Close Your Eyes to See

“Are you feeling okay?” Edie walked next to John down the street towards his beat up truck. Eric and Beth were in another argument when the four of them finished up dinner and Edie couldn't spend another minute with them. She stumbled a little bit in her step, her glasses of wine from dinner finally catching up to her.

“Yeah, I am fine. Why?” Edie wasn't drunk enough to have slurred words or a hard time thinking, she just felt a little more bubbly and open than normal – something alcohol was good at doing.

“You didn't eat much at dinner.” She slightly cursed to herself that John had noticed that amount of food that was still on her plate when dinner wrapped up. She had about five spoonfuls of her soup and a piece of her almond chicken – she was still hungry, but she couldn't eat in front of John. She felt like he was watching her, which he was apparently, and was judging her inside his head.

“The wine kind of filled me up.” The two arrived at the truck and John opened the door for Edie as she stepped inside the car, John being a gentleman and shutting the door behind. She took a deep breath as John walked to the other side of the car, praying that it wasn't one of those cliché awkward drives home tonight.

John jumped in and started the engine, backing out of the spot and the two of them drove down the road as the road clicked on, Ryan Adams' “The Shadowlands” filling the truck. Edie leaned her head against the window, pulling her shorts down to hide the fat that clung to her thighs.

“Did I do something last night?” John asked as he took a left to get on the freeway. She gulped, knowing that question was probably on his mind after what had happened.

“You didn't do anything wrong, you are really nice.” Her voice was almost monotone, not wanting a single ounce of emotion to shine through her words.

“Did I say something to you last night that made you upset then? Because you just ran off and I don't know why.” She felt the entire universe was on her shoulder, her heart felt heavy as she tried to think of something to say without spilling out the truth in front of him.

“I was just having a bad day.” She came off as a bitch when she didn't elaborate more, but to her advantage, John didn't push the subject anymore. The only talking that was exchanged between the two was Edie giving John directions to her house.

Edie felt like speaking up and telling John why she ran off so suddenly last night, but she felt foolish and John wouldn't understand it so she kept it inside. Soon, the truck pulled up in front of her apartment complex and Edie sighed, relieved to be home.

“Thanks for the ride John.” Edie unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door to the trunk, climbing out.

“Hey Edie, if you ever need anyone to talk to – I am always around.” John's green eyes sparkled under the street lights and the darkness of his car as he turned and said that to Edie. She gave him a small smile and nodded her head,

“I'll keep that in mind.” And she shut the truck door and made her way up the stairs to the apartment. She didn't hear John's truck drive off until she opened her door, he was probably waiting to make sure she made it inside alright. She locked the door behind her and kicked off her shoes in the hallway, Harley greeting her at the door with a few meows.

Edie put her hair up into a sloppy bun before setting her purse on the kitchen counter and picking up Harley, cuddling her into her chest.

“Its just me and you again tonight, I guess.” She said it so sadly, it took her a moment to realize that she wished she wasn't alone. Although they didn't say much to each other, Edie didn't feel alone that night in John's truck. She felt welcome and wanted – something she hasn't felt in a while.

'If you ever need anyone to talk to – I am always around' – the sentence kept on repeating in her head as her and Harley laid down on the counter and clicked on reruns of Breaking Bad.

- - - - - - - -

As John drove down the road, his mind was clouded by Edie. She was lying to him, something was bothering her. She hardly touched her dinner tonight and last night – she went running off without any explanation at all. It didn't make sense to him – he didn't know why it was bothering him so much.

He turned into his apartment complex and parked in his normal spot, cutting the engine. Tonight had been weird. Maybe Edie was just a quiet person? He wasn't used to quiet people. After all, his best friend was Eric Halvorsen. But when Eric had talked about Edie in the past, she seemed like such an outgoing spirit who was loud and witty and spoke her mind – where was that girl that Eric was talking about?

John made up way up the two flights of stairs to the apartment he shared with Aly, ready to hit the sack and get to the rehearsal studio tomorrow with the guys. When they had time off, they still made sure to rehearse every once and a while so they wouldn't get out of practice – they couldn't afford to do that.

“John, is that you?” He could hear Aly's voice from the bedroom as soon as he opened the front door of their apartment. John and Aly had been living together for about six months, John being gone for about four of it – he wasn't used to living with a girl. Before Eric had met Beth, the two of them lived together and they could do whatever they wanted. With Aly, there was rules and things he had to do that he wasn't used to.

“Yeah babe, its me.” John tossed his pack of smokes, keys and wallet on the table that sat beside the front door as he tore off his leather jacket and tossed it on the couch, getting ready to settle down for the night. He walked towards the bedroom and found Aly standing there in one of her tank tops and underwear, clothes everywhere.

“What is going on in here?” John asked with a laugh, the entire room looking like it got hit by a tornado. Aly turned around and smirked at John before resting her hand on his chest and giving him a small peck on the lips.

“Unlike you, who is used to living out of a suitcase and packing last minute, I need a little more time to figure out what to wear for two weeks.” Aly had three huge suitcases lined up at the edge of the bed, a few things tossed in them as she continued her routine of holding up clothing items and deciding on if she wanted to bring them or not.

“You are bring three suitcases? Babe, you are going to be gone for two weeks.” He walked up behind her as she felt up a zebra print dress, his hands resting at her waist. She leaned into his frame as she tossed the zebra dress into her suitcase.

“Well, I am a girl John. I need to look good in Florida. I can't just pack clothes and decide outfits later, I need to decide them now.” John walked over to the bed and threw some clothes out of the way, laying down on it with a sigh.

Sometimes, he hated that Aly was such a girl. He didn't mean that in a sexist way, but he didn't like that she took so long to get ready and had to make sure her outfit was perfect and showed the right amount of skin and everything down to the last detail had to be perfect. John was a tshirt and jeans man and had no problem where the same shirt four or five times before washing it – maybe it was a tour thing.

“What did you do tonight, baby?”

“I went out to dinner with Eric and Beth and Edie to a chinese restaurant.” John mumbled against the bed, his head face down in the white sheets that covered the mattress.

“Edie White, huh?” Oh no, John knew that tone of voice. Reluctantly, he sat up and looked at his girlfriend as she tossed a skimpy top into the pile of things she didn't want to pack.

“What's wrong with Edie?” John could tell when Aly was being judgmental, it was something she did a lot. It was one trait he didn't care for. Aly set down the pair of jeans in her hand and put her hands on her hips,

“I've just heard...things about her.”

“What kind of things?” John didn't know if he even wanted to know, but he wanted to know if these 'things' Aly were speaking over were actually legitimate or just more Arizona gossip.

“She is just kind of weird and quiet. She is always with Halvo and doesn't really talk to people much.”

“So, what's wrong with that?” John didn't want to start an argument with Aly, but this sparked a fire in him for some reason.

Edie was Eric's best friend and John was too, so he felt like he should protect Edie from anything bad being said about her. Aly shrugged and tossed another garment into one of her suitcases before deciding that she was done for the day.

“I mean, there is nothing wrong with it – but its kind of weird to be antisocial in the Arizona party scene, don't you think? Anyway, I am going to get a beer, want one?” John shook his head, his mind clouded with thought as Aly began to clean up a few of clothes that were spread on the ground. As she began walking out the bedroom door, however, she began laughing with judgment as she said,

“Can you believe that Edie has never had a boyfriend and is still a virgin? How sad!”

- - - - - - -

Edie stared at the blank wall for a good fifteen minutes before Eric interrupted her thoughts for the first time all morning.

“You know, the object of this is for you to paint something.”

“Fuck off, I am thinking.” Edie sat criss-crossed in Eric and Beth's living room with little cans of paint and brushes scattered in front of her. She had just finished her morning shift and reeked of coffee.

Beth had left for a work about an hour again, Eric standing in the living room with Edie in a pair of boxers as he sipped on his morning coffee – having just woken up ten minutes ago.

Edie lacked inspiration, she didn't know what to paint. If it was going to look good, it needed to have a meaning behind it, emotion. When Edie normally looked at a blank canvas, she knew exactly what she wanted it to look like, but now, all she saw was a blank wall.

Beth had given her complete creative control which was going to work in Edie's advantage, but she didn't know what it should be over. It was going to be a big piece and was probably going to take a lot of work, but she couldn't start until she knew exactly what it was going to be over. She had to see it in her mind – every detail, color and shading had to be perfect.

“Nice apron.” Eric poked fun at her yet again as she stared down at the brown apron that was tied around her waist.

“There is no way I am getting paint over this dress. You better watch your back or your bass is going to get a paint job.” Eric's mouth dropped open and his eyes narrowed,

“You wouldn't? Are you challenging me Edie White?” She looked back at the wall before sighing and standing up, untying the apron from her body.

“I can't draw today, I need to think about it first. Beth is going to be have to be patient with me.”

“Patient is not a word in Beth's vocabulary.” Eric took a sip of his coffee before joining Edie on the living room couch, her eyes still glued to the wall.

“What's up, Ed? You usually know exactly what to paint.” Eric was right, Edie always had an idea on what she wanted to draw or create. She had all of the tools in front of her now - a blank canvas, paintbrushes and numerous colors of paint.

“My mind just isn't in it today, I guess.” Edie hadn't picked up a drawing utensil since she started her drawing in Ruth's when John interrupted her. She had time to finish it, but she hadn't. She needed something to happen to her – to give her back the creative inspiration she had three months ago. It's like it vanished from her soul. She needed a spark to start a fire in her imagination and she needed it quick.