Inexperienced

I couldn’t stay asleep long. Every time I closed my eyes, I could only see his face. I rolled onto my back to face my ceiling and moaned. Why? Why me? Why Jared? Why did this have to happen?

What if I’m just overreacting? What if Jared didn’t do anything?

I shook my head.

I pulled myself out of my thinking and stepped into the shower. I need to wash away the dried tears that stained my cheeks. This felt ridiculous. Jared told me there was nothing going on between them. So it’s my job to trust him, right?

My head swarmed with indecision. My heart told me she was lying, but my mind seemed to differ. God, this is exactly why I’ve never been one for relationships. I watched my fair share of ups and downs in relationships and found that I could never be one to want something like that.

But then Jared came along, and he showed me this whole new side of life. This bright side to a dull world. And I knew that I wouldn’t be able to survive very long in a world without color.

As I stepped out of the shower, I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body, tight.

I walked out of my bathroom and into my bedroom. It hit me again. The feeling of uncertainty. I closed my door and slid down up against it, huddled in my towel. Tears were falling freely and I knew I needed to stop myself from letting this doubt drown me.

Buried in my sobs, I heard a click noise. I wiped away the tears that were disrupting my vision. No. He couldn’t be. Not now.

Jared was pulling another break in. And he couldn’t have picked a more worse time, as I sat there, wrapped in nothing but a towel, and the remainder of my mascara streaking down my face. “Oh, God,” I groaned.

He slid carefully through my window, trying to be as silent as possible. It was now dark outside; only a few stars shone through. “Austin?” he whispered my name.

I just turned away, hiding my mascara ruined face. He knelt down in front of me. When he tried to cup my cheek with his hand, I moved away. He knelt there, wide eyed. “What’s wrong?”

I just looked at him. He seemed so innocent. He placed both hands on my shoulders. “Please talk to me.”

“I don’t know,” I murmured.

“What happened earlier?” His voice was full of concern.

I sucked in a deep breath. “I heard.”

He looked at me expectantly, beckoning for me to go on. “Heard what?”

“About you and Mary.”

His face fell. “What about me and her?”

“You two had a pretty good night together,” I snickered sharply. “And apparently, I’m just charity.”

He looked baffled. “What?!” He jolted up so he was standing. “God, dammit!”

“Please,” I shushed him. I tugged on a leg of his pants to tell him to come back down to me. He did. “I just want to know if it’s true.”

He looked me straight in the eye. “Austin, I’d never hurt you like that. I have no idea what Mary is talking about.”

I exhaled deeply, a sigh of relief. “So I’m not your charity case?”

“Austin, no. Never. I’m with you because I care about you,” he whispered, his face coming closer.

“Good,” I smiled. I felt better, even though my doubts weren’t completely dispersed.

“I know you’re not completely convinced.”

I shrugged. How well he knew me. He helped me up so we were both standing.

“I trust you,” I said. It was the truth.

“You do?”

I nodded.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist. He got very still suddenly.

I looked at him questioningly.

He gulped. “You’re uh.” He pulled back slightly. I looked down and blushed. I was still in only a towel.

I mumbled an ‘Oh’. “I’ll go change. Be right back.”

I grabbed a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top and ran to the bathroom to change. When I entered my room again, Jared was sitting at the end of my bed waiting for me. He pulled me into his arms.

I kissed him deeply, not wanting this moment to end. He rolled back onto my bed while I laid on top of him, still kissing. It was this little moment in time that told me I was falling for him harder than ever. And I was digging myself in a hole deeper than I could ever imagine. I had no hope for resurfacing.