Who Knew Then? (What We Know Now?)

“Ready for this?” Lindsay asked. I nodded, trying to keep my body from trembling. We were going to the locker room to tell the guys good luck, and then heading to the box where our seats were.

“I guess so,” I nodded, and we walked in, hearing the guys all say hello in some way shape or form.

“Good luck guys,” I grinned, and Derek shuffled through the bag at his feet before pulling out a dark blue Rangers jersey.

“Here you go,” he said, a slight blush on his cheeks as he held it out for me to slide my arms into it. I did so, and pulled the material to where it was supposed to sit, finding the hem nearly down to my knees.

“You look good in blue,” he smiled, and then squatted into a plié.

“And you look good in blue too Izzy,” he said to my stomach before standing up again and giving me a quick hug.

“Thanks Derek,” I gave him a smile before giving Marc a hug and then Lindsay hauled me out of the locker room as Tortorella came in to give them a pep talk. We made our way up to our seats, and sat there quietly as we waited for the game to start. As soon as the teams skated onto the ice for warm ups my heart broke. It was like my eyes were drawn to him, and I almost couldn’t believe it was still Jared. He looked stronger, more powerful than he had before, but he also looked weaker somehow. And I almost bawled when I realized what it was. He skated around with his head hung, avoiding eye contact, his shoulders hunched slightly. He looked broken. Lindsay put an arm around me, and I turned and tried to force a smile for her, as well as for Tanya when she and Cody walked in with the kids in tow.

“Aunty Kassy!” Parker came running for me, and that nearly broke my heart too.

“Hey bud, I missed you,” I smiled, and carefully pulled him onto my lap. He wondered why I was acting so cautiously, but then my large stomach came to his attention.

“Aunty Kass, did you get bigger?” he asked, and Tanya let out a groan at his bluntness. Parker was never one for beating around the bush, and the things that came out of that kid's mouth were usually hilarious.

“Yes I did Parker,” I giggled, unable to resist his adorable smile.

“Well I like it. You’re more softer now,” he declared, snuggling into me without a second thought. I kissed the top of his head and then returned my attention to the ice, feeling the tears in my eyes again as once again my gaze was drawn to Jared.

“Do you miss us?” Parker asked, and I nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to keep myself from crying. I knew the boys didn't understand why I wasn't around anymore, especially when I'd been there as long as they could remember.

“Very much,”

“Do you miss Unca Jared?” he asked, and I just hugged him close.

“Yeah I do Park,” I admitted, and he nodded, before pushing some hair off of my face and wiping away the few rogue tears.

“He misses you too,” he told me quietly, making me bite back a sob. Parker held me close and soon Tanya and Lindsay realized I wasn’t going to be okay.

“Shh, it’s all right Kassy,” Lindsay cooed, and I leaned my head against her shoulder.

“He really does miss you Kassy, he’s been trying to find you ever since you left. None of us have gave him any information, but he’s been a mess,” Tanya said, and I hugged Parker tighter as the tears began to pour down my face.

“I’m so sorry Kassy, we shouldn’t have even brought him up,” she apologized, but I shook my head.

“No, it’s nothing; it’s Izzy making my hormones all crazy,” a half-laugh came out of me, and I wiped the tears off of my cheeks before trying to get a hold of myself.

“If you’re sure,” they both said, and we settled in to watch the game.

****

“So, ready to head out?” Derek asked after we’d congratulated the guys on their win. Overtime win, but a win nonetheless.

“Yeah, I think so,” I agreed, and then froze mid-step.

“Hey Marc, good game,” I hadn’t heard his voice in three long months, and now it was threatening to make me fall apart. Derek looked from my facial expression back to Jared, and seemed to put two and two together.

“You okay?” he asked, sliding his arm around my waist. For the first time I didn’t shrug him off playfully, but instead leaned into him.

“I will be. Let’s just go… please?” I asked. He gently guided me out to the player’s lot where a cab would be waiting, but not before I heard Jared ask Marc and Lindsay if they’d heard anything from me. They all stuttered out some form of no, and I could picture the confusion on Parker’s face as his parents and Aunt and Uncle lied to Jared about me being at the game.

“It was him, wasn’t it?” Derek asked once we were sitting on the plane. It was a red-eye back to New York, and the plane was basically empty. The only exceptions besides us were two sleeping businessmen, and the stewardess.

“Yeah,” I nodded, still leaning heavily on him. It had been an exhausting day, between the flight, the excitement of the overtime period, and then seeing Jared for the first time in months.
“And I figure it’s safe to assume he’s the father?” he asked, and after a long moment I nodded again. After hearing that Derek liked me I didn’t want to hurt him with any of this information, but I figured he had a right to know, seeing as he’d basically figured it all out by himself.

“Yeah, he is,”

“And – correct me if I’m wrong – you still have feelings for him, and that’s why you’ve turned Carl down time after time, and why you wouldn’t ever say yes to me?” Those blue eyes were dark with sadness, and it tore me apart to see him like this. Derek was an amazing guy, and I wished I could forget about the red-head I’d fallen in love with and fall in love with him, but something wouldn’t let me forget Jared, and I knew that if I couldn’t do that I couldn’t be with anybody else. Especially not Derek, because I could never hurt him that way; he meant far too much to me as a friend.

“Please don’t do this Derek – you really do mean a lot to me and I don’t want to have to lose you too,” I whispered, and he wrapped his arms around me.

“It’s okay, you won’t lose me,” he murmured, smoothing down my hair before kissing my forehead.

“You won’t lose me, I promise. I understand Kassy, I really do. It’s hard – you guys were together for a long time, and hell, you’re having his baby. That says a lot,” he continued, and I nuzzled my face against his chest.

“Thanks so much Derek, I don’t know what I would’ve done without all of you guys,” I told him, and he just gave me a shrug.

“Somebody else would have stepped up; you’re an amazing girl Kassy, don’t you ever let yourself forget that,” he said, and pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek. I hugged him tighter, and the rest of our flight was spent curled up together like that.