Don't Let These Boots Fool You

“Hello boys.” I welcomed as everyone looked ahead towards me. “So ya’ll know, your captain and resident man whore are responsible for this meeting.”

“Damn it, what’d you do Sid?” one of the guys in the back hollered.

“Well let me explain. First, I’m glad Maxime Talbot learned his fucking lesson, way to be an asshole. Second new rule with your girls. Take her to your place, if she’s not good enough to go to your place don’t fuck her at all.” I paused and caught my breath. “I get that you all need to blow off some steam but hell you’re like a group of juvenile boys having sex for the first time. Now I find out you break this you’ll sit the games and owe me twenty five hours of community service within two weeks.”

The groans were very loud and pointed toward Max as one teammate punched him. The satisfaction made me smile a little, but the anger toward the next person brought me back to the issue at hand.
“Onto my next point. You’re all habitual liars. I am the one person you don’t want to lie to, I will be worse to regain back trust than your mothers. I don’t like lies, and I will learn the truth. Don’t do it. Now I’m planning a huge event, it’s required. Bye ya’ll” I walked out the doors of the building to find Joe sitting in my car with Jordan leaned along the front of the truck.

I quickly grabbed the keys and let Joe out of the cab of the truck and smiled a little wider at his sloppy kisses. “I thought you’d be happy to see him. Danny was shocked to hear you wanted Joe. Be ready for a call tonight.” Jordan told me as he hopped up into the passenger side of the truck.

I jumped into the truck after putting Joe back in the back seat and pulled out of the parking lot. As I pulled onto the highway my phone rang loudly. “Kelly here.”

“You didn’t tell me you were sending Jordan babe.”

I cringed because the lie would begin at this moment. “It was because he was the first one at the rink. Plus he likes Joe so he could drive Joe back without being bit.

“You know Joe was safe why’d you take him?” The jealousy was a new emotion that I hadn’t seen from Danny.

“It’s lonely at the house. I gotta go thought, bye” I hung up quickly and drove silently down the highway. I mulled over things to say to Jordan to spark conversation but couldn’t bring myself to do so.

Jordan grabbed my free hand and squeezed it. The silent communication meant more to me than saying something. Our friendship had blossomed quickly, he had been my first friend after Mike and I had truly missed him in the three weeks I had been missing. I had become extremely close to him after walking out of the restaurant and now I wasn’t sure where our friendship stood.

I pulled into my drive and walked close behind Jordan with Joe. I watched him walk into my house and leave the door open. I stopped short of the door and looked down at Joe, “Why’s everything so different Joe?” I muttered under my breath as I closed the door and sat on the white rocking chair that had belonged to my grandmother.

I looked out across the street and tried to let everything that had happened slip away from my mind. I watched the snow fall from the sky and stick to the ground and start sticking to my warm truck. It had snowed many times in the past few weeks, which left this snow to just add to the previous amounts of snow. I got lost in the quiet before I grabbed my phone and dialed Danny’s number.

“Hello?”

“I’m sorry. I’m just freaking out because Max fucked up and I’m doing damage control. I just don’t know why they act so childish.” I huffed. The day had gone way off track and hadn’t allowed any easy decisions to be made.

“What happened? You seemed fine when you left.”

“Max was an idiot. Anyhow Joe needs let inside so he doesn’t get sick. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye baby, miss you”

I ended the call and walked inside. I heard Jordan in the kitchen and found him cooking. It made me laugh because it reminded me of my twin. He wasn’t a chef by any means but he would always cook for me. “Don’t bur my house down Jordan.”

He turned around with a grin on his face and a spoon in his hand. “Kelly I’m an amazing cook, now what did Danny say?”

“He basically wondered what was wrong, I told him as much of the truth as I can.” I opened the fridge door and grabbed a juice box and pulled myself up on the counter. “I just don’t know what to say because I told him yes and now I’m not even sure it’s what I want because he’s so much older and already has one family. Not to mention I think he’s just doing it because Sid slipped up and mentioned my past.

“I know that’s why he proposed. He had to feel guilty about having sex. I’m a woman with needs not a nun.” I huffed as Jordan started laughing under his breath. “What’s so fucking funny, you were the resident man whore.”

He stopped laughing and turned toward me slowly “Hey that was mean. I was laughing because I never pegged you as a ‘woman with needs’ I’m just a little confused” his goofy grin showed as his eyes roamed over my face.

“Well I was a one man woman then. Now I’m engaged, but my ring is lying somewhere at your house. So,” I trailed off as I popped off the counter and walked toward Jordan. “You going to finish what you started?”

“What exactly did I start?”

“Jordan Staal, you know exactly what you’ve done.”

“Enlighten me.”

“I’ve been bothered all day because of last night. I want to just be in the moment for once. No thinking, just doing.” I stood right in front of him and stared at him trying to read his face.

He stared down at me as his lopsided dimple grin started to grow. This situation seemed to familiar to the pair. “Look Kelly, as much as I want to jump into this I can’t I’m not going to do that to you or him.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead turning around to finish cooking.

I let out a low growl. “Why? Why was I good enough six months ago but not now?” I walked right up to him and shoved him. “What gives now? I’m not sluty enough?” I shoved him back again.

I got ready for another shove when he grabbed me, “Do you hear yourself? That’s why, since Mike you haven’t been the same girl I walked out of a restaurant for.” He pulled me to his chest and continued, “Quit trying to be Kelly with someone and be the Kelly who didn’t act as if she were engaged.” He let me go and continued to cook.

I looked at him, “thanks Jordan.” I muttered as I strolled through the house to walk to my backyard. I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door, I needed to figure out what I wanted.

The snow crunched under my feet as I turned down one of the streets. I needed to weigh the pros and cons of both of my jobs before I thought about men. The job is what mattered more, what I wanted to get up for everyday was what I needed to focus on.

I started listing off the pros of Pittsburgh, I loved the city, people were different here than in Philly. The team had such a huge area to reach here, plus I felt at home for once in my life. Philly was a tourist haven, it never felt relaxing. The job was harder, people didn’t want me there and I only meshed with one or two players on the team.

After thinking that over my mind started thinking of the men in my life. Why did I like Danny? Was it his easy going personality or was it his fatherliness? I finally got frustrated and sat on a curb on the side of the street. I was going to give in and talk to nana, she had a great sense about people and could tell if they were right or wrong for someone. I guess that’s what happens when you’re married to the same man for over fifty years and never worried about money or fame.

I waited and waited as the phone kept ringing. I started to get nervous that she wouldn’t answer my call. Finally her words broke through to me. “Nana, I need your advice.” I felt the relief of asking Nana for advice wash over me.

“What’s going on sugar?” the southern drawl of her voice was exactly what I needed right now.

“I don’t think Danny’s the right guy. I only said yes because he did it in front of mom and dad.”

“Well sugar only you know, but tell him the truth. Honestly don’t try to get rid of memories from Mike that only keeps them fresher and keeps Mike in your life.”

“How did you know grandpa was right for you?” I had never heard their story surprisingly.

I heard the sigh from Nana, which made me worry that she wouldn’t tell me. “Well that day my boyfriend died in Vietnam, your grandfather promised he would take care of me. Little did he know I was pregnant. We wrote and talked because he was my last link to Clearance.

“When he came home for good he asked me to marry him because his world had begun to revolve around your uncle and my letters. Said he was going to have me as a wife or no one. That’s when I knew. I bet you never even noticed that your uncle’s last name isn’t O’Neil. Your grandfather didn’t want him to lose sight of who his father actually is. The only reason he calls grandpa dad is because he raised him. He visits his father every year on his birthday. That’s why. Don’t look for it sugar.”

I knew then I needed to quit looking like Jordan had said as well as Nana. “Thanks, I got to go but I’ll call you soon.” I hung up and tried to gauge how the conversation with Danny would go.

I walked back to the house, found dinner on the table, and Jordan lounging on the couch. I silently ate and cleaned up my mess before I looked up to see Jordan leaning on the door frame. He knew me too well.

“I’m calling Danny. I can’t be with him knowing I’m too confused about my own life. I need to figure me out first.”

He didn’t even say one word to me. He simply nodded his head and walked right at me and engulfed my body in a bear hug. The silent comfort was exactly what I needed. I glanced over his shoulder and saw the clock said seven, I knew Danny should be home. I tore away from the comfort of Jordan and walked to my room. The hallway felt more like my own personal green mile than the comforting hallway filled with pictures of me as a child.

I sat down in the middle of my bed thinking about what I would say. Before I could even pick up my phone it started ringing. “Hello?” I answered without checking to see who was calling.

“We need to talk.” The guilt washed over me as soon as Danny’s voice hit my ears. He knew something was wrong before I even did.

“You starting or me?”

“I will.” His voice sounded defeated, which only made me feel worse about what I knew I wanted to say. “I realized I know what I want because I’ve already been through this once. I need to give you the time and space to figure out what you want. My doors always open. I’m sure the boys mind seeing you. The only thing I ask of you is to not go back to Mike. I’ll miss you so much Kelly. Love you.”

With that the line went dead and I began to sob. It was all I knew to do at the realization that he could see my unhappiness before I did. It hurt knowing I had done to him what Mike had done to me. Had I even felt anything for him or had I just been comfortable enough around him to allow him into my life? The sobs started shaking my body as I rolled over to look out the window facing my back yard. My eyes closed I let the guilt flow through my body.

I was pretty sure I had fallen into a tear induced sleep until I heard a voice quietly talking in the hallway. “No Sid, I will not tell you where I am now. I’ve got to go” There were quiet footsteps before I heard them stop.

“Hello?” I knew that Jordan was fielding phone calls, I watched him through the open door as he paced up and down the hallway. “She cried herself to sleep at about eight. Her Nana has called about eight times. What did you do?” I heard his heavy intake of breath as he stopped moving. I knew that Danny had told him everything. “She’s confused man, I think she honestly cried because she hurt you. Give her some time I’m sure she’ll tell you what is going on when she knows. I’ve got your ring locked up in my safe for now. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

The heavy steps started again until he sat down on the edge of my bed that I was on. “I’m sorry Kelly. I shouldn’t have told you to do that. I can see it killed you.” He mindlessly rubbed my back for a while. I knew I couldn’t let him feel my guilt because it was my fault not his.

“He ended it Jord. That’s why he called you because I started sobbing after he hung up. I feel as if I broke his heart and that hurts me. Now could you lay down and watch a movie like old times or could you please leave me alone to pity cry?” I was being a bit harsh toward him but I honestly felt like the Queen of Hearts at this point.

“That’s the first time in six months you’ve sounded like yourself.” He muttered as he climbed in the bed and leaned against the headboard. “I know you think you hurt him but he feels as if he’s holding you back. Just be who you were and everything will fall in place.”

“Did you really put his ring in a safe?”

“Yes, the morning after you threw it I put it there in case of something.”

“You’re too good to me.” I knew Jordan was a great friend just because of that action. I decided then I needed to get back to my old life. First thing in the morning I was going to my office and starting to be the old me.