Two Way Street

I sat on the couch of the hotel suite, my head resting on the armrest of the thing, moping. I hated the feeling that seemed to stay in my stomach constantly, the guilt that weighed heavily on my conscience. I wished that I hadn’t broken it off with Mara. I hated everything.

Zayn seemed to realize what happened, even though I hadn’t told him. It wasn’t like it would have been that hard to put the pieces together, since he knew I was going to talk to Mara last night.

He gave me a sympathetic look as he sat down next to me on the couch. “Her with you, or you with her?” he mumbled under his breath so none of the other boys, who were roaming around the suite without much purpose, heard him.

“Second one.”

His eyes turned to saucers as he stared at me. “Seriously, mate? That’s mad. You look like your grandmother died.”

“I kind of feel like that,” I admitted. “I wish I hadn’t done it, that I’d hung in a little longer, but it’s too late now. It’s over.”

“It’s not over,” Zayn told me. “If you’re willing to make yourself look like somewhat of a wanker, you could call her up and tell her that what you did is a mistake, and you take it back.”

I shook my head. “It’s not going to work that way. You didn’t hear the tone in her voice as she said, ‘Thanks for proving me right, Liam.’” Repeating the words made a pang in my stomach, and I wished that I had short term memory loss so I’d be able to stop having that statement repeated in my head over and over and over.

Zayn winced. “Ouch. That’s harsh.”

“I know. And I feel like a load of shit, but...that’s life, I guess.” I turned back to the telly and abandoned the conversation with Zayn. It wasn’t helping me feel better at all. I was trying to forget about the whole situation, and talking about it was the worst thing for forgetting.

The sound of Louis’ phone echoed throughout the suite, the ringer turned up to the highest level to ensure he heard it at all times.

“Louis!” Zayn called. “Your phone!”

“I hear it, I hear it,” Louis mumbled as he scampered into the living room and picked up his mobile off the soft chair where he’d been sitting the night before.

I bit my lip and turned away from him, trying not to overhear the exchange, but the second I heard him say, “Mara? Wait, what? You have to slow down and stop crying,” there was no way anything else would take my attention.

Louis shot me a confused look, which I made a point not to reciprocate, before closing himself in his room.

“Whoa,” Zayn expressed, staring at Louis’ closed door. “That’s definitely not going to be a good conversation.”

The horrible feeling that had been in my stomach since the night before doubled in intensity when I realized what Mara talking to Louis would mean. It would mean that he’d find out the truth from her instead of me, since I hadn’t told anyone about what I’d done. And it would mean that lines would be drawn in the sand, pitting friend against friend.

Vaguely, I remembered Mara bringing up the possibility of this happening, and I’d dismissed it. But once it was a reality, my mind revved with worry.

And I knew there was absolutely no way Louis was going to take my side over Mara’s.

“Stop looking like that,” Zayn demanded. “You’re going to give yourself wrinkles.”

“I think that’s the least of my worries right now,” I muttered.

For a second, Louis’ voice rose, completely audible through the closed door. “What are you talking about?! He’d never...”

But then, Mara must have told him to keep quiet, because we could no longer hear anything.

I curled myself up into a ball, resting my forehead on my legs and wrapping my arms around my knees. Zayn patted my back a couple of times awkwardly before getting to his feet and venturing into the kitchen. Probably to evacuate the incoming storm.

And, surely enough, about ten minutes later, Louis stormed out of the room he was taking the phone call in. His eyes were angrier than I’d ever seen them, and his face was completely red, as if he was ready to blow a gasket at any second.

“You fucking prick,” he snapped at me, chucking his mobile at me. I dodged it mostly, but it ended up skimming my hip. I winced, but I didn’t have time to whine before Louis started screaming again. “How the fuck could you do that to her?!”

I swallowed, not knowing what to say. “Louis, you don’t-”

“What? I don’t what? I don’t understand? Because I do understand. I had a whole discussion with you about why Mara has issues trusting people. Did you forget or something?!”

“I didn’t forget,” I argued back, finally finding my voice for real. “I just...I don’t know. I felt like it wasn’t that she didn’t trust me, but that she didn’t feel the same way about me that I felt about her. I didn’t think that the relationship really meant anything to her anymore. And I have to have enough self-respect to keep myself from struggling to hold on to a relationship that’s already slipped out of my hands.”

Louis threw his hands up in the air, completely exasperated, before turning back to me again. I’d never seen him look so homicidal. Not even when a crazed fan ripped the sleeve off his favorite shirt. “You’re a fucking asshole,” he told me venomously. “If she didn’t care about you, and she really wanted you to break it off, you think she’d be crying right now? She’s a fucking mess, and you don’t give a shit! You’re just sitting around, watching footie on the telly!”

“I do care,” I hissed, getting to my feet. “I broke up with her because it’s what I figured she wanted to break up, but she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I was trying to spare her! Sue me for being a good guy.”

“Oh, yeah,” Louis replied sarcastically. “Such a good guy. That’s why she’s all suicidal right now. Good fucking job. We should just promote you to saint status because you’re such a stand up guy.”

And suddenly, I felt like I was going to be sick. Suicidal? There was no way Mara was suicidal just because I broke up with her. She was giving me the cues that she wanted to break up. It wasn’t my fault.

But that didn’t help the growing knot in my stomach. “Are you serious?” I breathed, trying my hardest to catch my breath. My vision was starting to get dark, the room was spinning around me. All symptoms that I was going to vomit.

“Well, she didn’t say so, and I could barely understand anything she was saying over her sobbing anyway,” Louis informed me, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “But it seemed like she was pretty close to that point to me. You better fix your shit, mate. I swear to God, it’s taking everything I had in me not to kill you right now. I can’t believe I thought you’d be the best option for Mara. There’s no way Harry ever would have dropped her on her arse like you did.”

I could feel Zayn giving me a sorry look, but I couldn’t even really notice. Louis had a point.

But how the hell could I fix things from America? And it occurred to me that it was entirely possible I was too late to do anything at all.