Don't Let These Boots Fool You

I pulled the door shut on my truck door, hoping that the going for a drive would ease my mind. I knew that I could easily get to the coast, the ocean should help ease everything I’m feeling. I was sick of having a feeling of guilt because of losing my twin, I was sick of feeling guilty about losing Mike because I clearly wasn’t good enough for him, and I was sick of feeling something for the guys I worked with.

The highway was starting to wind into places surrounded by the ocean, which made me feel comforted. Water had always calmed me, it made what was going wrong in life just seem to stop. The beach was starting to flow beside me, I knew no one in their right mind would be out on a December night but I wasn’t opposed to the cool weather. I wanted to see my mom and ask her what I should be doing with my life, she always loved Mike and he had just walked away from me.

I stopped the car and turned the keys off leaving them in the car since my car was the only one in the parking lot. I walked to the edge of the water and looked out into the water. It was so calm, constantly working together to get to the edge of the sand. It was a unit not a bunch of people just in the same area as people are in life. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and tossed it back in the sand as I started to take off layers of clothes until I was in my underwear.

I was in the water in a heartbeat. It was freezing but felt so good. It took everything off my mind and made me forget everything. I wanted to stay in this state of mind. I surfaced again to hear my phone going off. I knew that it would most likely be someone looking for me, but I didn’t want to answer it. The ringing stopped and I was at peace again and felt like everything would be okay. Then the ringing started again. “Damn it.”

As I got out of the water, I felt the cool air surround my body. My phone was somewhere amongst my clothes, all I had to do now was find my ringing phone. My hand finally grasped the ringing phone. “Hello?” I said into the phone as I tried to gain warmth back in my body after losing the warmth of the water.

“Where’d you go? I thought you would be back by now.” I fell to the ground and sat in the sand. Why did I not look at my phone to see who was calling me? Damn my stupid self for being the dumb one to answer the phone before looking to see it was him making sure I was okay.

“I’m okay, I’m at some beach right now because I need to think, but I have no clue where I am.” I looked for a sign to say where I was I owed it to Danny to tell him where I was at, let him come find me. I finally saw a sign that said where I was. “I’m at the west side beach.”

I heard the car engine roar to life, “Don’t you dare move. Stay right there.” The line went dead; I looked down at the phone and back to the ocean. I quickly got into the water and knelled down until my shoulder were in the water again.

I was enjoying the way the waves were hitting my shoulders as I waited for an angry Danny to show up. I decided to swim out and back in the water because I needed time to think and prepare for seeing him again. I started into the water, swam a few strokes into the deeper water, and heard shouting as I surfaced again. I turned around to see Danny standing at the edge of the water.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” I ducked my head feeling ashamed to be out in the water. “Please come back here” I saw the hurt in his eyes as I started to swim back in. I felt the sand on my feet as I walked out of the ocean. I slowly made eye contact with him hoping he wasn’t too mad at me. He quickly wrapped me in a towel, dragged me to his car, and put me in the front seat. “What were you doing in the water? It’s December, which means freezing temperatures.

“It clears my head to swim. I’m sorry if I worried you.” I sunk into the heated seat of his car. I wanted to be who I was before everything happened, before I lost all things that were once important. “I’m not sorry, I haven’t been me in months, and since my brother died I’ve been scared to do anything. Fuck it, I’m going to be me if you don’t mind I’m going to my car, you’ll drive to your house. I’ll follow you to your house; I’m going to change into dry clothes and go to sleep in the guest bedroom.”

I watched as Danny unlocked the car doors as I got out of his car leaving the towel in his car as I jumped into my car in just my underwear. I made a promise to myself on that drive to his house. I would not mope around anymore, I wouldn't worry about winning over Sidney or Jordan, I decided I’m going to live and be the girl who moved to Pennsylvania for a job.

Danny got out of his car as I watched him stare at me. I felt like Meredith grey at that moment. Danny was acting like McDreamy, he just stood in front of the car as I tried to figure out what I was going to do. I could let Sidney win by not sleeping with Danny or I could do what I wanted.

I opened my door and looked right at Danny. “In the house, I’m going to explain something and I just want you to listen.” I walked right into the house and up this room. I didn’t bother with the drawers this time; I went straight for the closet and grabbed a button up shirt to put on. I walked right back down to the living room where I found Danny sitting in front of the fireplace.

“Look, I’m done trying to do what’s right, I’m done trying to forget everything, you may be Super Dad but you know what I’m just a girl who has been through hell and back because of her last athlete boyfriend.” I knelled down in front of him and looked at him “I’m done trying to be perfect. If I want something to happen I’m going to let it happen.” I got closer to him and grabbed his face. “Don’t let this mean that I don’t want something to do with you or your kids, I just don’t want to involve them until I know for sure that I want to be a part of that.”

I sat down in his lap, looked back at him, and smiled. He was the greatest guy in the world, I just wasn’t sure who I was going to be with but I did know that I wanted to just live in the moment. I tugged his hand to pull him up and move up stairs to his bedroom. “Let’s go to bed, I’ll sleep in your bed with you, but I refuse to fuck right now. Maybe in the morning when my head’s a lot clearer.”

He followed me to the bedroom and laid down right beside me. “Just so you know, tomorrow we play Pittsburgh, come to the game in my jersey.” I smiled a little to myself knowing he wanted me to wear his jersey, neither of the guys before asked they just made her a part of the team but hadn't made her a part of their life. She laid back down near him and closed her eyes hoping she would sleep well and worry about the game five minutes before she decided if she was going.