Roses are Red, Black Eyes are Blue

“Gee, open up,” Frank shouted as he knocked on Gerard’s bedroom door.

The door quickly swung open and Gerard fake glared at his friend. “We don’t want any,” he said and started to close the door.

Frank laughed and stuck his foot in the door. “Come on man. Get out here so I can kick your ass in a video game.”

Gerard shrugged and began walking towards the living room. “What do you want to play?” he asked as he started up the game system.

Frank shrugged in response, “Doesn’t matter to me. Just pop something in so I can start kicking your ass.”

“You seem to be in a horribly good mood,” Gerard stated while inserting a game disk. “What happened today that would bless me with the presence of such an obnoxiously happy Frank?”

Frank’s smile widened and he quickly glanced over his shoulder to make sure Mikey wasn’t anywhere around. “I think I’m going to ask Anna out. Or at least let her know that I’m in to her.”

Gerard cocked an eyebrow at Frank as the menu screen for a fighting game loaded up. “Seriously? Like, for real? No backing out this time or saying it in the most roundabout way that she would never get it?”

Frank’s smile fell quickly and he smacked Gerard with the small pillow sitting next to him. “Seriously, Gee? Do you have to try and ruin my good mood?”

Gerard rolled his eyes and began selecting his fighter. “Whatever, Iero. But I just want you to make sure of one thing before you go and pour your heart out to her. Do you really like her? I mean more than any other girl that you dated before.”

Frank frowned at the controller in his hand and replied, “Well yeah. That’s kind of what this whole discussion is about.”

“Well, you need to be one hundred percent sure before you try to take things further. She’s got a lot of connections with our group now, Frank, so if things end badly, it’s not gonna be a clean break. And she may have fixed things with Mikey, but you’re still really her only close friend.”

“Why are you telling me this? I’m not planning on ruining her life or anything.”

“I know, but I’m just warning you. This isn’t like the past crushes that you had where you could just pick up the girl and drop her easily when you’re done. Anna’s different from all those girls. And I just want you to understand that a relationship with her might mean being with her for more than a month.” Gerard explained as he finally settled on a character and turned to Frank.

Frank continued to frown down at his controller, thinking over the warning that Gerard gave him.

******

Anna arrived home on Sunday; she was still in a somewhat bad mood because of her discussion with her mother. She was quiet on the ride home, and even though her father would usually play twenty questions when retrieving her, he noticed her moody silence and decided that it would be best to leave her be.

When it was time for dinner, Anna sat quietly and pushed her food around on her plate, thinking deeply.

Sighing, her father set his fork down and fixed his gaze on his daughter. “Ok, Anna, I’m curious now. What’s on your mind?”

“Do you still love mom?” Anna asked before she could stop herself.

Her father’s eyes widened for a second before composing himself. Clearing his throat, he hesitantly answered, “I’m actually not sure, Anna. It’s a difficult situation that your mother and I are in. I will admit that sometimes I do find myself thinking about her,” he hesitated again but the look on Anna’s face made him continue, “and it makes me feel lonely and I begin to miss how things were before, but it was your mother’s decision to leave, and it still hurts knowing that.”

Anna thought over his answer and then asked another question, “Were you still in love with mom the day before she asked for the divorce?”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you let her leave?” Anna shouted, suddenly feeling hurt and distressed. “Why didn’t you just spend more time with her so that she would be happy and wouldn’t leave?”

Anna’s father opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, but then closed it again and watched the hurt that spread across Anna’s face. Finally he began to answer, “Because even though I loved your mother and she was very important in my life, you were just as important to me and I loved you just as much as I loved her. I needed to make sure that I could provide for your future the way my parents couldn’t provide for mine. I wanted to be able to enroll you in the best schools, give you the best advantages, so that you would never have to struggle the way that your mother and I did growing up. I also wanted to be able to give your mother anything that she could ask for, but I guess I forgot that she’s never really been interested in material things.”

Anna was quiet as she stared down at her uneaten food. She wasn’t sure if she felt bad for her father or felt angry with him.

“Anna, I’m sorry that this is upsetting you, but you have to understand that even though things didn’t work out between your mother and me, you are our top priority. We love you so much. And I may not love your mother like I did before the divorce, but I do still care about her, and I’m thankful that we did fall in love because now we have you in our life. I don’t regret marrying your mother one bit even though in the end it didn’t work out.”

Anna thought about everything he had just said. She didn’t agree with all of it; she still thought that they should have worked things out instead of just giving up. Most of what he did say, however, made sense to her, and hearing that he had no regrets made her feel a little better about the situation. But she still wasn’t sure if she believed that they really loved each other.

Anna smiled weakly at her dad. “Thanks for talking to me about it, Dad. I guess I understand it now.”

He returned her weak smile and replied, “No problem, sweetheart,” and then they both returned to their silent meal.

******

The next day Anna was more than tempted to skip school. She hadn’t slept very well at all. She had kept replaying he conversations with her parents in her head and then comparing what she found out to her feelings about relationships. She didn’t regret dating Mikey; she thought that she had, but looking back on it and seeing how easily they fixed their friendship, she realized that it hadn’t been the colossal mistake that she thought – no one had really gotten hurt.

However, the thought that really kept her awake involved Frank. She wasn’t sure how she felt about him, she just knew that every time he was around or she thought about him she would feel a fluttery feeling and just be happy in general. She knew from what few silly romance movies she’d seen and novels she’d read that it generally meant “love.” She wasn’t sure if she believed in love; she honestly didn’t want to believe in love, but at the same time, she was tired of always having to worry about getting hurt and over thinking things. Suddenly all she wanted to do was throw caution to the wind and go with the flow of things instead of planning and analyzing everything. And by the time she finally fell asleep, Anna realized something, she really hated who she had become since she had moved years ago.

So when her alarm went off in the morning, she forced herself out of bed and slowly began her day, trying her hardest not to think about anything. When she began to pull her mess of brown waves back into its usual pony tail, she halted and remembered what she had decided last night. I don’t want to be who I am anymore. So Anna let go of her hair and watched it fall down around her shoulders. It was a little messy, but Anna decided it did look nicer than when it was pulled back.

******

Anna boarded the bus and looked around for Frank, who was staring out the window in deep thought. She slumped into the seat next to him, grabbing his attention, and handed him her messenger bag so she could hold her violin.

“Hey Anna. Your…your hair looks really nice today. I’m surprised you have it down,” Frank said nervously, hoping he hadn’t sounded stupid.

Anna shrugged and gave him a tired smile, “I guess I just felt like doing something different today.”

Frank’s own smile faltered slightly when he noticed how tired she seemed. “You ok?” he asked, suddenly losing all feelings of being nervous.

Anna shrugged again and replied, “I didn’t really have the best night’s sleep. My weekend was pretty crappy too. I just wish I could’ve slept in today.”

“What happened? Weren’t you with your mom this weekend?”

“Yeah, we had a fight on Friday night, and then Saturday was completely awkward so I pretty much locked myself in my room at my mom’s and did homework all day, and then last night Dad and I kind of had an argument about the divorce. So I didn’t really get the most relaxing weekend,” Anna explained, staring at the seat in front of her with a dull gaze.

“What did you and your mom fight about? If you don’t mind me asking,” Frank asked hesitantly.

Anna was quiet for a moment. She didn’t want to tell him because he had been the cause of the fight, but he was her best friend and if she couldn’t talk to him about it than whom could she talk to? “About relationships and love and junk. She thinks I’m setting myself up for a life of unhappiness and that I’m becoming my dad.”

“Why does she think that?”

Anna shrugged again. “I dunno, I guess because I don’t believe in love. Or at least I don’t think I do. And ever since the divorce I’ve avoided making social connections with people. You’re the first friend I’ve had since Mikey.”

“Oh,” Frank replied simply. He knew that she was weird about relationships, but he didn’t know that she was pretty much against them. He felt kind of disappointed by the new information. “Well, I’m sure everything will be fine by next weekend. I mean, you have such a great relationship with your mom, I don’t think one fight is going to ruin it.”

“I know, but it’s just going to be awkward for a while. This is something Mom feels really strongly about. I don’t know why, but after all the pain the divorce has put her through, she still believes in love. And I guess I’ve never seen a successful relationship, so I just don’t believe in it. Did you know that my grandparents from both sides of my family are divorced? It just seems to run in my family. I just don’t want to be a part of the tradition.”

Frank stared at her. He could see that she was having some serious inner turmoil, that she was confused and upset. And he wanted to hug her so badly and tell her how he felt and that he would never hurt her. He wanted so badly to just make everything that upset her disappear. But now he was afraid that if he followed through with his plans he would scare her away, and at least having her in his life was more important to him than taking chances and possibly losing her. So Frank did the only thing that he thought he could do. He gave her a goofy smile and pulled her into a side hug as they pulled up to the bus stop, saying, “Well I’m here for you if you ever need anything, Banana.”