Spinning.

”Hey lady, you free to chat?”

I smiled to myself as I reread the message from John, sent as we were just wrapping up an interview after one of our European shows. I practically ran back to the bus afterwards, flopping back onto a couch in the lounge. I pulled up his number and called him for a video chat.

“Hi!” John's voice shot through my headphones, his face popping up on the screen. “How's my girl?”

“Hello!” I giggled, savoring the sound of his voice. “I'm alright, tired from playing shows and traveling so much but whatever! How are you?”

“I'm fine, I spent the day helping Jared and Tessa with some projects around their place, since they're getting ready to move. I just got back, and I know it's Arizona but damn it's hot outside.” He chuckled, adjusting his position.

“They're moving?” I asked, not remembering Tessa mentioning that during our last chat.

“Yeah, they literally closed on the place yesterday. We're anticipating a ring any day now too!” John nodded enthusiastically, but I missed the last part of what he said because I had started coughing.

“Sorry, can you repeat that last part? I couldn't hear it with me coughing,” I apologized.

“No worries. I said we're expecting a ring on Tessa's finger any day now, if you catch my drift.” My eyebrow popped up as I processed what he said, shooting him an intrigued look as he repeated himself.

“Does Jared have a ring? Or are you just really antsy?” I could feel my heart quickening at the thought of Tessa in a white gown, strolling down the aisle to Jared at the end.

“We're going to start looking, he wants to propose soon but we have to get the ring first... y'know, details.”

“Eh, details.” I shrugged, trying to get more comfortable. “What have you been up to besides helping them out?”

“Not too much, just hanging out with the guys-- we're probably going to hit the lake at some point soon. We only have everyone around so often. But we have band practice later tonight.”

“That should be fun.” I responded, pausing to cover my mouth as I began to cough.

“Yeah, it should be a grand old time.” He agreed, his eyes still boring into mine despite an ocean and two screens separating us. “You look beat. Are you feeling okay?”

“I've gotten this weird cough I guess,” I shrugged. “But I don't think it's anything serious. Otherwise just traveling wears you down, you know?”

“Yeah. But you look like you could just pass out right where you are.” He commented.

“I probably could.” I agreed, moving so I was in a different position.

“So go take a nap.”

“But I don't get to talk to you that much.” I protested, not wanting him to go so soon.

“I know, but still. If you don't get enough sleep early on you'll be hating life a lot later on...” John trailed off, raising his eyebrow at me.

“I know, I know. But I miss you and I only get so long to talk to you...” I whined, jutting out my bottom lip at him.

“Trust me, I miss you too.” John assured me. “But I'd rather see you happy and healthy than tired and stressed out because you spend the time you should be resting talking to me.”

“Fine,” I grumbled, “I guess I'll go to bed...”

“Hey, hey, hey, I didn't mean to make you mad.” John's voice softened, speaking quickly as if to cover any chances of me being upset.

“I know,” I sighed, trying not to get too emotional. Being exhausted really messed with my emotions. “I just really miss you and I wish you were here.”

“I wish we were together too. We're on the home stretch though, after this tour I'll be holding you in my arms and you can mess up my hair as much as you want.” He promised, unconsciously running his fingers through his hair.

“I look forward to it.” Smiling at him, I stood up and made my way over to my bunk, setting my phone down while I changed clothes. Picking up the phone again, I moved the camera so he could see that I was going to bed. “You can't say I never listen to you now.”

“So you're actually taking going to bed?” John seemed surprised by my relocation.

“Well, yeah, but there's a catch.” I told him, crawling into my bunk.

“What's that?”

“You have to sing me to sleep.”

“Of course.” He grinned, leaving the frame to grab his guitar before returning. “What would you like?”

“Sing something special.”

John may have been an ocean away, but with him singing, it felt like he was right next to me, singing me to sleep.



Traveling through Europe felt surreal, and the reception we received at every city felt even more like a dream. The people who came to our shows knew every word to every song, had gifts for us at every show, and made sure that our experiences in every city were absolutely incredible. It would have been picture perfect, if it hadn't been for the really nasty cold that I picked up a couple days into tour.

I initially blamed my weakened immune system on traveling, knowing that long flights cramped with people carrying germs can make someone more prone to being sick, but no matter how much dayquil I took, I still had a chest rattling cough and my throat was sore and my torso just hurt. It was easy to brush off though, knowing that we were spending so much time on the road and we were so busy with interviews and appearances that I just wasn't getting enough rest. Once I got home, I figured it'd be fine.

The last stop of the tour was in London, playing the Hammersmith Apollo for a sold out crowd. The last few days leading up to the show I had been absolutely dragging, just exhausted from being sick and from the relentless schedule that we had endured during the tour. When my alarm went off that day, I didn't even think before I flipped it off, rolling over and going back to sleep.

“Beret...”

“Beret!”

I groaned, rolling over and cracking one eye open to see who was bugging me, fully intending on telling them to shut up and leave me to sleep. However, the blue eyes staring back at me were far from any that I was expecting.

“Ava?” My voice cracked as I answered, sore from the amount of singing and speaking I had done over the tour, in conjunction with being sick.

My best friend was holding the curtain wide open, a cheshire grin crossing her lips as she stared me down. “Are you going to get out of there and hug me or do I have to drag you out?”

“Holy shit, what are you doing here?” I croaked, rubbing my eyes as I crawled out of the bunk and embraced her, my thin arms hugging her with every ounce of force they could muster.

“Coming to see the last show of your tour, duh!” She answered, as if I didn't know that tonight was the last show already. “I see your cold hasn't gone anywhere.”

“Nope, it's still here.” I shrugged, moving to find something to wash down cold medicine with.

“You look like you've lost some weight too,” she commented, trailing after me as I made my way up front. “Have you been eating enough?”

“Well yeah,” I scoffed, turning to her and shooting her a disdainful look. “I've been sick though, it's not like I've been eating everything in sight like I usually do.” I understood where Ava was coming from-- pressure in the spotlight can lead down some nasty roads, but I wasn't one of those people.

“Okay, fair enough.” She answered. “How long have you been sick?”

“Practically this entire tour... like a month?” I recounted in my head. “It's only been really bad these last couple of weeks, but it's not like we've had a lot of down time to sleep and you know, recover.”

“Have you been to a doctor?”

I shook my head no, covering my mouth as I erupted into a body-racking coughing fit.

“Damn, you've gotta stop smoking so much weed.” Mason suddenly emerged from the back of the bus for a cup of coffee. “Hey Ava,”

“Hey Mason,” she echoed, waving at him. “Beret, you should go get that checked out. Your coughing fit literally just shook your entire body. That's not normal.”

“Okay mom,” I rolled my eyes, flopping back onto the couch. “I just have to get through the billboards and I can sleep all I want. It'll be fine.”

“If you don't go to a doctor before the billboards I will personally schedule you an appointment.” She warned. “Beret, I don't have a good feeling about this.”

“You and John. He hasn't let up on it either.”

“Well yeah, you're his everything. He wouldn't know what to do if something happened to you.”

“Nothing's happening to me though. I'm just sick.” I snapped, annoyed that she was so persistent about something that honestly wasn't a big deal.

“Whoa, okay there, no need to get grumpy on me.” She threw her hands up in defense, turning to the fridge and getting herself some water.

“Sorry,” I muttered, deciding that I should probably get dressed before our final round of interviews for this tour.

The interviews were fine, and despite my dire lack of energy I was able to still scrape through them with a smile on my face and some semblance of manners. I somehow managed to make it through the show without losing my voice, though for the signing I couldn't speak because my voice was absolutely shot. When I finally got back to the bus, I didn't even bother changing clothes before falling asleep in the bunk, not even waiting for my head to hit the pillow before I was totally out.

I woke up a few hours later to Ava's hushed voice on the phone, speaking rapidly with whoever was on the other line. Trying to think through the grogginess, I listened in on bits and pieces of her conversation, curious as to who she was talking to at this hour.

“I don't know, I just have a bad feeling about this.”

Ava's feet softly pounded against the ground, her footsteps pacing as she spoke.

“Yeah, I know John's worried about her too. I just don't get it though Ken, she refuses to think there's anything wrong with her. Like, I know she's tough but she's really sick. She's gotten so thin and she's coughing so much and she keeps losing her voice. She's just miserable, you can tell. I've only been here for a day and I can tell it's bad. John was able to tell just by video chatting with her every day, and you know those chats never last long.”

Was she talking to Kennedy on the phone? But more importantly, was it really that obvious that I felt so sick? She had stopped pacing, and judging by the placement of the sound she was somewhere near the front of the bus.

“I know, I'm trying to get her to go see a doctor when she gets home, but she keeps insisting it's not a big deal. I've seen here with a basic cold before and it doesn't look like this. I'm just really worried. Every time John tries to talk to her about getting rest or going to a doctor she gets mad at him, and when I talked to her earlier she got so snappy at me.”

Ava paused again, waiting for a moment before sighing.

“Hopefully she does. I don't want her to burn out or anything. Anyways, we're at the airport, so I've gotta go. I'll see you when we're state-side?”

She was moving again, back towards the bunks. I quickly shut my eyes in case she tried to open the curtain-- I didn't want her to know that I was listening to her conversation.

“Alright, thanks Kennedy. You're the greatest.”

So it was Kennedy.



“Bereeeeeeet!”

Despite still feeling like death warmed over, I was actually really excited. We were all at our hotel, getting ready for the billboard awards, and that meant both a fun night and that I was finally going to see John again. I was minding my own business, trying to do my make-up when Alex rounded the corner, his dress shirt untucked and his bow tie undone around his neck.

“What do you want?” I laughed at the lanky boy, his blue eyes sparkling as his strawberry blonde hair stuck out in every direction.

“I can't tie my bow tie.” He whined, pointing at the black piece of fabric around his neck.

“You're ridiculous.” I shook my head, setting my eyeliner down on the counter and moving to fix his bowtie. “Also, tuck in your shirt.”

“Yes mom.” He whined and playfully rolled his eyes, shoving the hem of his shirt into his dress pants.

“I'm just saying, you'd get your ass kicked if you tried to go on the carpet like that.”

“I suppose Carolyn and Alice would have a shit fit.”

I nodded, adjusting his bow tie until it looked just right. “How long do we have until we have to leave?”

“You just want to see your boooyfriend.” He smirked.

“So?” I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks.

“You've got it bad.” It was Alex's turn to laugh, causing me to flush even more.

“You're just jealous.” I retorted.

“Whatever. I hope we get your reunion on video.” He nonchalantly shrugged.

“Shut up. Carolyn already scolded me about behaving.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“With good reason.” Alex wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he moved to the door, earning another round of rolled eyes from me

“Fix your hair before you go.” I coughed, my gaze returning to the mirror.

“Wow, you really are like a mom.” He rolled his eyes.

“I just have your best interests in mind.” I winked, returning to my make-up.

“How long does it take you to do that anyways?” Alex paused, intently watching me as I worked.

“Too long.” I answered, carefully adding mascara to my eyelashes before moving onto my lipstick.

“Glad I'm not a girl,” he shrugged, trying to fix his hair.

I did one last take in the mirror before putting in my earrings, not wanting to waste any time. Sliding my bracelets on, I made my way out to the living room of the hotel suite we all were sharing. Ian and Mason were ready to go, Ian's tuxedo perfectly pressed and his hair immaculately styled while Mason's vest and five o'clock shadow provided contrast next to him. Dave and Ryan were sharing the full length mirror, Dave running his fingers through his dark hair and trying to get his faux hawk adjusted perfectly. Ryan, on the other hand, was fiddling with his suspenders, trying to adjust them so they weren't so short on him.

“Are we all ready to go?” Ian asked, standing up and smoothing down the front of his tuxedo.

“Let me just put my shoes on and grab my purse.” I told him, moving past the group to grab my purse from the table and slip into my heels.

“My fucking hair won't sit in the right place.” Dave groaned, throwing his hands up in defeat.

“It looks fine, let's go.” Mason rolled his eyes, standing up and joining Ian to wait by the door. Sighing, Dave gave up and joined the three, with me trailing closely behind.”Things one and two, are you coming?”

“Yes sir,” Ryan sassed, snapping his suspenders as the twins finally joined us.

The ride to the billboards wasn't too long, with Alice feeding us answers to any questions we could possibly be asked as we watched the buildings fly by. Despite my excitement, my nerves hadn't really kicked in yet, the whole idea of the evening still a distant concept for me to try and wrap my mind around. It wasn't until the car pulled up to the red carpet that I realized that we were here: it was Billboards time, I was finally going to see John tonight, and we had a huge night ahead of us as a band.

I couldn't help but laugh at Mason as he almost tripped getting out of the car, the door opening to the sound of screaming fans. I let the rest of the group climb out before I took my turn, careful not to show off my underwear or trip in the process (things that would both be embarrassing and annoy Alice to no end). As soon as I looked up, we were bombarded by flashing cameras, everyone approaching the carpet with grins plastered on our faces before stopping to pose for pictures. After a couple minutes, security instructed us to move down the line, giving us the chance to run over and do some autographs and pose for fan pictures before being shuffled down to where we were going to be interviewed for some pre-awards show thing.

“Hi! You must be Beret!” An overzealous blonde stuck her hand out as we approached, her other hand clutching a microphone.

“Hi, Nice to meet you--”

“Katie.” She grinned, showing off her unnaturally white teeth. “I'm with MTV.”

“Cool. Nice to meet you.” I nodded, trying not to be annoyed by her overly perky attitude and moving so she could introduce herself to the guys. Hopefully I would be able to hide how sick I felt for the night, knowing that it could get really messy if I seemed like something was off.

“So we've got a few questions we want to ask you guys, they'll start rolling the cameras and I'll introduce you, then we'll go from there?” Katie affirmed, one of the camera guys passing us a couple of microphones for the group.

“Sounds great.” Ian replied, adjusting his suit.

“Alright, we're on in 3...2...1!” One of the camera men called out, Katie adjusting her dress and hair before looking into the camera.

“Hey everyone! I'm here at the Billboard Music Awards with big nominees The Lady Says!” She turned to us, giving us a chance to wave to the camera. “So first off, you guys are leading the pack with twelve nominations! How did you all react to the news?”

“It was actually really surprising when we found out, we didn't even know that the nominations had been released until our manager called and was like 'Hey guess what?' We had just been hanging out on our day off from tour and we weren't expecting anything to happen, but then with that news we had some friends over to celebrate. So we were all really caught off guard, but it was in a good way.” I answered, looking over to see Alice giving me a thumbs up from behind the camera.

“And if I remember correctly, you also added to your line-up that day too?” Katie added, looking to the guys.

“Um, yeah! From the first practice we had together, I've absolutely loved working with these guys, we've had some really awesome jam sessions and we get along so well. So it was pretty much a no-brainer to permanently expand the group, since they'd be playing all the shows anyways and I honestly can't picture doing this without them now. The Lady Says may have started out as a solo project, but I think it was meant to be expanded on.”

“And how was jumping onto The Lady Says for you guys? It must have been quite a shift.” Katie prompted, moving the attention to the guys.

“It was really awesome, honestly.” Dave answered, toying with the microphone in his hand. “It was a little crazy because when we came on board Beret was so well known already that it was like 'who are you and what are you doing with Beret?' but the longer we've been on the road, the more other fans have really gotten to know us and we've really gotten to connect with them too.”

“Yeah, adding onto that, I think we've really developed our own little family, within us as a band and within the fans. It's at the point where fans will come up to us on the street and be like 'Yeah you said this on stage the other day and it really was what I needed to hear,' and it's cool because when we first started doing this things like that would have never happened, but now it's like we're able to make such a huge difference in people's lives, which is something I feel so lucky that we can do.” Ryan answered sincerely, the others nodding their heads in agreement.

“That's awesome!” Katie enthusiastically replied, her bleached blonde hair bouncing as she shifted. “So you guys just came back from a European tour-- how was that?”

“It was great!” Ian answered. “It was awesome to tour all the different countries and learn so much about foreign cultures-- Beret's like a walking history book so she would practically give us tours of everything we saw.”

“Yeah, I'm a bit of a history nerd.” I blushed, rubbing the back of my head.

“It was interesting. Also I had the best beer ever in Germany, and I have to say those French women...” Alex joked, earning a dirty look from Alice and laughter from the rest of us.

“Alex wishes he knew what he was talking about.” Mason cut in, earning more laughter from the group.

“Now looking ahead for you, what are your plans for this summer?” Katie returned the interview to the topic.

“Well, we'll be hitting the road for Warped Tour!” I exclaimed, feeling a little flutter in my chest at the thought. Being on tour again, in the states, with people I knew (and by people I knew I mostly mean John), sounded wonderful, even though I felt like shit.

“Oh, Warped Tour?” Katie confirmed, a slightly surprised look on her face.

“Yeah, Warped Tour! We're one of the headlining bands, which should be really exciting for us. We'll be at all the shows, and then after that who knows, we'll be working on a couple awesome projects and we're setting up more tour dates at this point.” Mason added on.

“That sounds so exciting! Well, we're out of time, but thank you for chatting with me! Good luck tonight!”

“Thanks for having us!” We responded in chorus, waving to the microphone before the camera turned off.

It didn't take long before we were moving into another section of photographers, but according to the security guard escorting us, we were all just mingling and taking pictures here until it was time to head inside. We hung out close to the door, not wanting to wait for crowds when it was finally time to go inside. My eyes scanned the crowd to see if there was anyone I knew, freezing on a fiery redhead that I recognized instantly.

“Oh my god, that's Emma Stone. Oh my god. Oh my god.” I tried to maintain my cool, but it's difficult to do when your favorite actress is standing two hundred yards away from you.

“Oh my god she's even hotter in person.” Ryan teased, earning a smack on the back of the head from me. “Ow!”

“Shut up! She has a boyfriend!” I lightly scolded him, covering my mouth as I began to cough.

“I'm just saying.” He shrugged. “You should go get her autograph!”

“I can't!”

“Why not?”

“You can't just walk up to Emma Stone and ask for her autograph-- it's Emma fucking Stone! She's like, the coolest person ever. I can't do it. Nope. Nuh-uh.”

“Your loss.” Ryan laughed, looking past me for a brief moment. “She is hot though.”

“You're such a--” I cut myself off, turning to look and seeing John and the rest of the Maine leaving an interview. Our eyes locked and grins erupted on both of our faces, his expression lighting up as he began to speed away from the rest of his group.

I abandoned the guys and took off walking, John's long strides matching mine until we met in the middle, John instantly sweeping me off my feet and letting his lips crash into mine. It didn't even take thought for me to wrap my legs around his waist, my fingers instantly tangled in his hair as I took the opportunity to savor what I had been missing since leaving him behind at the Phoenix airport so long ago.

“Holy fuck I missed you.” John laughed as we finally broke apart for air, his eyes sparkling as they met mine.

“Hi.” I giggled, rubbing noses with him. “I missed you.”

Setting me down, John wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me into his chest and kissing the top of my head. “You're so much taller with these heels on, you know.”

“I know.” I grinned, looking up at him. “You also look taller with your hair all messed up like that.”

“I blame you, I had actually made sure it wasn't a shit show before I left.” He chuckled, reaching up and attempting to fix the mop on top of his head.

“Whatever, it looks better with my touch anyways.” I teased, pulling away and lacing my fingers through his.

“Hey thanks for leaving us in the dust there,” Jared cut into the conversation, Kennedy, Pat, and Garrett trailing behind. “Beret! Hey stranger!”

“Jared!” I wasted no time embracing him, moving down the line and hugging the others as well. “How are you guys?”

“We're great!” Pat laughed, moving to hug me. “How are you?!”

“I'm awesome! Especially now that you guys are here!”

The sound of a throat clearing behind me led me to turn and find the guys right behind me, laughing as they greeted the Maine. “We rate your reunion at a 8.7 out of 10 on the epic reunion scales.” Mason informed us, shooting a wink at John before greeting the others.

“Oh I'm sorry, how could that have rated higher?” John teased, his arm tightening around me as he grinned.

“Well Beret could have gotten a little more leverage on the jump, you two could have gotten a little more steamy with the kiss... you could have straight up run to each other...” Ian commented, scrunching his face in thought.

“Yeah Alice would have actually killed me if we got any more physical, she's already giving us a wary look.” I chuckled, shaking my head.

Shouting behind us led John and I to turn our heads, making eye contact with the photographers on the side who were calling to us for photos. Shrugging to each other, we posed for some pictures as a couple, making jokes to each other about the flashes in our eyes and our inability to take ourselves seriously despite our dressed up states and the formality of the occasion. We didn't have a moment to just catch up until we were being escorted in, John's excitement fading away as he finally got the chance to study me.

“How are you feeling?” He quietly asked as we moved through the crowd, his arm wrapped around me and his breath in my ear.

“Honestly, pretty shitty.” I confessed. “I'm just here for the show, I'm not staying for any after parties.”

“I don't think anyone who doesn't know you can tell, but you look exhausted.” John commented, his eyes meeting mine and reflecting his concern.

“I'll catch up on sleep and stuff after this-- I don't have to go back to Los Angeles right away, if I want to I can just extend my hotel reservation and not do anything for a while-- at least until I feel better.” I tried to brush off his concern, giving him a weak smile.

“I suppose so. You do feel a little warm though.” John led me to our table, where the rest of the group was waiting.

“I'll be fine. I promise.” I assured him, sitting down and getting ready for the night ahead.

We had our performance early on in the show, before any of the awards we were nominated for came up, giving what the stage managers called a “show-stopping” performance (despite all six of us suffering from serious jet lag, not to mention the demon cold I had been fighting for so long). It was pleasant and nerve-wracking to watch the other categories announce their winners, knowing that soon it was going to be us on the nominees list.

When they reached our first category, my breath caught in my throat. Emma Stone was the one announcing the winner. Emma fucking Stone. She looked so perfect on stage with her cobalt dress contrasting her auburn hair, a dazzling smile gracing her features as she began to speak. I couldn't focus on anything she was saying, until she reached one line.

“And tonight, the winner of the Breakout Artist award is...” She paused, her slim fingers flawlessly opening the envelope. “The Lady Says.”

Our table erupted into cheers, the applause thundering through the space as my jaw hit the floor. There was no way. I couldn't believe what I just heard. We won? We won. Oh my god, we won. My heart was pounding and I was trembling with excitement: I didn't even care how crappy I felt. We won our first billboard award. The feeling was completely insane.

John leaned over and gave me a kiss, urging me to go up and get the award, pausing to laugh at my completely astonished expression. The rest of the guys stood up, Alex offering me his hand before pulling me to my feet. My legs felt like jello as we made our way to the front, stopping center stage and turning to the crowd.

Emma beamed at me, handing me the trophy before pulling me in for an embrace. “P.S, I'm one of your biggest fans.” She chuckled, pulling away.

My heart began to pound even harder, hearing those words from someone who I admired so much.

“Oh my gosh, you have no idea. I adore your work.” I gushed, not even bothering to hide the grin on my face.

Turning back to the audience, I passed the trophy to Ryan and took a deep breath before I began to speak.

“Wow... I, uh... wow.” I stopped, laughing. “I am shocked and honored in the best way possible. I think I speak for all of us when I say that.”

Alex chuckled at my comment, urging me to continue.

“They made me promise that I'd do the talking,” I pointed at the guys before continuing, “But I don't think they realized that when I get really excited I get really nervous and kind of begin to ramble, and given that my girl crush just informed me that she's a huge fan I'm beyond freaking out right now, so...”

The audience laughed at my unintentional humor, allowing me to pause and catch my breath. I was trembling, and on stage it was incredibly warm, something that made me feel a little dizzy.

“So I guess I'll try to keep this simple: thank you to everyone who has helped us get to where we are now. The love and support we've experienced has meant absolutely everything to us, and without it we would definitely not be standing here today.” I directed my next sentence at the guys. “Am I forgetting anything?”

“Nope,” Ian shrugged.

“Cheers!” Ryan exclaimed, raising the trophy above us as the audience erupted into applause again.

Wobbling my way back to my seat, I practically fell back into the chair.

“You okay there?” John checked in on me again, noticing that I was beginning to look a little worse for wear.

“Shell shocked. I am astounded right now.” I answered, turning to look at him.

“Well you deserved it. You really are an incredible musician.” John smiled at me, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

We ended up winning nine out of our twelve awards, the Maine taking home three of their own. Despite the highs of winning each award, I kept feeling dizzier and dizzier (and as a result, sicker and sicker) every time I was under the lights on stage, doing my best to push through the dizziness despite growing concerns from our table about my well-being.

Walking back to our seats from winning the last award of the night, my legs felt as if they were about to give out at any second, my stomach churning as the room seemed to be moving faster than it should have. I was on fire and if I wasn't struggling to breathe before, I was now. John gave me one look before making me sit down and handing me his water. I took a small sip and crossed my arms on the table, resting my head on top of them and feeling the room spin around me.

“You look like you're going to pass out. Are you sure you're okay?” He had crouched down to my level, forcing me to make eye contact with him. Finally admitting defeat, I shook my head slightly and squeezed my eyes closed, desperate for the dizziness to wear off.

The conversation around me seemed to explode, but I couldn't make out anything that anyone was saying and I couldn't even focus on my own train of thought the way it was. Everything seemed to become a giant haze, my head feeling heavy as I lifted it to look around with almost blurry vision. I had no idea how long this went on for, the urgency in everyone's voices growing with the more time we spent at the table. I tried to focus on my breathing, but the more I focused the harder it felt to breathe. Trying not to panic, I fought to focus on other things, but it was no use.

“Beret?” I broke from my thought to look up and forced my eyes to focus on John, who despite trying to maintain a calm exterior, showed his fear in his expression. “Do you think you can walk?”

I feebly shrugged, suddenly aware that our entire table was watching us, the fear etched into their features coordinating with John's. Everyone else in the venue was moving past as if nothing was out of place, other celebrities desperate to get off to after parties and post-awards interviews. It was embarrassing to have so many pairs of eyes on me, yet I was thankful that it was only people I actually knew witnessing whatever this was.

“There are people out back that is waiting for us, they'll take us straight to a hospital. But we have to get out to them.” He answered the question that was on my mind, saving me the effort of actually asking. I was too miserable to protest going to a hospital, even though all I really wanted to do was go to sleep.

John took my hand and gently pulled me up, helping me keep my balance before helping me out of the arena, the others trailing behind. I could hardly hold myself up, my entire body practically shaking from the effort involved. I couldn't focus on where we were going, the room spinning and the noise overwhelming me, but I had to force my eyes to stay open or I was going to pass out on the spot. John was trying to talk to me, but I couldn't even process what he was saying: between the dizziness and how warm I was and how sick I felt, the idea of trying to maintain a conversation wasn't high on my list. The second we got into the back rooms, John scooped me up into his arms, knowing that I was about to collapse. My eyes fluttered shut and I wrapped my arms around his neck, losing any and all remaining energy in my system as I could distantly hear the panic in his voice, begging me to stay awake.

It was no use: I was already out.