So Far Away

”No, but he had actually turned his drumkit room into a room for the baby,” I told mom as I ate breakfast in her kitchen.

It was the day after the wedding, Sunday, and we were talking about all sorts of things.

”Really? He's obviously trying to show you that his family is important to him,” mom said and nodded.

She finished her coffee and put the cup away.

”It was kind of cute, though. And I really miss him... I've been thinking of going back home,” I said.

”Are you ready for that? I mean, if you go back too soon and you notice that you weren't ready – ”

”I know, I know. I just miss my family. And I have to go back before the baby comes,” I told her.

”Well... Then I guess you have to go back,” mom said and nodded.

”Can you help me pack my stuff?”

”I don't know if I want to let you go. I'm going to be really lonely when you leave!” mom pretended to be really sad as she rushed to hug me. I laughed and patted her back.

”I'm serious, honey. It's been really good to have you and Mason here.”

”It's been good to be here,” I told her and pinched her cheek.

”You got that from Jimmy, didn't you? He always pinches everyone's cheeks!” mom exclaimed after me as I started walking to the guest room where I had been staying.

”Exactly. Now come and help me, mommy!”

After packing my stuff and moving everything into my car, we somehow ended up watching old family photos of us. There were some really horrible pictures of me and my sister as kids. Then we spent some time remembering the times when my mom and dad were still married. Mom got a little sad and shed a few tears but after all we had really fun.

I drove back home later that day.

There were a lot of cars in front of our house as I got there and it seemed a bit weird to me. What was going on?

I walked in and found everybody in the livingroom. And by everybody I meant the guys from the band (except for Johnny who was on a honeymoon with his wife) and their wives.

Nobody even noticed me standing in the doorway. I heard them talking about their little Vegas trip and they all seemed to be really excited.

”And then we'll go to the casino and after that to some restaurant and, oh, let's go to every bar we can find!” Matt exclaimed.

They all nodded and exclaimed some hell yeahs and okays.

I felt like such an outsider so I decided to go up into our bedroom. I sat down on the bed and sighed.

It felt good to be back home.

Only a few minutes later I saw Jimmy standing in the doorway.

”Rach? What are you doing here?” he asked and furrowed his eyebrows.

”I came back home,” I told him.

”You came back home? Like... To stay?”

”Well, yeah,” I nodded.

He started grinning like a little child as he walked to the bed and scooped me up into his arms. He held me tightly and kissed me at least a thousand times.

”Hey, all the guys are downstairs, do you want to join us? We're talking about the trip to Vegas,” he asked me as he let me go.

”No, you go ahead. I'm not going to Vegas with you so I don't feel like I should be there,” I told him.

”Hmpfh, well, okay. I'm sending Mason up here so you can spend some mother-son time,” he told me before leaving.

Later that night after everyone had left and I was in the shower, I got really hungry. And I meant like really, really hungry. I had barely eaten earlier that day so I had to actually rush out of the shower and pull on my clothes while running downstairs into the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and looked at it for about three seconds before gasping.

”Jimmy! There's no food!” I exclaimed in horror.

”Shh, shh, shh! Mason just fell asleep,” Jimmy hissed as he walked into the kitchen.

”What's wrong?” he asked me.

”I really need some food,” I mumbled.

”What? Like, right now? I thought you were going to bed already,” he said and ruffled his hair.

”I got really hungry, though,” I whined, ”Can we get some pizza or something?”

”Well, I mean, I was going to go to the bar with the guys...”

”What? On my first night here? Are you kidding me?”

”If you want me to stay, I'll stay,” he said quickly, ”But I just promised the guys... I didn't know you'd be here tonight...”

”Fine, whatever. I'll go back to mom's then and get something to eat,” I muttered and was about to leave the kitchen when he grabbed my arm and stopped me.

”Don't go. I'll get you some pizza and spend the night with you. You're more important than going out,” he told me quietly and pinched my cheek.

”Really?”

”Yes, really. Now, go make sure that Mason is asleep and I'll be right back,” he said, gave me a kiss, grabbed his car keys and walked out.

Jimmy came back with the pizzas half an hour later. I was already waiting in the kitchen when he walked in and I practically flew to him and grabbed my pizza. I started eating like a little pig as Jimmy laughed at me.

”This is really good,” I said with my mouth full of pizza.

”So it seems,” Jimmy said as he started eating.

”God, this is the best thing I've ever had. I think I'm having an... Orgasm.”

”What the hell, Rach?” Jimmy was laughing really hard.

”No, not really. This is just really good,” I said with a grin.

I finished eating and took a deep breath in before looking at Jimmy who was looking at me. I couldn't really read the look on his face. He looked... Happy? Like he was in love? Excited?

”Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked with a smile.

”I don't know. I just... I'm really glad you're back here. This is how it's supposed to be. I can't wait to start living the family life again,” he told me as he reached over the table to touch my hand.

”Well, in like six weeks when the baby comes, you're going to regret ever telling me that. Waking up in the middle of the night to change the shitty diapers and getting up early to feed the baby...”

”That's not exactly my favourite part of being a dad,” he said and grimaced.

”Exactly,” I said and nodded.

”Remember last time we had a baby? I had to take care of him all by myself and change the damn diapers and all that shit because you were away in Australia for fucks sake,” he said and laughed.

I knew it was meant to be a joke but it really did hit home hard. I mean, it wasn't exactly nice to know that I had missed Mason's first months because of being depressed. Like, come on, I wanted to kill myself back then. There was no way I could've been taking care of a baby.

But this time I had to do it the right way. I would have to love that baby from the first moment and I had to be a good mom from the day she was born.

I was so tired that I felt like going to bed early. So, after we had finished chatting in the kitchen, I climbed my way up the stairs and went into our bedroom. I got under the blanket and rested my head against my very own pillow for the first in months. And let me tell you, it felt like heaven to be back in my own bed. The only thing that could've made it better was...

”Jimmy! Come to bed!” I exclaimed.

It took him a few minutes to walk into the bedroom.

”But I'm not tired at all,” he told me.

”But... But I wanted to sleep with you!”

”Well, what can I do? I usually go to sleep around 3AM and not at ten like you,” he told me.

”Can you at least pretend that you're tired and lay here with me until I've fallen asleep?” I asked with a grin.

He sighed but got in the bed anyway. I cuddled up closer to him as he wrapped me into his arms.

”You know what, we don't have a name for our girl yet,” I said all of a sudden.

”I know. We probably won't come up with anything before the baby arrives,” Jimmy mumbled.

”Well I really want a name that starts with an 'm' so it goes together it Mason,” I said.

”So you have thought about this?”

”Well what do you think I do with my time?”

”I have no idea. Apparently you're more ready to have a baby than I am,” he said and laughed as he touched my baby bump.

”I've had time to get ready. I can't go to Vegas and I don't have to spend time at work anymore. I've got nothing but time to get myself ready for this little one,” I said and patted my belly.

”Jimmy?”

”Yeah?”

”I think we should both make a list of the names that we want our baby to have. And then we can choose the best one,” I said.

”This isn't going to be another competition, is it?”

”No, no.”

”Good because you obviously can't face the fact that you're a bad loser,” he said.

”I never even lose so how could I be a bad loser?”

”You did lose the date thing and – ”

”I did not lose that! It was a tie!” I exclaimed.

He covered my mouth with his hand and laughed.

”Okay, okay! I'm going to think about that list thing with the guys tomorrow. Now, start sleeping so I can go and have a smoke,” he said and ruffled my hair.

”Goodnight, Jimmy,” I mumbled and reached toward his face to touch him.

He kissed my fingers before kissing the top of my head.

”Night, Rach. I love you,” he whispered.

”I love you too.”