She's So Gone

That I was a smoker.

That I cursed excessively.

That I was extremely volatile and prone to violence.

These were the things about myself with which others were most familiar. Nothing sweet, nothing pretty. Nothing at all flattering. Only the worst.

I question sometimes whether or not that's something I'm okay with. Especially here, at Jack's apartment. Where the lights burn low and the people get high. With alcohol, I mean; though, Mary Jane has frequented this place on occasion.

Jack welcomed anyone into his apartment, so it's to be expected.

JACK was also way too friendly. And as a result, whenever I decided to come over, it was like I'd stepped into a cesspool of randos. And some were just as friendly as Jack himself. Which irritated the fuck out of me.

I didn't come here to socialize. I came here to have a couple drinks - for free - and maybe have Jack's brother, Tristan, take me back home if I didn't feel like staying the night after everyone was gone.

My purposes didn't keep them from coming, however. Which is why I'm here now, leaning against the railing of the balcony outside, watching the rusty sunset of the city.

Drinking in silent comfort by myself.

Really...this was what I'd come over for. Not the sunset, and not the relative quiet. No, I came here to be by myself by choice. In a crowd of people, one has the option to stand with or apart.

By yourself, solitude isn't choice-given.

Odd of me, I know. But...I don't really care. I like having a choice.

Another swig of the beer for me, to drown the dark that was creeping up inside. I sucked my teeth at the acrid taste. Blinked harder against the blood of the sun.

A hand slammed down hard on my back, the fingers gripping my shoulder and giving me a little shake.

Fuck.

"Nic!" Jack boomed, now at my side with his arm around my shoulders. I kept staring forward at the open expanse of sky. Kept silent and decided to ignore him. He was drunk.

"I'd ask what the hell you were doing out here by yourself, but I noticed it's a habit of yours."

Still silent. Fingers toying with the rim of my bottle.

"Jesus, I don't know anyone as mean as you are after only a couple drinks." He grumbled, looking down at me.

I had to laugh at that one. "I'm mean when I'm sober, too, apparently."

"Yeah, but, then, it's a lot easier to talk to you. And you're also less likely to stab me." Jack muttered.

This time, someone else laughed, and it was from behind the two of us. I turned to look over
my shoulder - and Jack's hand - to see a guy standing there with a grin. I recognized him a little from somewhere earlier inside, maybe in the dining room - the room with the least amount of people.

Jack suddenly broke away from me to go put his arm around the dude, jostling him like he did me a few moments ago.

"Sorry, man, forgot about you for minute."

"S'okay, bro." The guy said, still staring at me.

Dark brown hair, equally dark eyes, and a grin I wasn't particularly affected by.

I turned back around, taking another swig of my brew.

"Anyway, Nic, this is the birthday boy, Craig...." I tuned him out afterward, finding myself even more apathetic than was usual. Instead I leaned further against the railing, an arm draped and hanging from the top. Incidentally, it was the one with the beer.

There was a bustling city below, the wind created by the cars and the fast pace of its people rather than the natural turning of the earth. Dangling the bottle, I wondered how much trouble would ensue if I were to drop this shit.

We were about eight hundred feet in the air, anything dropped from here was pretty fucking dangerous. And I was sure a beer bottle would mean murder.

...but did i care?

By now, the boys had moved back over to where I was, Craig on my left and Jack on his own. I still tuned them out, comfortable in my own bubble.

Until, of course, Craig decided I needed a little talking to.

"Aw, looks like Nic's got the angry face on."

"Shit...Nic's always got the angry face on."

They laughed. I traced inebriated eyes over the flaring skyline.

He hadn't turned his head away from me yet, and took a sip while staring at my profile intently, Jack beginning to say something in his jolly, rumbling manner, when Craig decided to interrupt.

"You know what I think your problem is?" He said to me, nodding his bottle in my direction. "I think you think too much."

Hmm. I saw where this was going. I took a slow sip of my beer, and dangled the bottle recklessly over the railing after I was done. He continued despite my lack of actual response.

Jack was quiet, listening.

"You just gotta let loose, babe. Y'know? You just gotta-"

"Shut. The fuck. Up."

It got real quite after that.

Took another sip of my beer in the interval of words. And I never turned to face either of them. My eyes were set on the sun.

Horns blared below us. Tires squealed. The city never seemed to pause for anything.

Craig, no longer stunned, spoke again after a few moments. Jack was silent still. Something rare for him.

"Um...what exactly did I say wrong?"

"Everything you said was wrong, dumbass."

Pause.

"I don't und-"

"What the fuck makes you think you know a thing about the problems I have?"

I saw him straighten up, moving away from the rail. "Well...I'm sorry if I offended you." A hand went up to scratch his head. "It's just that I'm pretty good at reading people-"

I rolled my eyes. "Just shut up. You can't read jack-shit."

"Don't bring me into this." Jack muttered.

I turned my head to stare at him. He grinned ruefully, so obviously drunk, and looked away towards the city.

"Look, man-" Craig began to say while I was distracted.

It seemed he was becoming annoyed. And it seemed with all the drink I'd had, and my tongue's natural flammability, his persistance was the needed flame.

"No. " I snapped, swiveling my head around to face him with a glare. "You look. You don't know me. So don't step over here with that bullshit, okay? Or I'll shove right back down your fucking throat. MAN."

Jack was chortling.

I slammed the bottle down on the railing and walked back inside, hissing as I brushed past Craig's now silent form,

"Happy Birthday."

The blinds fluttered noisily behind me.

I hated that - when people start thinking they know all about a person after a couple words and one impression.

Nobody knows anybody. And that's one damn thing I'm sure of after nineteen years on this planet.

I roughed my way through the drunken masses of the living room, stumbling a bit myself, aiming for the bedrooms down the back hallway - also filled with people.
I'm only 5'6 - a buck ten in weight; there was only so much pushing I could take before I blew up and started cursing out anyone in near vicinity. And I was just about near that point when a hand gripped the top of my arm.

"Looking for me?" A voice said in my ear. Nothing teasing or flirtacious. It was a genuine question. And I recognized who it was after a second and untensed myself.

"Nah," I answered, looking up at the face now looming over mine. Tristan. "I was headed for the guest bed. Plan on crashing for the night." The music, which was blasting away in the living room, wasn't so loud in here, so there was no need to shout like I would have had we been anywhere else.

He surveyed me, dark blond brows furrowed. "You're not that drunk."

"Neither are you." It was a joke. Tristan was hardly ever drunk. He was a jaded bartender, so he'd gained a substantial amount of respect for sobriety as a result. He smirked a little at that.

"You wanna come with me to the bar? It's getting pretty boring there lately, I could use the company."

I stared at him for a moment. Was he serious? We were practically already at a bar. Why the fuck would I want to hop from one rowdy place filled with nearly unbearable people to one possibly even worse?

"I'll take you home after." He offered.

"...I'm hardly any company." I said instead.

"I sincerely disagree." He chuckled. "Besides, you really want to sleepover here after what happened last time?"

Fuck! I actually forgot about that. Well, it'd been awhile since I last came over, anyway. It wasn't like I was trying to remember that godforsaken night....

I sighed and looked him directly in his brown eyes.

"When are we leaving?"