Spinning.

“Wait, are we going to another bar tonight?” Mason fell onto the couch in our dressing room after we had finished signing.

It was officially two weeks into tour, slowly making our way down the East Coast. There was already a routine to the day: Wake up in the new city, check out the venue, walk around a bit and grab lunch. After lunch, go to some interviews. Come back, set up, sound check, grab dinner before doors opened. After doors opened, we'd hang out back stage until show time. We had a pre-show ritual we had settled on, a mix of a shake-out countdown and a team huddle where we'd shot nonsensical things about what we were going to do on stage (it was the twins' idea, and as strange as it was it pumped us up so we kept it). After the show, it was outside to sign, then depending on our bus call time, we would either party on a bus or go out to a bar and hang out for a while before taking off for the next city.

“I don't know, Kennedy said something about a club.” Ian shrugged. “So that's a step up I think? Or at least, it's supposed to be?”

“Why would we be going to a club?” I grabbed one of the extra bottles of water and popped the top off, taking a swig.

“Because it's something different. And there are girls.” Alex responded, his tone emphasizing the latter part of the statement.

“Oh joy, my favorite thing.” I rolled my eyes. “Do I have to go too? People stare at me when I go to clubs.”

“It's up to you, princess.” Ryan teased me. He had started calling me princess just to piss me off, since he knew I hated being singled out like I was.

“You guys suck. Maybe I'll just find some chick to make out with. Or stay here and watch How I Met Your Mother for the hundredth time.” I stuck my tongue out at them before leaving to head out to the bus. Digging through my stuff, I debated if going to a club was really want I wanted to be doing tonight, or if one night in wouldn't hurt anything. I pulled out my computer, logging on and going through my usual routine. Emails, twitter, check the news...

“Hey!” My head snapped up as Jared's strawberry blonde hair appeared near the doorway.

“What's up?”

“Are you going out with everyone tonight? They're hitting up some club...” Jared trailed off, uncertain if that was something I was interested in joining.

“Nah, not tonight. I think I'm just going to hang out and watch tv or something. I'm not a big clubber.” I made the decision and shrugged, moving back to my bag to go through my dvd's and select one for the evening.

“Oh, cool! Um, care if I join you?” I was surprised by the latter part of the question, but I nodded and we moved to the back lounge. Some company wouldn't be too bad, and Jared was a nice guy. I figured it wouldn't be weird.

“What's keeping you in tonight?” I smiled at him, popping the first How I Met Your Mother DVD into the DVD player.

“I don't really like clubs, all these girls try to hit on me and really I just want them to be Tessa. I guess it just makes me miss her even more, you know?” He answered honestly, sitting down on the couch.

“Wait, I know who Tessa is, but you've never really told me much about her! So, spill.” I grinned, taking my seat again as the DVD started playing through the previews.

“Well... she's my girlfriend.” He chuckled. “She's beautiful, smart, funny, creative, thoughtful—”

“What does she do?”

“She's a chef.”

“How long have you been dating?”

“Almost 6 years.” Jared was glowing at the thought of Tessa, which made me smile. I had never met her, but she must be something special if he was so happy with just the thought of her.

“How did you two meet?”

“In high school. We had some mutual friends, one thing led to the next and finally I asked her out.”

“Aww, that's cute.” The previews had finished, and I grabbed the remote and selected the first episode on the menu.

“What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?” Jared earnestly asked, curious as to my love life... or lack thereof.

“Oh, I don't have a boyfriend.” I laughed. “I haven't had one since undergrad.”

“Really? You don't have a boyfriend?” He cocked an eyebrow, looking at me in disbelief.

“No, I don't. Is that really hard to believe?”

“I-- yeah, I guess so. I mean, don't take this as me hitting on you, but you're pretty, you're smart, you're talented, you're funny. What guy wouldn't want that?”

“I don't think it's such a matter of who wants me as I don't have time to build a solid relationship.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, I travel too much. I don't spend enough time in one place to meet someone and build up a relationship with them. I spend most days waking up in a new city. It'd be one thing if I met someone when I had the time to stay and build up a relationship with them, but skype and phone calls can't really do the same thing. You know?”

Jared thought for a minute about my response. “I suppose so. If you don't mind me asking, what happened with the last guy?”

“Oh, um, he wasn't really into monogamy.” I brushed off the question.

“So... he cheated on you?”

“Yup.” I shrugged. “I guess it doesn't matter that much now. I'm over it, so it's not that big of a deal. I think sometimes it'd be nice to have someone, but at the same time I don't need someone to make me happy, you know?”

“I guess so.” We settled into a comfortable silence as the episode got into full swing. I felt comfortable talking to Jared, like he was an older brother or something. From what I had experienced of him, he was fun, but never too wild or crazy. He always seemed thoughtful and curious, perceptive of the world around him yet content with the things he had and never too demanding.

“If you were to date someone, what would you look for?” Jared broke the silence, looking over at me. I chewed on my lip, trying to come up with a good answer.

“I don't know, really. Someone who treats me like I'm normal, not like I'm on a pedestal or something. Someone who puts up with my weirdness, makes me happy. I don't think I've ever had a 'type' or anything, so that makes it more challenging to pick traits. I don't really know what that looks like but I know it when I see it, I suppose.”

We settled back into the silence as the episode continued. Occasionally Jared's phone would light up and he'd text someone, but otherwise the bus was quiet.

“Do you want something to drink? I'm going to run up front quick if you want something.” I offered, cracking my back as I stood up.

“I'll just take a beer if you guys have any.” He didn't look up from his phone as he responded.

“Of course we have beer, what kind of band would we be if we didn't have beer?” I laughed.

“Good point.”

My feet softly padded against the floor of the bus as I moved up to the front, pulling the door of the refrigerator open before rummaging through. Carolyn and Alice were silently working in the front lounge, as they usually did after shows.

“I didn't realize you were still here!” Alice looked up from her computer at me as I continued searching through the fridge for something to eat.

“Yeah, I didn't feel like clubbing. Not my scene.” I grabbed a bottle of beer for Jared before continuing the search for something to drink.

“You're probably the only starlet in Hollywood who feels that way.” She commented, surprised by my response.

“I'm too boring to be famous. I'd rather just hang out with friends. Besides, they were all going to pick up chicks. I am a chick. And I don't like that much attention.”

“You really are something,” she laughed. “I got lucky with you, all of my friends have their hands full with train wrecks. You're a walk in the park compared to them.”

I chuckled at the thought. “Even with the videos of us raising a ruckus on youtube?”

“Even with those.”

“Well then, you're welcome,” I joked. I heard some motion as I continued looking through the fridge, not having any luck in finding something that I really wanted to drink.

“You gonna grab me one of those too?”

My head smacked the corner of the fridge from jumping at the voice behind me, only to be met with John giggling behind me.

“Jesus Christ!” I spun around, rubbing my head. “A little warning??”

“Oh man, that was too easy.” John forced himself to stifle his laughter. “Are you okay?”

“If I'm concussed it's your fault.” I huffed, returning to the fridge and pulling out a beer for him. “I thought you were at the club?”

“I was. I came back early.” He simply responded. “Have you seen Jared?”

“He's in the back lounge. That's who the first beer is for. The second one's yours, I guess.” I settled for a hard lemonade, not seeing anything that particularly sounded appealing. “Also, please tell me you didn't already hook up with a girl.”

John chuckled. “Just because fifteen year old girls love me doesn't mean I pick up girls at clubs that easily... and why weren't you at the club with us?”

“Y'all were looking for chicks. I am a chick. Also, I get stared at in clubs, and I don't even like clubs. How I Met Your Mother sounded infinitely more appealing.”

“Did you just say y'all?” He mocked as we returned to the back lounge, John handing Jared his beer before spreading out on the couch, leaving a small space near the edge for me.

“Loser, you took the whole couch.” Ignoring his previous question, I jutted my lower lip out, doing my best to give him puppy dog eyes so he'd move. Instead he started laughing at my face, to which I huffed in protest and sat in the small space he left. I started the next episode, nudging John over so I had a little more space on the couch.

“So, how was clubbing?” Jared inquired, seeming surprised to see John so early.

“Boring. The other guys are having a blast though.” He shrugged. Jared left it at that, returning to the show as it moved past the opening song. The next three episodes passed with commentary from the three of us yelling at Barney, Ted, Robin, and crew, only pausing once for Jared to take a quick call from Tessa, for me to change into an old shirt and leggings, and to get rid of our bottles. Free of the beer bottle, John stretched his arms before draping one over the back of the couch, conveniently right behind my back.

“Having a good tour so far?”

I nodded. “It's been fun. I'm glad it's been going so well for everyone.”

“I'm glad our bands get along so well. Sometimes it gets kind of awkward when bands don't get along but they have to tour together.”

“Yeah, I could imagine that. I was a little nervous when Warner insisted I expand my backing band-- I wasn't sure how the whole chemistry thing was going to work out. They're fun though. I'm glad I'm on the road with them. And I'm glad they get along with you guys. It's like one big happy family.” I smiled, a soft chuckle escaping my lips at the end.

And with perfect timing, a text from Andrew popped up on my phone.

“'How's touring?”

“Is that your boyfriend?” John teased, though his eyes hinted that he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

A loud laugh was my response. “Andrew? No. He's married. I'm single. I was on tour with him when I got super famous, him and his wife are my closest friends in LA.”

“Oh, that's cool.” John let out a breath, relaxing into the couch as I responded.

“So for all the shit I give you about picking up chicks, do you have a girlfriend? I mean, Jared stayed in because he has a girlfriend...”

“No. Love is for the birds.” He chuckled.

“Oh really?” I raised my eyebrow, not sure if I should take him seriously by the tone of his voice. “Tell me more.”

“I haven't really dated a girl in god knows how long. It's so hard with the band, we're never home long enough to start a relationship, and at this point it's like once a girl finds out I'm in a band then it becomes all about that, and I'm not John anymore. Last summer/fall-ish I was kind of flirting with a girl I knew from high school, but that stopped as soon as I found out she had a boyfriend. It was pretty awkward.” He confessed, making a face at the end and laughing a little.

“It happens. At least you two didn't do anything.” I adjusted so I was a little more comfortable on the couch. We were maybe a few inches apart at most, a little closer than most people sit but not close enough that it becomes uncomfortable.

John agreed as Jared returned from his call, and we began to watch the show again. As we sat on the couch I began to feel the toll of the day on me, my eyelids starting to get heavy as we watched. My head tilted over towards John and he adjusted slightly so my head could lean on his shoulder, and before I knew it my eyes were fluttering closed.



“Beret...”

I felt a gentle nudge and I opened my eyes, looking around. John was the one waking me up, but Jared was nowhere to be found.

“Did I fall asleep on you?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“Yeah. It's fine though.” He smiled at me, keeping his voice low. “It's bus call time though, and you should get some sleep in your own bed. I'm sure I'm a wonderful pillow with my bones sticking out and all, but it's not the same.”

I giggled at the end of his comment. “Thanks for being such a good pillow.”

“Well I hope that I'm more than a pillow to you, but you're welcome.” He stood up and offered me a hand, pulling me up. “Good night Beret.”

“Good night, John.” He pulled me in for a hug and I caught the scent of his cigarettes and cologne, which despite being new felt comfortable.

I went to the bathroom and took out my contacts and washing my face before climbing into my bunk. As I was setting my alarm for the next morning, my phone beeped to alert me that I received a text message.

“Sorry I had to wake you up. I felt bad, you looked so peaceful sleeping on me.”

A grin appeared on my face as I read the message.

It's not a problem, haha I feel like I was in your bubble when I wasn't supposed to be. You could have made me move whenever.”

“You weren't invading my bubble at all. I enjoyed having a cuddle buddy.”

“Shit. That sounded weird. That wasn't meant to be weird. I don't think I can talk myself out of that one.”

I chuckled to myself as the second message of his popped up on my phone, not even a minute after the first one had been sent. I liked the idea of being cuddle buddies with him. I wasn't about to complain.

”It's not weird. Don't worry about trying to talk yourself out of it. Cuddle buddies are good things. Sometimes you just want to cuddle :) “ I hoped my response wasn't too awkward, but I was too tired to think of something better.

”Well that's good. Haha. Anyways, bed time for me. Sweet dreams. :)”

“Good night.” I sent him one last text before laying back and falling asleep, my mind all in a world of its own.



The next morning, I got off the bus and began my mission of contacting Ava.

“Hello?” Ava's voice was thick with sleep when she answered.

“Ava. We need to talk. Now.”

“Shit Beret what's going on? Why did you call me at such an ungodly hour?” She moaned on the other end of the phone.

“For crying out loud it's almost 11 AM. Ava, remember what we talked about when you visited me?”

“About John?”

“Yeah, about him.”

“Oh shit, how did you fuck this up?”

“Thanks for the faith, there. But seriously, we've been hanging out so much now and just... fuck. I like him so much. Like, he's so down to earth and fun and I just, shit. This isn't good.”

“Why is this not good?” She sarcastically asked.

“Because, if he doesn't feel the same way, I'm going to be on the road with him for like two and a half more months! That's so awkward! And both bands hang out all the time so it's not like it'd be easy to avoid him.”

“Well, do you have proof he doesn't like you?”

“Um... no... but I also don't have proof that he does like me either!”

“Jesus Beret. You said you two hang out all the time?”

“Yeah...”

“Well that's a sign he enjoys your company. Does he hunt you down to talk to you?”

“Sometimes...”

“That's also a good sign. Jesus I feel like we're in the tenth grade again. Beret, flirt with him! See how he reacts. You're a big girl, you can do this.”

“Ugh, Ava, but what i--”

“Beret Marie Emerson,” she cut me off and I cringed at the use of my middle name, “you're going to stop second guessing yourself because you're motherfucking Beret Emerson, and you're going to put your big girl pants on and go swoon the shit out of John. As for me, I'm going back to bed because I didn't plan on getting up for two more hours. Love you B, go do your thing.” And with that, she hung up the phone.

“Who was that?” I almost fell over, spinning around to see Jared and Dave standing there, devilish grins on both their faces.

“Um, that was my friend Ava!”

“And I'm going to bet that you were talking about a certain lanky, blonde haired lead singer.” Jared smirked, knowing all too well that he was right.

“Beret, you dog you.” Dave laughed as my face turned bright red. “Pissing off fangirls since you were born.”

“Jesus shut up both of you. And don't you fucking dare tell anyone!”

“What, did you two kiss or something?” Jared asked me, trying to keep a straight face.

“No! I just feel like it'd be really awkward if it got out because then it would make things weird between us.”

“Okay, okay. I won't say anything. But if I happen to catch you two being obnoxiously cute, you won't hear the end of it when we're in private.” Jared raised his hands to stop me from freaking out.

“Good. You say anything and you're a dead man.”