Close Your Eyes to See

“Shit.” That was all Edie could mumble as she entered the crowded apartment, not sure what to do with herself. She once again didn't know why she was at the party, feeling completely out of place.

She drove around the block five times to try and help get rid of her nerves about the party, but all that extra time did was make her more paranoid. She felt like she was sweating through her black cardigan and black floral dress from everything she was feeling.

She didn't know why she was at the party, but she knew what attracted her here the most – the guy that invited her. Tonight was the first night in a while that Edie White actually felt a little confident in her skin.

She took her time with getting ready, listening to all of The Killers' Hot Fuss before leaving her apartment. She was wearing her best turquoise suede platforms that made her legs look a little more slender and long than they actually were. She took her time with her makeup, making sure her cat eyes eyeliner and hot pink lipstick was perfect before leaving for the night.

Edie couldn't remember the last time she was invited to do something or go somewhere with a guy that wasn't her brother or Eric – it was refreshing. I mean, she knew she wasn't going with John to the party, but she would definitely see him there.

Edie walked around the apartment, avoiding people as she looked at the art hanging on the wall. She saw pictures of John with his friends in most of them which gave away the fact that Edie was now in John's apartment.

The party was a typical Arizona one. There were people everywhere and the music blasting was giving her a headache. She needed a drink. Skinny girls were grinding up on toned guys in the living room, making it hard for her to even get near the kitchen.

She didn't understand why she rarely saw girls her size at parties. It never made sense to her. Edie didn't know if she just wasn't looking hard enough or if there was literally no other girl in town like her. Maybe it was an Arizona thing or girls like her just didn't go to parties.

Edie could feel the girls' stares as they looked at her and giggled to each other, whispering in each other's ear. Edie was so used to it, but it still made her uncomfortable.

Now mind you, not every girl that Edie passes by in Arizona is mean to her – but the catty bitches that ruled the Arizona party scene were and there was no way for her to avoid them. All the girls had rich families and huge houses with their expensive cars parked out front. They never had to work to survive and spent more time partying than studying.

“EDITH!” She looked up and saw Eric standing there with open arms as the guys around him set up the beer pong table. She made her way through the crowd, shoving people out the way and finally made it to Eric who engulfed her in a hug.

“Don't call me Edith in public ever again or I will rip your hair out.” Edie said into his ear as he continued to hug her frame. He didn't reek of beer yet, which showed that he had just started drinking for the night.

“I didn't know you were coming, sweets.” Edie hated the pet name Eric gave her. It made it sound like they were dating, but Eric has been calling her that since the night they met when she stole some of his Sour Patch Kids while watching a fight go down between two guys at a party.

“I ran into John today and he invited me.” Edie reached down and grabbed one of the ice cold beers off of the table, cracking it open and taking a long sip – trying to get the edge off.

She still hadn't seen John yet, and it made her anxious for some reason. He was probably just making rounds and talking to everyone in the apartment to seem like a good host.

“What's with all of the makeup? And the outfit?” Eric observed, always taking notice to when Edie painted on extra makeup and wore an extra fancy outfit.

“Uh, I don't know. I guess I just wanted to look nice today?” She said, too embarrassed to tell Eric that she had dressed up for John.

“I saw your best friend today, Eric. She sends her love.”

“Aww, Jean – my one and only. How is the lump of coal up her ass lately? Has she spit out a diamond yet?” Edie let out a loud laugh and rolled her eyes at Eric who was being completely serious at that moment.

“Well if she did, I would know. There would be another marble statue in the house somewhere.” Eric had only met her mother once and he will never meet her again. He knew she didn't like Edie hanging around him and he hated that Jean has controlled so much of Edie's life instead of just letting her live the way she wants to.

“You playing tonight?” Eric tossed Edie a ping pong ball and she shook her head, setting the white ball down onto the wood surface of the table.

“I gotta work tomorrow morning.” Halvo's posture slumped down and he stretched out his lower lip, giving Edie his signature pout.

“I need my beer pong partner. We are undefeated! We gotta train for the fucking Olympics, Edie. Don't be a quitter!” She took a seat in a nearby chair and took a sip of her beer, raising her hands in defense.

“I have to open the store tomorrow. I might not even be here that long.” Eric sighed, defeated, and tossed the ball he was holding at one of the guys before taking a seat next to Edie.

“Well, its no fun if you aren't playing.”

“How's Beth?” Edie always felt obligated to ask Eric about his girl so he wouldn't get too crazy at parties and remember that he had a girl waiting for him at home.

“She didn't feel like coming tonight, she spent the whole day painting the living room.” She smacked the side of his arm,

“And you didn't help her!?”

“She wouldn't let me, she knew I would get fucking paint everywhere. She would yell at me if I even breathed in the living room while she was working. You know how she gets.”

“She is a hard ass, I will give her that. But she keeps you in line.” Edie rubbed the top of Eric's head as he sipped the drink in his hand. Before Beth and Eric got together, he was a wild child. He was always doing stupid stuff and not thinking about the consequences of what he was doing. When they got together though, she really set him straight and it turned him into a completely different and more responsible human being.

“She is thinking about having you paint something on one of the walls, she just doesn't know yet.” Edie rolled her eyes and gave Eric a look, not amused at the request Beth had made.

“She should fine someone, Eric. It would look ugly if I did it.” As soon as she said that, she could feel the lecture from Eric coming. He did this every time.

“Edie, you just don't utilize the gift you have. If you practiced more and tried to enjoy drawing, you would be so good. Imagine if I didn't practice with my bass, where would things be?”

“Rocket would actually have a good bass player?”

“No, the music world would have missed out on the bass playing god that is Eric Halvorsen!” Edie loved Eric because he loved what he did. He hardly ever said anything negative about touring and being in a band and making music, it made Eric want to to have a life like that. Have a career or a job that made her happy and smile no matter what.

For now, she was stuck working at a coffee shop that she loved, but didn't want to do it for much longer. She was a graduate and wanted to actually use her schooling to her advantage.

“So you ran into to John today, eh?” Eric wiggled his eyebrows suggestively which annoyed Edie.

“I stopped to get a pack of cigarettes after the gym and saw him. We exchanged like six sentences and that was it.” Edie finished off her beer and set it beside her just as a girl walked passed Eric and her, giving Edie the judgmental stink eye.

Some of the hate Edie got was from the fact she was friends with a guy that was in a band. It didn't matter what he played or if the band was even good, he was in a band which meant he was somewhat famous. Girls eat that shit up – all they want to be is a band slut, something that Edie never wanted to be.

Eric must have noticed the girl because he quickly coughed and changed the subject. He never liked the talk about Edie and the girls at parties because she would get angry and he never really knew what to say.

As Eric talked over the loud music about something that wasn't important, Edie glanced at the room, hoping to lock eyes with a certain pair of green ones. She didn't plan on staying at the party much longer, she wanted to get a good amount of sleep before work.

Over the tops of people, Edie scanned the living room without seeing his sandy blonde hair and her eyes flickered to the kitchen and her heart almost stopped. Hanging from the ceiling was a sign that read “Happy Birthday” in huge obnoxious rainbow bubble letters, a sign you normally see when you are at a five year old's birthday.

It was John's birthday and she didn't even know. Her cheeks flushed from embarrassment. She didn't wish him a happy birthday when she saw him earlier today, she felt so foolish.

“Eric, is it John's birthd-”

“SURPRISE!” Edie couldn't even finish her sentence when the front door busted open and everyone around her began to shout and holler, causing her head to spin at the sudden actions going on in the apartment.

John appeared from behind the crowd of people as he entered the apartment door and it was then that she felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.

Edie felt like the wind was taken out of her, her entire heart shattering and the feelings in her stomach became so heavy, she was convinced they were going to crush her entire body. Everything began moving in slow motion as Eric let out a yell and stood up from the chair beside her with a smile on his face, making his way over to the crowd of people.

John stood in the doorway with a girl wrapped in his arms, a huge birthday crown covering her bleached blonde hair. Edie watched from afar as the girl hugged everyone around her, her body reaching no higher than 5'5. Meanwhile, John stood behind her and talked to a big group of guys, a smile plastered on his face.

Maybe they were just friends. John could be the good guy who throws a surprise party for his friend, people are allowed to do that.

She watched the girl from her chair, reaching and quickly cracking open another beer. She didn't know why, but she hated her for some reason and she felt like one of those catty bitches she always encountered at parties.

“John! I can't believe you did this!” The girl shouted, wrapping her thin and tan arms around John and kissing him smack on the lips. That's when Edie chugged down the entire can of beer as she sat alone in the corner, her entire heart shattering at the sight. She felt so foolish and so stupid and she just wanted to go home now.

John must have said that the party was for his girlfriend earlier today when she zoned out on him. She got all dressed up for a guy that was taken, she never did stuff like that and she didn't know why she was acting the way she was.

“Come on, Edie. You gotta meet John's girlfriend.” Eric grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the seat, dragging her across the apartment.

Edie was terrible when it came to following her gut, but her gut at that moment was telling her to run as fast as she could and never look back.