Don't Let These Boots Fool You

The loud music floated out into the hallway as I sat alone on a couch with my phone in my hands and my face looking to the crowd of people inside. I had really done my job well, the guys were perfect with the kids, the make a wish people loved the event and I was free to go but honestly didn’t want to go home alone anymore. I’d been doing it for months now and really wanted to quit going home to an empty house.

My phone started buzzing in my hand and I figured it would be my mom. She had started calling me every night after Brett’s funeral. I hit the answer button without looking closely at the number that flashed across the screen. “Hi mama, how are you doing tonight?”

“God it’s good to hear your voice Kel,” I froze right there, I couldn’t move nor could I even breathe anymore.

“Mike?” I knew it was him, but I guess not hearing from him for almost a month would make a girl figure they were done. Hell she had given up all hope even though she still wore her rings.

The line was silent, which caused me to wonder what the hell was going on with him. I waited patiently as I heard him stutter some. He usually was the calm one who had nerves of steel and could easily say anything because of his media face. “How have you been? I heard about your brother, I’m so sorry. If I had known I would have been there.”

“Would you have? Cause you haven’t tried to see me since dinner that night I ran out. I’ve been waiting and hoping you would call but you know what, now I don’t even care. I’ll send the rings back to you if you want.” I was fuming, I wanted to go back to my house and curl up on the couch with rice krispy treats and some icing.

I heard an engine roar to life and him cursing under his breath. “Where are you?” He sounded more urgent than I had heard him in months. “Kelly, I’m not playing games. Where are you right now? We’re going to talk this out like mature adults.”

“Mature adults? Really Mike? You just decided you didn’t want to be with me after I moved out here for you; I could have stayed in the south. I moved to be closer, so we could get married sooner rather than later. I’m done with this whole let’s be together when its convenient for you.” I hung the phone up and shut it off knowing that my mother would be the next call he made.

I stood up from the couch with a mission to find Jeff. I know that their community relation’s person must be here. I was going to find the person and hopefully get a transfer in, get away from Mike.

I saw Jeff standing by a guy who I didn’t know, “You” I sounded harsh and a little demanding which made Jeff look concerned. “Jeff I need to talk to you.” I was seething mad and I knew he could sense it.

“What are we talking about Kelly?” His eyes scanned my face, as I got closer to him and the unknown man.

I looked over at the other guy and saw the flyers pin in his shirt and prayed that he was the guy I would need to talk to about a transfer. “I want a transfer.” I watched his eyes grow larger making the size of his face shrink considerably.

“what kind of transfer are we talking about?”

“I want to go to Philly, for the rest of the season, the rest of this year, I don’t know I just know that if I’m in Pittsburgh after tonight I might not be able to come back from my Christmas vacation. I know y’all have been very understanding with me but I just need some space and lots of it.”

I saw the other man reach into his jacket and pull out some papers, “Guess I’m the man to talk to. I’m Richard, I’m the head of the community relations team. We can have you over in our office starting Monday, we’ll give you temporary housing with someone or give you a place. If you decide it’s not for you then by all means come back here. If you like both, I’m sure we could work it out as to have you with both teams.” He was really trying to push me to come to Philly and I knew it. I just needed out.

“Thank you.” I hugged Jeff quickly. I leaned closer to his ear, “I’ll be back it’s just too much for me to handle right now.” I kissed his cheek and looked back at the two men standing in front of me. “I’ll see you Monday Richard, thanks Jeff.” I turned on my heel and quickly went up to my office that was sitting in solitude due to everyone over in the convention center.

I sat down and looked around I would owe Jordan and Sidney an apology regardless of my decision of staying or not. I had to leave them something. I grabbed some paper out of my printer and my blue pen as I sat down to write.

Sid,
You’ve been a great friend and very understanding from the beginning of all of my mess. I’m glad I met you and that you have become such an important aspect of my life. I’m sad to say that I will be leaving tonight to go somewhere else. I need to get away. No, this isn’t because of you and Jordan, this is because Mike called me and I need to get myself straight. I don’t regret what happened on the dock, me telling you almost all of my life story and the kissing you in the car, I don’t regret that either. I hope you can either grow to forgive me or honestly try to understand what is going on in my life right now. Don’t call me for at least a week after you read this. I won’t have my phone on at all.
You’re too Canadian.
Xo Kel

Sid’s letter was hard to write because I felt as if I had let him down by running from my problems. How could I do that to him after I told him all about being raped? I was a horrible person and would pay for this later with karma but right now I didn’t care. I looked at the other blank page and started my other letter.

Jord,
We clashed the moment I walked through the door, yet you were the first one to apologize for your behavior. I respect that you don’t know if you want to grow up or stay in the over grown frat stage of your life. I just don’t know if I should fall for you or not. When you took me out to the woods to ask me what was wrong, having the whole team show up for a movie night to help me, making me breakfast and just every nice thing you did makes me want to fall hard but I’m not sure I can deal with your panty hungry hands. I like the Jordan that I saw when I mentioned having little leaguers practicing with the team. Don’t worry about where I am, I’m safe and will be fine. Don’t call me for a week after you get this.
XO

I walked down the hallway with the picture of the guys and me in my left hand and the letters in my right hand. I wove my way through the halls that I had become familiar with and found the door with the penguin’s logo on it and pushed through to find the stalls where the players changed for games and practices.

The locker room was too quiet for my liking but I knew that I needed to quickly drop the letters in their lockers. I walked to Jordan’s first and kissed the letter as I placed it right on top of his practice t-shirt knowing otherwise he wouldn’t see it. The room seemed so much bigger as I crossed the room to walk back to Sid’s locker, while avoiding the logo in the middle of the floor. I kissed Sid’s letter like I had Jordan’s and placed it in his helmet.

I looked back one last time not knowing if I would be back soon or if I would even come back at all. I had become broken merchandise and I knew that neither one of them truly wanted to be with me. I quickly walked over to my car and avoided a close run in with Jordan. I saw him get in his car and knew he wouldn’t see me walk the other way toward my car that was hiding off in the corner.

“Kelly?” Shit he hadn’t left, I quickly ran in my too tall heels and threw open my truck door. He had quit following me as soon as I started running. I watched him stand there as I rolled my window down when I was stopped in front of him. “Why’d you run?” He looked dejected.

“I’m leaving Jordan. Don’t call me for a week from now. I need space and time to clear my head.” I saw his smile fade and I leaned out of the window and grabbed his shirt collar. “Jordan.” He slowly looked up at me with a sad face. I had to give him something to last until he could hear my voice again. I pulled his shirt closer and pushed my lips against his.

He wasted no time putting his hands on my cheeks as I pulled away. “Kelly,” His eyes were glazed over and I knew that this would seriously hurt him. It was hurting me. “Don’t leave me, I want to be in your life Sid does too. We won’t pressure you to choose we just want you back.”

I let the tears start falling as I couldn’t hold them back any more. “I can’t Jor, I have to get away and figure out my life before I can go and bring someone else into it.” I pushed him back so I could leave before I started the real water works.

My truck sped across town and onto the highway that would lead me to Philly. I was only hoping that by now all of the Philly guys had safely made it back to their homes. I quickly picked up my phone and texted my mom before I got on the high way. I wanted to go home but telling her not to answer Mike was going to be hard.

The highway rolled quickly under the tires and soon I found myself face to face with a front door that I had never been to. I raised my hand to the cool surface and knocked three times. I waited to hear footsteps but all I heard was barking then a muffled shut up.

As the door swung open I smiled a little, “Can I crash here?”