Two Way Street

I stared at the wall. I stared at the wall for a long time. My eyes stung after my vision had long since faded. It was strange. I had never felt so bored, so empty, so abandoned before in my life except after my parents’ funeral.

The feeling inside of myself, inside of my head, was dark and brooding. They scared me and I couldn’t push the thoughts away from myself.

I sighed and poured bourbon into my glass, looking around the empty flat. All of Harry’s belongings were in place. His plaque’s and framed albums hung on the walls, dust resting on top of the simple black frames. It was sad to see all of his things around the flat and him nowhere in sight. I knew that if Harry was around, I think that things wouldn’t have been so bad for me.

I need Harry to take the edge away. I needed his hugs to help me see that just because Liam and I were over that I still had friends. There was something about the thought of having all my friends taken from me because of Liam that made me want to fall off the edge of everything I knew.

Slicking back the bourbon, I went for another one as the door bell rang. I hastily poured myself another glass of bourbon before I walked slowly over to the door. I bent my head and lazily unlocked the door, sliding the deadbolt away and hooking it in place.

More knocking followed as I cursed, swaying on my feet. The effects of an entire night of alcohol was falling after me. It was chasing me majorly and I was losing that fight. My head started to spin as I set the small glass on the table where I had my flat key. It clinked as I opened the door slowly.

There was no time for me to react as I felt warm arms wrap tightly around my shoulders. I held my arms out awkwardly as I tried to process who exactly was holding me in a vice grip. “Mara, oh my god.”

“What are you doing here, Harry?” I slurred. I swallowed hard and tried again. “Aren’t you s’posed to be on tour?”

“I got emergency leave. Mara, what the hell is going on?” He pulled away from me slightly and brushed the hair from my forehead, away from my eyes. “Louis told me everything. He told me what happened between you and Liam.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. “Did you come to beg me to take Liam back so he’s not such a sniveling bitch on tour?”

“No, I came to make sure you were okay. Is that alcohol on your breath?” He sniffed quickly and rolled his eyes as I opened mine. “You’ve been drinking again, haven’t you? Louis said you might.”

“What does Louis know? He probably hates me like everyone else does,” I muttered as I made my way into the kitchen, too lazy to reach around Harry for my glass of bourbon. I needed more alcohol in my system before I could discuss my emotions and all the terrifying thoughts in my head.

Harry cut me off and closed the cupboard before I could grab a glass. “No. You’re not allowed to have any more alcohol until we have a serious heart to heart. We need to discuss what happened and what we can do to fix this. There’s a fracture between us all and we need to fix it.”

“I guess I’ the root of all evil, yeah?” I hissed as I tried to shove past the wall he created out of his body.

He frowned. “No.”

“Then what? Why the hell is there a fracture between everyone?”

“Because everyone is fucking pissed at Liam. He’s being a dick. He’s moping and pissy and awful to be around. He’s always whining.”

“Ever thought it’s because he’s human?” I spat.

Harry shook his head, his curls falling around his face. He needed his hair cut again. It was hanging around his neck and in his ears. It made me angry to see it so long and unkempt. “No. It’s because everywhere we go, he’s trying to convince us that you’re the one to blame. He’s always talking about how you’re the one who broke it off with him because you were distancing yourself from him.”

I frowned. “That’s not true.”

“It’s what he’s saying. So we’re all in a bit of a pickle because of it. Louis is because you’re his best friend and you’ve been there since the beginning. Niall’s confused because he loves you like a sister to him and he actually learned how to cook for you. Zayn misses your conversations about everything and anything. I miss you,” he murmured.

“Why?” My frowned deepened.

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. “You’re seriously asking that question? You’re serious asking why I miss you?”

I nodded.

“Because you’re family to me. You’re like family to me and I can’t stand it when you’re not around.” Harry lifted my chin. “Now will you please tell me the reason that you’re telling Louis you’re suicidal and why you’ve been drinking like a fucking fish?”

I shook my head. “I can’t tell you.”

“Don’t you trust me?” he asked, hurt.

“It’s not that,” I started.

“Then what is it?” he pled. “Mara, please talk to me.”

I started to shake my head, but Harry enveloped me in another hug. “You’re scared. You’re scared that once people look inside of you and see you for you, they won’t like what the find. You’re afraid that you’ll be abandoned again. I can understand that. I can understand that fear, but you need to know and understand that we, the other boys except for Liam, will never leave you.”

I closed my eyes and felt the hot tears of sadness roll down my cheeks. I wanted to be held by Harry forever until I could no longer feel the emotional pain that burdened my mind.

“It doesn’t matter when you tell me, but I’m going to stay with you for a few days. We’re going to have some time together just you and me and you’ve got the entire time to tell me what’s going on.” Harry stroked my hair.

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. “You’re right. I am scared.”

“I know you better than you think,” Harry cooed.

“Harry, I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Liam and he’s the only person I’ve ever really loved since my parents. I’ve never let anyone else in except for you and everyone else. I love Liam, Harry and I don’t know what to do now that we’re over.”

He sighed. “How about we watch something on the telly and we’ll talk about it in the morning when you’re sober, yeah?”

I nodded and rested my cheek against his chest. “Thanks, Harry. Thanks for always being there for me.”

He kissed the top of my head. “You’re welcome, love.”