Save Me From Myself

"I have all of your semester grades now," Mrs. Jones' shrill voice called over the loud class' talking,"I will call you up by name, starting with Abrams."

"I wonder what she'll get," whispered my best friend Emily. I rolled my eyes and we both laughed. Trisha is number one in our class and never fails to get perfect grades.

We watched as she grabbed her paper and stared at it, smiling the whole time. She started skipping to her seat cheering and her perfect blonde curls bounced up and down with her. In the back of the class all of her friends were cheering for her and her boyfriend, Dave, kissed her. Of course.

"Adams."

Wendy Adams walked up next and took the paper from Mrs. Jones. She didn't even bother to look at it; she just turned around and sat back in her seat in the back. I saw Trisha stare at her and giggle along with all of her friends.

"I really hate her, you know?"I said shaking my head,"She is the biggest bitch ever."

"I couldn't agree more,"Emily sighed,"But the semester is over so we only have one more with her until we never have to see her again!"

"That's not soon enough." I was bored with sitting here listening to everybody's name so I pulled out my phone and started checking through my email.

"What are you looking for?" Emily asked looking over my shoulder,"Did you get accepted?"

"No, I haven't gotten anything yet."

I auditioned for a role in the musical Chicago which was showing here again soon. Chicago has always been my favorite musical and I was hoping I'd get a part, even just a small one.

"Dacee."

"Oh wish me luck!" Emily said as she walked past me to Mrs. Jones.

I continued to stare at my phone. I wanted an email more than anything right now. I spent hours practicing, learning lines and choreography, the part should be mine! I kept hitting the refresh button but nothing came up.

"I got two C's," Emily said. She looked really disappointed. She was pouting her little pink lips and staring at me with her big blue eyes.

"I'm sure it's better than whatever the hell I get," I said, and she laughed at that and at back down,"But it won't even matter if I get this part!"

"I'm sure you will, Allison!" she smiled and shook my shoulders.

I put my phone away and slid back in my seat, just staring at the ceiling. I just want one good thing in my life, something to show my dad that I won't be a failure, that I'm not Adam. We were sitting there for a while before my name was called.

"Paynter."

"This is it I guess,"I said, took a deep breath and walked up. I looked at Mrs. Jones and smiled while I took my paper, but I could tell it wasn't going to be a good thing because of the way she was staring at me. Her grey eyes staring back at me through her thick lensed glasses. She shook her head and turned away. I didn't even bother looking up there.

Shit.

"What'd you get?"Emily asked about fifty times.

"It's not important."

Then Emily reached over and ripped the paper out my hand. She looked at it for a long time, her blue eyes widening. She gave me the paper back, bit her lip and looked down.

"That bad?"I asked. She shrugged a little and then nodded. "Well as long as I get this part, right?"

I pulled my phone back and noticed I had a notification. I opened my mail and it was from the casting company.

"To Miss Allison Paynter,

Thank you for auditioning for Chicago. We are sorry to say that you did not meet the requirements needed to participate in the show.

Good luck in the future.
- CC"

No, this can't be right. This can't be happening...

"Emily my dad is going to kill me,"I whispered. I started breathing heavily and my hands started shaking.

"No, Allison, it'll be okay!" Emily grabbed my hands and looked at me, she smiled a little, showing her crooked teeth.

"No, Emily, it won't. I've screwed up one too many times. Chicago was supposed to be my way out of school. Dad has never approved of my performing, he's never showed up to any of my school concerts or shows, but Chicago was it. A real, big time broadway show! He would've been proud."

"I'm sure he'll understand."

"I know my dad, he doesn't understand anything."

***

"Mom, Dad, I'm home,"I said walking in the house. I looked around for someone but it didn't seem like anybody was home. I went upstairs to my room and dropped my bag on my floor. I took my report card out and looked at it for the first time. How did I get three Fs, a D, two Cs, and a B? I didn't think I screwed up that badly.

"Alli!" my smiling mom cheered. She was wearing her favorite red dress with her matching bright red lipstick. She walked in and gave me a big hug. She smelled like coffee, and her big diamond earrings scratched my face. "How was school today, honey?"

"It was fine,"I said and I pushed her away,"I got my uh... Grades today."

The smile disappeared from her face. She raised her eyebrows, which is her way of asking me how I did.

"Well... I didn't fail... Everything."

"Oh, no no no, Alli!"she said shaking her head. She grabbed me,"Your father is not going to be happy."

"I know, but I tried!" We all know I didn't, though. I told both of them I had no interest in school and I wanted to perform.

"Well your father is not home yet, hopefully he comes home in a decent mood and then he can't be too mad, right? I'll make his favorite dinner, too!"

She rushed out of my room and I heard her heels hitting the floor every step until she was downstairs. I felt so bad for her, whenever I screw up she defends me and Dad lets all of his anger out on her.

I started working on some homework that I think is due tomorrow, I guess I need to start paying attention. It felt like I was working for hours, but it'd only been about thirty minutes before I heard the front door open.

"Marissa, I'm home,"Dad said and he slammed the door shut. I heard my mom run out and talk to him, I couldn't hear what though. "Allison, can you come downstairs?"

Did she tell him? I closed my books and put everything away except for my report card, which I put in my back pocket. I took a deep breath and started for the stairs. I looked over the banister and my dad was taking his hat and coat off; he didn't look angry so I guess he didn't know. I reached the bottom of the stairs and walked over to him.

He was staring at me with his arms crossed. My mom was right next to him holding onto his arm.

"Hey Daddy,"I smiled and went to hug him, but he held his arms out preventing me from doing so.

"Can I see your grades?" he asked with one of his hands held out. I glared at mom, she shook her head and mouthed "I didn't say anything" so he must've already known somehow.

"Yeah, here they are," and I took the paper out of my pocket and unfolded it. He ripped it out of my hands and stared at the paper. He started ripping the paper because he was holding it so tightly.

"Walter, it's okay," mom said and she tried to take the paper away from him, but he slapped her hand away.

"No, it is not okay Marissa. It is not okay. Stop defending your damn daughter."

"Walter, she -"

"Shut the hell up, Marissa," he pointed his finger at her, she opened her mouth in shock and backed away. He started messing with his dirty grey beard, shaking his head at the same time.

"Daddy, I can explain..."

"What the hell is your excuse now?"He yelled while crumpling my report card up,"It's your damn dance classes, right? Your stupid dream of becoming a performer? No, that is not going to happen, Allison."

"Well I was supposed to be a part of the new Chicago show,"I said, trying to avoid making eye contact.

"Well, are you?" I could feel him staring me down. I didn't answer.

"Exactly. You're not going to be any kind of performer, ever," he started walking towards me, stomping his big feet on the wood floor with every step.

"Walter! Stop it now!"Mom begged and pushed him away,"Please, she knows to try harder now!"

"No. She's had another chance; she's had several chances to get her grades back up. She's ruined all of them," and he threw the paper on the ground and looked away.

I could feel my eyes start to water and my hands were shaking. I bit my tongue trying to prevent myself from saying anything that would worsen the problem. Then, even without me speaking, he turned around and walked up to me again.

"You're dropping chorus and dance. Both of them. I am not having another failure of a child so you better get your act together now, or get the hell out of my house."

"Walter, no, please don't-"

"Dammit Marissa! No! She is going to fix her problem or I am done with her!"

I looked up at him. I could see the anger in his dark, almost black eyes. I could feel the anger going straight through me. I had a choice: do what I love, or do what he wants. I just stood there staring at him, I didn't know what to do. The obvious choice should be to stay with my parents, but why didn't I see that?

He looked back at me, shook his head, and walked away with Mom following him. He doesn't care about me like he tries to show that he does. He's just selfish and he's a horrible father.

I ran into my room and grabbed my biggest suitcase from my closet. I shoved as much clothes, shoes, and make-up as I could into it, grabbed my purse, and started for the front door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Dad called from behind me.

"I'm going to do what I want," and with that I slammed the door shut and walked away.