Close Your Eyes to See

READ AUTHOR'S NOTE

“And what book number would this one be?” Edie's nose left the pages of her books and she made eye contact with Teri, the waitress she saw every week that she was at her favorite dinner, Ruth's. She came here once a week to escape from everything and would order a nice cup of coffee and a slice of apple pie while she read a book. Call her a book worm or whatever, but Edie read a lot. She always made a list of books she wanted to read for the year, some of them repeats, and always made it a goal to finish every page on the list by the end of the December.

“We are at fifteen today, Teri.” Edie looked at the cover of her book, “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath and smiled, enjoying the book so far. Teri shook her head and chuckled at Edie before filling her coffee cup and walking off to tend to other customers. She didn't even get to the end of the page when her phone started ringing. With annoyance, she answered it, hoping it was important enough to keep her from her book.

“Hello?”

“You're at Rutth's again, aren't you?” It was Eric. This was not an important phone call. Edie rested her arm up on the table and rubbed the top of her forehead in frustration. Sometimes, she wished he didn't know about Ruth's.

“What do you want, Halvo? I am reading.” She closed her book and tossed it to the edge of the table, knowing that the conversation with Eric was going to be time consuming.

“So you met John last night...”

“You were kind of there Eric.” Edie took a sip of her coffee before reaching across the table and adding a small container of cream to the bitter liquid.

“We are hanging out later today and want you tag along.” Edie groaned into the cell phone and rolled her eyes at the thought.

“No, Eric.”

“Don't be bitter Edie. I just want all of us to hang out and shit. You two are my best friends and if you guys become friends, we can all hang out together and I won't have to schedule fucking times to hang out with you guys separately.”

Out of habit, Edie began biting her black painted nails out of annoyance. She never said no to Halvo which is one of her biggest problems. She didn't want to get to know other people – not because she didn't like people, but because she didn't know how to act around them half the time.

“What are you guys planning on doing?”

“Just a video game session at me and Beth's house.”

“So you guys made up.”

“Yeah, I talked to her this morning.” Eric always second guessed her when it came to apologizing and making up within his relationship with Beth. She was always right though. At least now, Edie would have the house to herself.

“I have never been a good one with video games, Eric.”

“Dude, just come and hang out then. It will be me and John and a few others. Don't be antisocial Edie.” She hated it when people called her antisocial because she wasn't antisocial. It was her self consciousness that was eating away at her and she just assumed that everyone was staring at her and judging her.

“Fine, but if its lame I am bailing.” Edie threw a five dollar bill down the table and grabbed her book, waving goodbye to the staff and walking out the door to the car.

“It won't be lame Edie, its us. We are so cool.”

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Edie didn't want to be there. Her dress was too tight and her shoes made her legs look stumpy, but it was her day off – the only time she got to dress in something other than shorts and a tshirt. She didn't want to drive all the way home and change. So she stood in front of Eric and Beth's apartment for a good five minutes before walking in, never needing to knock.

“Edie!” Eric shouted from the couch and paused the game, getting up and wrapping her in a hug. Edie's face turned red as all eyes were on her and she tried to hide her face in Eric's shoulder so they would stop looking.

“You actually showed up.”

“I'm not a liar. Where's Beth?” Eric released the hug and pointed towards the kitchen which Edie immediately walked towards, feeling bad for ignoring the group of guys in the room. She had no idea what to say and she couldn't remember any of their names from last night.

“How do you handle so many guys in your house?” Edie asked as she walked in and found Beth standing in the kitchen, opening bags of chips and putting them into bowls.

Beth was a catch, she always wondered how someone like Eric Halvorsen managed to get a girl like her. She was thin as a twig with dark brown hair that almost reached her mid back. Beth worked as a film developer at a local photography studio and spent most of her time there. She was such a free spirit, Edie admired her for it.

“Give them snacks and alcohol.” She pointed to the case of beer that was sitting on the counter and the bowls full of chips she had just filled. Edie took a seat at the island counter top that occupied much of their apartment's kitchen and cracked open one of the beers, not caring that it was merely four in the afternoon.

“Do you ever get sick of it?”

“Eric is in a band which means when he is not playing video games, he is practicing. And we both know he isn't the best with the bass....”

“What are you saying about me?” Eric stepped into the kitchen, catching the last of Beth's sentence and she automatically cleared her throat and tried to play off what she had just said,

“...but he's totally easy on the eyes obviously.” Eric rolled his eyes and leaned down, giving Beth a small kiss on the lips as she crumpled up a few chip bags and threw them into the garbage.

Edie envied them, as she did every couple, but more. She liked that they argued a lot, it showed that they both had a backbone. She hated seeing couples where one member would fall onto their hands and knees and do whatever the other person wanted to – it was one of her pet peeves. Her friend, Amber, was a person just like that. She would do whatever she could for a guy, even if that met changing into someone she wasn't. Edie would rather spend the rest of her life alone than change just to please a guy.

“And then we have antisocial Edie over here,” Halvo walked over and wrapped his arm around Edie's shoulder as she took a sip of her beer, clearly annoyed with him already, “are you going to join us in the living room?”

“Throw her a fucking bone, Eric. She doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of guys. She was catching up with me. Girls need chick friends too ya know?” Beth shot at him as she slumped over the countertop, a beer in her hand.

“I am just trying to introduce her to my friends because they are awesome.”

“And here I thought Eric only had imaginary friends.” Edie chimed in, shooting Eric a sarcastic smile. He rubbed the top of her head, messing up her hair as he took the beer from her hands.

“So that makes you imaginary, huh? Its like I can hardly see you now.” He put his hands over his eyes and slowly backed his way out of the kitchen and into the living room, leaving the two girls be.

“What a loser,” Beth sighed and grabbed the two big bowls of snack, handing them to Edie, “he is right though, you should get to know the guys – they aren't half as bad as his friends from high school, trust me.”

Beth was like the older sister Edie never had. Gabe was a great brother and she loved him to death, but it was obviously hard to ask him for boy advice and have someone to go shopping with – she never had that growing up. It was nice to have Beth who was there to give her advice of any kind, to share makeup with and gossip over lunch with from time to time. She needed someone like that. Amber was always wrapped up in a boy to really make the time to do stuff like that, she hadn't hit the mature world yet – she was still stuck in high school.

Edie reluctantly got up from her chair and followed Beth into the living room with the two bowls of chips while she lugged the case of beer into the room full of boys. There was shouting and commotion as two of the guys tried to finish up their game – Kennedy and Pat were the names Edie could think of.

“We come with nourishment.” Beth set down the case of beer and Edie placed the two bowls right next to the case and within the blink of an eye, it seemed like half the food was gone. All of the boys were gulping down their beers and munching on their food, still mesmerized by the game.

“Sit me, Edie.” Eric eagerly pulled her arm down causing her to fall on the end of the couch next to him with a huff. He passed her a beer with a smile and returned to watching the game. Edie looked up with Beth for assistance to get her out of the living room, but all she did was chuckle and throw her arms up.

“Good luck with this girl.” And she left the room, leaving Edie completely alone, not caring about the video game that was blaring in the living room. She readjusted in her dress and took of her shoes, regretting not changing before she came over. You could see her stomach in the tight dress she was wearing and the dress suddenly wasn't covering up enough of her thighs as she would like.

John sat on the opposite side of the room, his eyes flashing from the TV screen down to his phone that rested on his lap, seeming to preoccupied to really join in on the conversations that were going on around him. It seemed like he was in his own little world.

“So where do you work, Edie?” She jumped at the sound of her name and looked over, seeing that the guys had quit their game and were now sitting around the living room and eating. She caught Garrett's eyes and realized he was the one asking her the question, she was sure Eric had given them a pep talk before she came over so they would know to talk to her and ask her stuff to make her feel more included.

“I work at a coffee shop in the downtown area.” She tried her best to sound engaged into the conversation, but she really didn't know what else to say.

“Do you go to school?”

“I just graduated from ASU last year. I was an english major.” Edie was freshly twenty three years old and out of college and clearly putting that degree to use by working at a coffee shop. She busted her ass through school and had nothing to show for it except for a piece of paper.

“Do you know what you want to do?” Edie was starting to get uncomfortable with all of the questions Garrett was asking, but she was sure he was just doing it to be nice. She uneasily scratched the back of her neck and stuttered out,

“I don't really know. I like books a lot and I thought it would always be cool to be a book editor, but for now, I don't really know.” Edie didn't really want to think of the college years. She went to too many parties half the time and managed to gain a good amount of weight during her years at ASU which resulted in the body she had know. Edie had never been a thin girl, even when she was little, but the college eating habits she had adapted into over those four years definitely had a huge affect on her body.

She really hated Eric right now, he treated her like she was a kid and was incapable of making her own friends. Edie made friends with people she wanted to make friends with, she was twenty three fucking years old. She appreciated they the guys were trying to be nice, but they probably thought she was so weird – an antisocial freak.

When Garrett didn't ask anymore questions, awkwardness filled the air as the guys tried to find something to talk about. Edie let out a big sigh and stood up from her seat on the couch next to Eric,

“I am going to go and see if Beth needs help.” She walked out of there so fast, she swear she was a blur to the guys. She found Beth getting stuff out for the barbecue they were having this evening, a chuckle escaping her mouth when Edie walked into the room.

“You lasted not even ten minutes.” She rolled her eyes and walked past Beth and out onto the balcony, digging into her bag for her pack of cigarettes. She had taken up smoking when she heard it can curve your appetite and make you thinner. She became addicted to them when they relaxed her more than anything else of the planet. She lit up and instantly felt the awkward tension leave her body. When she heard the door open behind her, the tension was brought back.

“You know smoking is bad for you right?”

“Save the lecture for your smoking girlfriend then because I have heard enough from you today.” She spat, sounding more bitter and angry than she intended to. The cigarette hung from her mouth as Eric leaned beside her on the railing, trying to get her attention.

“I know you think I am pushing too hard, but I just remember how hard it was for you to open up to me and for us to become friends and I don't want it to be like that this time.” Eric was right – when she met him, she was more closed off than she was now and it took Eric months before they became friends and she finally started to open up. As much as she would deny it, he was right about him pushing her into a new friends group. She had Beth, Eric and Amber – and her brother when he was home. That was it. Sure, she had other people that she hung out with, like the girls that were friends with her and Amber, but they weren't good friends in her case – just simply people she had meaningly conversations with.

“I am twenty three years old, I don't need you to help me make friends. We aren't in first grade.” She took a long drag and blew the smoke towards Eric to piss him off. He took the cigarette out of her mouth and threw it over the balcony to get her attention,

“I am just trying to help. I hate fucking leaving for tour and leaving you here all alone. I-”

“You don't leave me alone, Eric. And do you really think its a good idea for me to become friends with guys who are gone just as many days out of the year as you?” He stepped back and ran his hands through his hair before walking over and wrapping her in a hug.

“I know you are as stubborn as I am, but could you just try for me? Please?” With defeat, Edie nodded her head even though she didn't want to. Eric knew everything about her that there was to know. He knew about her self esteem problem that was a bigger problem than she made herself think. He knew she didn't like to let people in because she was afraid of being judged and hurt – her sarcastic and cynical attitude was a defensive weapon.

“Eric! Leave the girl alone and come help me with dinner.” Beth hollered from the door, knowing that Edie just wanted some time alone and to not get her ear chewed off by Eric any longer. He let go of her and followed Beth back into the house, mumbling something about her being a “controlling bitch” which resulted in him begin smacked in the back of the head.

As soon as he was out of sight, Edie reached into her bag and lit a new cigarette, pissed that Eric wasted the one she was smoking earlier. It wasn't even a minute later when the door behind her reopened and she sighed,

“Eric, go help Beth with dinner before she kills you.”

“Beth is a hardass isn't she?” Edie jumped at the sound of a different voice than she was expecting, turning around to see John standing there with a smug look on his face. Looks like he was finally out of that world he was living in. Beth kept her mouth shut and turned back around, not sure what to say.

“Mind if I bum one?” John asked as he stood next to her on the balcony. Edie reached into her purse and found a cigarette and a lighter, handing him the white stick that he placed in between his lips. Edie flicked on the lighter and John bent down towards the flame, lighting the end of the cigarette and breathing out a cloud of smoke. They stood in silence and smoked their cigarettes, the Arizona sun beating down on their salty skin.

“You talk more at parties.” He spoke up, his speech mumbled from the cigarette in his mouth. Edie was secretly wondering if he was crazy – it was extremely hot out and he was wearing long pants and a button up shirt that sleeves.

“I am also a few beers deep, the alcohol does the talking for me.”

“So you're just not a talker?”

“I'm just not a people person.” Edie didn't like that John was already making assumptions, probably judging her in his mind causing her to shit in her stance, wondering what he was thinking.

“Who is anyway? I mean, with a friend like Eric though, its definitely hard to get a word in.” They both laughed, reaching a mutual agreement that Eric did most of the talking in the friendship.

“The bastard never shuts up.” Edie exhaled the smoke in her lungs, a smile on her face. No matter how much Eric annoyed her, she could never not love the kid. His mouth moved a mile a minute, just like his mind – he was always coming up with some plan or doing something. It was never a dull moment with Eric Halvorsen.

“You've known him for a few years right?” She looked over at John who was about a third of the way done with his cigarette and she nodded.

“About three or four years. You've known him since high school right?”

“He was clearly the biggest ladies man around during that time.” Edie rolled her eyes, she could only imagine what he was like in high school, probably not the most popular kid to be around she assumed considering he was twenty three and had the mind of thirteen year old still.

“So ASU, huh? I went there for a year and then dropped out.” John took another puff of his cigarette than turned to look at Edie who smashed the end of her cigarette on the railing and tossed it into the ashtray on the table next to her.

“Couldn't handle the college life?”

“More like took advantage of the college life and partied too much, got shit grades and dropped out to join a band.”

“Seems to be working in your favor now, though. Eric tells me you guys tour a lot.” Edie slid down the balcony wall and sat down on the floor which John mimicked a few moments later.

“Yeah, we have a month or two off now before we head overseas and do that whole cycle again and then we hit the US again and then we are back here and so on.”

“Does it ever get old?” Edie never really talked to Eric about touring which I am sure was a subject he would rant for days on. She always wondered what it was like though, to just travel around the world and play music. It seems exciting.

“Never, there is always something new to do and new people to meet and shit. You don't get to sleep much really and partied more than you should. We took like three hundred days out of the year, but when we aren't touring, it gets boring.”

“Are you restless yet?” The two of them made eye contact and before John could even respond, Eric opened up the door and tried to hide the smile that was on his face. Edie was sure he was pissing his pants at the sight of the two of them talking.

“We need you to grill, grill master. The boys are hungry.” John tossed his cigarette bud into the ashtray and stood up from the ground, reaching his hand out to help Edie up. She stared at it for a moment before placing her hand in his and he pulled her up effortlessly before excusing himself and going into the kitchen. Eric stared at her with a raised eyebrow and a smile on his face and Edie sighed, flipping him off.

“Don't say a word.”