Love Is Hell

Garrett.

I felt alive. The sound of my bass pumped through my ears and I felt it vibrating through my arms. I grinned, feeling invincible. I looked out at the crowd of people, mainly kids John knew and had rallied up over the months. Nevertheless, they looked like they were having a pretty damn good time. If they were having a good time, I was having a good time.

I nodded my head to the beat of the song, grinning at Pat behind me. He was too immersed in his drums to notice me.

I looked out at the sea of people again, and for the first time, I saw a face I hadn’t a few seconds ago. Carolina Hawkins and her friend, Courtney West.

Seeing her made me instantly nervous. I closed my eyes, letting my hands play my guitar on their own. I had played these songs so many times, I didn’t even need to think about what I was doing to get it right.

The memories came to me in a hurry. The first one; helping Lina up as she fell in the mud at a baseball game that she had probably won herself. That day, I had been in contact with Lina for less than thirty seconds, and it was hard to remember it all. I'd recognized her from school, though. I knew only her name. But the second memory of her was all too familiar to me. I had replayed it in my head so many times, to the point that I should be guilty.

The memory was this: Lina, sitting against the wall inside the hospital, breathing heavily. I had been there visiting Trey when he broke his wrist. It had been summer, three years ago -just a few months after the baseball game. She was upset; anyone could see that. She was shaking, sobbing, but she was silent. I don’t exactly remember why I did it, but I slowly went over to her and sat down beside her. I touched her shoulder lightly, and she jumped.

“Sorry,” I’d said. I didn’t know if I was apologizing for scaring her or apologizing for whatever she was crying about.

She didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but then, “He left.” I think she might have been talking to herself.

“Lina, I know I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ve never met a girl tougher than you. You’ll be okay.”

She shook her head. “It’s not me I’m worried about. It’s the baby boy in that room that is going to have to grow up without a father,” she whispered and gestured towards the room closest to us.

Later, I learned that the baby boy was her little brother, and she’d been crouched on the floor that day because her father left her.

I opened my eyes, returning to the present moment. I saw Lina, leaning against the bar with a scowl on her face, and Courtney smiling and nodding her head to our music.

“How are you doing tonight, Phoenix?” John yelled into his microphone. The crowd cheered. “Good, good. This is our last one for tonight. Hope ya’ll like it.”

I started in on the last song, losing myself in the music for just a little longer. And then it was all over, and we were exiting the stage. We all sat back and relaxed for a moment as Pat ran out to do God knows what. Minutes later, he returned with two brown-haired girls. One of them had blonde highlights, and the other had dark, wavy hair that hung near her ribs. My breath hitched when I saw them, Courtney and Lina. They’d been laughing at something, and the hint of a smile was still on Lina’s lips. I wanted to go up to her and talk to her like Tim was doing now, but so many things ran through my mind: What would I say to her? I don’t even know her. I don’t know what ticks her off and what makes her laugh. All I knew was that I wanted to put that bright smile back on her face. At the same time, I couldn’t wait for this night to end.

“Hey, Courtney...” Pat said, calling her over to show her something. Before leaving Lina’s side, she patted her arm in a way that showed comfortability. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Lina comfortable, unless she’s around Courtney or her brother, Joey.

I saw Tim motion towards the door that led out to the back parking lot, but Lina only frowned and shook her head. Tim patted her shoulder -which she shied away from, unlike the way she had ignored it when Courtney patted her arm- and walked out the door. Lina stood there for a second, looking at the room around her.

This was my chance, I guess. I got up and walked to Lina slowly, thinking of what to say to her.

“Hi, Carolina,” I said.

“It’s Lina. Just Lina.”

“Oh. Sorry.” I had to choose tonight to be awkward, huh? I wondered what John would say, being the ladies man he is. Probably something that would win her over immediately and make her laugh.

She shrugged. “No big deal.”

“Enjoy the show?” I asked. She looked me right in the eyes, and I looked into hers. They were the same shade of light green that I remembered. I felt like we were daring each other; playing a staring contest game. I knew she would probably win.

“Actually, yes. You guys are really good. Surprisingly,” she said, smirking. She peeled her leather jacket off her shoulders, and I tried not to stare at how beautiful she was. “I liked the last one the most.”

Girls Do What They Want. Figures.

I smiled. “That one’s a favorite of mine, too.”

She nodded. “Have you guys released a CD yet?”

“No, not yet. I actually have a copy of one in my car, though. We just aren’t releasing it until the summer, though.”

“You know, I might steal that CD from you. You guys have a great sound.” She smiled genuinely.

I smiled back. “I’ll make you a deal. If you come to our next show this Friday, I’ll give you the CD.”

She grinned and held out her hand, and I shook it, making the deal “official”. “Deal,” she said. “I really need to get going, though. I’ll see you later?”

“Uh, yeah. Bye, Lina,” I said as she walked over to Courtney, who was talking with Kennedy and Pat.

“Courtney, come on,” I heard her say as I sat down on a couch nearby.

“Lina, it’s only eleven!”

“Courtney, I have to finish my load of laundry, make Danny’s lunch for tomorrow, and clean the house because you know my mom probably hasn’t,” she snapped, lowering her voice. “I will leave your ass here, and you know it.”

Courtney sighed and said, “Bye, guys! We’ll definitely come to your show on Friday!”