Close Your Eyes to See

It was something that she never expected. A moment. The moment that she never in a million years thought would happen and now she was in the middle of it and didn't know how to act. She had no preparation, no warning, nothing. She didn't know how to feel, she couldn't tell if it was right or not.

Edie's entire day had started off terrible. She woke up and called in sick from work. She was sad and depressed and just wanted to spend the day alone. She rarely had days like this, but when they came around, they were awful.

Edie's day was used sitting on the couch watching Pride and Prejudice and eating Ben and Jerry's. Sometimes, she just needed a day to herself. The words William said to her the night before still rang in her hair – the moment when John said she was pretty making everything even worse. She hated people that lied to her and people that were cruel, she hated it all. She hated the world.

There were no redeeming qualities within her. She was boring, her personality lacking spunk, the shyness within her soul sucking all of the color out of any traits she possessed. She was...average, if that. No one ever noticed her and if they did, it was for all of the wrong reasons.

She knew she was being a sensitive insecure girl with amplified feelings, but who could blame her? She was entitled to feeling sorry for herself and hating the way her life has been lately. She was sad and alone without actually being alone.

John's day had started off on nearly the same foot. He woke up after a late night of arguing with Aly to more arguments with Aly. After Beth's showcase last night, the entire car ride was spent yelling at each other. He didn't understand why Aly couldn't associate herself with his friends or even support them.

His head was spinning when he went to beed and it was even worse when he woke up. He hated arguing and yelling, but Aly made it so difficult sometimes. She always thought she was right and wanted to make it known.

The second his eyes opened, he came face to face with Aly as she paced around the room – shouting profanities at him. Things in this relationship were going downhill fast. All they did was argue and yell at each other, nothing was ever positive.

John had reached the point in his relationship where he wondered how he ended up with Aly in the first place. He remembered how he used to feel about her, but he couldn't tell you last time he told her he loved her or anything like that.

The second John got out of bed, he threw on a shirt and some jeans before grabbing his wallet and car keys and walking out the apartment, Aly yelling at him all the way to the door. He tuned it all out, trying his hardest to not shout back at the harsh words that were leaving her little body.

He found himself in his car, driving down the road. His head was clogged with anger and confusion, he didn't know what to do with Aly. Did he still love her? Did he want to be with her? Nothing was making sense.

Things were messy at the moment and he didn't know how to fix it. He couldn't deny it anymore, he wanted Edie. She was everything that Aly wasn't and he loved it. He loved how shy she was, she hardly ever talked back about people and he has yet to hear her raise her voice at anyone – even Eric when he was being irritating.

He found himself wishing he was with her, she just seemed so sad last night at the art gallery and he wanted to help her. She said she was fine, but he knew it was a lie. Edie both intrigued and confused him all at the same time, he just wanted to break through the surface.

He wasn't surprised when he found himself pulling into her apartment complex, not even knowing if she was home or not. Her phone was shut off and Eric hadn't heard from her that day. He approached her front door and could hear the slight hum of the TV inside. He reached for the silver knob and turned it slightly, entering into the apartment without a knock.

“Ed?” John slipped his Converse off his feet and made himself comfortable, walking farther into the apartment where Edie was.

The second she heard her door open and close, she knew it was John. She rolled her eyes and hid farther underneath the covers – hoping that he would vanish in thin air. No makeup caked her face, her hair in a ratty bun atop her head.

“John, what are you doing here?” She groaned, covering her head with the blanket as John appeared into her vision.

“Have you been laying on the couch all day?” He walked over, taking a seat at the empty spot on the end of the couch she was occupying as she hid underneath the blanket.

“Yes, why are you here?” Eric was the only boy she was ever used to barging into the apartment that wasn't her brother. She knew the routine with Eric. He would come in, complaining about something before going into the kitchen to make himself a sandwich and then stealing the remote from her and her spot on the couch.

John couldn't help but ask himself that question, he didn't understood why his head led him here or why he felt like he should be in this very apartment than his own. He wanted to forget about the relationship he had with Aly and hang out with Edie – talk to her and laugh with her, just lay around all day as their conversation dragged on into the late hours of the night.

“I woke up this morning to Aly yelling at me about something and I stormed out without saying anything to her I don't know, my car and mind led me here. I figured that you were home since you weren't answering any of my calls.”

Edie's eyes peeked out from behind the blanket that covered her face to look at the boy sitting at the edge of the couch. His hair was a mess, showing that he literally had rolled out of bed and left. His eyes were focused on the TV that lit up the dark living room, his eyes full of what appeared to be confusion.

Edie honestly didn't want to hear about his relationship with Aly, she didn't like her. Aly took for granted what a great guy John was and was more selfish than any other person she had ever met. Hearing about everything that was wrong in that relationship just made Edie want to yank her hair out. She wanted to be Aly, she wanted John. She kept quiet as John finished his rant, not knowing if she should say everything that was on her mind.

“So why are you sitting here in the dark, alone, watching TV?” John couldn't help but ask it as he waited for the awkward silence to disappear from their conversation. He glanced at Edie who was still hidden under most of the covers, clearly not wanting to be bothered. But John didn't care.

“Come on, you can talk to me.” He nudged the bottom of her feet, wondering if he was ever going to get through to her. He still didn't understand why she seemed so sad last night and a part of him wanted to find out.

“Do you ever just have those days where you hate everything and want to lay around feeling sorry for yourself?” Her eyes locked with John as he nodded his head, shifting a little bit on the couch.

“Well that is how I am today. I just want to lay here and do nothing and think about nothing and be nothing.”

“Don't ya think that you are thinking about it more by laying around?” He retorted, trying to stay on the subject long enough for Edie to talk about it more. But she just shrugged, turning towards the TV to complete cut off where the conversation was going.

It was so hard with Edie, one second she was making jokes and opening up and the next minute, it was like someone had glued her mouth shut. Edie White was a challenge for John, one that drove him completely insane no matter the time of day.

So John decided to do what he did best, bug the fuck out of Edie to get her to talk. In one swift movement, he was tickling Edie causing her entire body to squirm and infectious laughs to leave her mouth.

“Seriously John, you are like five.” She said in between laughs as the man that was beside her was now hovering on top of her, his fingers tickling her all over her torso. She hated the effect he had over her, he could do one thing and she would be putty in his hands.

“Hey, you are the one that didn't want to talk. I don't want you to sit around being like this all day.” He said, the tickling continued as she laughed some more, the magnitude of his words not hitting her until after his hands had left to rest on either side of her face to prop him up.

Edie blinked a few times, trying to figure out how John had suddenly gotten to be hovering over her – the intense stare making her feel even more uncomfortable.

“I don't like talking about things...” Her face was a light shade of pink as she stared away from John's face that was still above hers. She didn't know what else to say nor did she want to say anymore.

“I wish you would...When we were at the barbecue, did you mean it when you said you were lonely?” He had Edie trapped underneath him and he wasn't going to move until he got some answers. John knew that the awkward position they were both in was going to result in her talking to him. Edie nodded her head, not wanting to use words as she began to count the number of letters on his tshirt to avoid any eye contact.

“Why?”

“Because John,” Edie said angrily, “look the fuck around. Do you see anyone here? Do you ever seen me with anyone other than Eric? I have parents that are fucking impossible, a brother that spends more time out of the country than in it and a best friend that is gone more days out of the year than at home. I have a cat. A fucking, god for saken animal to give my attention to. I get to go to work and come home and talk to myself or the fucking wall. I get to go shopping with myself and get coffee with myself. I am alone.”

Her eyes watered as she stopped at the fifteenth letter, her hands making contact with John's chest in efforts to get him off of her so she could get up and get away from him. He was asking too much of her and she hated that he was pushing her to talk about feelings that had been bottled up a long time ago.

She never wanted to admit it how alone she really felt. She sometimes found herself wondering where everything went wrong and how she ended up with such an empty life. Did people not like her? Did she do something wrong?

John didn't budge when Edie tried to get him to move, he was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to say to make her feel better or get her to realize that she was completely wrong. He watched as her eyes filled with water, her untouched face looking so sad, yet so beautifully fragile at the same time.

There was only one thing that came to his mind after Edie finished her sentence and he knew it was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself. He bent down and brought her lips to his, taking both of them by completely surprise. He wanted her to know that he was there for her, that she could turn to him with anything at all.

When Edie felt John's soft lips touch hers, it took her by complete surprise. Everything was new territory for her and she never expected John to actually kiss her, show her any affection at all.

It was something that she never expected. A moment. The moment that she never in a million years thought would happen and now she was in the middle of it and didn't know how to act. She had no preparation, no warning, nothing. She didn't know how to feel, she couldn't tell if it was right or not.

When their lips parted, their eyes met. Edie didn't want this moment to end and quite honestly, neither did John. He felt like he was back to square one with everything and there was nothing he could do to understand the magnitude of the action he just committed. John licked his lips and debated his next words as they left his mouth,

“You're not alone, Edie. Please, just.....try to remember that.”