lips as I slowly get up from the red chair. “This movie never gets old, God, how I love me some Ironman.”
Dani nods in agreement as we both walk out of the movie theater. “Maybe you should tag along, I’m sure Louis is dying to see you again. After all, you two used to be good friends. We could all do a Harry Potter marathon? All eight movies…”
I shrug, trying to ignore her question and hoping that the memories will stay in the back of my head. But who am I kidding, if she mentions him every five minutes it’s hard not to remember everything that we used to do.
“Oh, oh, oh, oh… OH! YEAH!” Louis screams as the two letter screen appears on the screen ‘K.O.’.
“I hate playing Tekken Tag against you.”
Louis kisses my lips gently as if that’ll make up for him beating me again. “Sore loser. Maybe we should play that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory game… oh never mind, you suck at that too.”
A laugh falls from my lips as I slap his knee, poking my tongue in his face. “I swear, one day I’m gonna lick that tongue of yours…” A grin spreads across my face as I bury my face in the crook of his neck. “I love you, Lou.”
“I love you, Lou…” I mumble, sighing as I step onto the train with Dani.
It was hard enough before all of this, I already had so many memories with him that I was desperately trying to forget – now there’s just about a hundred more reminders of him. It’s not okay to still love someone after your relationship ended a year and a half ago. It’s not okay to know that nine months ago he got a new girlfriend, three months after he said the emptiness inside him was a place for me.
He replaced me with someone else, a model to be precise. She’s absolutely stunning which only adds to the hurt. Seeing the person you love with someone else is a horrible feeling that you can eventually shake, but knowing that the person you love is with someone else who is about a million times better than you? That’s just heartbreaking.
I think heartbreaking is also the word that would best describe how I felt when I found out. My eyes started burning, my breathing became unsteady and all I could do was sit back and wait for the feeling to be over. The feeling of your insides being on fire, the feeling of your lungs and heart collapsing onto your stomach. The feeling of losing love.
“You’re leaving something short of innocent. I’m still thinking of the time we should have spent, it’s as if this form of treason crawled up deep inside your head and left you notes on how to keep your insides dead. If I had any other heart, if any other piece spoke louder. If I had any other hands I wouldn’t need the voice to tell the world about the coward that refuses to stand and claim the blood on your hands.” I sing along to one of my favorite bands while picking out my outfit for the day.
I never really care too much for my appearance, I always thought that was what Louis liked about me. The lack of make-up, the lack of fancy clothes… just plain, simple and cheap clothes. The most expensive wearable object I owned would be the necklace Louis gave me on our six months anniversary. It’s a golden necklace with the Superman logo because I’m just obsessed with comic books. That is also the reason that I’m going to see ‘The Avengers’ for the eighth time today, I just cannot get enough of this movie.
“He’s apparently going to be home soon, visit the family and such.” Dani plays with her hair nervously as she carefully brings Louis up, I already knew he was coming back though. Everyone who ever knew him, knew he was coming back – it’s one of those things that just doesn’t go unnoticed in a certain group of friends.
“So I’ve heard, hey, do you want chips? I feel like getting fat… I want chips and ice cream, which sounds like a horrible combination.”
Snorts of laughter fall off of Dani’s lips as she gives me a confused look. “You’re gonna throw up, that’s all I have to say. I might hang out with him by the way.” The last part comes out in a rush, Dani looks around the store nervously awaiting my response.
“That’s cool.” I walk away from her quickly, not wanting to think about what she just said. Of course she’d hang out with him. She’s always been close with him – the only reason she talks to me nowadays is because someone has to do it? No? A grin spreads across my lips as I slowly get up from the red chair. “This movie never gets old, God, how I love me some Ironman.”
Dani nods in agreement as we both walk out of the movie theater. “Maybe you should tag along, I’m sure Louis is dying to see you again. After all, you two used to be good friends. We could all do a Harry Potter marathon? All eight movies…”
I shrug, trying to ignore her question and hoping that the memories will stay in the back of my head. But who am I kidding, if she mentions him every five minutes it’s hard not to remember everything that we used to do.
“Oh, oh, oh, oh… OH! YEAH!” Louis screams as the two letter screen appears on the screen ‘K.O.’.
“I hate playing Tekken Tag against you.”
Louis kisses my lips gently as if that’ll make up for him beating me again. “Sore loser. Maybe we should play that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory game… oh never mind, you suck at that too.”
A laugh falls from my lips as I slap his knee, poking my tongue in his face. “I swear, one day I’m gonna lick that tongue of yours…” A grin spreads across my face as I bury my face in the crook of his neck. “I love you, Lou.”
“I love you, Lou…” I mumble, sighing as I step onto the train with Dani.
♠ ♠ ♠
Outfit