Close Your Eyes to See

“Oh my god.” Edie said as she stepped out of her bedroom to find John cuddling with Harley on the couch. Harley never liked anyone – she had gotten used to Eric, but would still bite and scratch him any chance she got. Cuddling with him was out of the question.

John was sitting on the couch, petting Harley's soft fur as she purred away while sitting on his lap. It was something that Harley had never seen before.

“What?” John asked as he turned from the TV to look at Edie. She wore an evergreen dress with a gray cardigan, nude flatforms on her feet. Edie thought the cardigan looked stupid, but she had to cover up her stretch marked covered arms and shoulders somehow. She almost completely changed her outfit, feeling overdressed and foolish – but then they would be running late.

John loved everything Edie wore. She dressed so pretty. Unlike the girls in this town, when she got dressed – her motive wasn't to show as much skin as possible and show off her body – she kept it both modest and beautiful at the same time.

“You are the first person my cat has ever warmed up to. She still attacks Eric every chance she gets.” Edie opened up her small quilted chain bag and placed her phone inside as John rose from her couch, dusting the cat hair off of his clothes. He reached for the remote and turned off the TV and followed Edie out of her apartment.

“You look really beautiful by the way.” He said simply as he unlocked the passenger side door of his car and held it open for Edie. She bit her lip and muttered a small 'thank you' as she climbed in and shut the door behind her.

Edie never took compliments seriously. They were sentences said due to obligation, John didn't think she was looked beautiful, he said it because he felt like he had to. That was the thing with Edie, she never knew when people were being genuine or saying things because they felt the need to.

Let's be real here, if a guy is hanging out with a girl and doesn't compliment the way she looks when they go out, he is deep shit. It doesn't matter if the girl actually looks like or not, the guy will say it anyway.

Edie twirled her pin straight hair as she stared out the car window, John driving down the road towards Eric's apartment. Edie was getting quite used to be the passenger in John's truck. She had all of the rips in her seat and scuff marks on the dashboard practically memorized at this point. She knew exactly how the car would smell when she got in – faintly of car oil, cigarettes and warn leather. John would always have music playing softly, the latest choices being Death Cab and The Kooks.

“How trashed do you think Eric is going to get?” John was in the habit of having to start the conversations in his car, there was always the awkward silence when they first got on the road. It was like Edie didn't know what to talk about, but when she started to talk about something – she was completely fine. Edie wasn't a quiet person, she was talkative – but only spoke when she wanted to.

“He will be so gone, at least Beth will be there to watch him.” Edie knew that there was no stopping Eric tonight, the party was all about him so he was definitely going to put on a show.

“Yeah, Justin is coming down from Chico too. I am sure it is going to be quite a party.”

“Oh god”, Edie rolled her eyes, “Not Justin.” She rested her head against the window and shook her head at the thought of Justin being there.

“What's wrong with Richards?” John's truck came to a stop at a red light and he glanced over at Edie. The Arizona sun had just began to set and the orange haze was hitting Edie's face perfectly. Her eyes shimmered in the light as her smooth pale skin glowed – she looked amazing. She never wore an excessive amount of eye makeup so he could still see her eyes perfectly.

“That boy has thrown up on me one too many times. A month or so ago...” John tried to listen to what Edie was saying. The story was bringing a smile to her face, but John was more focused on her smile than anything else.

John wondered why it had taken so long for him to meet Edie – sure, he was gone a lot from being on the road, but he never met her when he was home. He had heard of her dozens of times, but Eric never brought her around and for some reason, John never questioned it or thought to invite her over so they could meet.

He wished he had met her earlier, there was something about Edie that he loved. Maybe it was the fact that she was smiling while talking about a person throwing up on her or how she seemed to always present herself without looking slutty like most girls around here.

She had a sense of humor. A real sense of humor – she wasn't a girl that laughed at everything that was being joked to try and fit in and seem cooler, she cracked her own intelligent jokes.

“John. John.” John shook his head and glanced at the road and realized the light had turned green. He stepped on the gas pedal and continued to drive, making his thoughts about Edie leave his head.

Edie tugged on the sleeves of her cardigan from being uncomfortable, not liking that she caught John staring at her. He probably hit the realization that she wasn't pretty at all. She didn't like it when people stared at her.

“Aren't you hot in that? It's still pretty warm.” Edie stopped squirming in her seat as John spoke. She wanted to shout 'yes', but she shook her head.

“I get cold easily.” Edie was used to be hot in everything she wore. She lived in Arizona and was forced to stay covered up 365 days a year. She never showed her shoulders or upper arms to anyone, her pale skin infested with stretch marks and fat. It was torture. She had gotten used to sweating and feel like a hot pocket in any outfit that was on her body – it was something she had to live with everyday.

Her friends always wore tank tops and bikini tops – Edie dreamed of wearing something like that, but she knew she would never be able to. People always raised an eyebrow at the girl that would be wearing a sleeved shirt in ninety degree weather, but she had no choice. Her body dictated everything she did.

----------

“Did you come with John O'Callaghan?” Edie rolled her eyes at Olivia, one of her friends, as she strolled in to join the group of girls Edie was currently a part of. Coming to the party with John was a mistake. As soon as the two of them walked into the apartment together, everyone started staring. They starting judging Edie for being next to a guy as hot as John. He didn't seem to notice, however. Before John even had the chance to offer to get Edie a drink, she was being pulled away by Amber to a swarm of her friends that started grilling her with questions.

“John drove me here. Its not a big deal.”

“Are you kidding me Edie? John freaking O'Callaghan drove you here and you are acting like its nothing.” Vivian chimed in, her mouth ajar.

Edie was beginning to feel uncomfortable.The girls were freaking out because they all thought John was so God or something, and yes, Edie thought that when she first met him too. She wasn't going to make a big deal out of her because it wasn't one. He had a girlfriend, they were friends and she would never have a shot with him no matter what. He was a nice guy who she liked to talk to, there was nothing more to tell.

“John has a girlfriend. Aly, remember? Me and John are just friends. He's been staring here with Eric and Beth while Aly is gone so I have been seeing a lot of him – that's it.”

Edie didn't even really know if the group of girls she was surrounded by were really her friends. She only really saw them at a few parties or when Amber invited her to go and do stuff with them. She always had empty conversations with them – it was always on gossip, never anything else. But as much as Edie didn't like being around them sometimes, it was nice to have people to talk to.

“Well did you hear about Aly? Apparently two weeks ago, Heather saw her come out of Dean Robinson's house.” Vivian said, trying to stir the pot. All of the girls ooed and continued to listen to Vivian as she talked. Edie took a long sip of her drink, the alcohol slightly burning her throat. She wanted to see Eric, but knew he was probably talking it up with every single person that was here tonight.

“Her and Dean go way back, I mean, come on – remember the time she almost hooked up with him when John was gone on tour?” Amber slyly chimed in, the girls having no problem talking about other peoples' lives.

“Wait, you don't actually think Aly has cheated on John before, do you?” Edie blurted out suddenly, probably not really wanting to know the answer to her question. Vivian looked at her with gossip filled eyes,

“No one really knows. I am sure John isn't so innocent though. Spending all that time on the road with hundreds of girls at his disposable, what guy isn't going to take advantage of that?” Edie tried to tune out the conversations going on around her and glanced around the room, trying to find a familiar face.

John was watching her from afar while Justin talked his ear off about Rocket's touring plans coming up. Edie looked bored as she glanced around the room while the girls surrounding her babbled on and on about stuff that probably didn't interest her.

John got the hint that she was only sticking around because it was her best friend's birthday. She sipped slowly on her drink, probably not wanting to get too much alcohol in her system. Unlike Aly, Edie knew how to control her alcohol which is something that John admired about her. She kept herself in control of what she was doing, she didn't need a babysitter.

“Have you heard from Aly since she left?” John glanced over at Justin and took a sip of his beer, shaking his head.

“Barely. She is probably busy with her family and everything – I am sure she is fine.” John had barely heard from Aly except for the five minute phone call yesterday and a few texts here and there.

“So what have you been doing with your time then? Normally, you would be constantly talking to her and texting away.” Justin joked as John's lips turned into a smirk and he glanced once more at Edie. She was talking to Amber about something while swirling the drink around her cup, looking bored as ever.

“I've been keeping busy.”

Edie watched as Justin talked to John from the kitchen, a somber look on his face. John looked bored and tired, but focused on Justin and tried to understand what he was saying. Edie wanted to ditch the girls and go over and talk to John, but she knew that would cause more gossip to ensue and she didn't want that. She knew the girls talked about her anyway, she didn't want to make it worse.

“Hey girl hey.” She felt Eric come up from behind her and wrap his lean arms around her waist, taking her by surprise and almost making her spill her drink.

“Hi birthday boy.” Edie turned around to look at her best friend that was already started to look like a complete train wreck. His eyes were bloodshot and he held a drunken smile on his face, letting Edie know that he was getting to the point of being full on drunk.

“Where's my gift?” He pouted his lips causing Edie to chuckle and shake her head at him.

“I'll give it to you tomorrow when you can actually remember me giving it to you.” She patted Eric on the head as he sloppily reached up and took a long sip of his drink, almost missing his mouth and spilling it all over himself.

“I was standing across the room and John kept staring at you. Why is he staring at you?” Eric was drunk enough to slur his words together, but he was past the point of sugar coating things and keeping his mouth shut. Edie's eyebrows scrunched together and she looked over Eric's shoulder and locked eyes with John for a second before glancing away, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

“I don't know why he is staring at-”

“BIRTHDAY BOY!” Two guys Edie didn't recognize came up behind Eric and began talking to him, cutting off the conversation that they were having. Eric was quickly escorted off by the guys, leaving Edie with the girls and Amber again.

“So have you really been hanging out with John?” Edie took a sip of her drink and nodded at Amber's question.

“Yes, why?”

“Oh nothing Edie, I just think its kind of random ya know?” Edie knew that Amber wasn't trying to be rude, but it was coming off as just that. Amber has been with a lot of guys in her past, she can have anyone she wanted.

She could never get John O'Callaghan though. Before he started dating Aly, she would flirt with him as much as possible and make advances at him, but it never worked. John O'Callaghan was the one guy that wasn't wrapped around her finger.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Edie looked down at her feet and tried to not have her feeling hurt by Amber's comment. It was a random pairing – John and Edie being friends. It didn't make sense. John was the hot shot, one of the most popular guys in Arizona and Edie was hardly noticed at all.

She glanced at the living room wall next to her and was so thankful she wasn't very far along with the mural. You couldn't even tell what it was which was something Edie was thankful for, she didn't need people judging her art too.

“Hey.” Edie looked away from the wall and was surprised to see John standing next to her. She tried her best to smile, but she was feeling more insecure than ever and John wasn't helping.

“Hi.”

“Well if it isn't JohnOhhhh.” Amber cut in and stood in front of John and Edie, that sly smirk on her face. Edie knew Amber too well – she was about to turn her charm on once again for John and he knew it.

“The one and only Amber.” He stretched his arms out before taking a sip of his drink, his lips in an ever present smirk.

“Got some new ink there, I see.” She reached to touch the sun that was on his forearm, but he backed his arm away before she had the chance. Amber was tipsy and there was no stopping her when she was like that.

“Yeah, my girlfriend really likes that one.” He emphasized 'girlfriend' to give Amber a hint to back off, but he knew it wouldn't work.

“Well John-”

“I actually came over here,” John cut Amber off and turned to look at Edie, “to see if Edie was ready to head out.” Edie knew that he was trying to escape from Amber and she didn't blame him. She glanced at the clock on the wall and quickly nodded her head at John,

“Oh gosh, is it that time already? I have to work in the morning Amber and John is my ride home.” Edie lied smoothly as she leaned in and gave Amber a kiss on the cheek,

“I'll call you later.” John gave a wave and the two of them walked out of the apartment together. As they walked towards the apartment elevator, Edie knew the entire group of girls were now gossiping about her and it was starting to eat away at her mind. They were probably saying that she wasn't good enough to be hanging with John and he must be blind to be seen with a girl like her.

“What's wrong?” John glanced at Edie as the rode the elevator down to the main floor. She was squirming in her cardigan, her feet staring at the floor. She glanced up at John and tried to wipe away any emotion on her face.

“I'm fine, just tired.”

“You just said the two most common excuses said when someone is asked about how they are feeling. Which means you are lying. Come on,” he bumped his elbow into her arm gently, “I am your friend. You can tell me.”

The elevator dinged and opened and John and Edie exited it together and began walking outside to where John's truck was parked.

“It just gets tiring,” Edie started, “all those girls do is talk about people. They act so nice to you in front of your face and say the rudest and meanest things behind your back. It is just so old.” She stared at her feet as they began the block and a half walk to where John's truck was parked.

John reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting up one quickly. Aly hated it when he smoked which is why he was going all out with her gone, it was a habit he clearly couldn't kick.

“Were they saying something about you?”

“I don't know, probably. It wouldn't be the first time.” John exhaled the toxic smoke from his lungs and looked at Edie who didn't make eye contact with him.

“What have they said about you before?”

“I don't really want to say, John.” Her voice was quiet as they turned the corner on the abandoned sidewalk, defeat in Edie's voice. It hurt enough to think about what they said about her, she couldn't say it out loud without it tearing her completely apart.

The girls always talked about her appearance, how she didn't have many friends and her lack of experience in relationships and with guys. All of it was true, but it didn't hurt any less. It brought Edie out of the fantasy land she was living in where she was perfect and everyone thought she was. She was far from perfect.

“People are always going to talk, ya know? Those girls are so wrapped up in other people's lives because they are too ashamed to realize their own lives – they avoid it by talking about other people to make themselves feel better. Its hard, but try not to let what they say get to you – their words aren't worth it.” John flicked his cigarette into the street as the two stopped in front of his parked truck.

“I'll keep that in mind.” Edie said shortly, his words honestly not affecting her very much. No one ever said anything bad about John – he didn't know the mindset that she was stuck in, how she felt on a daily basis, he would never understand.

He was perfect – the poster child for cute guys who get everything they want. His girlfriend was pretty enough to be a model. He didn't know what it was like to live the way Edie lived.

The two of them climbed into his car as silence filled it once more, like usual. John didn't say anything this time. He knew what the girls were saying about her, his own girlfriend was one of the people gossiping.

He remembered the other night when she mentioned that Edie had never had a boyfriend or anything, was that was all of the girls were talking about? Is that all they cared about? He couldn't believe that they spent so much energy talking badly about someone without really getting to know them. He knew the words were affected Edie as soon as she said she didn't want to talk about what the girls were saying.

“Am I going to be seeing you tomorrow?” John asked as he pulled into Edie's apartment complex. She glanced at him for the first time since they had gotten in the car, confusion on her face. Edie's face smoothed out when she remembered about tomorrow – the lake day.

“I don't know...” Edie trailed off. What was she supposed to wear? One of her sweaters? There was no way she would be caught dead in nothing but her bathroom suit, something she hadn't worn in years.

“Come on, Ed. It'll be fun, Eric is going to want to see you since he won't remember anything from tonight. Plus, I want to see the reaction when you give him the tickets – he is going to flip.” John's truck came to a stop and he put it in park as Edie stared out the front windshield in thought. She really didn't want to go.

“Go for me then, Edie? Please?” Edie couldn't say no to Eric or John, it didn't seem possible. She looked over at John in defeat and nodded her head.

“We are meeting at Eric's around noon right?” John's lips broke into a smile and he nodded vigorously at her. She pressed her lips together and nodded her head before opening up the truck door,

“Thanks for taking me home John, I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night, Edie.”