Save Your Heart

Jamie and I were waiting for her mom and mine to pick us up. Our families were really linked to each other and I guess we’re meant to be best friends that way. Her parents and my mom were best friends.

I forgot how hot it was in Arizona. The scorching sun was torturing my skin. It was so hot it hurts. Literally.

“I cannot believe we’re home!” I said to Jamie, looking at her through my shades. She smiled at me, nodding her head.

“I know! God, how I missed the Arizona heat,” she replied, squinting to look at me. I chuckled at her refusal to wear her shades before we boarded on the plane.

I scoffed. “I hate how hot it is in Arizona today. It wasn’t this hot before.”

“It’s called global warming.”

I rolled my eyes at her and looked around the parking lot for our moms.

“I wonder where they are.”

“Maybe they got caught up in traffic.”

Then a black Terano pulled over. I smiled, as my mom and Jamie’s got out of the car.

My mom practically almost killed me with the hug she engulfed me in. She pinched my cheeks, my arms and slapped my butt.

“Ow, mom! I missed you but you gotta stop,” I whined.
Mom chuckled and let me go. She looked different, perhaps…happier? She was glowing, like the happiness inside her was radiating and that made me smile. I missed her so much.

When my dad left us, we were lost. My mom was unhappy and she became workaholic. She never stopped working and I was always alone in our big old house but I eventually understood that she only worked for me. My mom is my best friend in many ways. We have a strong bond. We needed to be strong for each other after what happened.

This was Elise Grey, the strongest person I know. I cannot express my love for my mom because I would always run out of words. Mom seemed happier, she seemed really different. Ever since my dad left, she shut down. She became numb but she was strong. She barely smiled and neither did I. We were both lost when my father left us but my mother kept working for us both and I would like to see my father’s face once he discovers how far we’ve come without him.

I looked at my mom. Her auburn hair tied up in a neat bun, her eyes just like mine and her lips full and pink. Nothing much has changed except for the fact that her eyes seemed to be overjoyed. I hugged her, holding on to her once again after months of being apart. My mom is a warrior. She is my warrior. I don’t know why I haven’t told her about Cole. Maybe because I wasn’t ready. Maybe because I wanted to become her warrior too, not wanting to cry in front of her when she’s been through so much already. I needed to be strong and I learned that being strong didn’t mean I should build walls around me to keep people out. I learned this from Kennedy.

Kennedy.

There it goes again. He’s always inside my head and I can’t say I’m complaining. I can’t stop thinking about him. Hey, I know that line is overused but it’s true.

“I missed you so much, honey!” My mom exclaimed, squeezing my shoulders.

“I missed you too! I have so much to tell you, mom.” I smiled at her widely. I never kept anything from my mother. Ever. The only thing I kept from her was the reason I suddenly moved to Paris.

“We better get some coffee then!” My mom rushed to the car to open the trunk.

Jamie’s mom, Clare pulled me into a hug. She was like a second mom to me. She and my mom were inseparable, they’ve been best friends since their high school years. They’re both doctors and they’re pretty much like Jamie and I. They’re older though and Clare was more like me and Mom was more like Jamie. I love them both so much. Clare was a single mom as well. Until she found Robert, her fiancé. She got pregnant when she was 17 but that didn’t stop her from finishing her studies. Jamie's real dad left her mom when he knew she was pregnant. She became successful and Jamie looked up to her so much.

“We missed you both so much, dear! Look how sexy you became!” Aunt Clare exclaimed, squeezing my arms and pinching them.

I laughed, my mom and her were so much alike!

“We missed you too! Paris wasn’t that great without you there,”

“The last time we visited you there, we didn’t want to leave!”

“Alright, let’s go get some coffee!” My mom exclaimed, her arm around Jamie. We loaded everything into the car and hopped on.

“I can’t wait to see Garrett,” Jamie whispered to me.

I rolled my eyes at her. “Right.”

“Aren’t you stoked to see them?”

“I am. It’s just that I think I need distance from Kenny first. I’m getting too attached, Jamie. And you know that’s always the cause of everything,” I sighed.

“It can be the cause of something actually good this time, A. Don’t worry too much.”

“Gee, let’s see about that!” I replied sarcastically. Jamie laughed and slapped my shoulder.

We arrived at the coffee shop. Jamie and Aunt Clare went to run a few errands around the area, leaving my mom and I alone. I was fucking nervous, to be honest. I really think I should tell her about the Cole thing before I cower away and bury myself in guilt.

We sat down on a table. I took a deep breath and exhaled quite loudly. My mom looked up from drinking her warm coffee. I just hesitantly smiled at her.

She placed her cup on the table. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I have something to tell you…” I trailed off, leaving her curious as fuck.

“You aren’t pregnant are you? I mean if-if you are, it’s completely fine since you’re financially stable and we aren’t that religious but I hope you know the consequences of having a child when you’re a model. You have my full support, don’t worry. I’ll help you take care—”

“I’m not pregnant oh my goodness, Mom!” I exclaimed, choking on my coffee. She stared at me with wide eyes. I saw relief and disappointment cross her worried face all at once. I laughed at her expression while she glared at me.

“Don’t scare me like that!” she said, fanning herself with her hand.

“I didn’t even say anything yet!” I replied, still laughing.
There. All the tension was gone, knowing that my mother would still accept me as her daughter no matter what happened. I sighed.

“What is it, honey?” she asked, holding my hand across the round table.

“I-I was abused, Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you any sooner but I was…abused.” I stumbled through the words. One word in particular. My mom tightened her grip on my hand, her eyes starting to get really watery. I looked at her. This was the side of Elise Grey that only those who are close to her see. This was her soft side, her other better half. My mom was solid and liquid at the same time. She was mighty and tough but she was breakable like I am.

“H-how?” she whispered, starting to sob. I looked at her, trying to read my own thoughts. Trying to understand how I felt about telling her. Nothing. There was nothing there. I was once again…numb.

“Cole,” I whispered back, all of the numbness that took over me fading away. A bunch of emotions sunk in. There’s that heavy feeling again.

My mom covered her mouth as if to try and lessen the sobs that were continuously attacking her. Tears were falling down on her heart-shaped face. I nodded, realizing once more that it really happened. I was abused and it felt like it was permanently engraved on my whole being. I can’t change who I was, I can’t change how fragile I was, and I definitely can’t change the fact that I’m only starting to recover.

“Cole? H-how—” mom got cut off by her sobs again. I looked at her, realizing how much I truly loved her. Realizing how much I trust her.

I then explained everything. I even told her about Kennedy and everything that happened between us.

We ended up smiling at each other appreciatively. Whether we both like it or not, we were in this together. We were each other’s strength and that’s one of the reasons why I love my mom.

“I love you, Aria.” Mom smiled at me with so much emotion and reached across the table to pinch my cheeks.

“I love you too, mom. You and me forever, okay?” I squeezed her hand.

“Always.”
~

“So, you’re better now? You got help in Paris?” Mom asked while we were looking for Aunt Clare and Jamie.

“I’m getting there. Finished all my sessions, yeah,” I replied. We were walking side by side, our arms brushing against each other as we searched for both of our best friends.

“That’s always good to hear. Why didn’t you tell me all this before?”

“I just…I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t accept what happened to me, mom. I couldn’t accept the whole thing’s effect on me. If I couldn’t accept it, I don’t think others will. And we were facing something really bad. Dad was getting remarried when I was with Cole, remember?”

“Yeah. But, Aria…just know that I’m always here to listen. Even if it’s something you think I don’t want to hear. I am always here. Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”

“I know. I love you, mom.” I hugged my mom in the middle of the sidewalk, breathing our little moment in. I want to remember this for the rest of my life.

“You know, Aria…nothing is beyond repair. No matter how broken you are,” my mom said, squeezing my shoulders.

“Thank you, mom. It really means a lot.”

And I meant it. It was always nice to know that someone is willing to give you a hug when you need one. Someone to hold on to when there are things that just keep pulling you down to where you don’t want to be. Or in my case, to that place where all I feel is nothing and everything at once.