The "I" In Lie

Pete was crashed out in my bed. Last night we didn't have sex, he just fell asleep after eating; I slept on my couch, staying up watching TV. I needed to just let myself let it all go for a while.

But, in the morning I got up to the sound of my door bell ringing. I wasn't prepared for who it was, I knew it had to be Ryan. I was ready for the shout of a lifetime once he saw Pete.

I opened my door, trying to present myself in some orderly manner. Ryan stood there for a moment, looking at me; "Hey."

"Hi." I said softly, "Do you want to come in?"

He nodded and stepped in; I moved aside, "Who's here? Him?"

I nodded, "He wanted to talk." I explained, "I slept on my couch."

"Why?"

"He fell asleep in my bed. We didn't sleep together."

Ryan shook his head, "Hard to believe."

"Yeah, I know and I apologize." 

"So, what now?" he asked, "You want him?"

I shook my head, "No."

"Why not?"

I sighed, "Because... I want you. And even if you don't want me back I still won't want Pete."

"Don't need to punish yourself, Aly."

"I'm not, I'm just being honest." I sat down on my couch, "I love you Ryan, and I have a lot of love for Pete. And, all I wanted my entire life was a man to love me."

Ryan sat down, "Yeah, you told me."

"My dad only pretended to love me and I always, always wanted it to be real. Now that I got some real love from you and now Pete, it's overwhelming..." my stomach tensed, "I guess you should be careful what you wish for."

Ryan looked, "I want you, Aly. I'll always want you. You know what it's been like for me, too. I didn't have anyone but you."

"Then I betrayed you." I added  softly.

"I get it. I know you wouldn't do it on purpose."

"I'm sincerely sorry for everything, Ryan. I wouldn't do it again." I spoke full heartedly.

He licked his lips, "We just need a break."

"I understand." 

He stood a moment, "I still want you, but I just need some time."

I nodded again, "I understand, Ryan." I repeated.

He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead, "I love you."

I took in a deep breath, "I love you, too."

Ryan stood up, and then he stopped; I turned my head and saw Pete. It was awkwardly silent, the tension was growing. I saw Ryan's fist ball; "You the guy?"

Pete raised his brow, "Yeah, I am." he spoke in a smug tone.

"I hope you know you're a fucking idiot for using, Aly." Ryan spat.

"Using her? I never used her." Pete stalked over.

Ryan stood in front of Pete now, towering him, "You did fuckin' use her. You had a wife, man!"

"She didn't complain, did you, Aly?" Pete smirked at me.

I felt sick, "Get out." I said to him, "You're gonna be like that; a cocky son of a bitch, you can go."

His smirk fell, "No way, we still need to discuss--"

"Discuss shit!" Ryan snapped, "She chose me, so you can go."

Pete looked at me, eyes narrowed, "Really?"

"Pete, we already talked about this--"

"After I fuckin' lay my heart out to you, you're just gonna do this shit to me?"

I swallowed thickly, "Don't try and guilt me into this."

He threw his hands up, "Fuck it. Fuck this. But I know you'll be always thinking of me. That's how it is, Aly. You need me."

Ryan stood in front of me, "She has me."

Pete rolled his eyes, "Good luck."

With that, he grabbed his things and left. It was quick and almost surreal. I sat back down and buried my face into my palm, "Oh fuck."

"Don't worry about him." Ryan said as he sat beside me.

"I'm not... I feel bad. I always..." I trailed, "You got to understand Ryan," I faced him now, "I loved him, you know, I used to believe he was the only one who I would love."

Ryan wrapped his arms around me, "I love you."

I nodded, "I know, and I love you too. I love you more than Pete," I finally let it out, "Pete will get back on his feet, he'll find someone else, because he's a goddamn charmer."

"He won't ever want you as much as I do." Ryan spoke softly into my ear.

"I know." I replied quietly.

Ryan was quiet a moment, but he kissed my neck and sighed softly, "I want to stay with you."

"I thought you need some time alone."

He shook his head, "Seeing him made me think; I can't let you just slip away. I love you. I want you to be with you."

I smiled, "Are you sure?"

He nodded and pecked my lips, "Positive."


I had removed my bed sheets and comforter and replaced it with a new one. I had to get Pete out of my bed. I had to get him out of my life.

Within a week, I was back with Ryan, right where I should be and I didn't talk or see Pete. I knew that I made the right choice. Ryan loves me more than Pete does.

Even with the drama that had happened, Ryan was still with me; he came over every day and he stayed the night with me. It seemed as if the whole incident hadn't happened at all. Ryan was still the same with me, he loves me.

As the weeks progressed, Ryan and I began to talk about moving in together. I even invited my mom and Robin to visit and meet Ryan; it was felt as if my life was getting better and better. I couldn't have asked for a better scenario.

We also grew closer as a couple, I had confessed my whole entire childhood to him. I knew that confessing what my father had done would make Ryan understand. And, he did.

It was miraculous; he had cried when I told him. I had too, Ryan sympathized with me, he held me and talked it all through it with me. I couldn't imagine telling Pete this, I don't think he'd understand.

I felt so in love and so happy. Nothing could knock me over.