Two Way Street

I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t explain in the little letter why I was taking a train from London to the country. I couldn’t explain why I’d let myself get hurt so many times before, but I knew that there was nothing to do but cry.

And even that was something I couldn’t explain.

I had never been one to cry and I had never been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve. But I was a changed Mara. I wasn’t the same Mara who was snappy and sarcastic just to hide my pain. I was not the girl who dance around and got drunk because it was fun.

I was the girl who cried because she missed the boy who treated her like she was worth something. I wasn’t the Mara who hid her pain, I wore it on my sleeve. Dancing around didn’t happen, but getting drunk did. And getting drunk only came when I needed to drown my pain away because the same boy who treated me like something special was also the same boy who broke my heart and his promises.

My suitcases and luggage sat at my feet as the train whistle blew in the distance. I rose to my feet mechanically and took my suitcases into my hands, double checking my tickets. At two in the afternoon, my train would leave from London to some place in the country.

Nothing existed for me in London.

Louis had a life.

Harry had a life.

Niall had a life.

Zayn had a life.

Liam...

I swallowed hard and felt the familiar strangling feeling rise in my throat as all the memories of our relationship flashed across my vision.

Wet Mop.

The soccer game.

The hatred between us.

The insults and the rumors between Harry and I.

Louis anger at the both of us when we hate each other.

The drunken night in which we spent a night together and I gave him something that I’d never be able to give.

When he told me he loved me.

My dislocated shoulder.

Our break up because of all of the things between us.

I shook my head and ran my hand underneath my eyes as tears feel down. I hated being vulnerable because of what Liam Payne did to me. Making me cry and leave the city I loved was not fair. He should be the one to leave. He broke my heart and I hated the fact that it was all my fault. There was nothing I could do to prevent the betrayal I felt.

Harry had been asleep when I had left the flat. The night was spent in tears and movies along with sweets and junk food and as I packed my few belongings to leave, it took every ounce of courage not to wake him up and beg him to ask me to stay.

I had left a note on the pillow beside his head telling him I couldn’t take the emptiness of the big city and the loneliness of the barren flat.

The announcer came over the loudspeaker at the station. “Two from London. Two from London.”

A deep, shaking breath later, I started to walk to the entrance platform as the train pulled forward. I heard my name called out among the people. “Mara! Mara, wait!”

I paused and looked over my shoulder.

He was there.

He was standing there, his curly hair limp around his face. His eyes were red and he looked so tired, so dull.

Liam Payne stood, holding his hand out to me, waiting for me to stop and not walk towards the train. His eyes were sad and round, the familiar shade of chocolate I used to love and cherish and admire.

I shook my head and turned. I was imagining Liam standing there looking like that. I was imagining him calling out my name because the fact was, he no longer cared about me. He wouldn’t have broken up with me had he cared about me. He wouldn’t have left me alone to get drunk if he cared about me.

My footsteps tapped against the cold and hard floor of the station. The conductor motioned for me and moved to grab my bags. I smiled and nodded, pulling myself onto the step that would lead me onto the train.

Pausing, I snuck a glance at the Liam mirage. He had stepped forward and wrapped his fingers around my wrist. I swallowed hard and ventured a look in his eyes.

So sad, so worried.

“Mara, please don’t go.”

“You’re not here.” I shut my eyes and shook my head. “You’re not here because you’re on tour with the other boys. You don’t care about me either so of course you wouldn’t be here. You’re not here.”

He touched my cheek. “I am here, Mara. I’m here and I want to talk to you. Please, I need to talk to you.”

“So you can break my heart again?” I spat. I opened my eyes. “If you’re going to, please, just go away. I’m not ready for that again.”

He shook his head. “No, Mara. I love you and I’m not leaving until things are fixed between us.”

“Then you’ll be waiting for a while because things will never be fixed between us. You hurt me worse than anyone has in my life. I can’t believe you would be such a wanker and do that to me, Liam. I fucking trusted you and you broke that. You completely threw everything away. Why would you do that?” I shoved his shoulder.

Liam hung his head. “I don’t know, Mara. I really don’t know why I did all of that stuff to you, but I know that everything I did was a mistake. I know that breaking your heart was wrong-”

“Wrong? No one should ever think about that!” I shouted at him.

“I’m sorry, alright! I don’t know what came over me, but I thought you were pushing me away! I’m sorry I’m such a wanker and a dick! I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you, but I love you so much! I love you so much and I can’t believe that I was so stupid to let you go.” Liam pulled me down from the stop and kissed me.

I pushed him away. “No, Liam. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Please, Mara. Give me another chance,” he whispered desperately.

I shook my head. “No.”

“Please.”

I looked at him again and saw his brown eyes misty and sadder than they were before. How could I say no to that. “Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know why.”

“That’s not good enough.”

Liam sighed and touched my cheek. “Because I loved you so much and I was so afraid that I’d lose you and I didn’t want that. If I lost you, I’d have gone crazy.”

“So you broke up with me?” I hissed harshly.

He shook his head. “I believe that you broke up with me. You’re the one who said that, “I proved you right.” I don’t understand you, Mara.”

“I don’t understand you, Liam. How are you blaming me for this? You’re the one who knows all my dark secrets and then just threw me away like I was old news, Liam. I can’t do this. I can’t have myself worrying about what might happen and what we might end up to be.” I turned away from him. “I need you all or nothing, Liam. I don’t need you to doubt me and what’s going to be in my head.”

“All.”

“No doubts, Liam. I need you to be in this completely.”

He nodded. “I am, Mara. I love you so much and I’d do anything to have you back.”

“Then kiss me again and promise me you won’t even leave me again.”

Liam smiled at me, a bit of happiness shining in his eyes. “Mara, I swear I will never leave you ever again.”

He craned his head down and pressed his lips against mine tightly. “I love you, Liam.”

“I love you too, Mara.”