Close Your Eyes to See

Edie could tell by the sting in her eyes and her runny nose that last night did in fact happen. She felt relieved, not embarrassed like she thought she would. She rolled onto her side and noticed the side of the bed John had occupied last night was empty.

She laid there for a moment and replayed the events that happened last night in her head. She told him everything. She was wide open, exposed and didn't know how to feel about it. She was vulnerable to getting hurt, but for some reason she felt like she was going to be okay with John.

Edie could hear the faint sound of whistling and Tom Petty from her kitchen and a smile formed on her face. She wasn't used to smiling this much, it made her cheeks hurt. She didn't feel like herself which Edie saw as a good thing.

She slowly rose out of bed happily, the first time in years, and threw her long hair up into a messy bun before opening her bedroom door – the aroma of bacon and chocolate chip pancakes tickling her nose.

Edie peeked into the small kitchen and saw John cooking away in front of the stove wearing boxers he slept in and his button up shirt – clearly channelling his inner Tom Cruise.

“Its a little early for Risky Business, wouldn't you say?” Edie said over the music, startling John as he flipped a pancake, nearly missing the pan.

“No, no, no – go back to bed. I had the tray and everything set up to bring it to you.” John shook his head and pointed to the perfectly laid out plate and glass resting in a tray on the counter. He took two of the pancakes off the stove before dumping more batter onto the pan and turning his attention to Edie.

“You didn't have to do this, you know.” She said as John leaned down and gave her a fresh morning kiss, something he had been waiting since he woke up to do. He wrapped his arms around her and rocked back and forth to the beat of “Zombie Zoo”, wanting every morning to be like this one.

“I know, but I wanted to. Besides, I woke up starving. The dinner last night was about the portion size for a five year old.” He turned back to the stove and checked on the pancakes as Edie leaned against the counter by the stove.

“Well that would be because all of the ladies there are either on diets or have forced their daughters on diets and the men load up on all the liquor they can find. They spend more money on the décor than on the food, corrupt people.”

Edie reached behind her and grabbed a mug from the cupboard before filling it with coffee and turning back to John who took the last of the pancakes off the stove and added it to the stake on the plate.

“You really hate all that stuff don't you?” Edie simply nodded as she poured a cup of coffee for John and followed him to the small table in the corner of the kitchen as he laid out the food he had prepared.

The two of them sat across each other as they placed their food onto their plates, pouring syrup over all of it. Edie always felt awkward eating in front of John, but for some reason, she didn't feel as self conscious about it. She slowly cut her pancakes into little pieces and took small bites of the fluffy circles.

“I mean, you witnessed it first hand. They are all fake and they all like to bring people down. My mom is kind of the ring leader of the circus – she is the most passive, selfish person I have ever met to be honest. But she's my mom, you know?”

“What about your dad?” Edie chuckled slightly at the thought of the man she called her father. They were never close and they were never going to be close.

“My dad has been screwing his assistant for the past few years and I am sure my mom knows about it, she knows everything. But she doesn't want to admit to it or do anything. So when he comes home late from the office or goes on business trips, she doesn't question it. Me and my dad have never been close to be honest, he is kind of just-there. He would just buy me a bunch of shit than have to deal with his child. The same thing happened with Gabe, he isn't the father type. He is the working type.”

John didn't really know what to say to that as he chewed on his pancakes and listened to Edie talk. He knew the root of her problems came from her family and he wanted to know it all, he wanted to know everything about her.

“I honestly don't really know what to say to that, Ed.” He rubbed the back of his head, wishing he could be more help to the beautiful girl sitting across from him, but he couldn't.

“Its fine John,” she smiled and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, “I have only met your mom once, but I can tell she loves you and your brothers. She's maternal – she has that nurturing bone in her body that is full of compassion and wanting to help others. My mom will never have that – my dad either. I wasn't planned. I spent my life being raised by nannies who taught me how to talk like this and act like this. I am seen in my mother's eyes as the thing that ruined her career and chained her to my father, a man she never loved.”

John reached across the table and the two of them connected hands, taking a break from their breakfast for a moment.

“You don't think that is the reason for everything, do you?” John didn't know how to describe what Edie was going through even though he was finally learning about it all. She shrugged her shoulders and stared down at their hands that were connected.

“I think part of the reason is being who I am and the other part is my mom and how she tried to raise me and the words she shoved into my brain since I was born. It has all fucked with me and now I am just, here, ya know?” His thumb soothingly rubbed against the top of her hand as he tried to think of words to say to her.

The last thing he wanted to do was scare her, the thoughts in his head was actually scaring himself. Edie was staring into his eyes, she looked so beautiful. And the fact that she thought so little of herself was killing him inside.

John had been in one or two relationships in his life where he felt the need to say the little words, but he wanted nothing more than to say it to her. He felt it so strongly. He knew it was too soon, but he felt like their relationship started way before than when they kissed the other night. It all truly started that day on the couch.

“I love you,” he watched her eyes go wide, “and I know that might sound ridiculous and its okay if you don't feel the same, but I wanted to say it because I mean it. And I want you to know that I am here for you and you can talk to me about anything you are going through.”

Edie's eyebrows scrunched in confusion as she slowly slipped her hand out of John's and rested it back in her life. She had never had someone say that to her. No one like John. John was going to be her first boyfriend, her first real relationship. She didn't know what was normal, what wasn't. There was no book and no guidelines for her to follow. She was going in blind – it was scary.

John was panicking on the inside. He shouldn't have said anything to her at all. He was just going to scare her away. All of his other girlfriends were the ones to rush into it, never John. This whole thing was new for him.

He watched as Edie slowly rose from the table and stood there for a second, not saying a word. He opened his mouth to say something to her, he didn't want Edie to run off on him. He stood there, paralyzed, as Edie moved away from the table. John felt himself relax, however, when Edie walked around the table and leaned down, kissing him with her soft lips. Edie was going to stop running from things with John. She was going to face them head on.

“I promise not to run this time,” she mumbled against his lips, something she was never going to get used to, “but in case you didn't know, you are my first boyfriend so things are going to be weird for a while,” she walked back over and took a seat in her chair, “I don't know how to act in certain situations or how to say things.....”

“Edie,” John reached for her hand across the table again, “you are the first girl I have ever been with that I get nervous around which isn't a bad thing at all. Its just different. We are both in this.” Edie blushed a little at his words and nodded her head as he leaned in and gave her one more kiss.

Just as their lips attached, they could hear Gabe groan over the Tom Petty that was still playing in the kitchen.

“I knew there was something going on here.” Edie turned to see her brother who was dressed in a pair of jeans and a tshirt, appearing to be jetting off somewhere. He walked over to the table and looked down at the two of them.

“Well seeing as I already gave you an ear full at dinner last night, mess with my sister and I will beat the shit out of you.” Gabe gave John a big slap on the back before kissing Edie's forehead.

“I am going to the store for some food for this place. Mom called this morning, she wants us to come over this week for dinner,” Gabe reached down and grabbed a piece of bacon, “she wants you to bring John.” John's eyes grew wide at the thought and Edie's skin began to crawl.

“That's a good one, Gabe. Why would she want John to come to dinner?” Edie's followed followed Gabe's as he went to retrieve his shoes from the living room.

“She thinks you guys are dating and well, she is right. You know how mom is...” Edie rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat with a sigh,

“Meaning she just wants to torment John some more, huh?”

“Pretty much. I'll be back in a hour.” He reached for the keys off the counter and walked out the front door, leaving Edie and John alone again. She turned to look at John who had gone back to eating his pancakes.

“You don't have to go John, its fine. I think you have suffered enough of the wrath of my parents for a lifetime.” Edie speared a piece of pancake and fed it into her mouth. Her mom was ridiculous.

John never had problems with parents before, they always loved him or the relationship never lasted long enough for him to meet the parents. He was used to being under the spotlight and criticized.

“Nah, I'll go. I think I will give more of a bad impression if I don't go than if I do. Parents love him,” a smirk formed on his lips, “I mean, come on now, I am a total catch.” Edie rolled her eyes and continued to chew, the pancakes turning out a lot better than I expected.

“But you have to do me a favor,” he set his fork down to give his attention to her, “if I endure your parents for a miserable night, you have to be my date to my band's show at the end of the week.” A kiddish smile formed on his perfect mouth which instantly made Edie want to say yes. She had listened to The Maine before, a few days after the two of them had met, and she wanted to see what he did for a living. He always go so excited when he talked about his music – it was his entire life.

“Of course, I'll go. As long as Rocket isn't playing. I really don't want to see Halvo pick up that bass of his.” John's infectious laugh filled the kitchen as he nodded his head in agreement, Eric was awful at playing bass – but the chicks dug it.

The two of them finished eating their breakfast while John talked about the upcoming show, it made Edie happy seeing him glow like that. As Edie did the dishes in the sink, John came up from behind and snaked his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder.

“I forgot to do something today.” He mumbled against her neck as she dumped more soap onto the used pan. Butterflies were in her stomach as how close John was to her, she could feel the vibrations of his voice on her neck, the sound of his breath in her ear.

“Mmmm?” She asked, placing a dish into the rack to dry as John's lips grazed her neck. He drove her crazy. John made a promise to her last night and he was going to keep that promise,

“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”