Elapse
the earth moves. people move on.
John comes to see me, but only because the doctors called him. I am laying in a hospital bed, getting sicker and sicker each second. I know he is mad. But the fact that he came strikes me on the head as I realise that John already knew that he loved me long before I even told him of my feelings. He wasn't afraid of being in a relationship; he was afraid of getting hurt. That was why he ran away as soon as I told him. I feel myself smiling now, despite the circumstances.
John is slumped in the hospital chair now, his eyes fluttering open, telling me he is awake. I'm fully prepared for the angry lecture he's about to give me, but when he sees my eyes are open as well, all he does is jump up and hug me. We stay embraced for what I feel is the longest time, and I never want to let go, but I know that all good things must come to an end. When he releases me, his eyes are glazed over with tears that are threatening to fall.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks. I take a deep breath as he awaits my response.
"Because it doesn't matter," I reply, as if it's the simplest thing in the world.
"Yes it does, Cass, and you know it," John says, his voice cracking in the middle. My heart breaks with every tear that falls from his eyes. "I love you," he whispers, and I can barely hear it, but it is enough. It is enough to bring the deepest part of me, the emotional, fragile part of me that I locked away when I first met John, because John deserves to hear the words I had yet to say but did not when I realised I was in love with him.
"No, it doesn't. Don't you see? I love you, John. And you just said it, right now, loud and clear, that you love me too. Love isn't an emotion, or a word, a noun, a verb. It's something that a boy can't place his finger on. It's something that a girl dreams about, but doesn't exactly quite know what it is. It's something that an elderly couple finally realises it is when they're on the verge of death. Love is forever, a concept no one understands until they actually experience it. And even when we do fall in love, we never fully understand what it is, or what it does. If you fall in love, why do you fight? If you fall in love, why are there always these constant struggles that just keep popping up? Since I've gotten sicker, I've realised that love is more than just forever. It's just... there. Can't you see?"
John is staring at me slightly open-mouthed now, and I start to panic even more than when John didn't say those three words back to me. I feel as if I heard him wrong, what if he didn't say I love you? After what seems like forever, he finally takes both of my hands and clasps them within his.
"If love is forever..." he says, "then I'm forever in love with you." I feel myself smile only moments before I feel myself slip away.
John is slumped in the hospital chair now, his eyes fluttering open, telling me he is awake. I'm fully prepared for the angry lecture he's about to give me, but when he sees my eyes are open as well, all he does is jump up and hug me. We stay embraced for what I feel is the longest time, and I never want to let go, but I know that all good things must come to an end. When he releases me, his eyes are glazed over with tears that are threatening to fall.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks. I take a deep breath as he awaits my response.
"Because it doesn't matter," I reply, as if it's the simplest thing in the world.
"Yes it does, Cass, and you know it," John says, his voice cracking in the middle. My heart breaks with every tear that falls from his eyes. "I love you," he whispers, and I can barely hear it, but it is enough. It is enough to bring the deepest part of me, the emotional, fragile part of me that I locked away when I first met John, because John deserves to hear the words I had yet to say but did not when I realised I was in love with him.
"No, it doesn't. Don't you see? I love you, John. And you just said it, right now, loud and clear, that you love me too. Love isn't an emotion, or a word, a noun, a verb. It's something that a boy can't place his finger on. It's something that a girl dreams about, but doesn't exactly quite know what it is. It's something that an elderly couple finally realises it is when they're on the verge of death. Love is forever, a concept no one understands until they actually experience it. And even when we do fall in love, we never fully understand what it is, or what it does. If you fall in love, why do you fight? If you fall in love, why are there always these constant struggles that just keep popping up? Since I've gotten sicker, I've realised that love is more than just forever. It's just... there. Can't you see?"
John is staring at me slightly open-mouthed now, and I start to panic even more than when John didn't say those three words back to me. I feel as if I heard him wrong, what if he didn't say I love you? After what seems like forever, he finally takes both of my hands and clasps them within his.
"If love is forever..." he says, "then I'm forever in love with you." I feel myself smile only moments before I feel myself slip away.