Status: Coming Soon!!

Who Knew Then? (What We Know Now?)

She Didn't Want You To Know...

Jared

“So, I need to talk to you guys,” I said as I walked into Eric’s kitchen. Both he and Tanya stopped their conversation and turned to watch me as I poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the far end of the table.

“Sure, what’s going on?” Tanya asked. They were both still wary around me, which I understood. Neither of them had forgiven me for how things had went with Kass. I fidgeted for a moment or two, wondering just how to bring it up. I finally decided that I should just get to the point, rather than drawing it out and making this conversation even more painful than it had to be.

“I know Kass was at that game against New York,” I came straight out with it, and both of them paled, sharing a look.

“H-how… who…?”

“I heard Parker ask why you guys couldn’t tell me, as you were leaving,” I answered, and they shared another worried look between the two of them.

“Look, Jared, it’s not that we don’t care about how you’re feeling, but—” my brother tried to defend their actions, which made me angry instantaneously. To me it was like he'd just said "no offense" and then began tearing a strip off of me.

“How could you guys lie to me about this?” I’d planned to be cool and collected about this, but I knew now that was impossible as my voice cracked and my emotions made the words come out before I could think them through. If Kass were here she would've smacked my arm, making me shut up before correcting what had come out of my mouth with something much more appropriate, a behaviour all of our family and friends laughed about, because it was bound to happen at least once in any conversation we were both involved in.

“Because she didn’t want you to know,” Eric calmly told me, and that seemed to rip my heart into a few more pieces. She didn’t want to have anything to do with me, and obviously my family all thought it was for the best too.

“She doesn’t want to have anything to do with me?” even I could hear the pain in my voice as the question came out. Both of them flinched slightly, and shared another look. Tanya put her hand in Eric’s and he gave it a soft squeeze.

“Jared, do you have any idea what you did to her?” he asked, and I nodded, the familiar feelings of guilt rushing over me like a tidal wave, and threatening to swallow me whole once again.

“I hurt her, I said things to her she should’ve never had to hear in her entire life, from anybody, let alone me. I know I screwed up Eric, and if how I feel right now is even a fraction of what she felt I know I have to try and make it right,” I told them, not caring that there were tears rolling down my cheeks. I hated showing any of my brothers any kind of weakness, and I hadn’t cried in front of any of them since I was seven, but I didn’t care now.

“You have to understand, Jared. She’s got a whole new life, and maybe as of right now you don’t fit into that. She needs to be completely okay after what happened, and leaving you out of it is part of what’s helping her get over it. You have to respect that Jared,” Tanya quietly told me, her eyes welling up with tears. She leaned into Eric, who wrapped his free arm around her and murmured in her ear.

“I can… I just… you have no idea how badly I want to hear her voice again, to just ask if I can talk to her, if she would even consider hearing me out… I lost my other half Tanya, I need her. If she doesn’t want me, then I’ll live with that, but this wondering and not knowing… I can’t handle it. I can’t sit here and wonder where she is and what she’s doing or whether or not she’s thinking of me… it’s too hard,” I admitted, holding my coffee cup in both hands to keep them from shaking. I heard Tanya bite back a sob, and struggled to keep back one of my own. I spent every day thinking about Kass, trying to picture her, wondering where she was, whether or not she was happy.

I looked up as I heard tiny footsteps come into the kitchen and slow to a stop. My nephew was standing in the middle of the floor, looking between his parents and me, not sure as to why we all looked like somebody had died.
“Mommy? You okay?” Parker asked, and Tanya nodded.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she answered, and then Parker saw me. I hated to have to cry in front of him, but at this point I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore.

“Unca Jared, it’s okay. I told Aunty Kass you missed her,” he said, and the sob was lodged in my throat. If she knew I missed her and still loved her and still didn’t want anything to do with me, then it was that final.

“O-oh?” was all I could manage, and I stared back at my coffee cup, knowing the black liquid was probably cold by now.

“She said she missed you too,” he quietly told me, his small hand on my arm before he walked over to give his mom a hug. The sob ripped free then, and my whole body began to shake, the coffee sloshing over the edge of the cup.

She missed me.
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Just a short little insight of what's going on with Jared for any of you going into withdrawals like I am... let me know what you think!