Close Your Eyes to See

Her head was already beginning to throb and they hadn't even made it to the hotel yet. Eric's birthday present from Edie was tonight – the Wilco concert. She wished more than ever that she had never invited John.

There was a reason Eric was a bass player, the guy couldn't carry a tune if his life depended on it. The two hour long car ride felt more like five days. She sat in the back seat of the car, Eric at the wheel and John in front of her, his piercing eyes glancing in the mirror every few mile markers to check on her.

John didn't know it, but Edie could sense every time his eyes fell on her. She had her head rested against the seat, her eyes staying focused on the passing scenery, trying to avoid talking to either of the boys that occupied the car.

The last thing Edie could remember from two nights ago was John taking her home and staying the night with her. Imagine the confusion in her head when she awoke to find John O'Callaghan resting next to her. She could barely remember the last time she drank that much, but when she opened her eyes that morning and found John next to her – she ran. She left her apartment and drove. She didn't care that she looked like shit – her makeup running down her face and her clothes reeking of cigarettes and alcohol, she didn't want to face John.

“Come on Edie, sing along!” Eric shouted over the music as he continued to speed down the hallway. Eric still didn't know. He had no idea about the kiss or what had been going on between Edie and John. The guilt was starting to eat away at her. As was the pressure John's eyes were adding to her soul each time he glanced in the mirror to look at her.

Edie knew Eric could sense the tension between his two best friends, anyone could sense it. But what she couldn't understand was why he hadn't brought up the subject or asked about it – he seemed to be oblivious or waiting for the right time to bring it up.

Edie glanced away from the window and locked eyes with John briefly before quickly looking away. John could tell by the feelings going on between them that she didn't remember anything from the other night, her mind not remembering a thing.

John looked over at his friend who had a bright smile plastered on his face unaware of the turmoil going on between him and Edie. John has never lied to Eric in the years they had been friends, this wasn't anything he was used to.

When the three of them finally reached the hotel, the tension that was in the car managed to follow Edie and John wherever they went. When the vehicle was parked and the trunk of popped, Edie and John's hands touched slightly as they both went to reach for her suitcase.

“I got it.” John tried his best to smile, but Edie wouldn't even make eye contact with him to notice. He was back to square one. Edie remembers the John that was drunk and said some things that still made him sick to his stomach.

Edie nodded and quietly snuffled away and walked with Eric into the hotel to check in, leaving John with the bags. He was going to kill her with kindness and when the time came, he was going to talk to her.

The hotel room came with two queen beds, clearly leaving Edie bunking with Eric for the night. She gave Beth some credit for all the nights she shared a bed for him, the guy drooled and snored in his sleep. She would rather sleep on the floor, but the last thing she wanted to do was be suspicious.

The suitcases were stacked by the door as Edie took a seat on the edge of her bed and removed her shoes. They had a few hours before doors and the bar would open for the show which left Edie's mind askew as she sat in the room with her best friend and the guy that was making her life more complicated.

“I am going to take a shower and then we can head out alright?” Edie rolled her eyes instantly as Eric stripped his shirt off and threw it at her before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door – leaving John and her completely alone. This was something Edie was hoping to avoid.

While Edie sat and clicked through the channels on the TV, she could sense that John was waiting for the sound of the shower and fan to click on in the bathroom. When it did, he finally spoke.

“Are you going to talk to me?” John leaned against the wall next to the TV, watching as Edie's eyes flickered at the sound of his question. When she didn't respond, John knew he was going to have to do it the hard way. He leaned over and shut the TV off, causing an annoyed look to come from Edie. At least he was getting a response now.

“Do you remember anything from the other night?” John was begging for answers, needing to know where Edie stood on things. He watched as she squinted her eyes in thought,

“I remember you taking me home and then the next morning.” John nodded his head and stared at the ceiling.

“Why did you bail in the morning?” Edie tossed the remote onto the other bed and let out a loud sigh, reaching to put on her shoes.

“Where are you going, Ed? Come on, just freaking talk to me for once.” John groaned and grabbed one of Edie's stray shoes from the ground to keep her from going anywhere. He wasn't going to let her keep running away.

“I don't want to talk about it, John okay?” She finished lacing up one of her wedges and rose from the bed to get the other one that was suspended in the air by one of John's string bean arms.

“Why did you bail in the morning?”

“Give me the shoe, John.”

“Why did you bail? Just answer the question and I will give you the shoe.” Edie rose her arm, but was too short to reach her shoe. John's breath was tickling her nose as they stood close to each other. The two of them locked eyes and Edie swore, nothing had a bigger persuasion over her than John's green eyes.

Edie gulped out of nervousness as John's glossy eyes peered into her soul. John just wanted one simple answer to one of the many questions that filled his head when he thought about her.

“When I woke up and saw you next to me, I freaked out. I panicked. I didn't know what to say to you and I don't know how to handle any of this, okay? Now will you do me a favor and leave me alone?” Edie jumped up and grabbed her shoe from John's grasp shoving it on her foot and reaching across the bed to grab her purse.

“Why do you keep running from everything, Edie?” John's voice was soft, almost a whisper as Edie began walking towards the hotel room door. A wave of emotions hit Edie as John's voice hit her back with such an exertion of emotions, it seemed to seep into her soul.

Edie turned around to face John who was still standing in the same position as he was before. Eric was still in the shower, the load noises from the running water and the fan drowning out his ears from the conversation going on.

“I've become accustomed to shutting people out than letting them in. Its easier.”

“Is that the truth or is it something you just tell yourself?” A smirk formed on Edie's lips as she ran her fingers through her long, dark hair and stared momentarily at the ground before shaking her head.

“Probably both. I'll meet you guys at the venue.” And she walked out before John could say one more word.