Infinite and Indestructible

Liam's POV
“Well, I’ll see you lot later,” I tell the lads and wave toward them as I walk up to the door of mine and Ashley’s flat. I smile a bit as I turn back to the door. I couldn’t wait to see Ashley and spend the evening with her like always. We went out to a bar for a few drinks after being sat at a table for most of the day in front of millions of cameras asking us tons of questions about our new album and upcoming world tour. It was a quarter to seven.

Once I unbolted the door, I push it open and walk into the flat. I shut the door and lock it securely behind me. I slip my shoes off and leave them by the door like always, easy access if I need to go meet up with the lads. I hang my keys on the hook on the wall before I begin to make my way into the living room where I was sure Ashley would be.

When I walk into the living room to find it empty, I frown a bit. There was a sign that she was here, though. The blanket that was usually in its spot across the back of the couch lay across the couch like she used it to nap with. After standing there a few minutes, I decide to go to the next possibly spot she had to be; our bedroom.

I soar up the steps at a fast pace as if I were ‘Flash’. As I approach the doorway of the room we shared, I was stunned to find it empty. She wasn’t in there, either. Where the hell is she? I think to myself as I bring a hand across the top of my head and let a frustrated sigh out my slightly parted lips. She had to be here, but where?! I slowly begin to make my way back down to the kitchen to see if she was there.

As I walk past the bathroom, I notice something quite odd. Ashley or I never left it closed, ever. I was sure she was in there enjoying a nice bath that she likes to do when she’s stressed. Over the past few years, I’ve learned it calms her down a lot. I stand there for a minute or so longer before I decide to knock. After knocking a few times, I didn’t hear a thing, just silence. I feel my nerves begin to set in as I reach for the handle on the door. I take in a slow breath as I push open the door.

A small smile appears on my face as I look forward to see Ashley in the tub. She looked peaceful like she was enjoying herself. My smile immediately falls when I notice the huge amount of blood on her exposed wrist. The water was slowly turning a crimson color from the blood dripping from the numerous cuts on her arm. She couldn’t have, could she? I think to myself as I slowly begin to move forward to the unconscious girl before me in the tub.

I feel tears begin to well up in my eyes when I realize what she had done. I spotted the tin box on the closed lid of the toilet. I didn’t see any sign of the razor anywhere. She had actually tried it again, cutting. I reach forward and try to get her attention by shaking her lightly by the shoulder. A few seconds go by, and I get nothing. No movement.

“Ashley…Ash, oh my god baby, are you with me?!” I question loudly, my voice trembling a bit and try to get her attention. I receive nothing in return. I let out a choked sob as I slowly slip to the floor, my back to the tub. The tears begin to fall at a rapid pace as I curse at myself and blame myself for this happening. If I was here, this wouldn’t have happened. I could have been here for her, but instead I was out with the lads. For the next few minutes, I let the tears fall and try to wrap my mind around what was happening. My hands were shaking rapidly as I reached into my pocket to pull out my phone. I needed to call one of the lads, plus an ambulance.

Before I could even realize what I was doing, I dialed the first number I saw, Louis. My lip quivered as I put the phone up to my ear. It rang loudly a few times before I hear Louie’s voice on the other end.

“’Ello? Liam, what’s up, mate?” I hear his chipper voice on the other end. I let out a sob from my lips not able to form a sentence.

“Liam, what’s going on mate? Something wrong?” I hear him on the other end, confusion in his voice when I don’t speak.

“A-Ashley, s-she… s-she’s p-passed o-out in the tub, Lou, I n-need h-help!” I manage to get out and let another sob from my mouth. I bring my hand up to my mouth to muffle the sound. He soon moves his hand up to wipe a few tears away. Just the thought of seeing Ashley in this state, unconscious, made me upset. I knew it had something to do with fans, my fans, which are jealous of her. They have no damn right to be jealous of her; she’s a human being along with the rest of us.

“Oh my god, Liam.. El and I’ll be right over in like five minutes; I’ll inform the other lads as well, we’ll be there soon,” he replies and next thing I know, the call ends. For the next few minutes, I continue to let myself cry before I felt the need to get up. I needed some way to let my anger out. I throw a punch at the wall and groan out in pain when I realize I had just punched a concrete wall. My knuckles hurt and I felt it immediately start to bruise. Damn it how these walls were so strongly built. If it was drywall, I could’ve made a hole easily.

I continue to feel the tears fall down my face. I was so scared for Ashley yet so angry with those stupid girls who said this shit to her. If they say something like that to her, they better say it to my face unless they want to get hurt. I find the nearest towel and set it on the closed toilet seat before I begin to lift Ashley’s bare body from the water. It was splashing everywhere as I lifted her out of the water and wrapped the towel around her bare body.

Some of the blood from the slit on her wrist landed on the tile but I could care less about that right now. I wrap the towel around her body and carry her out the bathroom and down to our room so I could get her in a fresh pair of clothes. I begin to shuffle through the dresser until I find something quick, a pair of shorts and an old shirt of mine. I grab the nearest pair of undergarments I could find for her and slip those over her bare body.

Just as I finished dressing her with the clothes I found, I hear my name being called.

“Upstairs in the bedroom!” I call back and run a hand over my hair, the tears still falling down my face. I sniffle and look over at the girl beside me. I begin to fumble around to find my phone when I look up to see Louis, Eleanor, and Zayn standing there. I barely hear Zayn mention he was going to call someone, most likely an ambulance, because I couldn’t in the current state I was in.

“Liam, oh my god, what happened?” Eleanor rushed over to where I was beside the blonde girl lying beside me. I am soon enveloped in a hug by her. I let out a few tears along with a muffled sob as I try to form words.

“S-she…I-I came h-home a-and f-found her u-unconscious in the t-tub… s-she slit her wrist a f-few t-times, and I c-couldn’t get a response f-from her,” I manage to get out and a few more tears slip down my face. I know I probably looked insane right now, a guy bawling because of his girlfriend passed out in the tub. Louis makes his way over to us and takes a spot on the other side of me, a sad expression on both of their faces.

“Zayn’s calling for an ambulance mate; everything’s going to be okay,” he tells me, a sad tone to his voice. I look up a bit to see he was resting his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it lightly. I can’t help but let the tears continue to fall and blame myself for all this. If I was here, none of this would have happened. She would be awake and alert and everything would be fine and I wouldn’t be upset bawling my eyes out like a baby.

“Liam, an ambulance is on their way, I-I’m sorry mate, she’s goin’ t’ be ‘lright, I know it,” Zayn says as he comes back in to the room. I don’t look up, I only shake my head in response and continue to curse harshly at myself.

“Niall and Haz will be here in…” Zayn continues but gets cut off by the sound of two voices, our two other band mates bound into the room.

“What happened? Is she okay?!”

“She needs to be okay,” I exclaim in a sad tone and turn toward where Ashley was. I reach over and lightly stroke her cheek with my thumb. I whisper something to her.

“It will mate, we’re all sure of it,” they all continue to comfort me for the next few minutes until the ambulance and EMT’s arrive.

About ten minutes go by and the ambulance arrives. A few of the EMT’s are soon in the room I share with Ashley. I begin to tell them everything that I believe what happened. They nod and tell me it will be a couple minutes, because they need to check a few things. I stood near the front door of the flat beside Louis who was trying to get me to laugh but I didn’t want to. All I wanted was to be with Ashley and know that everything was going to be okay.

I look toward the stairs to see the three EMT’s rushing by with Ashley strapped onto a gurney, a few wires hooked up to her body. I sniffle a bit and wipe my eyes as I approach one of the EMT’s.

“Is it alright if I um…come along in the ambulance with her? I want to be with her,” I tell the woman who turns to look at me as I follow them down the hallway. I don’t even look back to notice that Louie, Eleanor and the other lads are following behind.

“You aren’t supposed to but just this once,” the woman tells me and nods her head as we make it down to the lobby. Ashley was lying on the gurney the two EMT’s were carrying toward the emergency vehicle. Once they opened up the back, they got her inside and the woman climbed up in there, and motioned for me to get up. I nod and climb up to the vehicle.

Pulling out my phone shakily, I decide to shoot a group text to each of the lads and each of their girlfriends to let them know I was going with them. I was sure they already knew I was but still. I’m sure they were following close behind to be there for me. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have any of them. Next, I decided to call her parents to let her know what was going on. Ashley’s mum answered and I told her what had happened.

She let out a sob and I could hear her mutter something I could barely understand. All I could get out was that they’ll be leaving soon as they could. Once I put my phone away, I reach over and take Ashley’s hand softly into my own and run my thumb over her fingers. Soft tears were slowly coming down my face.

Another fifteen minutes or so go by and we soon arrive at the hospital. The vehicle comes to an abrupt stop in front of a building. The back doors open and I am told to go to the waiting room while they rush her inside. I try to keep myself calm as I find a vacant seat in the waiting room. I run a tired hand over the top of my head and let out a slow breath from my lips.

Now that I was here, I was more nervous than ever. I just wanted her to be okay. A few minutes go by before I look over to see my beautiful girlfriend being rushed inside on the gurney by a few doctors and nurses. It only brought more tears to my eyes. They begin to fall again and I can’t seem to get them to stop.

“Liam! Where is she?” I look over to see Louis walking forward, Eleanor by his side. The other three lads trailed behind them in a panicky mood.

“They took her somewhere, probably to make sure everything’s okay,” I say and cross my arms over my chest and stare at the floor.

“I hope she’ll be alright, we all feel horrible,” Eleanor says looking over at me, tears shimmering in her eyes.

My eyes mirrored her own, with the tears. I couldn’t help but let them fall. Why wasn’t I there? If I was, we wouldn’t be here now and she wouldn’t be in her unconscious state. I wouldn’t be here waiting anxiously to find out if she’ll be okay.

“Yeah,” I reply a bit shakily and begin to get up from my seat. I needed to walk around, so much was going on in my mind and I felt the need to walk around to clear my head.

“Where you goin’, Li?” Niall asks and stares at me with sad blue eyes. I don’t answer him, I just continue on.

“Leave him be, mate,” Harry calls out harshly toward the Irishman who mumbles some nonsense under his breath.

I didn’t even bother to answer either of them. I was glad they were all there for me but I needed time to myself, to process it all. It was still a bit too much for me to take in. all I want is for her to be okay, and I want to see her. I hope they’ll let me see her soon, because I don’t know how much longer I can last before I see her. This is killing me, I hated waiting around. My head was spinning and my eyes were beginning to burn from all the tears I’ve cried.



“Li, you need sleep, you should go get some rest, you don’t look good, mate,” Harry says with a small smile as he looks at me. I let a sigh from my lips and run a tired hand over my eyes. I was tired but I didn’t want to leave, I wasn’t going to leave until I got to see her. I knew I probably looked like an idiot crying my eyes out for what happened to my girlfriend but I didn’t care. I could really care less what people thought right now.

“N-no, I’m not leaving, I-I’m staying, Haz,” I tell him and wipe my face with my arm, sniffling a bit.

It’s been a few hours and I’ve been sitting here the whole time. Ashley’s parents along with mine were trying to make me feel better. Harry even stayed while the lads and El went home and said they’d check in with me in the morning to see how things were. These past few hours, I’ve only been able to see her once. I could only stay in there for a little while before I had to leave.

She lost a lot of blood from how badly she cut. I could’ve sworn I heard them say she was slightly anemic as well from the loss of blood. I could have heard wrong, I hope I was. I collect myself a bit and look over at Harry, sniffling a bit, “I want to see her, Haz, I’m staying,” I tell him with a weak smile.

“Alright, lad, see you tomorrow?” Harry says to me and gives me a side hug and squeezes my shoulder.

“I’ll be here,” I mutter and run a hand over the top of my head and fight to keep back tears.

“Stay off social media if I were you as well, Li… don’t want this to get out, it should stay between you and Ash,” he tells me with a slight smile. I nod my head in response and try to get comfortable in this chair.

I am soon left there alongside my parents who weren’t there. They must’ve gone to get food or something, if it’s even open. I’m sure they went to find something for me since I haven’t eaten in hours. I would sleep much better if I could stay in there with Ashley because I could actually get to hold her hand and it would make me feel a bit better.