Unknown Pleasures

I remember the first time I saw Ryan. It was maybe two months before we hired him, and he had come into the store for the first time to look around. I know it was the first time because I would have remembered if a guy like him had walked into the store before. He was gorgeous, even in his awkward years. Plus he bought a Grateful Dead night light. I made a joke about it attracting more monsters than it would repel, and he said that he hoped not because more monsters were exactly what his family didn’t need.

Two months later he came back and asked about the help wanted sign in the window. Dad was getting up there in years and mom forbid him to do any of the heavy lifting, so we needed an extra pair of hands. Ryan was the first person outside of the family who we hired, and I had the pleasure of doing so.

We soon got to know each other better and I learned all about all of his family’s monsters. I offered to help out pretty much immediately and not long after that I met Teddy for the first time. I love that little boy as if he was my own. He’s such a happy kid despite everything he’s been through at such a young age. I love teaching him how to play the piano and taking him out for treats and teaching him about rock legends. And he soaks it all up like a sponge.

My whole family loves him actually. Well, both of them. My older sister was the first one to catch on to my feelings about Ryan. Then my mom, then my younger brother, and dad had to be clued in. None of them push me to tell them how I feel though. They realize that it might not be the best with all he’s got going on.

Going to school and working full time and raising a younger brother isn’t easy, I can see. Love is certainly the last thing on his mind. I always make sure I treat him right though, taking him and Teddy out occasionally and bringing him little presents I know he’ll appreciate. It was my way of showing my love for him without letting it all out, that way I didn’t burst with all the pent up feelings.

But now lying in bed with a sleeping, bruised, and worn out Ryan, I don’t think I can hold it back any longer. Having him in my arms finally is a feeling I don’t think I’m quite ready to give up. All I wanted to do was kiss him last night but I knew that it wasn’t the time. Now that he’s had time to calm down and rest, I think it might be time to tell him.

The door opens slowly and a mess of dirty blond hair appears. Teddy looks at us with sleepy eyes and realizes that I’m awake. “Um Carter? I can’t find the bathroom.”

I smile and slide out of bed carefully. “Come on, little man.” I grin, picking him up easily. “It’s right this way.”

I show him the bathroom and wait on the couch for him to be finished. He hops up next to me and smiles. “Why don’t we ever spend the night here? I like it.”

“Well I don’t know. Ask Ryan when he wakes up.” I smile. “Hey speaking of the sleepyhead, do you wanna surprise him and go get breakfast?”

Teddy’s bright blue eyes light up and he nods eagerly. “Let’s get dressed fast.”

“Or we could go in our pajamas. A pajama adventure!” He likes this idea even more and practically drags me out of the apartment.

Less than an hour passes before we’re back again, loaded down with bags full of breakfast, junk food, and a slew of rented movies. We set everything down and hear the toilet flushing. Ryan walks out of the bathroom with a sleepy look on his face. He sees me and his face lights up before Teddy tackles him in a hug. His bruise has only gotten worse, now a purpling yellow color.

“Good morning Ryan!” The six year old cries. “Did you sleep good? Woah, what happened to your face?”

“Uh, well-“

“Hey Ted,” I interrupt, “How about you show Ryan what movies we got?” He’s immediately distracted and Ryan shoots me an appreciative look.

Together we set up breakfast and the meal is full of laughter. Teddy is an absolute joy to be around and Ryan is always happiest when he’s spending time with him.

“So Carter said we could have a movie marathon and we picked out a lot of movies and got a bunch of junk food so we’ll have such a fun time today, right?” He turns to me with a huge smile and a glob of syrup in the corner of his mouth.

“Right.” I grin.

“Ah, but aren’t you forgetting Teddy? You’ve got a soccer game today.” Ryan reminds him.

“Oh yeah! It’s at two o’clock!” He beams. “Carter, will you come? We’re playing our arch enemy’s.”

“It sounds like it’s gonna be a great game! I’d love to come along.” I grin. “And we can have our movie marathon after that.”

Ryan stands up and grabs his plate almost suddenly, giving me a look before making his way to the kitchen. I follow after him curiously, leaving an oblivious Teddy to his pancakes.

“Ry? What’s wrong?”

“Carter, I think it might be best if Teddy and I went home after his game.”

“What?” I ask dumbly.

“I just- I think that it’d be better because dad, he’ll get angry if we’re gone too long.”

“You can’t go back there Ryan. It’s not-“

“Carter, it’s our home.”

“What kind of home exists where you get hit and verbally abused daily. Have you looked in a mirror today?”

“He only hit me once.”

“And he’ll do it again.” I protest. “Please, just- stay here one more night. It’s safe here and it’ll give me time to convince you never to go back there.”

“Why do you care so much?” He murmurs, looking down.

“Because I love you Ry.”

He looks up at me and smiles softly. “I love you too, Carter. And I know we’re best friends but-“

“No Ryan. I mean I love you. I’m in love with you.” I say, almost desperately. Desperate for him to understand. “I can’t stand to see you hurt like this. I don’t want you to go back there ever. I want you to stay here with me where I can keep you safe always. Because I’m in love with you Ryan.”

“I- You are?” He asks, clearly surprised.

“I have been for years.”

“Years?”

“Literally years.”

“Why haven’t you told me?”

“Because you had a lot on your plate. I didn’t want to get in the way of anything. I especially didn’t want to add to any stress in case you didn’t feel the same way. But after last night I just can’t keep it hidden anymore. I want to kiss you and hold you and make everything better.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Then get over here.” He smiles. I raise an eyebrow and smirk, moving closer to him.

“Like this?” I ask, chest pressed against his lightly.

“More like this.” He smiles, reaching his arms around my neck and leaning up to kiss me.

His lips are soft and smooth and they taste like syrup. He’s warm and gentile and the kiss is not at all what I expected. It’s so much more. You always hear about the fireworks but it feels like a million explosions have gone through me at once.

“I love you too.” He whispers, leaning away from me.

“You do?”

“I have for a while. I just never really had time to tell you.” He says, looking down. “Between work and Teddy, I’ve been kinda busy.”

I smile and kiss him again. “Well, Ryan, I’m officially asking you out. On a date.”

“Really? I accept. Where and when?”

“Well, considering the fact that I’m mighty impatient, I know a little boy who has a soccer game at the park today. We could sit together and hold hands and get ice cream afterwards. That is, if you agree to stay tonight.” I bargain.

He giggles and nods his head. “But only because Teddy doesn’t have school on Monday. You don’t think I could have off on Monday by the way? I meant to ask but I forgot.”

“You can have anything you want.” I laugh. “Anything at all. I’m looking forward to spoiling you.”

Ryan rolls his eyes and wiggles out of my grip. “I need to take a shower. Can you get Teddy ready for his game?”

“Sure thing.” I agree. “And Ryan? I love you.”

He smiles and a slight blush covers his cheeks. “I love you too.”

With that he slips into the bathroom to take his shower and I turn to the task of cleaning up from breakfast, de-stickying the six year old, and dressing him in his soccer uniform. By the time Ryan emerges from the bathroom Teddy is watching me tie his cleats intensely.

“Show me again.” He says, immediately untying his shoes.

“Teddy, I just did it three times.”

“Come on Carter! I wanna learn!” He pouts.

I roll my eyes and tie his shoe slowly once again. “There. Now if we don’t leave now then we’re gonna be late. I’ll teach you later, okay? The next time we’re stuck at the shop.”

He reluctantly agrees and the three of us head out. The park is only a couple blocks away so we decide to walk. Ryan immediately slips his hand into mine and squeezes tightly. “You’re so good with him.”

“I’ve had a couple years of practice.” I wink. “Plus, I love him. He’s perfect.”

“He’s far from perfect.” Ryan laughs. “You don’t live with him. Literally the spawn of Satan.”

“Nah, you two cave from the same people and you’re pretty perfect.”

“Yopu’re such a sap.” Ryan laughs, but he leans into me so I know I’ve said something right. Before long we step into the park and Teddy runs ahead to the soccer field where his coaches and teammates are standing. Ryan and I step up onto the bleachers and talk while we wait for the game to begin.

The game starts shortly after and we watch together, cheering for our favorite player. No one scores for the first half of the game and at halftime Ryan and I head to the store across the street to get something to snack on.

“So, I’ve been thinking.” I say, paying for the snacks and denying Ryan’s request to pay for his stuff. “I want you to move in. I want you and Teddy to live with me.”

Ryan sighs and slows his pace. “Carter, I can’t.”

“Why not? You’re eighteen now.”

“Yeah, I am. But Teddy is still only six and I’m not his legal guardian. I can’t just take him. And I can’t leave him alone with my dad.”

“Sue for custody.” I say simply.

“W-what?” Ryan stutters sinking back down onto the bleachers and looking up at me with wide eyes.

“Sue your dad for custody of Teddy.” I say eagerly, Sitting next to him. “He’s an unfit parent and you’ve been raising him for years now. You’re a much better caretaker than he is. The court is sure to rule in your favor. Plus if you live with me then it’s a stable environment and he’ll have two adults to look over him.”

“You really thing I could do it?” The whistle sounds, signaling the beginning of the second half of the game, but I’m only paying attention to the hopeful look on his face. “And you’d really help me raise him?”

“Yeah, Ryan, I really think you could. And I- there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Plus my uncle’s wife is the best custody lawyer money could buy. Since she’d be doing it as a favor for family she’d do it pro bono.” I say excitedly. “And you wouldn’t be doing it alone. I’d be here with you every step of the way.”

He looks up at me with tears in his eyes. “I love you Carter. So much.”

“I love you too. With all my heart.” I smile, kissing him softly.

The crowd cheers around us and we look up to see that Teddy has scored the first goal of the game. And it turns out to be the only goal of the game. Teddy’s team wins and we take him out for ice cream afterwards. By then he’s exhausted and it’s definitely time for a nap. He drags his feet and I end up picking him up so he doesn’t fall over asleep. He rests his head on my shoulder. I support him with one arm and hold on to Ryan’s hand with my other.

I smile to myself. These two have always been part of my family, but they have quickly turned into the two most important people in my life. Ryan and I will get custody of Teddy if it’s the last thing I do in this life. Then our family will be permanent and complete.

“Carter?” Ryan says, pulling me to a stop a block away from my apartment.

“Yeah?” I look at him. His gaze strays across the street and I look up, smiling when I see the music shop.

Unknown Pleasures

The sign is faded and it doesn’t look like much from the outside, but this place is our home, the place of so many memories.

And the place where so many more will be made.