Two Way Street

I hesitantly knocked on the door that separated me from my furious best friend. It took me an hour to climb the two flights of stairs as opposed to taking the lift. The lift took time away from thinking, but taking the stairs gave me time to mull over my thoughts.

It seemed to me that I’d been spending a lot of time mulling over my thoughts when walking to Louis’ house. I hated the fact that I was basically scripting what I was going to say to him. It hurt that he had been more mad at me now then he’d ever been in our entire friendship, but I guess people change and things happen to people to separate them. But I didn’t want to be separated from Louis. I wanted our friendship to last forever and I wanted us to always remain in contact.

I was a wishful thinker to think that we’d be able to be friends when I didn’t tell him about Louis. I understood his anger. I knew he was angry that he heard it from Zayn first, but it shouldn’t have mattered. I was figuring things out first before I went to him to talk about it.

I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I knew why he was angry but I didn’t at the same time. Louis said that I couldn’t be with Harry, but he said nothing about the other boys. He said nothing about Niall or Zayn. He mentioned nothing about Liam.

Maybe I was reading too far into it.

Louis opened the door after leaving me waiting for a few minutes. I considered turning around and walking away to give myself some more time, but figured I’d never talk to him about this if it wasn’t now. “What do you want?”

“I want to talk to you, Louis.”

“Okay, what?” he asked, shaking his head.

I caught my lip between my teeth, “Can I come in?”

He thought for a moment, his eyebrows pulling up in concentration, “I guess.”

“I need some advice,” I asked quietly as I brushed past him into his unusually untidy apartment. “It’s Liam.”

“I’m not giving you sex advice, Mara. That’s what the internet is for,” he said, attempting to make a joke, but not succeeding.

I hung my head, “I wasn’t asking about sex. That was an accident, we were both drunk. We’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it would have happened either way, but that’s beside the point. It’s about him in general.”

He sighed, “Would have happened either way? I don’t care to know what that means. But continue.”

I sat down on the couch and brought my knees up to my chest, “He wants a relationship, Lou. He said he likes me and doesn’t want me to be a one night stand. He wants a commitment, but I don’t know if I can do that, you know?”

A smile spread across his thin lips, “You don’t think you can do a relationship? You’re coming to me for relationship advice?”

I nodded sadly, “Yes. Because this would be my first relationship that didn’t start conventionally with him asking me out. It started with a huge mistake and now I’m afraid that will be what it’s all about. I don’t want that.”

“You think Liam would use you for sex? Oh, that’s funny,” Louis mused, sitting on the edge of the table in front of me. He crossed his arms again. “Oh, you’re being serious?”

“Yes, Louis! You think I would joke about this?” I said, my voice thick with desperation. I hated how childish I sounded and I just wanted to be done with everything. I wanted to forget what happened between Liam and I. “Louis, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt his feelings and reject him because I can’t get my shit together, but I don’t know if I’m ready for something with him?”

Louis sighed, frowning. “Why don’t you think you’re ready for a relationship with Liam?”

I shrugged dejectedly, “I don’t know. I feel like every time I’ve gotten close to someone, it’s ended badly.”

“I think it’s because your parents died and you were left on your own and you think you won’t be able to rely on Liam for your problems, yeah? You’ve trusted me with your problems well enough through the years, why should Liam be any different? You’ve started to trust Harry with some of your problems. It’ll be just like us, but you won’t be friends with him,” Louis’ voice was soft and reasonable, not harsh and patronizing like it had been just minutes before.

I frowned again, “But you and Harry are different. I’ve known you for almost twenty years and Harry didn’t hate me or call me a slut. He likes me and he’s nice to me. Liam was a jerk to me. He hated my and lied about me to you and then we both made a major mistake and now look at us. He wants a relationship and I’m confused about everything.”

Louis stood up and moved to sit next to me. I scooted over on the couch to make room for him and he plopped down heavily, “Listen, Mar. You have to take chances with people. Yeah, Liam has his moments when he’s a douche, but he’s a good guy. He’d never hurt you intentionally and he’d never use you for sex. Period. That’s the end of the story. There’s no way around that. Liam’s a good bloke, Mara. The best, even. Out of all the boys, he’s the one you should be with.”

I took a deep breath and smiled, “So if I told you I was interested in Niall, what would you say?”

“The boy is only interested in food, Mara. If it was legal to marry food, he would. I know for a fact that you aren’t interested in Niall,” Louis grinned and stood up, walking to the kitchen.

I turned myself on the couch and followed where he walked, “How do you know I’m not interested in Niall?”

“Because you’re interested in Liam. It’s pretty obvious, actually. You’re asking me for relationship advice. My advice is shit,” he laughed casually.

I nodded, “Your advice is shit. But is it really that obvious?”

Louis grinned, “It’s so obvious, Mara.”

I sighed again, “I hate this, Lou. I don’t want to confuse things.”

He shrugged, “You’ve already confused things.”

“If I do go out with Liam, it won’t confuse things for the band, will it? It won’t mess you guys up or distract you or cause riffs between everyone?” I asked, my voice rising with distress.

Louis smiled compassionately, “Of course not. There’s no way you can’t distract us. Mara, if you want to go out with Liam and be in a relationship, that’s fine. I”ll accept it. We’ll all accept it whether we agree with it or not. The boys will just have to accept the fact that you two fancy each other.”

He handed me a bottle of water, “Thanks, Lou. Thanks for listening to my hormonal ranting and emotional banter with myself.”

“Not even a rant, love,” Louis smiled and clicked on the telly. “Do you have anything planned or are you off to see Li?”

I shook my head in response, “No, I’ve got nothing planned. Liam said he’d give me some space so I could think about things. I figure I’d talk to you about it since you know Liam pretty well.”

Louis grinned again, “I’m not even mad that you’re into Liam. I’m just glad you’re not affiliating yourself with Harry. I don’t even care.”

“Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit,” I winked, setting my water bottle on the table.

Louis threw back his head and grinned, “I cannot even right now. That made me laugh so hard. Whoever made that must have been knackered.”

“Or shit faced,” I retorted. “But shit faced drunk would make sense because that was bloody amazing. When he attacked the cobra and started eating it? Very priceless. Definitely an entertaining video, right.”

Louis nodded, “Right. Well, when do you work?”

“Two days,” I grinned.

“Care to spend the night and watch old black and white films? I have some good American ones with that one actor you like so much. What’s his name? Herman Boggart?”

I snorted, “Herman Boggart? No, no, no. Humphrey Bogart, love. Boggart is that thing from Harry Potter where the things come out as your worst fears.”

He nodded, “I see. Fair enough. Humphrey Bogart, then.”

I clapped my hands and settled into my seat, “Let’s start then, yeah? Go ahead, Casablanca if you please.”

He rolled his eyes, “Of course, dear. Of course.”