Status: hey guys leave me feedback?
New Life?
Please dont hate me.
Heading south with Ari driving. All the kids in the back are asleep cause its past their bedtime. I get Ari to pull over but leave the bus running.
” Ari i need you to do me a favour hun. I need you to go to the back of the bus and get some rest. We have a really big day tomorrow.”
she just looks at me blankly. ” Ummm ok. But are you sure?”
” Yes, I will be fine. We are almost there anyway”. I watch her walk up to her chair, grab a sleeping bag and a pillow and lays down to rest.
I sit in the drivers seat. Slowly put my foot down on the gas peddle and get the bus moving again. I got her to stop here cause i saw the sign for the turn off that i need to take. I take the Ocala exit and we follow this road for a hour or so till he get to the outskirts of town. I find a spot to park the bus and lock the door. its really late and i need a rest. I walk up the back and get my sleeping bag and pillow. I look around to find a seat to sleep on and there is one left. I put my stuff down and take the little ones out of there booster chairs and lay them down on the seats and place blanket over them. I go back over to my chair and lay down. I lay there for a while. I cant sleep.
Quietly i get up and use the emergency release on the door so i can open it and close it from the out side. I walk out of the bus. I hope i didn’t wake anyone up. I no if i do anything to my self tonight i will regret it. But its an addiction. You just cant stop. Its like drugs. Once your addicted, you want more and more. This is the same. Its pretty dark but the bus has a safety light. I turned it on as i walked out of the bus. I sit near the end of the lights reach. Its still bright enough to see what i am doing. Out of the blue i hear a crack of thunder, followed by rain.
Its kinda like a depressing scene in a move. Sad girl, raining, sitting in the middle of the street. I pull out the pocket knife once again. this time i don’t do my normal side. i grab the knife out. a different one. A new one. A sharp one. I hold it to my arm. Everything running through my head. How the day my mom told me that she wasn’t my mom. That she adopted me. How much i fell apart inside and wanted to die. The days dad came home and took his anger out on me. And all those night where I cried myself to sleep. All those memories I tried to forget came rushing back. It triggers me. I press down and drag it across. One thats all i will do. I feel the blood. I start to feel dizzy.
Im starting to get scared now. I feel really sick. I lay back in the pouring rain. I close my eyes, and role onto my side. I hear footsteps coming up behind me. I hear Jack and Ari talking. They haven’t even noticed that i wasn’t in the bus. I cant say anything. And the sun is rising so they cant see me with the glare. I can barley move. I am so light headed. I feel like if i try and move i will pass out. They walk back on the bus. I can see them out of the corner of my eye. Ari walks back off. She looks worried now. The noticed i wasnt on there. She sees me and runs over. I cant talk. move or do anything.
“JACK!” she yells as loud as she can.
He runs over. Picks me up and they take me over next to the bus.
He runs in to the bus and get the first aid kit. This one isnt as bad as the last one. Its just a cut. Not an attempt. But now i feel even worse. Laying in the rain all night which made it bleed more than normal. They wrap me up and dry me off. Jack carrys me up to my chair. I can speak now at least.
“Ari, Jack. Im sorry, I didnt mean for this to happen.” I start crying.
Ari comes and sits next to me. She sits next to me and wraps her arms around me. I rest my head on her shoulder, I cry even more. I cant help it tho. The memories that came back last night would have made anyone do this.
I get my strength back and turn the bus on. I have to get her there. She has to meet them. Its the only way. We drive into town. I Know where the studio is. Thats where they will be. They almost live there. When we arrive. I can hear their music playing inside. I grab Ari by the hand. I am sorry so i though that I would try to make up for everything i have ever done to upset you. I walk to the door and open it. We walk to where they go after they finish recording. Wait here. I leave her alone in the room. When I come back with him. the look on her face is one i will never forget.
“Ari this is my uncle.”
She runs up to me and hugs me. I couldnt even finish my sentence. I new her meeting my uncle. One of her inspirations would make her so happy.
” Ari this is my uncle Jer..”
“OMGSH CHANNY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!” once again I couldnt finish my sentence.
” Ari i need you to do me a favour hun. I need you to go to the back of the bus and get some rest. We have a really big day tomorrow.”
she just looks at me blankly. ” Ummm ok. But are you sure?”
” Yes, I will be fine. We are almost there anyway”. I watch her walk up to her chair, grab a sleeping bag and a pillow and lays down to rest.
I sit in the drivers seat. Slowly put my foot down on the gas peddle and get the bus moving again. I got her to stop here cause i saw the sign for the turn off that i need to take. I take the Ocala exit and we follow this road for a hour or so till he get to the outskirts of town. I find a spot to park the bus and lock the door. its really late and i need a rest. I walk up the back and get my sleeping bag and pillow. I look around to find a seat to sleep on and there is one left. I put my stuff down and take the little ones out of there booster chairs and lay them down on the seats and place blanket over them. I go back over to my chair and lay down. I lay there for a while. I cant sleep.
Quietly i get up and use the emergency release on the door so i can open it and close it from the out side. I walk out of the bus. I hope i didn’t wake anyone up. I no if i do anything to my self tonight i will regret it. But its an addiction. You just cant stop. Its like drugs. Once your addicted, you want more and more. This is the same. Its pretty dark but the bus has a safety light. I turned it on as i walked out of the bus. I sit near the end of the lights reach. Its still bright enough to see what i am doing. Out of the blue i hear a crack of thunder, followed by rain.
Its kinda like a depressing scene in a move. Sad girl, raining, sitting in the middle of the street. I pull out the pocket knife once again. this time i don’t do my normal side. i grab the knife out. a different one. A new one. A sharp one. I hold it to my arm. Everything running through my head. How the day my mom told me that she wasn’t my mom. That she adopted me. How much i fell apart inside and wanted to die. The days dad came home and took his anger out on me. And all those night where I cried myself to sleep. All those memories I tried to forget came rushing back. It triggers me. I press down and drag it across. One thats all i will do. I feel the blood. I start to feel dizzy.
Im starting to get scared now. I feel really sick. I lay back in the pouring rain. I close my eyes, and role onto my side. I hear footsteps coming up behind me. I hear Jack and Ari talking. They haven’t even noticed that i wasn’t in the bus. I cant say anything. And the sun is rising so they cant see me with the glare. I can barley move. I am so light headed. I feel like if i try and move i will pass out. They walk back on the bus. I can see them out of the corner of my eye. Ari walks back off. She looks worried now. The noticed i wasnt on there. She sees me and runs over. I cant talk. move or do anything.
“JACK!” she yells as loud as she can.
He runs over. Picks me up and they take me over next to the bus.
He runs in to the bus and get the first aid kit. This one isnt as bad as the last one. Its just a cut. Not an attempt. But now i feel even worse. Laying in the rain all night which made it bleed more than normal. They wrap me up and dry me off. Jack carrys me up to my chair. I can speak now at least.
“Ari, Jack. Im sorry, I didnt mean for this to happen.” I start crying.
Ari comes and sits next to me. She sits next to me and wraps her arms around me. I rest my head on her shoulder, I cry even more. I cant help it tho. The memories that came back last night would have made anyone do this.
I get my strength back and turn the bus on. I have to get her there. She has to meet them. Its the only way. We drive into town. I Know where the studio is. Thats where they will be. They almost live there. When we arrive. I can hear their music playing inside. I grab Ari by the hand. I am sorry so i though that I would try to make up for everything i have ever done to upset you. I walk to the door and open it. We walk to where they go after they finish recording. Wait here. I leave her alone in the room. When I come back with him. the look on her face is one i will never forget.
“Ari this is my uncle.”
She runs up to me and hugs me. I couldnt even finish my sentence. I new her meeting my uncle. One of her inspirations would make her so happy.
” Ari this is my uncle Jer..”
“OMGSH CHANNY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!” once again I couldnt finish my sentence.