So Far Away

Briefly, after Jimmy and I broke up, it took me three years to be able to date another man.

Jimmy, on the other hand, found a new girlfriend after a year of being separated which wasn't a surprise and I couldn't be mad because after all, it had been me who had wanted to break up. And Jimmy had told me that it wasn't anything serious, he just wanted to be with someone and he would always love me.

After four years of not being together with him, I finally really realized that breaking up with him had been a mistake. It had been the biggest mistake of my life and I was going to regret it for the rest of my life. But, knowing that he had already moved on and I should've done that, too, I decided to forget about it. I had to move on, I had to do something with my life.

Mason and Madison, 10 and five years old, weren't exactly happy because their parents weren't together anymore. They both liked Jimmy better because he was the cool dad who always bought them lots of toys and took them to Disneyworld while I was the strict uncool mom who never let them do anything fun. Despite all that, they both lived the weeks with me and spent the weekends with Jimmy if he wasn't touring with the band.

Mason's 11th birthday was coming up and we were going to throw him a party at Jimmy's place because he had a lot bigger house and yard. We had invited all of our friends and Mason's friends and everyone was excited.

What made it less pleasant for me was that in a few days it would be exactly five years since the day that Jimmy and I broke up but I was trying not to let it get in the way of celebrating our son.

The kids had been staying the night at my mother's place because I got up early in the morning and drove to Jimmy's place to decorate his house.

I rang the doorbell and Jimmy's girlfriend, whatsername, came to open the door. She let me in without saying a word and I followed her into the kitchen where Jimmy was.

”Who was it, babe – ” Jimmy quickly shut his mouth when he saw me standing next to his girlfriend.

”Oh. Hi,” he said, ”I didn't think you would come so early...”

”Right, well, I just came to decorate the place. My mom and the kids are coming over in a few hours and Becky will bring the cakes and all that stuff soon,” I explained. Jimmy nodded and then the silence fell.

I went outside to his back yard to make sure that everything was ready.

After a while I sat down and just looked around the place, remembering the times when the kids and I were still living there.

And now, Jimmy's girlfriend was sleeping on my bed and making love to my husb–

”Rachel? Can I talk to you?” Jimmy's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

I looked at him as he sat down next to the pool and looked at me.

”What do you want to talk about?”

”About... About you and your relationship,” he said a bit awkwardly.

”What relationship?” I asked and furrowed my eyebrows.

”Aren't you seeing someone?”

”Well, I mean... It's not really anything serious...” I mumbled.

In fact, I wasn't seeing anyone at that moment. There was no man, nothing. But I wasn't going to let Jimmy know that I wasn't able to date another man.

”Oh, okay... I just thought that, uh, you know... Nevermind,” he said and was about to leave when I stopped him.

”How is she? Your girlfriend? How is she with the kids?” I asked and looked into his eyes.

”Oh, Ashley? She's... She's great. The kids like her,” he told me, ”She's... Great.”

”Is she going to be here when everyone comes?”

”Uh... Yes,” Jimmy said and nodded.

”Oh... My mom isn't going to like it,” I said and grimaced slightly.

”I don't care about that,” Jimmy said, ”I really don't.”

”Good for you.”

”I miss talking to you,” he said suddenly, ”This is going to sound stupid but I even miss fighting with you. There was something about you, Rachel.”

”I miss it too,” I admitted quietly, ”But... That's in the past. You've got your new girl and I've got my... Yeah.”

”Who is he? What is he like?” Jimmy asked me.

Shit, what was I supposed to say? Was I just going to lie to him, come up with something?

”Uh... He's... He's great,” I said and forced a smile on my face.

”Rach... There really isn't anyone, is there?”

”No,” I admitted with a sigh.

”Why didn't you just tell me?” he asked me.

”Because... I don't know. I just didn't want you to think that I wasn't able to date another man. Because after all, it wasn't you, it was me who wanted to have a divorce. I should've been able to move on but I couldn't and you could,” I mumbled with a shrug.

I looked away from him and bit my lip.

”You're right,” he said and nodded, ”It's all in the past.”

All of our friends and the guests arrived at three. Mase got tons of presents and everybody had a really great time.

Well, everybody but my mom, that is. I had known from the start that she was going to cause a scene and ruin the party but I had no idea that she would actually take it so far.

”I cannot believe you have the guts to invite your little girlfriend to your son's birthday party!” mom hissed and glared at Jimmy after he had introduced his girlfriend to my mom.

”She's a part of the family,” Jimmy said with a shrug, ”We're in a relationship.”

”She is not a part of the family. How dare you do this in front of my daughter! She doesn't need to watch as you try and replace her with your girlfriend!” mom exclaimed.

”Mom!” I exclaimed, ”That's enough. Nobody is trying to replace me!”

”I'm disgusted by you. If I had it my way, you would never see my grandchildren again,” mom muttered to Jimmy.

”I wasn't the one that wanted to have a fucking divorce, okay? Your precious little daughter is the one you should be putting the blame on, not me. So if anything, you should thank me for letting her have what she wanted,” Jimmy muttered.

”Maybe she couldn't stand the fact that you have children with other women!” mom exclaimed.

God, why did they had to do this at a birthday party? Wasn't it supposed to be a fun day?

Fortunately, we were inside and everybody else was outside.

”Oh, yeah, whatever,” Jimmy muttered, ”I think it'd be best if you just left.”

”You know what, I was leaving anyway. I can't bear the sight of you anymore,” mom muttered before leaving.

When she was gone, I sat down on a couch and buried my face in my hands. I let out a deep sigh.

”Are you okay? I didn't mean to put it like that,” Jimmy said quietly and sat down next to me.

”It's okay, really,” I whispered, ”It was my fault, I know that.”

”I know your mom only wants the best for you but she went too far,” Jimmy said.

”I know.”

”We should... Probably go outside,” Jimmy said after a moment. I nodded and stood up, looking at him.

”Could I... Could I hug you?” I asked quietly.

I couldn't really read his face as he nodded but there seemed to be hope in his eyes as he wrapped his arms tightly around me, pulling me close to his body. I buried my face into his chest and took a deep breath in, enjoying the feeling of his body against mine.

I thought I was going to cry. I had missed Jimmy and the way he held me.

Before I could actually shed a few tears, Jimmy pulled away from me, leaving me slightly disappointed that the moment was over.

”Jimmy, I...”

I didn't know what to say. I wanted him back, I didn't want to see him with another woman. I didn't want him to have a family with somebody else.

”What?” he asked me.

”Nothing,” I mumbled and started walking to the back yard.