Close Your Eyes to See

“No. No. No.” Edie had no idea how many times she had said that word today, but she knew it was too high of a number. Edie trailed her mother down the aisles and aisles of frilly dresses, the bright pinks and purples making her want to kill herself.

“Edith, we have been here for over an hour. Is there really nothing you like?” Her mother said in her poised and polite manner she had trained herself to be in. Edie glanced around at all of the other women in the shop who were with their daughters, each person looking so put together.

Edie was wearing an oversized collared sweater that was a dark pink and had black polka dots, scuffed up boots on her feet and leggings covering her lower body. Her mother, on the other hand, looked like a parent straight out of Martha Stewart's magazine – Jean's hair was curled to perfection, a modest floral dress on her Pilates thin body and a white purse resting on her folded arm. Edie cringed at how put together her mother was.

“No mom, I didn't see anything.” Edie tried her best to stay calm and neutral on everything to stray away from getting into a fight her mom in a public place.

“Honey, maybe if you tried some things on – you could find the one. There are plenty of dresses in here.”

Edie and her mom were in the process of trying to find a dress for Edie to wear to the huge event coming up – you had to be dressed up properly, it was a very formal night. Edie had pleaded with her mom to let her pick out her own dress, but her mom would have nothing of it. She wanted to make sure her daughter looked perfect so she could show her off like an exhibit to everyone in the town.

“I didn't see anything I liked in the store, everything is too frilly for me. I am not Little Bo Peep.” Edie took a seat in the corner of the store as her mom scurried away, ignoring the fact that her daughter wasn't going to find anything she liked in the store.

Edie began to pick off the nail polish she had just painted on her nails that morning, hoping that it would pass the time and she could go back to her apartment.

She was painfully sun burnt from yesterday, forgetting to put more sunscreen on when she got out of the water. Although she was still slightly irritated with John about what he did, she did have fun on the boat. She got to know the guys and their girlfriends and they ended up not being half bad.

John was only irritating Edie because he was pushing her – pushing her to do new things and meet new people, forcing her to come out of her shell. She wasn't sure if she liked it or not. The whole thought scared her and she felt like she was just going to get hurt and be more fucked up than ever.

“What about this one, honey?” Edie looked up to see her mother standing at the far end of the store, holding up a long dress that was covered in pink and purple flowers, the sight of it making her want to puke.

“No, mom.” She returned to picking at her nails, a look of defeat on her mother's face as she continued to browse the racks to find something for her daughter to wear.

Edie didn't know if she was going to find a dress and frankly, she didn't care. Maybe if she didn't have a dress, her mother would let her skip out on the night. She still hadn't told her that Eric was her date and she would wait until the moment came around for her to do so. She leaned back in her seat and hummed Lily Allen tunes as she glanced out the window, wondering if she would even get the opportunity to enjoy the day.

Edie hated shopping in general, spending the day with her mother wasn't making it any better. Nothing ever fit her right and nothing ever looked good. She couldn't wear short sleeves or spaghetti straps, tight skirts or shirts. Whenever Edie found something that caught her eye on the rack, it was normally something she couldn't wear. The frustration was something that soon led to her lying in bed for the rest of the day, feeling sorry for herself.

Every dress her mom held up was something she knew she couldn't wear without a shawl or a cardigan or something to cover her up a little more. Her mom had no idea what she was going through, no one really did. Not even her best friend.

Edie stared down at her black legging covered legs. They were too big – her thighs touched and the fat was ever present on them. When she moved them, they jiggled almost in a torment kind of way. She tried to hide her stomach with the baggy sweater she was wearing, hoping it wouldn't make her look as gigantic as she felt.

She didn't understand the sudden feeling of hating herself, but she guessed it had something to do with yesterday. She was surrounded by people with perfect bodies, people who weren't afraid to show some skin. Edie watched as the girls walked around shamelessly in the bikinis, their boyfriends staring at them with wide eyes and lust. Edie would never have a guy look at her like that.

John looked perfect yesterday. He spent most of the time shirtless, showing off her toned arms and tattoos that covered his fit torso. He was unreal. Edie had to keep telling herself not to stare at him and not to think about him. He could have any girl her ever wanted. Edie was some sad, pathetic girl wanting a guy she could never have.

Edie looked back up from her thighs, almost disgusted with it all, and glanced out the window. She jumped a little when she saw Eric and John peering in with stupid, funny looks on their faces. Edie rose from her seat and checked to see that her mom was still at the end of the store before exiting the store.

“Hey guys.” She squinted her eyes in the sunlight and met the two boys on the corner of the street, shopping bags in both their hands.

“I was surprised to see you in that store Edie,” Eric sniffed the air, “but I am guessing this stop has something to do with mama Jean.”

“Well you know, I have to find some outrageously frilly gown to wear to that stupid event.” Edie shifted slightly in her stance as she tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear.

“I just went and picked up my bow tie.” Eric held up one of the bags in his hand, Edie not believing he was serious about the bow tie.

“What's this whole event?” John chipped in, wondering what Eric and Edie were discussing. Edie couldn't even look at John without her stomach flopping. He stood there, in his Tom Petty baseball tee with his black Ray Bands causing Edie's heart to almost stop.

“Edie's mom is throwing this fundraiser in about two weeks and I am Edie's date. She is just doing it to piss her mom off, Jean isn't the biggest fan of me.”

“Who is?” John teased as Eric hit him in the chest. Edie glanced behind her shoulder to make sure her mom wasn't coming, the last thing she needed was having to deal with her mom seeing her with Eric and John.

“Well it looks like you guys did a lot of shopping.” Edie pointed to the bags they were all holding, wondering what the two could possibly be shopping for. Both of them got a lot of mileage out of ripped up jeans and worn tshirts.

“Actually, John picked up a gift for you.” Eric spilled causing John to smack him into the arm, almost causing him to fall into the street next to them. He was making him sound like a fruit cake.

Eric and him had spent most of the day fucking around in music stores and finally got around to doing some manly shopping. John couldn't even remember the last time he had bought new clothes. Most of his stuff was old or from thrift stores – they had stains and holes and were so worn, he didn't know if they could even be considered as clothes, but as rags.

While Eric was taking this time digging through different types of tshirts, John had just so happened to see a shirt hanging on the wall. He instantly thought of Edie when he saw it, but he didn't exactly know how to give it to her. He felt weird, he never bought gifts for girls other than his girlfriends.

Edie shifted in her stance and started picking at the loose threads at the end of her sweater sleeves when Eric said John had gotten her something. She didn't know how to feel or how to react. People never bought her stuff out of the blue.

“Well, I was going to give it to your later,” John glared at Eric, “but I felt really bad about throwing you into the lake yesterday and I saw this and.......”

“Edith?” Edie immediately groaned towards the sky when she heard her mother's voice and the clicking of high heels against the cement behind her.

“Mama White!” Eric shouted obnoxiously as he waved to Edie's mother who moved to stand next to her. Jean's arms where crossed and her eyes were filled with disapproval as she looked at Eric and John.

“Hello Mr. Halvorsen, what brings you to this side of town?” Edie glanced at John shaking her head at her mother's comment. The side of town they were on was considered the richer side of town. Jean was making a stab at the fact that Eric and his family weren't wealthy.

“Just picking my bow tie up for the event in two weeks, should be a party.” Edie bit her lip to keep from laughing at her best friend, who didn't give a fuck about what Jean thought. This is why she loved Eric, he loved to get a rise out of people. Her mother rose one eyebrow in distaste, not pleased that Eric Halvorsen was her daughter's date. But if it was the only way Edie was going to show, then so be it.

“It will sure be an-interesting evening,” she cleared her throat before focusing her attention on the tall boy next to Eric, “and who might this be? Another one of your 'friends' Edie?” Jean questioned, starting at John. He looked just as bad as Eric – holes in his clothes and grease in his hair. She could see the outline of his pack of cigarettes in his jean pocket, raising even more questions about the man she was staring at.

“I am John, Mrs. White.” John moved his bags to one hand and reached out to give Jean a handshake. He wasn't surprised at all when she didn't accept the shake.

“Well me and Edith have to get back to the shop. I have some dresses on hold for you to try on. It's always a pleasure seeing you Eric.” Jean turned around in her heels and began walking back into the store, not saying another word to the three of them.

“So that is the infamous mother I have been hearing about?” John cracked a small smile, not expecting her to be as bad as she was. Edie tried to get rid of the embarrassment she was feeling about what just happened, not knowing really what to say.

“That's the one. Me and Jean go way back. We go bowling together every week.” Eric flashed a smile at Edie who didn't feel any less embarrassed.

“I should probably get back inside. I don't want the stick in her ass to move up any farther.” Edie stared at her boot covered feet, wanting this misery to be over. John cleared his throat, grabbing Edie's attention,

“My family is having a barbeque tomorrow and a bunch of people are showing up. If you had time tomorrow, we would all love to see you there.” John watched as Edie went red in the face, finding it cute.

“Uhh yeah, I get off work pretty early. I'll text you.” She tried to keep her voice from shaking, not knowing why she was so nervous. It was just an invite. John glanced down at his hands and grabbed the bag with Edie's gift in it, reaching out to hand it to her.

“Umm, thanks John.” Her voice was quiet and she wished she could think of more to say to him, but the 'thank you' was all that could come out.

“I'll see you guys tomorrow, okay?” Edie grabbed the bag from John, her hand setting on fire when their fingers brushed. She turned around slowly and dragged her feet towards the entrance of the store.

“Try not to get suffocated by all of the lace!” Eric shouted at Edie as she disappeared into the store before turning to look at John as they began to walk down the street.

“Dude, if you wanted to bone my best friend, you have to go through me first.” Eric said as John reached to put a cigarette between his lips. He shoved his friend off with his elbow, a chuckle leaving his lips.

“I think you forgot I have a girlfriend. I was just being nice. You're the one that wanted us to hang out. You should be jumping for joy.” John mumbled between his lips. This was something that John always found himself saying - 'I have a girlfriend. I was just being nice'. John was fooling himself and he didn't even know it.