Love Is Hell

Garrett.

Lina -Courtney, too- had persistently bugged me to tell her where our group of friends were taking her, but I wouldn’t give in. Some of the guys were a little skeptical about taking the two girls there in the first place, simply because it wasn’t the kind of place we brought just anyone. Despite that, Pat, Jared, and I insisted they were fine, and the guys didn’t really put up a fight.

So here we were, pulling into the lane that led to our favorite hangout spot: 8123. I looked over at Lina; she was biting down on her bottom lip, staring out the window intently while absentmindedly running her fingers through her dark hair. I grinned at her, wishing she would look at me. I also wished she wouldn’t look at me so I could continue staring at her and not get caught. What was it about Carolina Hawkins that fascinated me so much?

“Where the hell are we?” Courtney asked, shattering the silence as Halvo parked his car in the lot.

“The best place in the world, baby!” Pat yelled, quickly hopping out of the car and running off, still yelling.

Courtney giggled as Lina said quietly, “8123.”

Halvo turned around to look at Lina, frowning. “How’d you know that?”

Finally, Lina looked over at me, smiling a little. “Garrett told me about this place.”

Without warning, a harsh banging resonated throughout the car, making us all jump. I looked to the window on Lina’s side of the car, where we could see John and Jared laughing.

“Are you coming or what?” John yelled. “I wanna start this party, man!” Halvo laughed and started exiting the car, followed by Courtney.

“Lina, I’m not letting you sit in here and make-out with Garrett, so get your ass out here, okay?” Jared called, his voice muffled through the glass. Instantly I blushed, but Lina only grinned.

“Aw, why not, Jare?” she asked coyly, laughing and leaning closer to me. Stupidly, my heart rate sped up, even though she was only messing around.

Lina laughed once more before backing away. Her breath hit my neck, making me shiver.

“You coming?” she asked, standing outside of the car with her door open. I was so caught up in our proximity a few seconds ago that I didn’t even notice her leave the car. I inched out off the seat quickly, following her.

***

To say our parking lot was a mess would be an understatement. Technically, it wasn’t messy; just... crowded. There were tons of unoccupied lawn chairs, empty beer cans, and cigarette butts everywhere. Okay, I change my mind. 8123 was very, very messy tonight.

“Hey, Garrett! Happy birthday, man!” a husky voice yelled, revealing a good friend of ours, Austin Gibbs.

“Thanks! How’s it going, Gibbs?” I asked. It’d been a couple of weeks since I’d talked to him, since he’d been in California recording something.

He shrugged. “Same old, same old. What about you? I hear you’ve got a little lady friend.”

At the irony of his statement, I couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. Actually, it was more like a snort. I was laughing at myself. “I think you’ve got me confused with Pat, man.”

Austin shook his head. “No, Pat was just telling me about how you guys spent the day together,” he said, giving me a cheeky, mischievous grin. “She give ya a good birthday present?”

I opened my mouth to answer him and tell him about the movie, but I shut my mouth before I could. I shut my mouth when I realized what Austin was insinuating by “birthday present”. Of course Austin would think that. “Nah, Lina’s not like that. We just hung out today. She got me a movie for my birthday, too,” I said, annoyed a little, though I shouldn’t be. Austin didn’t know Lina. The thought of Lina being one of “those girls” was too ridiculous to even think of. And, the idea of me liking one of “those girls” was even more ridiculous.

“Ah. Is this Lina a goody-goody, then?” Austin asked, laughing a little.

“Lina, a goody-goody?” John snickered, joining our conversation. “You must have never met her.”

“No,” Austin laughed. “I haven’t.”

John grinned and launched into a description of Lina, and I wanted to sigh and scream and tear my hair out. Was discussing how ‘hot’ the girl was the only thing they had to talk about? I really, really hoped Austin never got a hold of Lina tonight. Or ever, really. Not that I disliked Austin. Though he was a good friend, he was a player. Back in high school, he’d had a legacy of one-night-stands. Austin was the kind of guy who’d be gone in the morning, and I wanted him far away from the perfect Carolina Hawkins.

God, I was starting to sound like her boyfriend. I needed to lighten up. After all, this was Lina we were talking about. I was pretty sure she could handle herself, and any bad-intentioned boys that came her way. Now that I think of it, I was almost anticipating Lina’s response when Austin hit on her, which would likely happen tonight. Especially if there was alcohol involved. I was positive that Lina would put Austin in his place.

When I heard music playing loudly from somewhere behind me, I turned and made my way towards it, eager to escape John and Austin’s conversation. It had strayed from Lina to girls in general, and even though I do indeed like girls, I couldn’t stand listening to it. Not when John and Austin just wanted to get laid, and I had my head wrapped around a single girl.

“Garrett, come on! You’re missing your birthday party!” a honey-like voice called out to me, and I knew right away it was Lina, the angel and demon of my dreams.

I twisted my head to find her, and there she was, in all her glory, standing next to Jared -who was adjusting something on the shitty stereo situated on a plastic table. She was standing on a plastic table of her own, grinning and waving me over, so of course I headed straight for her, a smile placed on my face, too. When I reached her, I had to bend my neck just to look at her. Lina was easily three feet taller than me, though I was a little scared of the table busting under her weight.

The tiny tables we used here were so old to the point that they looked about to bust without someone standing on them, which is why I asked skeptically, “Lina, are you sure you should be doing that?”

She laughed. “Probably not. But I feel so tall. It’s a good change.”

This time I laughed, along with people around us that had heard her. It was no secret that Lina wasn’t the tallest person around.

“Here, help me down, Gare,” she said, her dark hair blowing in the wind. I held my hands up to her and she took a hold of them, hopping off the table and landing on the pavement, her gray converse shoes next to my black ones.

“Lina, get your ass over here and dance with me!” Jared yelled loudly, raising his arms. She took one look at me, smiled, and ran to Jared, where the two of them had made their own “dancefloor”.

I stood watching them, the only two people of our party who were actually dancing. Most people were, you know, nodding their heads and tapping their foot, or something along those lines. But, Lina and Jared were straight-up rocking out, and I just admit, it was quite a show.

I was admiring how awkwardly Lina danced when I felt someone come up next to me, and I looked to see Trey, smirking and holding a red cup.

“So that’s her, huh? The girl you’ve got a little crush on?” Trey asked.

“Yeah. That’s her.”

Trey nodded. “I gotta admit, when she showed up at our house and told me who she was, I almost shit myself.”

I chuckled again, like I did when Austin asked me about my “lady friend”. “Me too, man.”

“I think she likes you, too, Gare. I mean, she’s ‘tough girl’ around everyone except for you and Courtney.”

I shook my head. “Lina just doesn’t stand people’s shit. Plus, Halvo’s like, her best friend or something. But anyways, we’re just friends. I don’t think she’ll ever like me like that.”

Trey sighed. “Tell yourself whatever you want, brother.” He gave me a pat on the shoulder and walked off.

Right then and there, I just didn’t understand it, you know? I didn’t understand anything. What if Lina really did “like me”? I mean, I suppose some things she did would hint towards it; but then again, maybe that’s just how she was with friends. I shook my head. I couldn’t listen to Trey. It was nice thought, but I wouldn’t delude myself into thinking something that likely wasn’t true. Trey was thinking of girls in general, and Carolina Hawkins most definitely did not fit into that category.

Taking a break from my cynical thoughts, I returned my attention back to Lina. She was still dancing with Jared, but a few more people had joined them. I cursed when I saw Austin with them, slyly putting a hand on Lina’s back. I saw her arch her back, which effectively lost contact between them, but Lina didn’t look annoyed or put back. She looked like she was having a goddamn good time with him. Of course. Austin the ladies man.

Not wanting to watch any longer, I grabbed a soda from a nearby cooler and found a seat up against someone’s car. I didn’t really care whose it was, as long as I didn’t have to watch Austin and Lina smile at each other. I was fairly secluded from the party, and I was glad.

I sat there for a few more minutes, contemplating everything from ‘what the hell am I doing’ to ‘maybe I should just convert to being a homosexual’, when I heard footsteps approaching.

For a moment, I thought it was Lina, until I heard Courtney’s voice. “Hey,” she said.

I nodded once. “Hey.”

She took a seat next to me, and I think we both felt a little bit uncertain; we were friends, but not very close friends.

“So,” she started, “I saw you up-and-run back there. You looked pretty pissed.”

I shrugged. I was so not telling Courtney that I had a crush on her best friend.

“You know, from my point of view, it kinda looked like you were mad that Austin was dancing with Lina.”

I froze at her words. Shit, shit shit. “Um. Nah, I’m not mad over anything,” I said, trying to play dumb.

She scoffed. “Oh, whatever, Garrett. It’s not hard for me to tell; you were pissed at Austin.”

I sighed. “Austin just doesn’t have the best intentions.”

Courtney sighed, too. “I’m sure Lina knows that. I think she knows exactly who’s a good guy and who’s not.”

I nodded. “I sure hope so. I just don’t get it, though. Lina’s so smart and funny and pretty. She could get any guy she wants.”

“That’s the thing, though. She doesn’t want anyone. She needs someone, but I don’t think she even knows what kind of someone she wants.”

“She needs a good guy, someone to take care of her,” I said, seeing Lina’s smile in my head. “She needs someone who knows how great she is.”

“Yes, exactly. She needs someone who won’t hurt her...she needs someone like you, Garrett,” Courtney said, tilting her head to look at me. What?

I was quiet for a few seconds. “What are you trying to say, Courtney?”

She grinned shamelessly. “What I’m trying to say is, is that I would totally approve if you decided to act on your little crush on Lina.” I nearly choked when she said that, and Courtney laughed. “And don’t even try to deny it, Garrett. Pat told me.”

God, I was going to kill the kid. Couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? Then again, I knew Courtney wasn’t the type of person to tell someone else’s secret. “Fine, I admit it. I’ve got a stupid crush on Lina.”

Courtney grinned. “I knew it. See, you guys would be great together.”

“She’s independent and fierce and strong. She doesn’t need me,” I said, thinking of just how beautiful she was.

“She’s also very messed up, Garrett. She’s sad and lonely. She does need you. She just won’t admit it.”

***

The party was winding down, now, and most of our group had left for home. The only people remaining were Lina, Courtney, Pat, John, Tim, Austin, and Halvo, along with me, of course. Austin was smoking a cigarette and staring at Lina, who was totally unaware as she sat on a lawn chair across the lot. She was engulfed in a conversation with Halvo.

Suddenly, Lina stood up. “Shit, it’s one o’clock!” Everyone gave her confused faces.

“So?” John asked.

“So I was supposed to be home an hour ago!” Lina yelled. “Halvo, can you take me home?”

Out of nowhere Courtney came up beside me and whispered in my ear, “Walk her to her car, dumbass.” After smirking at me, she slipped away.

Walk Lina to her car? I guess it was worth a try. Without thinking, my feet took me over to where Lina was standing. “Hey, I could walk you to your car,” I said, praying she would say yes.

She bit her lip. “How long will it take if we walk?”

“About fifteen minutes, probably.”

She nodded. “Alright, let’s go. Bye, guys!”

Our friends murmured a synchronized goodbye to Lina, and we started walking in the direction of my house. That was, until Austin appeared next to us.

“You know, Lina, my car’s here. I could just drive you,” he said, and even though he was my friend, I wanted to punch him.

To my relief, Lina said, “It’s okay, I’m just walking home with Garrett,” and looped her arm through mine.

“Alright, if you’re sure. I’ll see you later, Hawkins. Bye, Garrett, happy birthday, man,” he said, turning and walking away. I called out a thank-you as Lina and I continued walking towards my house. When we reached the sidewalk, I realized Lina was still clutching my arm.

“Is Austin a douchebag?” she asked.

“Nah, he’s a good guy. He just flirts with girls a lot, I guess.”

She nodded, and for a while the only sound between us was the crickets chirping and the occasional car flying by us. It wasn’t an awkward silence, thankfully. It was comfortable. Maybe it was because we’d been around each other for a majority of the day, or maybe we were just getting comfortable with each other. Either way, right then and there I decided that walking home at night with Lina on my arm was definitely something I wanted to do regularly.

“So did you have a good birthday?” she asked lightly.

“Yeah. I mean, I guess eighteen is a pretty big birthday, huh?”

She nodded and laughed. “Sounds like you’re legal now, then.”

“And you’re still seventeen, right?”

She nodded. “My birthday’s in April, unfortunately.”

“Ah. You’re a baby,” I said, grinning.

In return, she promptly shoved me into a large bush that made up someone’s yard.

“Hey!” I yelled, but she only laughed. I joined her again on the sidewalk, and we continued walking to my house.

***

“Thanks for the movie, Lina. It was great,” I said as she leaned against her car and I stood facing her.

“You’re welcome. But, Gare, no need to sugarcoat it. The movie sucked.”

I laughed. “Okay, it wasn’t the best movie ever. But I still loved it.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled at me. “I’ll see you later?”

I nodded as she started unlocking her car, and I turned to go inside my house. Before I could get too far away, I heard Lina call my name.

“Garrett?” She stepped over to me. “Happy birthday,” she said, before leaning towards me and kissing me on the cheek.

At that moment, what Courtney had told me earlier ran through my mind, and I decided what I had to do. I wanted to make Carolina Hawkins fall in love with me. But really, isn’t that what I’d wanted all along?