Close Your Eyes to See

“Why are you nervous? Its just a dinner, Ed.” Edie sat in the passenger seat of her best friend's car as he chewed her ear off about tonight. Edie was nervous. John's family was going to be there and so were a bunch of people she probably didn't know. It was her social anxiety that was getting worse and worse.

“When am I not nervous, Eric?” Edie couldn't believe she was even invited to the barbecue, but she was honestly really excited that she was. She was glad that Eric was going with her though.

“But hey, at least you got the shirt on.” She looked down at the shirt that covered her torso. The gift she had received from John yesterday was a cat shirt. Yes, a cat shirt. He must have really taken a liking to Harley. A black cat was printed on the white fabric, the shirt being a baseball tee style so she could wear it comfortably. When Edie first took it out of the bag, she was afraid it wasn't even going to fit her. That John probably thought she was some gigantic and wore huge clothes, but the shirt fit perfectly.

“I couldn't resist. I do like cats incase you didn't know.”

“John is going to like that you wore the shirt.” Eric smirked as he turned the corner, driving down the street to John's house. Edie tried to hide behind her hair to hide the blush on her face.

“Shut up, Eric.” She knew he was trying to get a reaction out of her and get her to finally admit the feelings she had.

“Edie, the look on your face when he gave you the shirt.” Edie slapped his arm as he pulled up to the house, cars filling the driveway and the street. Eric parked his vehicle in the line of cars and cut the engine, looking over at his best friend who sat with a smile on her face.

“Edith, do you like John?” Eric had had his suspicions for a while, but never knew how to bring it up to her.

Eric knew both John and Edie better than anyone else did which made the idea of the two of them dating both a good and a bad thing. John was a nice guy, with not the cleanest track record. He's had his moments of sleeping around and being with different woman – but his overall intentions were good.

Eric remembered about two years ago when their bands toured together, John was constantly bringing different girls on the bus. He could never keep a relationship and it seemed as though he didnt even want one. He would jump from girl to girl to girl. Eric didn't know how he ended up with a girl like Aly. She was just like every other girl John had ever been with – catty, materialistic and a partier – he never understood how John managed to form a relationship out of that or why he did it in the first place.

Edie was a completely different story. She was closed off and hard to get to know. Eric had to pry their friendship out of her hands to make it work – she could be quite difficult. He would find her and talk to her, stop by her work and invite her to parties. He wanted to be friends with her. Once she finally opened up, it was smooth sailing. She was a sister to him.

But she was also closed off. Edie would never talk to Eric about some stuff and no matter how persistent he was, she would never budge. He knew almost everything about her, but there was still something missing that he couldn't figure out. Some things just seem to set her Edie off in a way he had never seen before. If she was put into a certain situation, she would completely close herself off and not have a part of it.

Eric thought it had something to do with her social anxiety. He never really understood it, but he has accepted it with her. She tries hard to get to know people, but for some reason, she would rather be alone than with other people. That was one thing that separated John and Edie. John was always charismatic and down to make new friends while Edie would rather spend time with herself. She had never had a boyfriend or a real relationship – things were a lot different with her.

In a way, Eric felt protective of her – just like any older brother would. Just how her older brother, Gabe, was. He had told Eric to watch over Edie while he was gone and that was exactly what Eric was doing. He was constantly checking up on her and making sure she was okay with everything – she would never tell Eric when something was wrong which is why he made sure that nothing ever was.

“John has a girlfriend, Eric and besides I hardly know him.” Edie opened the door to the car and slowly got out, Eric mimicking her steps. She adjusted her high waisted coral colored shorts she was wearing. She shouldn't have worn them. They showed off her fat legs and you could see the outline that was her stomach, it sticking out for the world to see.

“For Edith White though, you know John pretty well. I mean, you talk to him all the time and everything. I-”

“It doesn't mean I like him though. He is a great person and I like talking to him. I don't know Eric.” The two of them slowly walked up the driveway towards the house, Edie keeping her stare on her black oxford covered feet.

She didn't know how to explain to Eric about her and John – she didn't understand it herself. Her and John were friends and she liked to talk to him. He got her to open up and not be afraid to talk to be and not be her quiet self. It was just complicated.

Eric cut the conversation, knowing that Edie probably didn't want to discuss her and John as they were walking into his family's house. Her nerves were a complete mess as her and Eric walked through the front door.

The whole house was roaring with chatter and people all about, it was probably Edie's worst nightmare. At least when she was at a party, she recognized most of the faces and had alcohol to make things less awkward for her.

She followed Eric closely into the kitchen where most of the people seemed to be. They were all crowded around the kitchen with drinks in their hands. She recognized a few faces – Jared, Tessa, Garrett and Pat. There were two kids by the door leading to the yard that she knew instantly were John's brothers by the similarities in facial features.

Eric, with the personality he has, was immediately engulfed in conversations with everyone in the room – leaving Edie to stand in the corner awkwardly. She knew she could probably introduce herself, but she didn't know how. She saw people subtly glancing at her, wondering why she was partaking in a conversation which was making everything worse.

Edie didn't realize that anxiety she was feeling until she was in a room full of people with nothing to say. Jared looked over from across the room and smiled, at least giving Edie a little bit of attention, as he continued to talk to a middle aged woman across the kitchen.

“You wore the shirt.” Edie nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard John's voice in her ear. She jumped and turned around to see John towering over her with a smile on his face.

To be honest, John thought that Edie would find the shirt really stupid and cliché. He was unsure about giving it to her and almost thought about returning it, not wanting to make a complete fool of himself.

“Well, it goes pretty well with my shorts,” Edie smiled at him, “I didn't really know what to wear to this thing.” She tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear, glancing at the shirt she was wearing once more.

“Come on, you've never had a family barbecue before?”

“Well, when my family gets together – its normally catered and I have to wear a dress I can't breathe in.” Edie tried to make a joke, but John only half chuckled – the comment making him nervous. He still couldn't believe she came from that type of family. I mean, there she wear, wearing a tshirt and shorts when she comes from a family made of money who had everything.

His family wasn't the richest. They were well off enough to have a nice house and be able to start putting his younger brothers through school. But they certainly weren't made of money.

“Well I can't promise anything fancy, but I can promise you cheap beer and paper plates.” She almost melted at the sight of his smile, making her go weak in the knees. Edie followed John passed the group of people in the kitchen and out into the backyard where more people were sitting around and talking to one another.

“You have a nice house, John.” Not to sound ungrateful, but Edie always wished she had grown up in a smaller house. With a cute little lawn and enough room to make a family of five seem comfortable. The house Edie grew up in wasn't her home, but simply a place she slept at. It gave off more of a museum vibe than a family – expensive furniture you weren't allowed to sit on filled rooms, carpet was something you never stepped on with shoes and a lawn mower was something the yard guy drove.

“Thank you. Its kind of boring though.” He bent down and reached for two beers out of the cooler, popping off the bottle caps and handing one to Edie. The two of them took a seat across from each other at a nearby table, Edie taking a long sip of the copper liquid to wash the worries away.

“So, how was work today?” Edie knew that John didn't really want to know how her day at work was, but he probably didn't know what else to talk about with her.

“You know, it was....work.” She didn't realize how short she was being until she stopped talking, blush forming across her cheek. John always found that cute, she would say something and her face would turn red out of embarrassment.

“Before this whole band thing, I had a job once. I worked at Pizza Hut down the street from my high school. I lasted a week before I messed up a bunch of orders and they fired me. My parents gave up on forcing me to have a job after that. It took longer for me to find a job than actually hold on.” He watched as Edie cracked a smile, hiding it behind her hand and shaking her head at John's story.

“I guess you should stick to music then. Is it hard being on the road?” Edie was used to hearing Eric's stories of touring and playing shows, but she always wondered if it was all true or just something Eric talked about with her just so he could hear his voice.

“You know, I am so used to it by now that I feel like its not normal for me to be home for a long period of time. You miss a lot of people though. Like my family and friends here in Arizona. But I love playing shows. I would do it for the rest of my life if I could,” John took a sip of his beer, “is it hard when Eric is on the road?” He could tell the question took Edie somewhat off guard.

“I mean, I guess so. When he's gone, I kind of just hang around. With Beth and stuff.....” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, feeling foolish. John knew that 'and stuff' meant she hung out by herself.

“What about your brother?”

“Gabe? He is gone al lot. He works for a big news station and gets shipped off to different places around the world. He is gone more than Eric is actually.” Edie pushed her beer away, not feeling like drinking as she stared at her hands. She missed her brother. When he was gone, they never really got a chance to talk except for the occasional email or text every few days or weeks.

“But I mean, you still have your parents and stuff right?” Edie didn't realize it, but John was trying to get to know all about her to understand why she was the way she was. He watched as Edie bit her lip and shook her head.

“Well, you've met my mother. We haven't exactly seen eye to eye since...basically my whole life. She is very materialistic and wants to have a picture perfect family. She's in denial about a lot of things. I've never been close with my dad because he was never really around. He works a lot, his home is basically his office. I had a lot of nannies growing up to say the least.”

It all sort of started to hit John right then. He watched Edie White from across the table as she stared down at her hands, her small voice talking about how often Eric and her brother and everyone around her seemed to be gone. Even her parents weren't really there for her.

John could never imagine not having his mom or his dad there for him. They didn't make a whole lot of money, but they made sure that there were plenty of family trips throughout the years. One of them always made it to his baseball games in high school and they still go to all of his shows in Arizona. It seemed like Edie's entire family left her on her own.

“Are you lonely?” The question left John's mouth before he even had time to think and he was about to retract the statement until he saw the expression on Edie's face. Her eyes remained on her hands in front of her, her eyebrows scrunched together as she tried to swallow any feelings that were erupted from her soul at the sound of the question.

It was a simple sentence 'are you lonely' that would cause a slew of negative thoughts and responses. Edie never considered the statement before, but the answer was screaming in her head as soon as the words left John's perfect mouth. It was plain as day what the answer was.

“Yeah.” Her voice was so quiet, it sounded like a breeze across the table. John had heard it though and he felt like he just cracked a part of Edie he never thought he would. Honestly, John didn't expect Edie to even respond. He thought she would deny it or change the subject. But now the response to the answer was left in his lap and he had no idea what to say.

“John, were you not going to introduce me to your guest?” John looked over at his mom who was approaching the table him and Edie were stationed at, the conversation between them coming to a halt.

Edie knew from the start that the woman was John's mom. She was a small woman, John getting his height from his dad most likely. She had the sandy blonde hair though and almost the same pair of eyes that belonged to her son's.

“Sorry mom, this is Edie.” His mom turned to look at Edie with a bright smile on her face. She didn't even hesitate to lean down and give Edie a big hug, taking her completely off guard. Edie's family wasn't very affectionate.

“Ohh John and Eric have told me so much about you. Its nice to finally meet you, I'm Jenny.” Edie's cheeks turned a dark shade of pink at the words that were leaving Jenny's mouth. What were John and Eric saying about her?

“Hi.” Edie responded, her voice was quiet. She didn't really know how to act so she tried her best to smile at John's mom.

“John, you never told me how beautiful she was though.” Edie's eyes grew big and she felt uncomfortable, but flattered at what his mom was saying.

“Ma.” John whined, wanting her to stop embarrassing him in front of the girl that sat across the table. All Jenny did was laugh at her son, giving him a pat on the back.

“Have you gotten Edie any food yet?” Edie was about to shake her head and tell her she wasn't hungry, but John had beat her to the punch.

“I was just about to do that, ma.” John stood up from the table and ushered Edie against her will back into the kitchen, Jenny following closely.

There was food everywhere – steaks, hamburgers, hot dogs, chips, soda, every condiment ever imagined, an assortment of buns and different breads, fruit salad, egg salad, pasta salad, real leaf salad – you name it and it was there.

She took the plate that John handed to her and followed him around the kitchen, grabbing a small portion of fruit salad, some chips and a hot dog with ketchup. She didn't really feel like eating with so many people around, but she didn't want to seem rude.

Once they had food on their plates, John and Edie went back to the table they had occupied earlier – John's mom and Eric both joining them as well.

“My mom is a wedding planner and my dad is a lawyer.” Edie responded to Jenny's question about what her parents did for a living. John was watching intently, hoping that his mom didn't say the wrong thing and set Edie over the edge.

“Eric mentioned that you graduated from ASU last year, what did you study?” Normally, Edie would be so taken back with talking to parents, but Jenny was so warm and welcoming that talking to her was easy. She didn't feel so nervous as the conversation continued on.

“I got an English degree. I guess, I got it because I thought there would be more job opportunities out there for me, but I have realized that's its not something I completely love.”

“Edie is a really good artist.” She was surprised when she heard John's voice say that, the compliment making her feel slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah, she is working on a mural in our apartment, but hasn't really made a dent in it.” Eric mumbled with his mouth full of pasta salad. Edie rolled her eyes and speared a strawberry with her fork, placing it in her mouth.

“I am going to get to that eventually. I have a problem with finishing things I guess....” John's mom smiled and laughed at the interaction between Eric and Edie and John knew that she really liked Edie.

Aly and his mom have never really seen eye to eye. They have never really had conversations the way that her and Edie were having right now. His mom was warm and engaged in the conversation and Edie was as well.

“Well Edie, you should show me some of your work one day. I would love to see it.” Edie nodded her head and took another bite of fruit that was on her plate, listening as the conversation carried onto John doing the dishes tonight.

She couldn't believe that a woman she had just met was more supportive of her art than her own mother and she hadn't even seen any of her work. She glanced up at John and he winked at her, trying to mute out his mother's demands of doing chores later tonight. He was glad Edie had shown up to his house. They were making progress.