I don't deserve this

''Ow!'' I screamed as my step-mom slapped me across the face.

''Maybe that will teach you not to take a piece of MY chicken, next time. You slut!'' She screamed and pushed me into the garage or should i say my room.

She is a spoiled little... never mind, it's not worth it. I walked over to my mattress and sat down, took out my notebook and wrote down what I ate today and my thoughts.

Today 6/6/12

1 cup of water (yes!)

Part of a chicken wing before the evil witch took it from me, then pushed me into my room.

Maybe more tomorrow?

I closed my notebook, I carried everywhere with me. Whether it was to school, home, or to the bathroom. Hey I'm not taking ANY chances of it being stolen and put everywhere at school, so everyone could read it. It had my darkest secrets like how i cut, use to cut. How I only have one friend and never had a boyfriend. My eating habits and other stuff.

You may be thinking oh she cuts and everything she's emo, nope I'm not, I actually where clothes that make me look girlie but not skirts or dresses not my thing.

My step-sister is the one who would steal it and post it everywhere she is such a slut, a fake, and a liar. I hate her. She has the perfect life, cute boyfriend, cheerleader, everyone loves her. NOT SURE HOW THAT IS POSSIBLE.

My dad remarried to Brittany's mom and she became my step-mom and Brittany became my step-sister. I shiver when ever i think about it. My dad died two years ago today. Well great that means tomorrow is Fathers Day. Wonderful.

Moving on to a happy note, my favorite subject is English. I like to write and read my favorite things, I want to go to college and to become and Author and a Sign Language interpreter.

**********

MONDAY.

''Ryder!'' My best friend Linda yelled across the grass, before i walked into English. She caught up with me and elbowed my arm.

''Hey Lin.'' I smiled at her as we walked into the class room.

''How was your weekend?'' She gave me a smirk.

''Fine.'' I slumped. She doesn't know my darkest secrets, well that's a lie the only one she knows about is my cutting. She once grabbed my book and started reading one of the entries and started crying.

''Hey look who it is.'' She elbowed me once more making me turn and see Mike Cardin. He was the star football player. (not the one dating Brittany.) He was gorgeous. Tall, tan skin, blue gorgeous eyes and sandy hair. You would think he is a surfer. I've had a crush on him since the day he walked into my math class in 9th grade.

''Move!'' I heard as some douche pushed me into Linda. Who was staring at Mike.

''Sorry.'' I looked up to see who it was. Yup it was a douche. Nick Sampson. He was tall, tannish skin, blondish hair, sagged his pants and spiked up his hair. Honestly he was pretty cute. You know that Show Jane By Design? Well he looked a lot like Nick Roux when he plays What am I thinking he is not cute, Ryder he is a douche a douche, douche, douche.

''Next time, don't stand in the middle of the door way.'' He gave me a dirty look.

''Yeah..'' I looked down and went to my seat.

''Everyone stand up.'' Our teacher said after the bell rang signaling that if you came in after that you were late. Everyone moaned and stood up.

''We are changing seats.'' He smiled.

''Great, wonderful.'' Random people said

''Lilly here. Mike here.'' Dammit.

''Sam here. Linda here.'' Once he said Linda's name i was pissed.

'' Nick here. Ryder here.'' He pointed to a desk in the back. No. No. NO. NO. This can't happen, sitting next to Nick. Wonderful, just wonderful.

I walked over to the desk, sat down, and rolled my eyes when I saw Nick smiling. It look fake.

''Sup, so you ready to do all the work?'' He smirked.

''Oh yeah, let me just get to it.'' I said sarcastically

''You're funny.'' He looked at me weirdly.

''Thanks?'' I pulled out my Romeo and Juliet book.

''What's your name?'' He said quietly while Mr. Coda read out loud.

''Ryder.'' I looked up from my book to answer

'' Nick.'' He held out a hand for me to shake.

''Hi.'' I smiled

''Hey.'' He laughed.

''Ms. Cameron and Mr. Sampson. Have something you would like to say to the class?'' Mr. Coda i looked at us through his glasses.

''No.'' I answered.

''Yeah.'' Nick smiled.

''Go on.'' Coda said.

'' I was just saying that I can't hear a word you are saying. Could you speak louder?'' Nick raised an eye brow

''Could you Mr. Smart mouth repeat what i just said.''

''Did my heart love till now? Forswear it,sight/For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.'' Nick said and smiled.

''Good you were following along.'' Coda said and started to read the next line.

''Wow didn't know you were following a long.'' I smiled at him and we talked for the whole class.

The end of the day bell rang and everyone ran outside.

''Seems like you were getting pretty comfortable with Nick.'' Linda winked.

''Ew. No. We are just friends.'' I smiled and could feel my cheeks heat up.

''You like him!'' Linda gushed.

''No, okay yeah i can't lie to you. He is so cute!'' I blushed even more.

''Go get him!'' She laughed. We turned the corner towards her car and saw Nick and some ugly chick making out on, I'm guessing his black 60's mustang, that I LOVED.

''Uh.'' That's all i could say just standing there in shock.

''Come on. Lets go to my house and do homework.'' Linda grabbed my arm. Not really happy that her car was parked right next to his. Wonderful. I felt something weird in my stomach. I think it's called jealousy.