Close Your Eyes to See

“I didn't see you at Amber's last night.” Edie continued to pick the dead ends off of her hair, avoiding Eric's comment as they watched 21 Jump Street for five millionth time. Beth was going to be home any minute from work and the three of them were going to head downtown to one of their favorite chinese places for the evening.

Edie was humiliated from what happened at Amber's. She ran from John so fast, she could hardly put more foot in front of the other. She didn't know if John had told Eric about her episode and was hoping he didn't, it was one more thing she was going to have to lie to him about.

Edie knows that Eric is her best friend and she doesn't have to lie about anything, but Edie was lying for herself. It was embarrassing for her – she hated not feeling pretty or good enough every second of every day. It didn't matter who she told, no one would ever understand how she was truly feeling.

If she told Eric, he would lecture her with empty words and cliché sayings that weren't going to make her feel good about herself, she was going to think he was lying.

Eric wouldn't understand because he was dating the perfect girl and John wouldn't understand because he didn't know anything about her.

“I left early, I was tired.” Her eyes flicked from her hair to the TV as the guys on the screen were being chased by the motorcycle clan down the freeway. She was utterly tired of this movie.

“I heard about that.” The tone of Eric's voice changed and Edie cursed to herself, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“What did you hear?” Eric grabbed the remote off of the coffee table and paused the film that was playing on their TV.

“John said you kind of just stormed off out of blue last night. What was that about?”

“I was just having an annoying day and wanted to go home, I was being a bitch.” She shrugged, trying to keep her face blank as stone so Eric couldn't read through her lies.

“I thought you and John were getting alone though.”

“It had nothing to do with John. My mom was on my back again and it was a rough morning at work. I didn't really want to go to the party, but John had wrapped me up in it when we had lunch-”

“You and John had lunch?” His arched one of his eyebrows in curiosity as more frustration filled Edie's body – of course that is the only thing Eric would hear about her day. She ran her hands through her hair and leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

“He saw me at Ruth's when I was working on some stuff and we got to talking and he asked me if I was going to Amber's. I was there for about twenty minutes and bailed.”

“Did you talk to Aly?”

“More like she talked about herself.” Aly seemed kind of like a girl who was obsessed with herself. How did John not get tired of her? Because she was good to look at?

“Yeah, she is that type of girl.” Edie didn't want to know anything about this Aly girl, she couldn't stand it. She seemed like every other Arizona girl in the area which made her cringe.

- - - - - - - - - -

Edie stared at her wine glass as she swished the red liquid around in a circle, waiting for Beth and Eric to be finished with their daily argument. The three of them always went to one of their favorite chinese restaurants, Louie's, at least one a month. It was hole in the wall place that most people over looked, but they sure had good service especially when it came to filling the wine glasses and replacing the empty beer cans.

“Eric, shut your damn mouth and drink your fucking beer before I smash the bottle over your head.” Beth always got the last word in or at least tried to.

“I just don't understand why I can't have the guys over a little more. You are always working so I don't see what the matter is.”

“Because Eric, I am the one that gets stuck cleaning the house-” and so it continued. Edie sat alone staring at the menu in front of her, contemplating what to order. She was starving. And the arguments going on between the two love birds were giving her a headache.

She didn't understand why Beth and Eric fought so much one minute and were completely fine the next. She couldn't tell if they were happy or not, they seemed to fight more than actually talk these days. They were both so stubborn so they clashed all the time – its how they have always been.

Edie would rather spend the rest of her life alone than be with a person she always fought with. She would rather be alone than be in a relationship like her parents when they didn't even touch each other and when they did, it was to show off like they were still in love. They never loved each other.

Her family was a complete mess and she never wanted to live a life like that again. Her brother, Gabe, was the older sibling where her parents seemed to love even though he was adopted. Was it fucked up to believe that Edie should be loved and cherished more from her parents because she was blood related to them? She didn't know.

Gabe was older than her, her parents deciding to adopt him when he was six since Jean was unable to have kids after Edie – another thing her mother never let go. Edie believed the real reason Gabe was adopted into the family was because her father wanted a man in the house to take over the family when he was gone, typical.

Edie's father never saw anything special in her. He thought she was inadequate of living on her own and taking care of herself, building a trust fund for her to blow through because he believed she was going to blow every dollar she saw. Everything was just fucked up.

They cherished the ground Gabe walked on because he was so successful and Gabe always got thrown the pity card from those apart of the charity league because they felt bad he was adopted. Gabe was a better member of the White family than Edie was and it was sad and pathetic.

She loved her brother to death though. She didn't know how she would survive without him. He was always there and always on her side about everything, he was perfect to her and she was the only member in her family she loved unconditionally. Gabe wasn't her adopted brother, he was her real brother.

“HEY JOHN!” Edie's eyes left her menu as the front door bell chimed and John walked in, being greeted happily by Eric.

“You invited him?” Her face turned red as she hid subtly behind the menu in front of her, pissed off that Eric did this and didn't tell her. John knew something was up with her last night because he felt the need to tell Eric about it and she just prayed he wouldn't say anything tonight.

“Hey Beth, how's the stick up your ass?” John chuckled as he sat down next to Edie, giving her a small smile before turning back to look at Beth from across the table. Apparently John and Beth always had tough love towards each other.

“Hey John, how are the STDs?” Edie kept her eyes on the menu, trying to avoiding talking to the people that surrounded her. She was pissed at Eric again and felt awkward with John, she wasn't going to win tonight.

“And how are you tonight Miss White?” John elbowed Edie to get her attention and she jumped at the sudden contact and tried to keep her cool.

“Just listening to these two argue again as always.” She pointed at the couple across the table before reaching for her wine glass and polishing off the drink, setting it back down on the table – already wanting more.

“Still got his balls in a box, Beth?” John smirked as he opened up his own menu and began to look at his options.

“They are hanging from the mantel in our living room at the moment.” Edie loved how witty Beth was in everything she said. She did everything so effortlessly, she could talk with any type of person about everything and anything she was said was perfect.

“You guys suck.” Eric sighed and closed his menu, already knowing what he was going to order. Lo Mein. He always ordered the Lo Mein with two crispy spring rolls. Every fucking time.

“Love you too.” Beth reached over and kissed Eric on the cheek, her dark red lipstick leaving a mark against his light skin. That was another thing with Beth – she could wear daring makeup and any type of clothing she wanted and she looked perfect no matter what.

Edie squirmed in her seat as the waitress approached the table to get their orders. She hated eating in front of people – it took her months to get comfortable in front of Beth and Eric, but with John here? She didn't know if she was going to be able to do it.

“I'll have the lo mein with two crispy spring rolls, please.” Eric said as he handed the menu to the girl. Eric was a creature of habit, Edie knew him so well that she could guess almost his every mood. Edie made eye contact with the waitress and she knew it was her time to order.

“Umm, can I have the Won Ton Soup and Almond Chicken please?” She said softly, feeling nervous for some reason. She avoided eye contact with everyone as she handed the waitress her menu and stared down at her hands as Beth and John took their orders. Once the waitress was gone, Edie's glass of wine was filled and she couldn't be more excited about it – she was in for a long night.

“So Edie, you have to come over this week and start the painting in the living room – I am tired of staring at that blank wall!” Beth said to Edie before taking a long sip of her beer and grabbing onto Eric's hand. She could see John looking at her from the corner of eye.

“Yeah of course, I'll come over after one of my morning shifts. It can't be too hot out or the paint won't dry.”

“You paint too?” She looked at John, but only for a moment, feeling embarrassed that the conversation was focused on her at the moment.

“She's been drawing for so many years now, she is getting really good-”

“Eric, shut up and let her talk.” Beth interrupted him as he began to boast about Edie's love for drawing, probably eventually going to make the point that he was the one that pushed her to keep doing it.

“I was just saying Beth that-” Edie rolled her eyes as the two of them began to bicker again, taking another sip of her wine while feeling John's eyes on her again.

“So you've been drawing since you were seven right? What's your favorite part about it?” It was a cheesy question that Edie would normally poke fun at, but she was focused on the fact that John had remembered she was seven when she started drawing.

“Its kind of like how you are with music I guess and how people are with other art forms. You get to express yourself in a different way that not everyone can. Instead of talking about what I am going through, I draw it out.” She glanced at John who was nodding and smiling at her, a silence taking over the two as they sat and watched Eric and Beth fight.

“Are they always like this when you go out to dinner?” John whispered as Eric began using hand gestures to prove a point to Beth that he was probably going to lose.

“Now you know why my cat is my best friend.” The two of them laughed at each other, the tension Edie was feeling slowly fading away from her body.

“Guys, seriously shut the fuck up.” John said to the two causing their bickering to quit finally, probably waiting to bring the argument up later when they got home.

“How's Aly, John?” Edie wanted to vomit. She took another long sip of her wine, the glass almost empty again as she prepared herself to listen to John go on and on about how amazing she was. When John, however, sighed and rested his elbow on the table, she figured this wasn't going to be a happy tale.

“She leaving for two weeks soon and thank god for that.”

“Can't handle the time together?” Eric asked as he broke open his pack of wooden chopsticks and began rubbing the ends together to get the sprinters off

“I don't know, when I am gone – I get super stoked to see her, but after a few days of spending all day with her, I am exhausted. She's a lot to handle. I guess, I kind of forgot how to be a boyfriend or what it was like to be in a relationship while being on the road so much.”

“Don't worry, honey. Your friend over here,” Beth pointed to Eric, “forgot what that was like too.” The four of them chuckled slightly at Beth's words towards her boyfriend, Edie praying another argument wouldn't erupt from the two of them.

“Have you ever thought about being single for a bit? I mean bro, when was the last time you didn't have a girl?” Eric asked suddenly, the last sentence causing a smile to emerge from his face. Edie raised her eyebrows at the thought of John being with so many girls, it wasn't surprising.

“I don't know, I just-” John didn't have time to finish the sentence because the waitress had arrived with their food, placing everything on the table in front of them.

Edie's stomach growled as the food was placed in front of her, but she looked at John and all of her self confidence disappeared into her soul again. She sighed and when the waitress asked if she could bring anything else, Edie spoke up.

“Can I get another glass of wine?”