Status: Hi.
Alive Again.
Alive Again.
All Matt could hear was Josh carelessly throwing things around while he tried to sort his room in the apartment they shared between touring out. He tried to block it out before he heard Josh shout something along the lines of ‘shit’ then shouting “Hey Matt!”
“Yeah?” Matt replied.
“I forgot. I gotta take Bennie to the vets for some jab! Can you sort all this stuff into rubbish bags for me?” He said, his voice becoming louder at he made his way into the front room, the little black dog wriggling around in his arms. “Aw, you know where you’re going don’t you? I’ll protect you, it won’t hurt that much” He cooed to the dog who was refusing to stop wriggling around, Matt stood up and stroked Bennie a little.
“Yeah, sure” Matt told his best friend who nodded, running out of the apartment after almost forgetting his car keys. Matt went into Josh’s room, confronted by piles of clothes and all the other stuff he’d brought on tour with him. Josh hadn’t realised he needed to tell Matt what stuff to bin, and what stuff not to bin meaning Matt had gotten out of it straight away, he could’ve rung Josh but it’d increase the already high chances of crashing his car on the road.
He went to turn and leave before I small red book caught his attention, a very familiar red book.
Josh’s old diary.
They must have been at least seventeen when he had filled it, Matt had just assumed he’d thrown it away, if he had – he didn’t blame him. There were things written in there either of them didn’t want to go back to. Still Matt picked up the diary and started reading the last few pages, what he read came straight back to his mind, it’d never left him.
Matt watched helpless as Josh threw everything he could across the room. He was blocking the bathroom, which was why Josh was so wound up. “You’re not hurting yourself like that anymore Josh” It came out more of a beg than an order. He’d already had to bandage Josh’s arms up from the night before. Most people would have thought he was just sick of cleaning up after his closest friend, being the one to pick up the pieces, they were wrong. Matt had no problem being the only one who could be trusted because he was the only one who could understand – but it was just as easy to see it was hurting Josh as much as it was hurting Matt to see his friend since the beginning of high school wear himself away ever so slowly. Josh gave up throwing and smashing whatever was his path and slid down the wall onto the floor, collapsing into tears beside of Matt. Matt sunk down to his level and put one of his arms around him, bringing Josh closer so he could cry into him instead of his hands. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself” Matt said.
“I know, I know I need help, I’m scared though” He replied, his voice barely audible over the sobs.
“What have you got to be scared of? Spending a few months, maybe just weeks in rehab, they’ll help you get better. I’ll help you get better, we can start working on the band again, we’re good enough to go places. Or do you want to wake up every day feeling the same self hatred, everyone around you terrified that one day you’re going to disappear completely.” Josh went quiet at Matt’s word, thinking long and hard. He was right, too right.
“Matt? Can you drive me to the hospital?”
He couldn’t read anymore. He had to sit down for a minute and gather his thoughts, it’d been a long time since Josh and Matt had spoken about that night, but Josh had said himself, Matt had saved his life that night, but it had never hit Matt as hard as it was right now.
He managed to stop the tears, but not the shaking. He placed the Diary down. Where would he be now? If it wasn’t for Josh, or him talking him into getting help. Would Josh still be here? Would they be doing what they were doing? Matt had dreamed of this life since he was a little boy, what would of happened if he hadn’t of said what he had said that night?
His thoughts were interrupted by Josh returning and seeing Matt, who was still shaking sat on his bed. “Hey, you okay? Matt, what’s up? Has something happened?” Josh asked repeatedly, Matt didn’t reply and just pulled Josh into a hug, Josh noticed the diary that had moved from the desk to his bed over Matt’s shoulder and mouthed an ‘Oh’ before hugging the boy who had saved his life a lot more than once back.
“Yeah?” Matt replied.
“I forgot. I gotta take Bennie to the vets for some jab! Can you sort all this stuff into rubbish bags for me?” He said, his voice becoming louder at he made his way into the front room, the little black dog wriggling around in his arms. “Aw, you know where you’re going don’t you? I’ll protect you, it won’t hurt that much” He cooed to the dog who was refusing to stop wriggling around, Matt stood up and stroked Bennie a little.
“Yeah, sure” Matt told his best friend who nodded, running out of the apartment after almost forgetting his car keys. Matt went into Josh’s room, confronted by piles of clothes and all the other stuff he’d brought on tour with him. Josh hadn’t realised he needed to tell Matt what stuff to bin, and what stuff not to bin meaning Matt had gotten out of it straight away, he could’ve rung Josh but it’d increase the already high chances of crashing his car on the road.
He went to turn and leave before I small red book caught his attention, a very familiar red book.
Josh’s old diary.
They must have been at least seventeen when he had filled it, Matt had just assumed he’d thrown it away, if he had – he didn’t blame him. There were things written in there either of them didn’t want to go back to. Still Matt picked up the diary and started reading the last few pages, what he read came straight back to his mind, it’d never left him.
Matt watched helpless as Josh threw everything he could across the room. He was blocking the bathroom, which was why Josh was so wound up. “You’re not hurting yourself like that anymore Josh” It came out more of a beg than an order. He’d already had to bandage Josh’s arms up from the night before. Most people would have thought he was just sick of cleaning up after his closest friend, being the one to pick up the pieces, they were wrong. Matt had no problem being the only one who could be trusted because he was the only one who could understand – but it was just as easy to see it was hurting Josh as much as it was hurting Matt to see his friend since the beginning of high school wear himself away ever so slowly. Josh gave up throwing and smashing whatever was his path and slid down the wall onto the floor, collapsing into tears beside of Matt. Matt sunk down to his level and put one of his arms around him, bringing Josh closer so he could cry into him instead of his hands. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself” Matt said.
“I know, I know I need help, I’m scared though” He replied, his voice barely audible over the sobs.
“What have you got to be scared of? Spending a few months, maybe just weeks in rehab, they’ll help you get better. I’ll help you get better, we can start working on the band again, we’re good enough to go places. Or do you want to wake up every day feeling the same self hatred, everyone around you terrified that one day you’re going to disappear completely.” Josh went quiet at Matt’s word, thinking long and hard. He was right, too right.
“Matt? Can you drive me to the hospital?”
He couldn’t read anymore. He had to sit down for a minute and gather his thoughts, it’d been a long time since Josh and Matt had spoken about that night, but Josh had said himself, Matt had saved his life that night, but it had never hit Matt as hard as it was right now.
He managed to stop the tears, but not the shaking. He placed the Diary down. Where would he be now? If it wasn’t for Josh, or him talking him into getting help. Would Josh still be here? Would they be doing what they were doing? Matt had dreamed of this life since he was a little boy, what would of happened if he hadn’t of said what he had said that night?
His thoughts were interrupted by Josh returning and seeing Matt, who was still shaking sat on his bed. “Hey, you okay? Matt, what’s up? Has something happened?” Josh asked repeatedly, Matt didn’t reply and just pulled Josh into a hug, Josh noticed the diary that had moved from the desk to his bed over Matt’s shoulder and mouthed an ‘Oh’ before hugging the boy who had saved his life a lot more than once back.
♠ ♠ ♠
hi.