‹ Prequel: That's Why I Got a Heater For Your Thighs
So Far Away
With Your Other Family
When we got home, I changed into my pajamas, grabbed some Ben & Jerry's and buried myself under the blankets on the couch. I turned on the TV as Jimmy left and didn't move an inch (apart from going to the bathroom every once in a while) until he came back home with Mason.
Mason went straight to bed because it was getting really late already and Jimmy opened a beer and sat down on the other couch. We both kept our eyes glued on the TV screen.
”Who watches this bullshit, anyway?” Jimmy asked with a laugh after some time.
I was watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
”I do,” I muttered.
”This is the most pointless show I've ever watched,” he said.
”Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick have a son named Mason. Who do you think our son is named after?” I asked and looked at Jimmy who seemed to be speechless.
”Please tell me you're just joking. Please tell me you're not serious,” he mumbled.
”I'm just joking,” I said and looked at the TV again, ”Now will you please shut up so I can watch this?”
”You scared me really bad, Rach,” he said and shook his head slowly.
”You deserved it after what happened earlier today,” I told him.
”I know, I know. You're completely right.”
After a moment of silence, Jimmy got up from the other couch and walked over to where I was.
He scooped me and the blankets up from the couch and sat down, resting me over his lap and holding me tightly in his arms.
”It is kind of cute when you're angry,” he murmured and looked at my face.
”Mmhm.”
”And I'm really sorry for telling Matt that you peed your pants,” he said and pushed my hair back before touching my cheek.
”I couldn't help myself. You shouldn't have even laughed,” I mumbled and pouted.
He nodded and leaned in to kiss my lips quickly.
”Are we okay now?” he asked me.
”Yeah.”
”So... Who won the date thing?”
”Obviously you.”
”I would've said you because of the peeing incident,” he said with a grin.
”So... It's a tie?” I asked. He shook his head.
”No, I won.”
”What? No you didn't!” I exclaimed.
”Yes I did!”
”If you said that mine was better and I said that yours was better then that is a tie!” I exclaimed.
”Yeah, but mine was better anyway,” he said.
”Bullshit!”
”Let's say it was a tie – what would we do, though? Who would get to decide what we do for the rest of the night, huh?”
”We're a couple, I think we can make decisions together,” I said.
”Yeah, but you want to just watch some lame movies and cuddle and all that shit while I want to have sex,” he whined.
”You make it sound like we never have sex.”
”Probably because it's true.”
”We did have sex, uh... Last week,” I said.
Honestly I couldn't really remember the last time we'd had sex. But I was sure that it hadn't been that long since the last time. But, I mean, what could I do? I didn't really feel like doing it every day and I'd thought that Jimmy had already got used to it.
”We didn't. It has been two weeks already. You won't believe how many times I've had to have sex with my hand,” he said and grinned like a dirty teenager.
Suddenly Jimmy's phone started ringing and I had to get up before he could took the phone out of his pocket. He lifted the phone up to his ear and furrowed his eyebrows a moment later.
Then, without a word he started walking out of the room. I stood there, wondering what was going on.
Half an hour later Jimmy came back into the room. He was rubbing his forehead and looking at me.
”Who was it?”
”It was, uh... Isabella.”
”Isabella?”
Who the hell was Isabella? The name didn't ring any bells.
”Erm... You know, the mother of my other son...” he said quietly.
”Oh... Oh, okay!” I nodded, ”What did she want?”
”She asked if I could go to her place,” he said.
”Uh, why?”
”She just broke up with her boyfriend and now wants to talk to somebody...”
”Doesn't she have any friends? Why would she call you out of all the people?” I couldn't help but get a little jealous.
I mean, who did she think she was? First she didn't want Jimmy to be a part of their son's life and now she wanted to talk to him about her break up? It seemed a bit weird to me...
”I don't know. Look, Rach, I promised to go over there for a while,” he told me. I shook my head.
”No. You have no reason to go there and comfort her,” I said.
”I promised.”
”I don't care if you promised. If it had something to do with your son, it would be okay. But since it's about her own problems – ”
”Look, I'm going. She's still the mother of my son, I'm going to help her!” he exclaimed.
I was speechless for a moment.
”I thought you wanted nothing to do with the both of them, her and your son,” I said after a moment.
”Maybe I was lying then,” he muttered.
”Or are you lying now?”
”I thought we weren't supposed to fight anymore,” he said.
”Well you're making it pretty hard not to fight,” I muttered and shook my head again.
”I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like everything I do is wrong and nothing is ever good enough for you,” he muttered.
”Are you going to sleep with her and get her pregnant again now that she's single?”
”That's really fucking immature, Rachel.”
”Fuck you. Just go already. Go have fun with your other family,” I said and turned on the TV again.
I focused my eyes on the TV screen and waited for Jimmy to leave.
”I fucking love you, no matter what,” he muttered before leaving.
The next morning I woke up alone in my bed. It wasn't even nine in the morning so I decided to go see if Mason was awake already.
As I opened the door into his room, the most adorable, cutest child was sleeping in the bed. I couldn't help but smile as I walked over to the bed and laid down next to him. I wrapped him into my arms and closed my eyes. At least I would always have Mason, no matter what happened.
”Rach, what the hell are you doing?” Jimmy's voice woke me up only a few moments later.
I sat up and noticed that I had fallen asleep next to Mason on his bed.
I got out of the bed without waking the kid up and left the room. I followed Jimmy into the kitchen and sat down as he started eating breakfast.
”You didn't come home last night,” I said.
”I know. But I slept at Brian's place,” he told me. I cocked an eyebrow.
”If I call and ask Brian, will he tell me the same thing?”
”Do you really feel the need to ask him? Aren't you going to trust me?”
”I don't know. But I do know that I'm sick of this constant fighting. I've decided to move in with mom,” I said.
”This is unbelievable. Why would you moving away from here make our relationship any better?”
”You have to understand that something has to be done. I'm sick of sleeping alone while you're taking care of some other woman. I'm sick of always being worried if you're going to sleep with someone else behind my back,” I told him.
”She just needed someone to talk to, okay? And, ask any of my friends, I'm always there for my them. I'm not going to stop being there for someone just because my wife gets jealous,” he said.
”Well I'm – ”
The sound of Mason's voice cut me off.
”Mommy? I'm hungry,” he mumbled.
I saw him standing in the doorway in his pajamas, looking a bit confused. He was holding his stomach with his both hands.
”Come here, honey, I will make you some breakfast,” I said, forced a smile on my face and pulled out a chair for him. He sat down and looked at me.
”I want pancakes,” he said with a grin.
”Okay,” I said with a nod.
”Why were you shouting at mom?” Mason asked Jimmy and I froze completely.
”I wasn't shouting. Your mother and I were just talking about... Some things,” he told him and ruffled his hair.
After Mason had eaten breakfast, I packed my bags and drove to mom's place. We figured that it was best if Mason stayed at home and I came to see him during days.
I knew that Jimmy and I didn't have a very good relationship. But, no matter what, I was determined to make it better. And if that wasn't possible, I was making myself ready for a divorce.
Mason went straight to bed because it was getting really late already and Jimmy opened a beer and sat down on the other couch. We both kept our eyes glued on the TV screen.
”Who watches this bullshit, anyway?” Jimmy asked with a laugh after some time.
I was watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
”I do,” I muttered.
”This is the most pointless show I've ever watched,” he said.
”Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick have a son named Mason. Who do you think our son is named after?” I asked and looked at Jimmy who seemed to be speechless.
”Please tell me you're just joking. Please tell me you're not serious,” he mumbled.
”I'm just joking,” I said and looked at the TV again, ”Now will you please shut up so I can watch this?”
”You scared me really bad, Rach,” he said and shook his head slowly.
”You deserved it after what happened earlier today,” I told him.
”I know, I know. You're completely right.”
After a moment of silence, Jimmy got up from the other couch and walked over to where I was.
He scooped me and the blankets up from the couch and sat down, resting me over his lap and holding me tightly in his arms.
”It is kind of cute when you're angry,” he murmured and looked at my face.
”Mmhm.”
”And I'm really sorry for telling Matt that you peed your pants,” he said and pushed my hair back before touching my cheek.
”I couldn't help myself. You shouldn't have even laughed,” I mumbled and pouted.
He nodded and leaned in to kiss my lips quickly.
”Are we okay now?” he asked me.
”Yeah.”
”So... Who won the date thing?”
”Obviously you.”
”I would've said you because of the peeing incident,” he said with a grin.
”So... It's a tie?” I asked. He shook his head.
”No, I won.”
”What? No you didn't!” I exclaimed.
”Yes I did!”
”If you said that mine was better and I said that yours was better then that is a tie!” I exclaimed.
”Yeah, but mine was better anyway,” he said.
”Bullshit!”
”Let's say it was a tie – what would we do, though? Who would get to decide what we do for the rest of the night, huh?”
”We're a couple, I think we can make decisions together,” I said.
”Yeah, but you want to just watch some lame movies and cuddle and all that shit while I want to have sex,” he whined.
”You make it sound like we never have sex.”
”Probably because it's true.”
”We did have sex, uh... Last week,” I said.
Honestly I couldn't really remember the last time we'd had sex. But I was sure that it hadn't been that long since the last time. But, I mean, what could I do? I didn't really feel like doing it every day and I'd thought that Jimmy had already got used to it.
”We didn't. It has been two weeks already. You won't believe how many times I've had to have sex with my hand,” he said and grinned like a dirty teenager.
Suddenly Jimmy's phone started ringing and I had to get up before he could took the phone out of his pocket. He lifted the phone up to his ear and furrowed his eyebrows a moment later.
Then, without a word he started walking out of the room. I stood there, wondering what was going on.
Half an hour later Jimmy came back into the room. He was rubbing his forehead and looking at me.
”Who was it?”
”It was, uh... Isabella.”
”Isabella?”
Who the hell was Isabella? The name didn't ring any bells.
”Erm... You know, the mother of my other son...” he said quietly.
”Oh... Oh, okay!” I nodded, ”What did she want?”
”She asked if I could go to her place,” he said.
”Uh, why?”
”She just broke up with her boyfriend and now wants to talk to somebody...”
”Doesn't she have any friends? Why would she call you out of all the people?” I couldn't help but get a little jealous.
I mean, who did she think she was? First she didn't want Jimmy to be a part of their son's life and now she wanted to talk to him about her break up? It seemed a bit weird to me...
”I don't know. Look, Rach, I promised to go over there for a while,” he told me. I shook my head.
”No. You have no reason to go there and comfort her,” I said.
”I promised.”
”I don't care if you promised. If it had something to do with your son, it would be okay. But since it's about her own problems – ”
”Look, I'm going. She's still the mother of my son, I'm going to help her!” he exclaimed.
I was speechless for a moment.
”I thought you wanted nothing to do with the both of them, her and your son,” I said after a moment.
”Maybe I was lying then,” he muttered.
”Or are you lying now?”
”I thought we weren't supposed to fight anymore,” he said.
”Well you're making it pretty hard not to fight,” I muttered and shook my head again.
”I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like everything I do is wrong and nothing is ever good enough for you,” he muttered.
”Are you going to sleep with her and get her pregnant again now that she's single?”
”That's really fucking immature, Rachel.”
”Fuck you. Just go already. Go have fun with your other family,” I said and turned on the TV again.
I focused my eyes on the TV screen and waited for Jimmy to leave.
”I fucking love you, no matter what,” he muttered before leaving.
The next morning I woke up alone in my bed. It wasn't even nine in the morning so I decided to go see if Mason was awake already.
As I opened the door into his room, the most adorable, cutest child was sleeping in the bed. I couldn't help but smile as I walked over to the bed and laid down next to him. I wrapped him into my arms and closed my eyes. At least I would always have Mason, no matter what happened.
”Rach, what the hell are you doing?” Jimmy's voice woke me up only a few moments later.
I sat up and noticed that I had fallen asleep next to Mason on his bed.
I got out of the bed without waking the kid up and left the room. I followed Jimmy into the kitchen and sat down as he started eating breakfast.
”You didn't come home last night,” I said.
”I know. But I slept at Brian's place,” he told me. I cocked an eyebrow.
”If I call and ask Brian, will he tell me the same thing?”
”Do you really feel the need to ask him? Aren't you going to trust me?”
”I don't know. But I do know that I'm sick of this constant fighting. I've decided to move in with mom,” I said.
”This is unbelievable. Why would you moving away from here make our relationship any better?”
”You have to understand that something has to be done. I'm sick of sleeping alone while you're taking care of some other woman. I'm sick of always being worried if you're going to sleep with someone else behind my back,” I told him.
”She just needed someone to talk to, okay? And, ask any of my friends, I'm always there for my them. I'm not going to stop being there for someone just because my wife gets jealous,” he said.
”Well I'm – ”
The sound of Mason's voice cut me off.
”Mommy? I'm hungry,” he mumbled.
I saw him standing in the doorway in his pajamas, looking a bit confused. He was holding his stomach with his both hands.
”Come here, honey, I will make you some breakfast,” I said, forced a smile on my face and pulled out a chair for him. He sat down and looked at me.
”I want pancakes,” he said with a grin.
”Okay,” I said with a nod.
”Why were you shouting at mom?” Mason asked Jimmy and I froze completely.
”I wasn't shouting. Your mother and I were just talking about... Some things,” he told him and ruffled his hair.
After Mason had eaten breakfast, I packed my bags and drove to mom's place. We figured that it was best if Mason stayed at home and I came to see him during days.
I knew that Jimmy and I didn't have a very good relationship. But, no matter what, I was determined to make it better. And if that wasn't possible, I was making myself ready for a divorce.
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm actually really surprised by all of the messages and comments I've received. It makes me feel really good and warm inside to know that so many people don't want me to stop writing on this site. And, on the other hand, a lot of you gave me your blessings and told me it was okay to completely disappear, as long as it is what I have to do in order to get better.Now, to make you really understand what has happened, I'm going to explain it really briefly (well this didn't turn out to be so brief...):
I was in a relationship for years with this guy. I even moved to the same country and we got a place together just before we broke up because of certain things. Then, after that, a few months went by as I didn't really do anything in my life. Then I got back together with him because I really did (and still probably do) love him. Things didn't work out and we broke up, for good. It was really really hard for me, not only because I thought that we'd be together for much longer but because we had a place together in England and I thought that my future would be there.
After splitting up I faced a move back to Sweden and had to build a whole new life here. I'm still working on that and trying to figure out what to do. My life seems really complicated to myself at the moment and I don't honestly know what to do. And, I suppose, writing about this and getting this out of my mind helps a bit. I've only now really realized what has happened and where I'm going in my life. I feel like I've aged at least 5 years in these past 6 months but in fact I should be living my life and not be worrying about everything.
I really love you guys and all of the support you've given me, cheers!