Toy in a Toolbox

Cindy Levine didn’t think life was divine. In fact, she loathed it.

Maybe she woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning, or whatever it was they said to explain someone’s deal. There was a lot on her mind that she couldn’t concentrate on, everything from the loose doorknob in her room to her future plans for the day. Her room was unorganized, she couldn’t find her sun block, and her hair was frizzing from the heat already -- she hadn’t even left the house! The thing she was most upset about was the tan she had received from sunbathing in the driveway yesterday. Her legs were two-toned now and it was really noticeable. In her bathing bottoms it look like she was wearing a pair of nude shorts that went an inch past her crotch. Then the color shifted very suddenly to a burlywood-type shade that would’ve looked great had it bothered to evenly spread over the rest of her legs. She just looked stupid.

“Cindy, your friends are downstairs.” That was Cindy’s mom from the hallway. Mrs. Levine looked nothing like her daughter, and Cindy hated her for that. Cindy had all the looks of her father, like his blonde hair and set jaw and wide shoulders. In public, people thought Cindy and her mom were childhood friends. It got really weird.

“Okay, thanks,” Cindy said. She covered her bad tan with a skirt then gathered her bag for the beach. Her mom hovered in the doorway the entire time. Cindy tried to slip by her without saying goodbye but her mom touched her forearm and grabbed it a little to get her attention. “Cindy, please stay out of trouble,” she said -- no, begged of her. Her mouth was smiling but her eyes were worried. “I love you.”

It was times like these where Cindy didn’t know what to say or do. So she simply shifted out of her mom’s hold and left. There was no need for her to be faking her love now just because it was the last day.

Outside her friends were crowded into eight-person van that was nearly bursting with beach things and half-naked teens. Her friend, Alice, was fixing her makeup behind the driver’s wheel. Alice caught Cindy’s eye through the mirror as she approached and gave a wild whoop. “Lookit Cindy and her busy self,” she said as she climbed out. Alice always said ‘busy’ to describe something awesome. As she touched the pavement, her hands went to the crotch of her shorts where she did a little squat and tug thing so they weren’t totally up her ass. Cindy pretended not to notice. Together they stuffed what little beach gear Cindy was bringing into the trunk then got into the car. Cindy had to sit with a boogie board pressing against her side the whole time but she didn’t mind. Frank had a fresh batch of new jokes and stories to tell and she got to hold his hand while he did. She liked that he could always sense when something was a little off in her mood. He managed to get her small smile into a full-bearing grin by the time they reached the beach. He was a great boyfriend and one of the few people who could make her feel genuinely happy.

There was a large get-together at Santino beach that most of the seniors at their school had been invited to. It was a show-up-if-you-want, we-don’t-care-as-long-as-you-bring-food sort of thing that was being hosted by a crazy party animal in their grade. Cindy’s friends were only going for the hell of it because they knew they’d regret it if they didn’t. Cindy just tagged along because she didn’t want to be stuck in the house all day. She also felt like she hadn’t properly said goodbye to everyone. There hadn’t been much room for it at graduation.

The beach wasn’t that crowded when they arrived. Someone had set up a food area, a sports area, then a towel area that regular beach-goers understood wasn’t for them. Cindy, Alice, and two of their other friends from the car headed close to the outer edge of the towel area to set up their watermelon beach umbrellas. Cindy was shimmying out of her clothes when she spied Frank serving a volleyball with a couple of his friends. His stuff was carelessly tossed to the side of the finger-drawn court and he already had his shirt off. He was such a boy.

“I’m glad we have the same kind of tan,” her friend, Nikki, said. Cindy finished rubbing sun block over her face with a shy smile. Nikki had been driveway tanning with Cindy the other day and it looked like they were both wearing those busy nude shorts.

Cindy adjusted her bottoms then laid beside Nikki on a towel. “Should we even it out before the main party gets started?” she suggested. Nikki nodded and slipped glasses over her eyes. Cindy did the same. Alice and their other friend went skipping to the food. The rest of the people from the car, mostly the boys, were spread out everywhere. For an hour Cindy and Nikki laid there talking about everything from graduation to moths. Her eyes were closed but Cindy could tell more and more people were showing up to the unofficial senior event as the day progressed. There was a lot more talking, a lot more screaming, and some girls had set up behind them to giggle about how cute the lifeguard was. Nikki must of fallen asleep after awhile because she failed to reply to Cindy’s question about what she thought was going to happen to them after high school. Cindy stayed just to keep her sleeping friend company. She was dozing off herself when someone dropped beside her and whispered, “Come with me,” in a breathless voice.

Frank Iero was amazing in the sense that he was full of surprises. One day he came to school with his black hair tinted dark red from Kool-aid. Another time he brought a huge stuffed bear -- it was about three times the length of Cindy’s arm -- because he claimed it was good luck for testing. He even stood up and dared the teacher to a dance contest in the middle of a lecture on Martinique. The first time Cindy met him in typing class she thought he was the weirdest person alive. His brightest article clothing was a white shirt that said OKAY in finger paint, he was in a band with guys who had piercings all over their faces, and to past the time he actually enjoyed reading books. He was odd but Cindy liked him because he didn’t judge her on her blonde hair and floral clothes. He also knew how to make her smile, and that was all she could ask for in a guy.

Today Frank had found a cave back by a couple of rocks that were worn smooth from the ocean. Cindy cut her foot on a shell as she followed him into the dank area but she said nothing. Not even the smell of seaweed could bother her. She stopped caring about everything the moment he turned around and started kissing her. PDA was always cool in her book so she didn’t even stop him when they moved to lie on a strip of smooth sand with their bathing suits nudged over to the side. It was one of those moments where Cindy couldn’t believe what was happening until it was already underway. She fisted her hands in his hair, let him drive her into the sand, then tucked back her lips as she came down from her peak. The sex was considerably shorter than past experiences but she figured it was due to the thrill, and fear, of getting caught. He apologized but she just pushed his hair -- the red had washed out by now -- from his face and kissed him. “I’ve always wanted to do that,” she said against his cheek. Although his face cleared, he was still a little embarrassed. Cindy could tell. Couples just had that ability to do so.

They rinsed off in a pool of water Cindy had her toes in then made their way back to the party with bright, goofy smiles. They swam in the ocean, ate hot dogs until they thought were going to puke, then cried and sang lame camp songs as they all sat around a large bonfire that made the darkening sky seem orange. It was a goosebump-raising moment that had some people even driven to tears. Their voices sang perfectly together and it echoed against the sky the same way the rap song from the van had early that morning. Cindy looked around as she sang along to some song about bubblegum. The main thing she would remember about her classmates was the way they had pushed her to the top of the popularity ladder and deemed her charming. “You never stop smiling,” they said. “You’re always so happy.”

And maybe it was best to let them believe that just because someone smiled all the time, that meant they were happy. Truly and forever full of bliss. None of them even had a clue.

At eleven they were kicked off the beach. Cindy hugged everyone she had ever talked to goodbye and made fake promises that she’d always keep in touch. She knew it was going to be her last time seeing any of her friends and acquaintances, and not just because they had all graduated high school.

By the end of tomorrow, Cindy would be dead.