Inexperienced

Chapter 3

The park was my own personal sanctuary. Its’ small crystal blue lake sparkled from the sun and the trees grew a deep green from the lush supply of water. When the weather allowed, I would hide away there and sit down underneath the oldest willow tree. It sheltered me from the hot, steaming sun, and also from the outside world.

Today was especially perfect. The cool air was still moist from the showers earlier. I plopped underneath the tree, ducking from its feather-like branches. I pulled out my notebook and a pencil and began to write. A trance quickly took over, and before I knew what I was doing, I was singing the words I’d just written on the page. My eyes were closed with my head resting on the trunk of the aging tree.

It has always been easy for me to get swept away in my own writing. After all, it’s my own emotions, my own feelings, and my own thoughts that are being written down on a clean sheet of paper. Writing has always been my own form of release, a liberating and exhilarating way for me to just let go of everything I’ve ever kept bottled inside.

A twig snapped, pulling me out of my own little world. My eyes shot open, refocusing on reality. A tall figure stood, slightly disfigured from the ferns from the tree. I cleared my throat. “Umm...hello?” I asked in an unsure voice. A tight knot formed in my abdomen. Who could be there?

A tan hand pulled back the ferns and none other than Jared Kent’s turquoise blue eyes emerged, a shimmering contrast to the lush dull green leaves of the willow.

I shook my head mentally. Did I really just admire his eyes?

“Well, what a surprise,” came his cocky voice.

I made an exasperated groan and slumped against the trunk of the tree. “Can I help you Kent?”

He smiled at my annoyance. “I was just wondering why you were sitting underneath a tree all alone.”

I shrugged my shoulders. Did I have to have a reason?

“But I guess I found out,” he said. His eyes trailed from the writing utensil in my hand back to my face. He approached me without hesitating and sat across from me.

I blushed a deep scarlet red. Had he heard me singing?

A smirk worked its way onto his face and he seemed amused by ever-reddening complexion.

“It sounded really nice,” he complimented.

I froze. He had heard me. And he’s complimenting me on it?

I offered a smile, turning my head away awkwardly.

“So, did you write it?” he asked, peering down at the text scribbled on the notebook paper.

I turned back to meet his curious face. I gave a little nod, my face turning a brighter shade of red with the movement, if that were even possible.

“That’s cool.” A silence soon followed. I pretended to be writing in my notebook, although all I was really doing was doodling and completely aware of Jared sitting just a few feet across from me. I chanced a glance at him and caught him staring at me.

“Is there a reason you are still here?” I asked. It came out a bit harsh, but no one, especially a boy and let alone Jared Kent, has ever paid much attention to me.

“I was just coming over to say hi.” I studied his face for a moment and his eyes seemed to be telling the truth.

“Well,” I murmured. “Hello.” I grinned up at him.

He let out a low groan. “Is there something wrong with me that makes you have to act like this?” he asked, a slight hint of frustration in his voice. “Are you always so blunt yet standoffish with anyone?”

I just stared at him because honestly, I didn’t have much of an answer for him. I never considered myself blunt or standoffish. I’ve always spoke my mind and called things like they were but I never intentionally was harsh about it, and I don’t really talk to many others at school, but that’s mostly because no one has ever bothered to talk to me before either.

“Then why do you refuse to talk to me?” he asked, his gleaming eyes boring into mine.
I shifted underneath the gaze of his captivating eyes. They were a shining turquoise blue, so clear and pure. He seemed so serious about his question. He was stumped on my reluctance towards talking to him, but I was confused as to why he even wanted to talk to me in the first place. “Why do you want to talk to me, Jared?” I asked.

Confusion clouded his eyes. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“You are Jared Kent, the most popular guy in school.” He smiled wide. “Every guy wants to be you, every girl wants to be with you, and you have everything you could ever want. What are you doing wasting a perfectly good Saturday afternoon with someone who has none of those things? Someone who’s a nobody?”

He thought for a moment, studying my face and absorbing what I had just said.

“That’s a good question,” he murmured on a breath and sighed.

I glared at him. His answer came as no surprise. Still, the stinging sensation in my chest was there.

His eyes darkened when he saw the hurt look that had to of flashed across my face. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

I turned away, continuing my disguise of doodling.

“Austin, I really didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” he explained.

“You never answered my question,” I pointed out, my voice void of any emotion.

He mouthed the word, “Oh,” and looked down at the ground. He began picking at the grass.

I suddenly got this strange pit in my stomach and forced myself to stand up. It was such an abrupt, forceful movement, he was caught off guard.

I began to walk away in a hurry, sucking in the few tears that were beginning to pour over my eyes. Why should I care what he thinks? Why did I have to be so stupid as to think he’d be interested in me enough to get along? Why did I have to think he’d be interested in me at all?

A warm touch pulled on my wrist. It held me planted where I stood. I refused to turn around to meet his gaze.

“Can you let go?” I growled, gritting my teeth, and yanking on my arm.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

I spun around on my heels, my eyes looking straight into his, revealing the anger I didn’t realize I was harboring, and a hurt I didn’t know that was inside of me was unleashed. “Do you feel guilty or something?” I snapped. “Sorry for me? That I don’t have the popular life like you do?” I was just a notch below screaming at him.

His face was shocked at my anger. “Wha-what?”

“Can you stop pretending to try and get to know me? Can you just stop pretending at all?” I managed to yank hard, although his grip seemed to slack, and stormed off.

Tears were past the brim of my eyes, and I freely let them fall. I was disgusted with him. This was the very reason I never dealt with people. They made my life too complicated. They always put up this front that they care, but they never do. They’ll ask the question, “How are you?” yet never expect you to answer them with “I’m miserable. I hate everything about myself and I can’t stand this anymore.” They always assume you’ll tell them you’re fine and then life goes on. No one can ever handle the truth.

I stared at the ground, watching my feet speed walk as I ran off in a hurry.

I made it home, where I fell onto my bed and drenched my pillow with my outrageous tears.