Save Your Heart

All my life, I’ve been hopelessly in love with…well, love. I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to love someone and to be loved in return. That’s why I had a lot of relationships in the past. No, I’m not a slut who sleeps around. I always make sure I won’t regret it. That’s me, the hopeless romantic. I know it’s cliché but hey, it’s not my fault I was built like this. Well maybe it is but you get me.

I moved to Paris since I worked for Vogue and all. Yes, I am a model. I have been one since I was 19. Three years later, here I am in Paris working for Vogue. I’m still having a hard time believing that but I love what I do. I’ve been here for a few months and I can’t help but to fall in love with the place. It was the home I never had. I would go for random walks on the park almost everyday or sip my coffee out in the balcony of my apartment because it’s Paris. And I love the feeling of it. Paris is perfect and I’m pretty happy here except for the fact that my life’s in Arizona and I feel really homesick sometimes.

I walked out of my apartment and locked the door behind me. I smiled as I felt the cold Paris air kiss my face with bliss. I started walking to the studio where we were doing a spread photo shoot for the magazine.

The shoot was bizarre. I had to wear these really high heels and I wanted to die because my feet hurt like hell. I winced a bit as I posed. I looked into the camera, feeling the passion and intensity course though my veins as I tried to make the photographer feel every emotion I did.
After hours of changing clothes and posing endlessly for the camera, I finally broke free. I changed back into my shorts and tank top quickly and went out to talk to the photographer.

"You were great today, Aria,” he muttered with a soft smile on his handsome face. He had auburn hair that was stylishly messy, his blue eyes lighting up as he scanned through the pictures we took. I’ve worked with Mark a couple of times already so we’re sort of friends.

“Thanks Mark,” I said to him cheerfully, my American accent sounding like complete trash next to his English one. His eyes brightened up a little as he paused the slideshow, absolutely pleased at what he was looking at.

I turned to look at the monitor and it was me. It was a photo we shot earlier in the day. I smiled pleasantly at how dazed and soft I looked as if I saw the whole world and its wonders from afar, desire and lust burned in my eyes, wanting to explore all of it. A bunch of emotions crawled onto me. I was wearing a black, backless, gothic dress that made me look a hundred times paler than I already was. The dress had a graceful length. It reached to the ground, the cloth there loose and disarrayed. It was simple yet elegant in the finest ways. My deep green eyes were burning with emotion as I seemed to stare into space, deep in thought. My wavy, fiery red hair flowing gracefully as it hung carelessly just below my stomach.

“That looks beautiful, Mark,” I sighed contentedly, finding it hard to believe that the person in the image was me. I was so plain compared to other models. When I’m not in a shoot or a special event, you would find me wearing simple denim shorts and whatever top I can find.

“That is all you, my darling,” Mark proudly stated. I chuckled at his smug expression, thanked him again and left to get some coffee. I smiled like an idiot the whole time when I was at the coffee shop.

I checked my twitter and saw that The Maine and Austin Gibbs were having a show tomorrow night. I smiled as I remembered how Jamie and I ‘fangirled’ over this band. We used to go their shows in Arizona. If I wasn’t a model, I would probably push myself into the music industry. I just love music and the way it speaks to me. Like we were long lost twins and we just get each other. I fell in love with the band immediately. But of course, everyone has to grow up. I was distracted from my thoughts when Jamie arrived.

“Aria,” Jamie greeted. I stood up and gave her a hug. Jamie is my bestest friend in the whole fucking world. We’ve known each other since Kindergarten. She was the Charlavail to my Sam. She moved here with me, because she was a photographer and she works for Vogue too. She gets hired for concerts as well but she’s more focused on Vogue.

“Guess what?!” I squealed as she sat down. She brushed a lock of light brown hair away from her eyes and looked at me expectantly.

“Well?” she asked, chuckling.

“The Maine’s going to have a show here and we’re getting tickets,” I replied and watched her light blue eyes narrow slowly as my words sunk in.

“The Maine…as in the band we were obsessed with in Arizona?” She asked and nibbled on one of the breadsticks I ordered.

“Yes, it’s going to be fun! I miss going to concerts,” I told her hopefully.

“Yeah, I would love to escape the grown up world for a while,” she nodded.

“True. You and I need more bonding time anyway.”

“Okay, okay. I’m stoked,” she giggled.

When I finished my coffee, we went to buy our tickets. It’s funny because I lived in Arizona my whole life and I’ve only seen The Maine once or twice when they’re not doing shows. I guess they’re not really into going out and stuff. We went home after we got our tickets. Jamie took a quick shower and eventually joined me on the couch for movie night. We watched The Notebook for the hundredth time and still ended up bawling our eyes out.

“I hate that movie,” Jamie sobbed.

“I love it but I hate the crying part,” I muttered, sounding like an animal with my clogged nose.

“I love the Ryan Gosling part,” Jamie chuckled. I sniffled and laughed with her.

“I wish I had a Noah,” I sighed dreamily.

“Ditto.”

“Impossible to find though,” I muttered.

“True, it’s a good thing you stopped dating ever since…” Jamie trailed off, looking at me quickly with regret and sympathy in her eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked before blowing my nose.

“I’m saying that it’s a good thing you stopped falling for every guy out there. You always got hurt.”

I’ve been in a lot of stupid relationships. I thought I loved someone and they just do something to hurt me. There was one particular guy I loved. The one that saw all the wrong things about me and he didn’t fix it. He accepted them as something actually good. I loved him. I loved him and we were so happy for two years. Two fucking years. And he still had it in him to sleep with another woman, in our fucking bed.

It got even worse.

Not only did I find him fucking the damn girl on our anniversary.
But he managed to beat me up senseless when I started to pack my bags and curse at him.

Then he raped me. I guess the girl wasn’t enough for him. I woke up the next morning with him gone and I found myself bruised and scarred…for life.

That’s when it all started—or ended, perhaps. I ran away. I ran away from love and all its stupid attempts to make people happy. I got help. I never saw Cole again. Not since that very night everything fell apart.

“I know,” I sighed.

“I know the cause of it was horrible, A. But everything’s fine now. Don’t lock your heart up. Save it,” she said softly.
~
I woke up the next morning with a jolt. Dreaming of a huge ass wolf chasing me in the woods and this weird wizard creature thing appeared out of nowhere and told me I had to lick a tree trunk to escape the wolf. I did lick the tree and the wolf walked away. I shook my head at the ridiculous dream. It was 7:00 in the morning and I figured Jamie was still asleep since she always woke up in the afternoon. I decided to take a jog in the park, wanting to feel the fresh morning breeze in the atmosphere.

I inserted my earphones into each of my ears (duh) and started walking while I enjoyed John O’Callaghan’s soothing voice as he sang Color. I smiled, excited for the concert tonight.

I was walking home when I thought I saw him.

I still feared Cole. He was my weakness. I loved him and he hurt me. Physically, emotionally and even spiritually. He was the one who broke me when I thought he’d be the one to fix me up. My heart began to race as I began to sweat more. I had a hard time breathing when I saw the man who looked like him. He had the same perfect blonde hair as him, his brown eyes glistened and his smile was just like Cole’s. Then I realized it wasn’t him. What would he even doing in Paris? What the fuck was I even thinking? I started running away, close to tears. Not exactly from the man I saw. But from whom I had become.

I wasn’t like this before. I was a happy girl. I made strangers my friends, I didn’t scare them away with my paranoia. I can’t walk alone at night anymore without seeing his face in every guy in the streets with blonde hair. I was afraid of all the things that might happen again. I can’t let that happen to me again. But I’m getting better.

I was starting to smile more. Why grieve over yourself when you know you can move on and make yourself stronger? I started to have hope and it felt great. It felt great until he crossed my mind and this heavy feeling sinks in. It’s like all the progress I’ve made since that night a year ago was gone when I think about him.

I was running so fast and I was so lost in my thoughts, I bumped into someone.

I looked up to apologize only to be stunned as my eyes met a pair of striking hazel ones. I smiled apologetically at Kennedy Brock, trying to calm myself down because my own heart raced as if I was being chased by that ferocious wolf again. He was too beautiful for his own good. He smirked at me, causing my cheeks to heat up.

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking,” I murmured, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear. His smirk turned into a genuine smile as he looked at me right in the eye. I looked away, hoping I looked better than how I felt.

“It’s fine,” he replied with that heartbreakingly beautiful smile of his. I stepped aside and mentally cursed myself for being so stupid. I started to walk away when he grabbed my arm.

“What?” I asked through gritted teeth and flinched, feeling a bit uncomfortable with a man touching me. And I wanted to run back home before I started to humiliate myself any further. He was confused by my response. It was made obvious by the way his grin was fading. He shook his head ridiculously and smirked at me, letting go of my arm.

“I’m Kennedy,” he chuckled offering his hand for me to shake. I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him before shaking it firmly.

“I know who you are, Kennedy Brock.”

“Oh? And I know who you are so I really don’t see the point of introducing ourselves like we’re complete strangers,” He replied, giving his head a dubious shake. I was a supermodel, yeah. But the fame never really got to me. I just do what I do.

“We are complete strangers,” I rolled my eyes at him again which made his amused smirk grow.

I walked away from him, my heart racing way faster than earlier.

“We won’t be soon,” he winked.

I rolled my eyes at him and his flirty response and walked away.

“I’ll see you around, Aria Grey,” he shouted as I got further away from him. I smiled at the way he said my name, it naturally rolled off his tongue like we’ve known each other forever even though we just met.

And I knew that there was definitely something about Kennedy Brock that made my heart explode.