So Far Away

They let us go home the next day and I felt really exhausted. I thought I wasn't going to leave the house in months. I just wanted to be with my kids and Jimmy.

But because Jimmy was the drummer of a band, he was going to leave for tour really soon. They wouldn't be gone for too long because Jimmy wanted to spend a lot of time with the baby. So they decided to be on tour for three weeks and then come back home. And, I mean, three weeks wasn't that long, right? Surely I could look after Mason and the baby alone, couldn't I?

But before Jimmy left, we got to spend some time together as a family. I didn't remember how boring babies actually were and our baby slept for like 24 hours a day. Whenever she woke up, she just wanted to eat and after she had eaten, she fell back asleep.

Mason was really jealous of his baby sister. He got really cranky whenever nobody paid that much attention to him and then he started screaming and crying and eventually we had to give all of our attention to him so that he would calm down. Usually Mason was very calm and lovely but now that there was another child in the house and he wasn't suddenly our baby anymore, he had become a little monster.

”Mase, please come here!” I exclaimed.

I was standing in the middle of Mason's room, looking at the horrible mess. All of his toys and clothes were all over the floor and this was not how it was supposed to be.

”No!” he exclaimed from the living room.

He was playing with Jimmy's Playstation 3 which, by the way, he wasn't allowed to do.

”I swear, I'm going to take away all of your toys and everything else if you don't clean up your room now,” I told him.

”I don't believe you!” he shouted.

Well, okay, maybe I didn't believe it myself either. I wasn't exactly one to have a lot of rules and all that stuff.

”I'm not joking!” I muttered and walked out of his room and looked at him, sitting on the couch and keeping his eyes glued to the TV screen.

”What – You're not playing that war game, are you? Mason, you're five years old, not eighteen!” I exclaimed and ran to turn off the TV. He started screaming and kicking me with his feet.

”Stop, stop!” I shouted and tried to get a hold of his feet.

That's when Jimmy appeared in the doorway and looked at us.

”Alright, Mase, that's it. Time out!” Jimmy shouted and walked to us and picked Mason up from the couch.

He carried him outside to the back yard, left him there and then came back in and closed the door after him.

”I can't deal with him anymore,” I mumbled and rubbed my face.

”Oh come on, you're doing fine. This is just something that every kid goes through at some point,” Jimmy said.

”Right, whatever. I've always been really nice to Mase, you know, he really has no reason to be so mean to me,” I said and sighed.

”Yeah well maybe that's the thing. Maybe you're being a friend to him instead of being a mom,” Jimmy said and shrugged as he sat down on the couch. I sat down next to him and rested my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his torso.

”I don't want to be, like, really strict,” I said.

”Then you can't expect him to respect you.”

”I guess you're right,” I mumbled and took a deep breath in.

And then the baby started crying and I groaned.

Later that night after Jimmy had packed his bags and both Mason and the baby were asleep, Jimmy and I were sitting in the kitchen and drinking wine.

”I like this. We never spend time like this together,” I said and smiled at him.

”You know why? Because this is boring.”

”Why do you always have to ruin everything? Why can't you just once enjoy this moment and be home with your wife?” I asked.

”Because I like to be around a lot of people. I'm not going to apologize for not enjoying this,” he said and laughed.

”We're nothing like each other. I wonder how we even got the idea of getting married,” I muttered.

”We love each other...”

”We do. But did we honestly think that this would work perfectly if we don't even like the same things?”

”It doesn't have to work perfectly. I mean, look at us. We have two kids, we're still married after all the shit we've gone through, we still sleep in the same bed. We're making this work,” he told me and finished his wine.

”Now, I assume you're going to bed since it's almost ten,” he said as he stood up.

”And I assume you're going to the bar because you hate being home.”

”I don't hate being here. I'd just rather be with my friends,” he admitted.

”Fine. Go out with your friends.”

”Well are you going to hang out with me if I don't go? Can we do something together? Can we, like, have sex?” he asked me.

”I don't feel like it.”

”Of course you don't. You never do. I haven't had sex in months,” he muttered.

”I can't do anything about it. If I don't feel like it, I just don't feel like it. You have to understand,” I mumbled and stood up.

I walked to him and placed my hand on his chest, looking at him.

”You know what we should do? We should get you really, really drunk. Because when you're drunk, you're like a horny teenager,” he told me.

”Yeah but you're leaving tomorrow and we have a baby and all that...”

”When I come back, we're going out to a bar and I'm getting you drunk,” he told me and gave me a kiss.

”Okay.”

I woke up the next morning at six when Jimmy got out of the bed. I was still very tired from staying up pretty much the whole night because the baby kept crying and didn't want to sleep which really made no sense because she loved sleeping more than anything.

Well, anyway, I forced myself up from the bed because I wanted to be with Jimmy for as long as I could before he was gone.

I followed him downstairs and watched as he made coffee and then walked out to our front yard to have a smoke. We sat down on the porch and for a moment just sat there in silence.

”I'm going to miss you,” I finally said and grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

”It's only like three weeks, Rach,” he said and blew out the smoke from his lungs.

”Yeah but I'm still going to miss you. And how am I going to get along with Mase?”

”You're going to be just fine with him. Just remember that he's just a kid and you're an adult. You're his mom, Rach,” he said and patted my thigh.

Jimmy finished smoking and put away the cigarette before walking back in. I followed him.

”I know I am... But maybe deep down inside I just want to be his friend. Maybe I just want to play with him and go swimming,” I said. Jimmy laughed.

”Yeah, whatever. You have to man up, Rach,” he told me before carrying all of his bags outside and finally to his car.

”Isn't the bus coming to pick you up?” I asked and watched as he got in the car.

”No. I'm driving to Brian's and the bus picks us up from there,” he told me, ”Now, come here!”

I started walking to his car and when I reached him, he took a hold of my waist and pulled me on to his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him for a moment.

”Promise to call me,” I said quietly.

”Every day, baby, every day.”

I got out of the car and gave him another kiss before he closed the door. He rolled down the window before driving away.

”Give me a kiss before I go,” he demanded and I leaned in to kiss him quickly.

”I love you,” I said before he rolled up the window and left.

After Jimmy was gone, I went back to bed and got to sleep for fifteen minutes before the baby woke up and started crying. The next thing I knew, Mason and I were fighting because he woke up because of all the crying. And I could only wonder how much worse it could get.