Messing With My Head

Present ~
Louis' point of view

My eyes darted off to Bailey's lips multiple times last night, that smile that played on them was so intriguing to me. All I really wanted to do was lean in and press mine against her but at the same time those thoughts made me wanna hit my head against the wall.
But then when she pressed hers against mine I couldn't resist - I wanted the one thing I had missed out on for the past two years or so. I finally got it all back until she pulled away and everything -reality- came crashing down on me.
As of last night, I'm walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulder and two girls weighing my heart down.

I couldn't allow myself to ruin one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I made that mistake with Bailey and I swear to God that I will never forgive myself for it - but I refuse to do it again with Eleanor. "Can I talk to you... Lou?" I look up to see Eleanor running her fingers through her brown locks.

I sit on the bed next to her, softly smiling just hoping that it'll be returned - but it's not. "I'm guessing something's wrong?"

She nods as a sigh falls from her lips. "I'm just wondering about something..." She starts, mumbling as she fiddles with her pants nervously.

"Okay... Shoot." I swallow audibly, trying to grab her hand but she pulls away at my touch.

"Why didn't you tell me about you and Bailey... Danielle told me last night, she wondered why I approved of my boyfriend going on a drinking spree with his ex-girlfriend. Do you know how that made me feel, Lou? I felt absolutely taken for a fool! It hurt me so bad, putting all the pieces together. You not wanting me to come - back in Doncaster, you not wanting her and Harry to be more than friends, you being all awkward around her, you complimenting her! So many things Louis!" She throws her hands up in frustration, tearing up as she looks at me making me sigh.

"Do you want to know what happened or..." She shrugs, getting up - carefully grabbing some of her clothes.

"I'm gonna spend the night in Harry's room, he can come sleep here. I just... I wanna be alone for a little while. I can deal with the fans and the rumors, but you lying about your ex... I don't know how to handle that." All I can manage to do is nod my head at her, knowing that I did her wrong.

Harry walks into my room, a smirk playing on his lips as he throws his fresh clothes at me. "Busted." I nod my head, running my fingers through my hair in a frustrated manner.

"Don't even... I feel like such an asshole and the worst part is that I still wanna go hang out with Bails tonight." Harry laughs at me, before grabbing a drink out of the mini fridge.

"Well, I'm going out with her. Zayn's going as well - you can come but I think she won't appreciate your presence. Neither will Eleanor." I nod, trying to ignore what he's saying but his words hit me like a damn tornado. "You have yet to tell her about the kiss, its dumb of you to expect no one to have filmed that."

My jaw immediately drops as low as my body will allow it to. "Shit. Fuck. I'm screwed." I mumble, rushing my ginger through my hair.

Pacing back and forth nervously, I'm trying to find a way to explain all of this to Eleanor without losing her. Kissing Bailey brought back so much memories - both good and bad. But it also reminded me of the fact that doing what I did made me lost the best thing that had happened to me back then. I can't make that mistake again, Bailey will always be one of the three best things that happened in my life but... "I'm dead."

"Haha, yeah, if El doesn't kill you I'm pretty sure Danielle will." Harry smiles at me while pulling his shirt over his head. "But look on the bright side, you got to make out with the hottest chick I've seen in a while... No, the hottest chick I've talked to in a while." He smiled while looking over at the beach.

"She's your age, Harry." He looks at me, a smug grin spread across his face and nods before mumbling something along the lines of 'I know, but it doesn't change her looks'.

I look down at my feet, watching them sink away in the mixture of sand and water - doing everything to distract myself from the nearing conversation.
I know it won't end good, conversations like this never do.
A sigh falls from my lips as I bury my hands deep in my pocket, hearing her soft breathing and heavy footsteps nearing. "What do you want, Tomlinson?" She grumbles, I slowly turn my head in her direction and reach out to grab her hand. When she pulls away from me and takes a couple of steps back all I can do is sigh.

Sitting down on the warm sand, I pat next to me hoping she'll finally bite. "Bails, I'm sorry about l- not I'm sorry about everything. Not just last night. I broke up with you because I wanted you to be happy, I didn't talk to you again because it hurt. I missed you, I needed you back in my life... Heck, I cried for you Bailey! You were the biggest part of my life, you meant as much to me as my family does... You were the best love I've ever known."
I look at her, smiling slightly when I notice the tears in her eyes. Slowly opening my arms as she moves in closer, I wrap my arms around her fragile body before kissing her hair. "You have no idea how much I loved you back then and how much I still do. Its very painful to be around you, I hate when you and Eleanor are in the same room with me because I constantly think how we used to be and how I can turn El and I into that. I miss us... I miss you... And getting that back yesterday only hurt me worse. I'll probably lose Eleanor over this but I guess..."

"I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I just want you to know that I still love you. And me ignoring you is me trying to stop the pain, but it just never does..."