The "I" In Lie

I got home just in time, Ryan hadn't come yet. I stripped off all my clothes and took a hot shower. I washed the kisses and Pete's touch off of me, wanting him away; and then I got out. 

I heard Ryan whistling in my kitchen when I entered my bedroom; "Hey babe!" he called back to me.

I swallowed the guilt overwhelming my chest and throat. I felt sick to my stomach about what I had done. Poor Ryan didn't deserve this.

I put my clothes on and went into the kitchen. Ryan looked back at me and smiled, "Hey," he greeted me, "Come taste this."

I shut my eyes over a moment, then went over to him, "What're you making?"

He put the wooden spoon to my lips, "Chicken risotto, taste."

I took some into my mouth, "Thats good, Ry." I smiled at him.

"I'm glad you think so," he gave a proud smile, "The food should be done soon. You took a long shower; did some spill some stuff on you?" he jested with a smirk.

My chest tightened, "Yeah, pasta everywhere."

"Is that why you sounded so upset?" Ryan asked curiously.

"Yeah," I lied more, "I'm just glad to be home."

"And I'm glad that you finally let me cook for you."

I rolled my eyes playfully, "Hey, I never stopped you."

"But you were always cooking."

"Isn't that what women are suppose to do?"

He chuckled, "It's the 21st century, babe, get with the times."

I honestly laughed, it made my entire body warm inside. I love when he makes me laugh like that. I wrapped my arms around his back and pressed my face to his back shoulder blade.

"What's this for?" he asked.

"Because I love you."

Ryan tensed a moment, then he relaxed. He slowly removed my arms, and pulled me to face him; "Aly..."

It slowly dawned on me what I had said. I blinked and rubbed my neck, "Well, uh, it's true." was all I could say.

Ryan's smile returned and he hugged me; his lips brushed against mine, and I was the one to force them together. Ryan's lips turned up against mine and he pulled away, "Let me turn the stove off."

I laughed and let him before we started to kiss again.


Ryan told me a lot about his life when we first went out on regular dates. He told me how he rarely ever saw his mother and his father was sick while he was growing up; he died a few years back. Ryan is like me in a way; we're both looking for love; we want love.

I love Ryan. I do, I know that now. With him lying in my bed beside me, tired and snoozing quietly; I am in love with him. 

I loved Pete too. I mean, I do have some feelings for him, because I was sleeping with him for over 3 years. I had grown attached to him; but with Ryan, it was different.

With Ryan, I don't have to hide, I can call him when I want to. There aren't phone calls with that shitty Katy Perry song interrupting. I can go out and kiss him in public and I can hold his hand and tell him whatever is on my mind without wondering if I was crossing a line. I finally have someone -aside from my sister- who I can be myself with. Someone that doesn't have to hide me from the world.

Still, there's this feeling in my heart that won't go away, and that's Pete. Pete is always in the back of my head, waiting to come forward, waiting to come back into my life. I wish I could have him too; and I don't know why.

Maybe I do, but I don't want to think as to why. I wish I didn't have to think about him. I wish I could just wave my hand and he'd be away.

I rolled over in my bed and wrapped my arms around Ryan. I keep apologizing to him in my mind. I love him and I love his smile and I love his sense of humor and I love the fact that he's always laughing. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I have to let him know.

I feel his arms wrap around me too, and I kiss his cheek; "You're the best thing that happened to me, Ry."

He hummed softly, "Ditto baby."

I laughed softly, "I love you."

He yawned, "I love you, too. You wanna see a movie today?"

"Sure, but let's just sleep for a little longer, before you have to go to work."

"Good idea."


Ryan works until 3, and I finish my shift at 4, we decided to go see a movie at around 7. I was looking forward to it; in fact it was all I could think about. I didn't want to let the fact that Pete was on my mind ruin my night.

After I got off work, I clocked out and left the building. My stomach sank when I saw Pete waiting for me. I frowned, "Are you following me?"

"Maybe." he smiled.

"Please, Pete, I don't--"

He cut me off, "Don't think about it." he came over and put his hands on my forearms, "Let's just go somewhere."

My stomach tightened, "Pete, I can't anymore."

His hands tightened in my forearms, "Don't worry, he won't know."

That's all that went through my head; Ryan won't know.