Save Your Heart

“Oh shit, I forgot my phone in the hotel,” he exclaimed when we were walking to get coffee. I groaned.

“Kenny, I’m tired.” I whined and threw my head back. He laughed at me and grabbed my hand. It was easy now. It was easy to get touched by a man. Especially when it was Kennedy.

We’ve been getting to know each other everyday. We didn’t waste any time because he was leaving soon. And we know each other now. He just doesn’t know all of me yet. But he will soon.

He asked a lot of questions though. He asked why I used to flinch when he would touch me and why I had so many relationships before and why I won’t come back to Arizona. All these questions involved Cole and I really didn’t want to get to that just yet. I just shrugged and he would sigh and tell me I would have to tell him sooner or later.

“I know you are but we need my phone. Plus, the guys want to see you.” He dragged me back to their hotel. It was a fancy hotel, I’ve stayed there once and it felt like home.

“Fine,” I grunted. “But we were supposed to meet Jamie for coffee!”

“Text her and tell her we’ll meet in the hotel instead.” He rolled his eyes at me.

“Okay, whatever.” I texted Jamie and she replied within 10 seconds, proclaiming how excited she was to meet the guys again. We all met at the night of their show here.

Jamie liked Kenny a lot. They got along pretty well and she told me he was the exact guy I should ‘save my heart’ for. I just laughed at her term and told her I would love to see myself with Kenny. But truthfully, I never saw anyone with myself anymore.

We arrived at the hotel and entered their hotel room.

Everything was a mess. Dirty clothes were all over the floor. It smelled awfully like alcohol and boy. I don’t mind boy scents. I liked how Kennedy smelled and I actually breathe him in a lot because he smells so good—what the fuck am I saying—but alcohol and boy scents are an awful combination.

“Hey guys, Aria’s here!” Kenny yelled through the blaring sound effects of the video game Garrett, Pat and Jared were playing. Austin and John were playing Go Fish at a table. They all looked up at Kennedy and I, our fingers still intertwined. They all had knowing smirks on their handsome faces which I questioned in my mind.

“Hey!”

“Hi, Aria!”

“Hello!”

“What’s up, girl?”

“Greetings!”

Everyone went silent at Garrett’s “Greetings!” and burst into laughter.

“So you plan on stealing Kenny from us, huh?” John asked, chuckling. Kenny rolled his eyes at John.

“I’m gonna get my phone then we’ll wait for Jamie, okay?” he asked and ran off to get his phone.

“Jamie’s coming?” Garrett asked me. I raised my eyes at him, they seem to really like each other since they’ve been spending a lot of time together but I shrugged it off.

“Yup. Why?” I teased. Garrett rolled his eyes at me and continued to play his video game.

I made small talk with everyone while Kenny took a quick shower and they were all pretty nice. I talked to Garrett the most though, we had the same interests and he seemed very cool.

“So, how’s it been going with Kennedy?” he asked me, his eyes glued to the television. I sat down beside him when the guys were eating all the room service they ordered.

“He’s very nice,” I nodded.

“I know. He’s very fond of you,” he smiled.

“I’m very fond of him too,” I smiled despite myself. I liked Kennedy. A lot. He made me feel safe and secured. He was the anchor that tied my feet to all the good things in life when I’m sure I only saw the bad in it. And the fact that he was leaving soon killed me.

We talked about Star Wars after that and then Jamie arrived.

She hugged them all and told me to go away when I teased her about Garrett. They were flirting the whole time! It was cute at first but it became too sweet, it gave me a headache. I felt Kenny sit down beside me on the couch. I smiled up at him and snuggled closer. It was so cold in their hotel room.

He put his arm around me and we talked among ourselves, making sure it was only us that could hear.

“They’re very annoying, huh?” he asked.

“They’re not! They’re probably the coolest people I’ve ever met.” I smiled.

“Make sure you don’t spend all your time with them and ditch me though.” He smirked at me and kissed my forehead. I blushed at his touch. Why did he have this kind of effect on me?

“Never.”
~
The guys and Jamie headed out to a bar which left me and Kennedy alone in their hotel room. We planned to go to a restaurant and have dinner there so I went to the washroom to retouch my makeup. I was humming quietly to myself then a pair of hands wrapped around my waist. I was caught off guard and I was so scared. I was so scared that I pushed myself away from the person and started to shake. I looked up to see a very startled and confused Kennedy. Guilt washed over me as I saw the hurt look on his face. I looked down and sat on the floor, wrapping my arms around myself as my body began to tremble. Then I cried. I cried so hard, I couldn’t breathe anymore. All the emotions I felt made me feel stupid. Kennedy rushed to me quickly, embracing me and letting me know he was there. And he was for some reason. He always stayed. He kept me stable as he shushed and rocked me til I stopped.

“What happened, Aria?” he asked, determination in his eyes.

“I-I’ll explain everything through dinner. I’ll freshen up.” I got up and pulled my hair into a messy bun while Kennedy watched worriedly.
~
Kennedy waited for me to speak up. He was so patient, I felt like I didn’t deserve him as a friend. He just held my hand as we walked the streets of Paris.

“You know, I wasn’t always like this,” I started, my voice barely audible.

“I know,” he muttered softly after a long pause. I was confused. He parted his lips to say something but he didn’t say anything. He stared at me knowingly for a while before he spoke.

“When I noticed you in Arizona, you had this happiness in you that seemed to overflow. Like you were in love with everyone and everything, Aria.” –I scoffed at how true his words were.—“Then…then I saw the light that surrounded you fade. You became madder at the world. It seemed like you wanted to run away from every person that talked to you but you managed to fake a smile. Then I saw you here. I didn’t expect to run into you here at all but you were on my mind. I mean, how can someone so happy and sweet become so sad? And I realized you weren’t mad. You were sad. And I can’t imagine why. Fuck, I didn’t even know you but I always thought about you. You seem better now, though. It’s like something snapped inside of you that made you try to be better and I don’t really know how I see that but I do.”

I just looked at him. We had stopped walking now and the night was freezing. I looked at him, various emotions evidently clear in my eyes. How can someone know me so well? How can someone I haven’t known for an eternity get that about me?

“I had a lot of relationships before—“

“I know,” he scoffed. “Sorry…”

I rolled my eyes at him and continued.

“I had a lot of relationships before but I’m not a slut. I don’t sleep around. I was always so heartbroken but that got changed by a certain guy I dated. His name was C-Cole. He was everything to me. He loved me and I loved him. We’ve been together for two years and we were so in love. We were so in love that we planned to get married and have kids, you know…all that crap. And then one night…one night it fell apart. We fell apart.”

We were sitting on a park bench now and I was close to tears as I recalled the night that ruined me. Kennedy was rubbing my back as a form of comfort and I just smiled at him.

“He-he cheated on me. It was our second anniversary and I came home from a photo shoot early to surprise him. I entered our bedroom and fuck, he was fucking another woman. I didn’t cry, I didn’t yell, I wasn’t mad. I just calmly told the woman to leave us alone for a minute. The woman fled from the apartment and closed the door behind her. Then I wished she hadn’t. Cole was apologizing to me and I yelled at him. I yelled at him a lot. Did he really think I could forgive him that easily? I cursed him and I told him I was leaving him. ‘Don’t leave me’ he yelled those words to me as I packed those bags but I continued packing. Then—then he g-grabbed my arms and started b-beating me. He slapped me and I-I didn’t know what to do s-so I slapped him back. Then he w-was—he was h-hitting me. He was hitting me hard. I was crying, Kenny. I was really crying and I begged him to stop. But he didn’t, he kept hitting me everywhere at once til I thought I was going to pass out.”

I took a deep breath and Kennedy told me I could stop. But I couldn’t. I wanted him to know me. All of me. I trusted and owed him that much. He was always so open to me, I started to think I didn’t deserve it.

“Then he started taking my clothes off...he started to take his clothes off and I knew the next thing that would happen and I begged him to stop but he didn’t. The woman he slept with wasn’t even enough for him. So he fucked me too…against my own will. H-he raped me, Kennedy. He raped me. And I felt so filthy and worthless, I hid myself from the rest of the world for weeks. Then I moved to Paris to get away from it all. My mom didn’t understand because I never told her what really happened and why we broke up. But I did tell her that it was hard to move back and forth from AZ to Paris. It was hard. Lying to them was hard but it was worth it. I’m getting better now and I-I can forget about Cole more easily.” I sighed. Images formed in my mind. I was having dark thoughts again. I wanted to beat the shit out of Cole. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have been like this. I wouldn’t have gone to a fucking therapist to “talk”. I was fuming with anger then I looked up at Kennedy. I felt ashamed. I felt so lost like the way I did on that night.

But to see him only staring at me with concern...that made me somehow relieved. Somebody else knew now, other than Jamie. And he had accepted the fact that I may or may not be what he thought I would be.

Kennedy looked at me with only two emotions in his eyes; compassion and determination. He wiped the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t even know I was crying but it felt good.
It felt good to cry; letting everything go as it is.

We stayed like that; staring at each other as if our life depended on it. It seemed like hours until he spoke up.

“I-I honestly don’t know what to say, love. He was horrible. What he did to you was horrible. You-You’re the most beautiful, sweet, perfect girl I’ve ever met. Hell, you’re the most perfect person I’ve ever met. You didn’t deserve any of that shit he gave you. You were never meant to be sad, Aria. I can see by the way you smile and laugh…like it was natural to you. You were meant to be happy and I’m going to make you happy. I’m going to make you so happy that you’re always going to smile and laugh and sing because you deserve it.” He looked at me with such passion and care that I didn’t want to look away from him.

He didn’t know how happy he already made me. I was always smiling and laughing when I was with him. And my smiles weren’t so fake when he was with me. Again, he kept me stable and happy. And that was all I needed.

“You already make me happy, Kenny. You have no idea,” I sighed gratefully and buried my face on the crook of his neck. “But y-you have no idea how truly broken I am.”
He just smiled at me like he knew something I didn’t and pressed his lips against my temple.

“You may be broken, love. But I’ll always be there to fix you.”