Summer Heat

Heartbreak with someone you truly love hurts. It hurts like shit. It feels like you can’t breathe. It feels like your chest is burning as if someone just punched you. You start to think, “What could I have done better to prevent this?” You literally believe you can’t go on like this anymore. They say heartbreak is one of the worse pains you can feel. And it is, not just mentally, but physically as well. You can feel the pain in your heart when you think of them and when you cry, it feels worse than any other pain. But then they say, “Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but aren’t meant to be together.” Maybe that’s the case with me and Dan. I hated to admit it, but who am I to try and control fate? He taught me what love felt like, but after the heartbreak I was drug through, I don’t think I’ll ever believe in love again. But if Dan ever wants to sweep our little tiff under the rug and resume our relationship where we left off, I would be back in his arms in a heartbeat.

I stared at the girl in the mirror staring back at me. She looked like a complete wreck with her bloodshot eyes and her matted hair. She had bags under her eyes and looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She had no makeup on and her gauges were out. I closed my eyes and stepped into the shower, turning the water as hot as it went and hoping it would burn away some of the memories of this past week out of my brain. But, of course, it didn’t work. I looked considerably better than before the shower. I heard a knock from the bathroom door.

“Ava? Is that you in there? I woke up and you weren’t in the bunk. I got worried.”

I opened the door to be greeted by Austin’s concerned face. As soon as he saw me, he pulled me in to a hug. “You’re looking better today. I’m loving the Aspire & Create tank you’re wearing.”

“Of course you do, Austin. You just like it because you made it.” I went back in the bathroom to finish getting ready. Once I was satisfied with how I looked I made my way towards the front of the bus. Austin looked up with a mouthful of Lucky Charms as he sat on the couch.

“Wrunch wrater?”

I laughed at the fact that he was talking with his mouth full. Normally, I would think that it was disgusting, but with Austin, somehow everything was funny. “Yes, we can have lunch together later.”

I stopped before I got to the door. “Is it okay that I don’t really feel like talking to anyone today? Not even Alex or Jazzmynn?”

“Of course, dear.” Austin got up to hug me. “Just have a good day and I’ll see you later.”

Slipping my headphones in my ears and pushing play on my iPhone, making my way over to the booth, which the tech guys already set up for me. I turned the volume up when A Song for a Broken Heart by A Static Lullaby came on. I kept to myself as I set up, ignoring Jazzmynn when she tried getting my attention. I just acted like I didn’t see her. As time crept by, the dread that had formed in my stomach grew and grew until it consumed my entire body. I was not looking forward at all to this. I wanted to run and hide somewhere where no one could ever find me. But I knew that I had to be strong. Or at least pretend that I was. That was easier said than done though. As I was working, I got this feeling that someone was staring at me. It wasn’t a fan because gates didn’t open yet. I stood up and started scanning the area around me. My eyes caught this girl, merch girl I’m assuming, that was setting up the Blood on the Dance Floor merch tent. I didn’t know who she was, and I didn’t know why she was watching me. I ignored her after that, making sure that I was ready. I adjusted my name badge that hung around my neck, fidgeting with it. I just really wanted to get this day over with so I could crawl into the bunk and sleep some more. Tomorrow was a day off and everyone that was a part of Warped would be having an all day cookout/hangout/party event. I was planning on staying on the bunk all day, but Austin had convinced me that it would be worth it. I just hoped that he was right.

Soon enough, Austin was standing beside me holding a huge bag from Taco Bell. “I was able to sneak away and get us this. I got a lot cause I know you like to eat when you’re upset. And I even got some for Alex and Jazzmynn. And myself of course!”

I just gave him a half-hearted smile as I munched on my taco. I was starting to zone out when the sight of Dan in my peripheral vision caught my attention. I perked up in my seat, thinking that he heard that I was back at the tent and wanted to talk. But no. He walked past the tent. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I watched him as he walked up to that girl that was staring at me earlier. I looked at Austin to see that he stopped eating as was watching them as well.

“Who’s that girl that Dan’s talking to, Austin?”

He just started eating again and looking around, at anywhere but at me. I shrugged it off and started eating again as well. But it was started to bug me. Who was that girl and why was Dan talking to her? I looked up at them again and dropped my taco at what I saw. His hands on her hips. Her arms around his neck. His lips attached to hers. Her tongue probably in his mouth. At that point, I guess you can say that I lost control of myself. I stood up fast, causing the rest of the tacos to fall on the ground. Austin made a small noise of protest but I ignored him. I had the target for my fury locked dead center.

“WHAT. THE. FUCK?!”

With those three words, I got everyone to stare at me, including Dan and that whore, who had finally pulled their mouths apart. I stared at Dan as I made my way over there, pulling my arm out of Alex’s grasp when he tried to stop me. I got all up in Dan’s face, pushing his ‘new girl’, or whatever she was, out of my way. “What the fuck, Dan? Are you kidding me right now? Who’s your slut? Are you doing this to get at me or something? Are you doing this in spite of me? Are you seriously trying to hurt me?”

He stepped back a bit. “No, Ava. Hannah is my new girlfriend. I moved on. I suggest that you do the same.”

What he said caught me off guard. She was his new girlfriend? I looked at her, then back at him. I couldn’t believe. It I put a hand to my chest as it felt like someone had stabbed me through the heart. “Do you know what you’ve done to me? Do you realize how you’ve made me feel and what I’ve gone through this past week? The hardest part is missing you and knowing I can’t crawl into your arms. Knowing that every day that passes is just another day that I won’t be with you; knowing that I’m probably not even on your mind. Every day I wake up, my heart aches for you because you’re all I see in my dreams. I just want to feel your arms around me again, your lips on mine. I miss it. I miss you. I wish I didn’t, but it’s all I feel. Memories of you consume my mind. No the hardest part is letting go, and knowing you’re never going to be mine again. I hope you’re happy with yourself.”

I made my way away from everyone, away from the hurt and the pain that swallowed me up once more. I could hear Austin calling out to me, but I just kept on walking, straight onto the bus and to the bunk. As soon as Austin pulled me into his arms, I broke down.

“Why? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?” He just rubbed my back and listened. “Why am I the only one hurting? I want him to hurt too! But what can I do to make him hurt?”

Austin stopped and looked at me. “What..?” I sniffled.

“Let me be your pretend boyfriend.”