Status: Coming Soon!!

Who Knew Then? (What We Know Now?)

Stuck On This Roller Coaster

“Well Ms. Falls, I believe congratulations are in order – you are expecting,” the doctor warmly told me, and I felt my heart and stomach sink. I was pregnant, Jared and I were going to have a baby, and he felt like his life was falling apart at the seams.

“O-oh, thank… thank you. Um, how far along?” I asked, and she smiled.

“Just shy of three months sweetheart,” wow. Three months. For three whole months there was a life inside of me and I’d had no idea. Tanya took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, and I managed a smile for her.

“I’m going to prescribe you some pre-natal vitamins, but as far as I can tell you seem to be healthy, and so does your little one. I’m going to want you back here in two and a half weeks just for a regular check up to see how you’re getting along,” she said, and I nodded, feeling numb. The rest of the appointment went by in a blur, Tanya taking the lead for me and then leading me outside and then to the pharmacy to get the vitamins. Once we were home I all but collapsed on the couch, feeling exhausted, like I’d just played a full hockey game with three overtime periods.

“Come here,” Tanya wrapped her arms around me as tears began to stream down my cheeks, beyond my control. I held onto Tanya for dear life, sobs wracking my frame as I tried to get a hold on a whirlwind of a morning. She just rubbed my back and comforted me, knowing exactly what to do or say, until I felt like falling asleep. I vaguely heard the door open and close, and heard one set of footsteps go straight downstairs, the other coming towards us.

“Tan… Kass? Are you all right?” I managed to look up at Eric, seeing concern written in his features. I went to answer, but sniffed instead and then buried my face back against his wife.

“She’ll be all right Eric, we’ll talk about it later,” she told him, her tone saying no arguments, and he let it drop.

“Where are the boys?”

“Over at Ward’s, they needed to get out of the house and burn some energy before they wear poor Kassy to the ground,” she answered, trying to be lighthearted, but Eric didn’t so much as chuckle.

“Yeah,” he responded, and heard him sink down into his lazy boy chair. After that I dozed off and on for about an hour, before waking fully and realizing Jared was nowhere to be found.

I sat up slowly, and received a small smile from Tanya. I managed to return it, and then stretched lightly, unable to believe that in my stomach was a small life.

“So… what’s the news?” I asked, and Eric looked down at his shoes. My heart plummeted, and I immediately knew what he meant.

“He didn’t make it,” I whispered, and Eric nodded.

“He was the absolute last one they cut… I really thought they were going to keep him, but it’s just… with the roster limit and everything…” he tried to explain, even though he didn’t have to. I understood how it all worked, but I knew Jared would be devastated. I bit my lip, trying to keep my own emotions under control because I knew Jared’s wouldn’t be.

“Did they ask him about re-signing?” my voice wavered, and Eric shrugged.

“I don’t know – they talked to him after practice, but he wasn’t really in the mood for talking,” I nodded, knowing how he got, and then took a deep breath before standing up, realizing that I was still shaking.

“Do you want us to go talk to him first Kassy?” Tanya asked, worry in her eyes. The doctor had told me stress was not healthy for the baby, and I knew Tanya wanted me to be able to avoid the brunt of Jared’s disappointment.

“No, it’s okay,” I assured her, and then headed downstairs. The bedroom door was shut, and there was no noise coming from the other side of the door.

“Jared?” I called as I knocked softly. There was still no reply, so I pushed the door open and walked in. He was sitting in the corner, his head in his hands, and my heart broke to see him like this.

“Go away,” I stopped dead in my tracks at his statement. While he’d been upset before he’d never just told me to leave.

“Jared, it’s okay,”

“No it’s not. Just please, go away,” he repeated, and I heard the crack in his voice, knowing he was close to tears.

“Jare I just want to help you – you know I’m here for you, no matter what,” I told him, feeling tears in my eyes now.

“Why?” he asked bluntly, still refusing to look at me.

“Why? What do you mean, why?”

“Why do you put up with all of this Kass?” he asked, exasperated, and I saw him swipe at the dampness on his cheeks.

“Because I love you,” I whispered, and he stood up.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t – right from the start I knew I wasn’t good enough for you, hell, Skinner hits on you all the time, why aren’t you with him instead? He knows he’s got it made in the NHL,” he demanded, and I felt my heart being torn apart. He’d never been like this before, and I didn’t know what to do. It felt like an attack on me, rather than him just being upset.

“Because I don’t love him, I love you Jared. And you know that the hockey doesn’t matter! What’s gotten into you?” I asked, the sob bubbling just under my voice, threatening to break free.

“Look, I don’t want to talk!”

“Jared, come on, you know you’ll feel better,”

“Stop it! How do you know, huh? How would you know that I’ll feel better talking about losing the one thing I’ve worked for and wanted my entire life!” he burst, and that hurt a lot too.

“So what, the last five years are just nothing Jared? I’ve put just about as much into this as you have!”

“Just leave, Kassidy,” he never called me that; it had always been Kass or Kassy, or any other silly nickname he’d come up with. I felt like he’d just slapped me in the face, his words stinging me. He didn’t even acknowledge what I’d said, or argue that I really did mean anything to him. That hurt worse than anything I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

“No – not until you tell me what the hell’s gotten into you Jared!” my voice was weaker than I intended, and shaking. The thought that he didn’t love me the way I’d always thought was seeping through my brain, threatening to tear me apart.

“What’s gotten into me? What’s wrong with you?” he demanded in response, making me flinch.

“What do you mean?”

“You sit around stuck with me when you can have countless guys who are successful at what they do, are so much better for you, and would kill to have you! You wasted five years, putting off taking university classes full time, so you could stay with me, following me whenever they sent me somewhere else. Are you stupid? And you think there’s something wrong with me?” he lashed out, and that was the final straw. Tears began to stream down my cheeks.

“Fine. If there’s so much wrong with me then maybe I’ll just leave Jared. You obviously don’t want to be with somebody with so many imperfections,” I whispered, before turning on my heel and leaving the room, my arms tightly around myself as if I could keep myself from falling apart. I heard him let out a strangled sound before hearing his fist connect with the dry-wall, before I made my way up the stairs and all but collapsed onto a kitchen chair.

“Kass… oh my God sweetheart,” Tanya wrapped herself around me, and the sobbing intensified, Eric stood between the kitchen and living room, looking shocked and unsure of what to do.

“Are you okay? What happened?” she asked, and then I saw Sutter, Skinner, and LaRose all sitting in the living room looking uncomfortable. I knew that Brody would be starting the year in Charlotte again, but that he was one of the Hurricane’s first choice for call-ups.

“Sutter, are you heading back to Charlotte?” I managed to ask. He’d heard his name, but not what I’d said, so Eric relayed the question to him. He stood up and walked to the kitchen, sitting down on Tanya’s other side. He was a good guy, and one of Jared’s friends on the team, which meant I’d spent time with him and knew him fairly well.

“Yeah, I am. What’s wrong Kass?” he asked, and I sniffled before trying to clear my throat and make my voice a little stronger.

“I just want to catch a ride back with you, if that’s all right,” I asked, and Eric’s jaw all but hit the floor.

“Uh, yeah, sure; no problem,” he replied, and a weak smile was all I could manage for him.

“Thanks,” he nodded, and then patted my back softly.

“He’ll come around Kass, he’s just really tore up right now; whatever he said I’m sure he doesn’t mean it,” he whispered, so only Tanya and I could hear.

“No, he meant it,” I argued with a slight shake of my head. He offered me a small smile before telling me he had been planning on leaving just before dinner.

“That sounds good, thanks again Brody,”

“No problem Kass, you know that,” he answered, and Tanya ushered me upstairs. She laid down on her bed beside me, letting me curl up to her as if I was a kid again.

“What happened Kassy?” she asked, and I choked on another sob.

“It’s… he thinks I’m stupid for being here, and if there’s so much wrong with me then I’m not going to stay here,” I answered, and she shook her head, pulling me in closer.

“That’s not true Kassy, he loves you; you know how he gets about being not good enough,”

“That’s not what it was Tanya! He literally asked me if I was stupid for putting off full time university and doing the things I’d wanted to do, almost called me a puck bunny, and when I asked if the last five years meant anything to him he didn’t say anything…” I bit my lip again, and she just rubbed my back, unsure of what to say.

“Did you tell him…?”

“I didn’t get the chance to,” I whispered, and she hugged me even tighter.

“Are you sure Kass? You can stay with Eric and I, you’re still our family,” she offered, but I shook my head.

“No, I… I think I’m going to go home. Dad won’t be impressed with me, but it’s better than being so close to him. And what happens if he finds someone else? Brings her over to meet you guys and we have to explain why his ex-girlfriend is here with his baby?” I asked, and she shut her eyes. The thought of him with someone else was excruciating, so I tried to push it out of my mind as soon as possible.

“I guess you’re right. I just don’t understand… I mean, you guys are perfect, and you love each other… I just don’t know where this is all coming from,” she sighed, and I just shrugged my shoulders.

“I’ll have Eric get him out of the house for a bit so we can get your stuff, okay?” she offered minutes later. I nodded, sniffling again, feeling the drowsiness that accompanies crying starting to settle in.
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