So Far Away

Now, of course I wasn't just going to forget the whole Isabella-incident. I wasn't exactly sure if I believed Jimmy about the cheating thing but I was going to find out the truth. I was going to find out if my husband really had slept with another woman behind my back.

But, as I got closer to giving birth, I forgot about everything else and focused on the baby and its needs. I hadn't really thought about giving birth but this time I didn't give a shit about the amount of people who would be watching it happen. With Mason, I didn't want anyone to see my private areas but this time it was different. I already knew what was going to happen and I wasn't that afraid.

Only a few weeks before the due date I was really hormonal and cried nearly every day. Because of that Jimmy and I got into fights pretty much every day and it just wasn't pleasant time in my life. We fought about some stupid little things and I was starting to feel like everybody in our household had become a little bitch.

I was also really afraid that I would get depressed after giving birth, just like after Mason was born. I had been crying to Jimmy about it and he had told me that it would be different this time. It had been almost six years and things had changed since then. I was already a mom, I knew what it was like and I was ready for another child. Or at least that was what I wanted to think.

It was a Monday morning, a week before my due date. Jimmy was already in the kitchen eating breakfast as I walked in.

”Why didn't you make me breakfast?” I asked him.

”Because yesterday you didn't want breakfast and the day before you bitched at me for not bringing you breakfast to bed,” he muttered, ”So why don't you take care of your own breakfast?”

”Fine, whatever,” I muttered and started making breakfast for myself.

”Where's Mase?”

”At Brian's place. I thought it was the best if he wasn't around you while you're acting like that,” Jimmy told me.

”Acting like what?”

”You know pretty damn well what I mean,” he said.

”Uh huh, alright then.”

”Can you go buy some food today?” he asked me.

”Why can't you go?” I asked and turned around to look at him.

”Because I have other things to do. I have to work,” he said.

”Why do I always have to go and buy the stuff that you need?” I muttered.

”Because I'm the only one that brings money to this goddamn table!” he exclaimed suddenly, ”Because you lay here all day and don't do a thing while I'm working my ass off at the studio and trying to make everybody happy!”

”I don't just lay here all day! Don't you think I would work if I could? I don't enjoy this at all, I don't like that I'm not able to do anything!” I exclaimed as tears filled my eyes again.

”You know what, I can't wait to get that baby out of you because being pregnant has turned you into a fucking monster,” he muttered.

”Do not call me a monster!” I screamed and cried, ”I am not a monster! I'm trying my best to be a good wife and a mother!”

”If you weren't pregnant with my child, I would've walked out weeks ago,” he told me.

”Why do you have to keep making me feel like shit? Why can't you just leave me alone,” I cried and tried to wipe my eyes.

”You're making me seem like a heartless son of a bitch because I'm not there 24/7 comforting you when you cry. But if people only knew what you're like,” he muttered and started shaking his head.

”You're so mean,” I muttered and took a deep breath in, trying to calm down.

”I'm just being honest.”

”Whatever.”

I finished making breakfast and sat down and started eating. Tears kept rolling down my cheeks and I sniffled every now and then but I tried to ignore it. And so did Jimmy. He didn't pay any attention to the fact that I was crying in front of him.

”I don't want to see you for the rest of the day,” I mumbled as I finished eating and started to leave.

”Great. I don't want to see you either,” he muttered.

”Great.”

I spent the rest of the day at one of mom's bakeries with her. Then, when it started to get late, I went to see Mason at Brian's place. I rang the doorbell and a moment later Brian opened the door.

”Rach? I thought Jimmy was coming to pick up Mase,” he said and furrowed his eyebrows.

”Well, we don't really talk about anything so I wouldn't know about that,” I mumbled with a shrug.

”Is everything okay with the two of you?” he asked and leaned against the doorframe.

”No. He calls me a monster and says that I don't do anything, that I just lay home all day,” I muttered.

”Do you want me to talk to him?”

”No,” I shook my head, ”Everything will get better once this baby is out.”

”I hate to break it to you but it's not that simple. It's not like your relationship just becomes a lot better right away when you have another child. It'll be worse,” he told me.

”But the problem is that Jimmy thinks that because I'm pregnant, I'm a bitch.”

”Mom!” Mason's voice came from behind Brian and soon the kid ran to me. I ruffled his hair and smiled at him.

”Hey, honey,” I said, ”Are you having fun? What did you and Rosie do today?”

”We went swimming and ate pancakes!” he exclaimed and grinned widely.

”Really? That sounds like a lot of fun!”

”Yeah! Are we going home?” Mason asked me.

”Uh... No. Your dad is coming to pick you up later,” I told him.

”But I want to go home with you!”

”Well... I guess I could call Jimmy...” I mumbled and pulled out my phone. I dialed Jimmy's number and waited for him to pick up.

”What?” He sounded somewhat rude as he answered his phone.

”I'm at Brian's place and, uh... Mason wants to come home with me. And I know you were supposed to pick him up but – ”

”Why can't you let me do what I was supposed to do? I thought you just said that you want me to take care of my own stuff. And now you're ruining all of my plans,” he muttered.

”Well I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I can't just leave him here if he wants to go home,” I said.

”Whatever,” he said and ended the call before I could say anything else.

I sighed and put the phone away. I looked at Brian who looked like he felt sorry for me. I shrugged and told Mason that we could go home.

When we got home, Mason and I sat by the pool for a while until he got sleepy and wanted to go to bed. I made him brush his teeth and change into his pajamas before getting in bed and falling asleep. I said goodnight and closed the door so he could sleep.

After that I sat down on the couch and took a deep breath in. I ran a hand through my hair and tried to relax but I couldn't. I had a weird feeling in my stomach and I was a little afraid that the baby was ready to come out. Even if the baby was ready, I wasn't. How could I bring another child into this situation, to the middle of all this fighting and drama?

I tried to ignore the feeling and turned on the TV. I tried to stand up and walk around a little to make it better but it only made it worse and before I knew it, I was throwing up into our kitchen sink because I felt so weird. The pain wasn't bad at all but the feeling made me feel disgusted and weird. I couldn't even explain it.

After I felt a little better, I grabbed my phone and called mom. She picked up right away.

”Mom, something's going on. I feel really weird. I just threw up and... It might have something to do with the baby...” I mumbled and sat down on the floor, leaning my back against the wall.

”Is it serious?” she asked.

”What kind of a question is that? I don't know if it's serious or not, that's why I'm calling you!” I exclaimed.

”Oh, okay! Well, uh... How do you feel? Do you want me to drive you to the hospital?”

”I don't know. I... I'm scared, mom,” I admitted.

”What are you scared of, honey?”

”I don't know if I'm ready for this right now,” I mumbled.

”Listen, you're going to be okay. I'm sure that you and Jimmy can work everything out.”

”Well I hope so...”

”Is Jimmy there? Do you want me to come over?”

”Yes please.”

It took mom half an hour to get there and by that time I had moved myself to the couch and was trying to stay calm as the pain was getting worse.

Mom walked in with her own key and found me in the livingroom, laying on the couch.

”Oh, honey,” she gasped, ”Are you in pain?”

”Pretty much, yeah,” I mumbled and nodded.

”Do you think it's time? Is the baby coming?” she asked and sat down.

”Well, the due date is a week away...”

”That doesn't mean anything. How could a doctor possibly know when the baby is ready?”

”Well, I mean, the doctor is probably doctor for a reason...”

”Nonsense. Now, let's get you ready and I'll drive you to the hospital,” she said and helped me up from the couch.

”We have to call Jimmy, my hospital bag is in his car,” I mumbled.

”Is that the only reason? You don't need anything but the bag from him?”

”Well... I don't know. I just need the bag if I'm going to have a baby,” I said with a shrug. I started walking towards Mason's room.

”Where are we going to take Mase?” I asked mom as I opened the door.

”I'm going to call Becky,” she told me as she pulled out her phone.

I walked into Mason's room and had to force myself to wake him up. It took him a while to open his eyes and he was really cranky as he sat up.

”Honey, mommy has to go to the hospital so you need to wake up. You're going to have a sleep over at Aunt-Becky's home,” I told him.

”But I'm sleeping,” he mumbled.

”You can sleep in the car and when we get there, you can go straight to bed,” I told him as I helped him out of his bed.

We were ready and in the car 15 minutes later. I had called Jimmy and asked him to meet me at Rebecca's place in half an hour. He had no idea what was going on because I didn't feel the need to explain everything to him so he agreed to meet me there.

When we got to Becky's house, mom carried Mason, who was asleep, inside and to the bed. I waited at the front door with Rebecca for mom to come back.

”And if Mase asks where we are, just tell him that his little sister is on her way here and that we will be back as soon as possible,” I told my sister.

”Do you really think that this is it? Is the baby really coming?” she asked me.

”Uh... To be honest, I'm not sure about that,” I admitted just as I saw Jimmy's car. He pulled over and got out of the car.

”What the hell are we doing here in the middle of a night?” he exclaimed before reaching us. He didn't look happy at all.

”I just need something from your car, that's all,” I said and walked over to his car and pulled out the hospital bag. I walked back to them.

”Why did you take that?” Jimmy asked.

”Because I'm going to the hospital to have a baby.”

”What the hell?”

”You heard me.”

”And you didn't feel like telling me, huh? Don't you think I deserve to know when my wife is going to have a baby?” he exclaimed.

”You're so mean to me that I don't want you there,” I told him.

”You don't get to decide that. I'm the father which means that I'm going to be there,” he told me.

”No, no and no. I'm going with my mom.”

”I'm the fucking father!” he exclaimed, getting frustrated with me.

”How would you know about that? What if I, just like you, slept with somebody else and now I'm going to have a baby with some other man?” I exclaimed but quickly shut up because of the horrible pain in my stomach.

I doubled over and held on to my baby bump with my both hands.

”Rach?” Suddenly Jimmy's voice was full of concern. I felt his hand on my back as he bent over and looked at me.

”Just leave me alone, okay?” I exclaimed and tried to push him away.

Instead of letting go of me, he helped me up and started walking me to his car. I got in the back seat and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in.

A moment later mom and Jimmy got in the car and Jimmy started driving to the hospital. By that time I had already thrown up in Jimmy's car and I had a feeling that it was going to get a lot worse. Actually, I knew for a fact that it was going to get worse. Yikes.